


as luck would have it

by prncesselene



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, HEA, Like so much, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, and there was only one bed, but like "stole the last banana" enemies bc this is a contemporary romcom, excessive kissing, extremely mild exhibitionism if you squint, for a while, idiots to lovers, maybe not so mild anymore, pregnancy (epilogue)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:02:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 100,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prncesselene/pseuds/prncesselene
Summary: When a case of violent food poisoning ruins Rose and Hux’s honeymoon plans, who better to take their place at a pre-paid Hawaiian beach resort than the Maid of Honor and Best Man? Sure, it’ll take some maneuvering, but a free vacation is a free vacation. They just have to pretend to be devoted newlyweds for a bit to enjoy it.There’s only one glaring issue, really: they can’t stand each other.(AKA: The Unhoneymooners AU no one asked for)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 586
Kudos: 1136
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I can take no credit for the premise of the story – it's based on The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren, a book I love very much! I hope my Reylo version does it justice. 
> 
> Just a small TW: this chapter references vomiting, but only in name. No graphic details are given, and it shouldn't come up again after the second chapter. 
> 
> Also, as always, thanks to [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for reading all the trash I write before I send it out into the world. :)
> 
> Ok, that's all, let's go!

“How do I look? I’m so nervous I think I’m going to faint.”

Rey stepped back to look at her best friend from head to toe, softly adjusting the curls that framed her face. She grabbed the white laced veil that sat atop her head, softly laying it against her dress so that it was set like a halo.

She took her friend’s dainty hands in hers. “Perfect, Rosie. You look _perfect._ Hux is so lucky to have you.”

As maid of honor, Rey was obligated to say that. But it was true; Rose was a vision in her wedding gown — a delicate lace bodice with long, semi-transparent sleeves that led downwards into a billowy skirt that floated around her legs. It was simple but elegant, which meant it was perfect for Rose.

The bridal suite had been a flurry of activity in the hours leading up to the ceremony as the bridesmaids prepared to send Rose away. Between the hairstylists, makeup artists, and photography sessions, there hadn’t been a spare moment for anyone to think. Now, as they came down from the excitement and stalled before the ceremony, an odd sort of calm had descended upon the suite as Rose prepared to walk down the aisle.

Jannah was putting the finishing touches on Kaydel’s hair while Rey handled Rose. Jessika was adjusting the bouquet per Rey’s request, shifting the baby’s breath so that it sat directly under the pink carnations.

Everything was going _just_ as planned.

“It’s true. You really do,” Finn chimed in. As an honorary bridesmaid — they’d had many a drunken rant about the unfairness of heteronormative gender roles in weddings, and decided he was to go nowhere _near_ Hux’s room or the bachelor party — Finn was happily planted in the bridal suite watching the girls get ready, and would stand at Rey’s side during the ceremony.

“Oh, no. Please don’t make me cry, guys,” Rose half-laughed, half-cried as she looked up towards the roof. It was a trick they had read about in one of the dozens of articles they had scoured leading up to the wedding, just one more beauty trick to add to the list. Rey laughed, grabbing a napkin to blot out any errant tears.

“And Hux will ruin _me_ if that happens. I swear, that bloke has been more stressed than Rosie throughout this whole process,” Rey scoffed, giggling as she met Finn’s eyes.

“Not more than you, though,” Kaydel chimed in from where Jannah was sticking a bobby pin under her crown braid, causing the entire room to erupt in laughter. Rey blushed, rolling her eyes as she played it off.

Okay, so she _might_ have made a color-coded itinerary for all of them. And added stickers to the chapel floor so they all knew where to stand during the ceremony. And it was possible that she had suggested that Rose research each of their horoscope signs for the perfect bridesmaids gifts. So what? Rey was just _like that._ She was a social worker slash coordinator for a non-profit, with very little separating her from insanity at the end of long workdays flying from case to case or dealing with things at the office. Organization was in her _blood_ at this point _._

“I resent that!” she laughed, letting the camaraderie of the moment rush over her. The rest of the girls except Finn were friends she’d made through Rose, and over the past few months she’d gotten to know them all pretty well. “I just want to be the best maid of honor I can be.”

Rose and Rey had been inseparable since they’d been paired to dorm together in college, and they had been there for each other through just about _everything—_

When Rey was freaking out about possibly losing the scholarship that kept her in the U.S., Rose had stayed up with her until 3 A.M creating a strategic game plan for the following Spring semester.

When Rose’s sister Paige had passed away while deployed, Rey had gone back to Rose’s childhood home with her for the funeral.

When Finn, Rey’s old foster brother, had reached out to let her know he might move to the States, Rose let him stay in their apartment until he’d figured things out for himself. By then, they’d decided to find a bigger apartment that housed the three of them throughout the first few post-collegiate years.

Together, they had been bridesmaids at Finn’s wedding to Poe just a year ago, joining him at the courthouse and snapping pictures. The two had opted for a more lowkey ceremony, saving their money for their plans to adopt, and Rey was already working with her contacts to help them get in touch with agencies.

It was in her nature, really, to overextend herself for her best friends.

They were her family.

Rey was much more eager to focus on being there for _them_ than paying any mind to the nagging voice in her head that told her she’d be all alone now that her friends were moving on.

Today wasn’t about her, anyways.

Rose smiled, looking up towards the roof again. Rey sensed another bout of emotion coming on from the bride — it had become a sixth sense to notice even the most subtle change in mood — and ran to hug her gently. “I promise today is going to be magic, Rosie.” She would do everything in her power to make sure of it. She punctuated the words by smoothing the sleeves of her dress. “The ceremony will be over before you know it, and then we can all get piss drunk at the reception.”

Her friend sighed, calming herself down. “You’re right. As long as you don’t murder your Best Man on the way down the aisle, I think we’re in the clear,” she giggled.

 _Ugh._ It was only a matter of time before someone mentioned Ben.

“Don’t tempt me,” Rey muttered, fiddling with the sleeves on her dress. The theme of the wedding was _Secret Garden,_ and all of the bridesmaids were in shades of light green and baby pink.

“Ah, but wouldn’t that make for the perfect photo op?” Jessika handed Rose the bouquet.

“A wedding to remember, that's for sure,” Finn laughed out loud as he adjusted his cufflinks. “Rey and Ben, at it again.”

“Why do you hate the guy so much anyways? You two were staring daggers into each other the _whole_ rehearsal dinner.” Kaydel asked, scrolling absently on her phone. Rose might have known all the details of Rey’s personal vendetta against Solo, but she wasn’t that open with anyone else.

The truth was, though Rey couldn’t put her finger on it, there was just _something_ about Ben Solo that drove her up the wall. Maybe it was that he was a pompous ass who thought too highly of himself.

It also might have been the way his gaze soured whenever she entered a room, or the way every word she said seemed to offend him, or perhaps the way he seemed unable to stand being near her.

Whatever it was, she had only agreed to adopt any semblance of civility for Rose’s sake throughout the wedding process.

They had first met soon after Rose and Hux finally made things official. A dinner here, a barbecue there, the rare picnic or night out every so often. From the moment she’d laid eyes on him, Rey knew he was bad news. He worked for First Order, a BigLaw firm in the city whose cases made headlines, and _not_ for their pro-bono work.

Hux and Ben had worked there together until Hux had finally left a year ago, though the two had remained close.

Rey could forgive a lot of things, but selling your soul to a bloodthirsty law firm for a good paycheck was _not_ one of them. Who could blame her if she’d been a little rude the first time they met?

It had gotten worse when she’d learned he was Leia Organa’s son. Though she hadn’t worked with the renowned human rights activist personally, the last thing Rey would ever understand was how a woman like Leia could end up with a son like _him._

So, yes, she might have been _slightly_ aggressive when he'd shaken her hand the first time, asking him how it felt to work as a soulless shark after they had gotten through their initial introductions. Which had then set off a chain of events that had led to their status as notorious enemies, bickering at their worst and ignoring each other at their best. But it really wasn’t her fault.

He represented everything she despised.

Needless to say, Rose and Hux’s attempts to combine the two friend groups were not always fruitful, _especially_ when it came to their respective best friends.

Rey rolled her eyes. “It’s a long story. Also, _not_ why we’re here today. I promised I’d be civil. This is civil. I will not be staring _anything_ into Ben Solo today.”

She ignored the way Finn wiggled his eyebrows, and the knowing look he gave Rose, turning to check her phone instead.

“Okay, everyone. Fun’s over. We have half an hour until showtime, and _your_ parents are waiting downstairs for the final pictures,” Rey commanded, pointing at Rose as she took on an authoritative tone. “Any last minute errands the bride needs from me?”

Rose eyed the room, going through a mental checklist, until her eyes landed on the garment bag that held her Áo dài in the corner, eyes widening.

“Shit. Yes, actually. Can you take that to the powder room set up by the reception hall?”

The young couple had opted for the typical black-tie ceremony, while also incorporating Vietnamese tradition — which meant outfit changes for both of them.

“You got it, love.” Rey kissed her best friend on the cheek with a quick hug, promising to be back and ready for the procession before heading towards the reception hall, Áo dài in hand.

The room set up for the bride and groom pre-reception, post-ceremony was small, but not entirely cramped, and Rey set the garment down gently against the back of a chair.

With twenty minutes left, she needed to move quickly if she was going to make sure everything went off without a hitch.

She hurried out of the room, turning the corner only to run straight into a massive, warm wall.

Rey groaned, her short fuse starting to spark. “Hey, could you maybe watch —”

There he stood: the devil incarnate. Or, well, Ben Solo. His hand had come to rest on her arm upon impact, although he very quickly pulled away once she was at an arm’s length.

His long, dark hair had been swept away from his face thanks to what was more than likely an absurd amount of product, and he had shaved since last night at the rehearsal dinner, smelling slightly of musk and cedarwood.

He also wore a custom-tailored tuxedo created to hug his broad form. Of course, she’d known this was going to be the case, she’d helped Rose and Hux set up the boys’ appointments at the tailor’s after all, but it was different to actually _see_ —

“Can _you_ move over, please?” In his hands he, too, held a garment bag, which probably housed Hux’s Áo dài. It was a perfect coincidence, of course, that the groom and bride would send their maid of honor and best man to handle outfit changes _at the same time_.

Rey was running on very little sleep and her short fuse was quickly getting much, much shorter.

“How about you hurry up? The ceremony is in, like, ten minutes.”

He walked past her into the room, her back against the doorframe as he passed to place the garment bag on the table. He was so tall his head almost hit the roof.

He turned to face her, his eyes slowly taking in her braided hairstyle and pale pink bridesmaids dress all the way down to her heels. The boutonnière on his lapel was the same shade of pink to match her dress.

“And yet here you are. For such an uptight maid of honor, you’re pretty far from the chapel right before the ceremony’s about to start.”

He was referring to the night before, at the rehearsal dinner, when Rey had chewed him out for arriving late, claiming that he was going to ruin the entire ceremony if he didn't get his head on straight. The rest of the bridal party had laughed it off, and Rey had attempted to do the same, chalking it up to her nerves as the bride's second in command. The rest of the night, though, she'd been unable to look in his direction without her anger festering - especially as he joked and chatted with the other members of the group.

Rey balked at him, losing her grip in the secluded hallway. “ _Hmph_. I — well, not anymore.”

She turned, marching away as quickly as her demure pumps allowed. What _was_ it about him that left her senseless, like some bumbling idiot? She wasn’t sure, nor was she keen on finding out.

She was halfway to the chapel when she felt a presence beside her. Damn him and his long legs.

And that _tux._

She focused on the hallway ahead, decidedly looking away from the large frame that loomed over her. They ended up arriving at the chapel together, much to the rest of the wedding party’s amusement. The girls giggled, recalling the earlier conversation in the bridal suite while the guys — Hux’s coworkers and college frat buddies — greeted Ben with a low whistle.

There wasn’t any time to dwell on that, though. Like the drill sergeant she was, the wedding planner Phasma had the entire bridal party in line and ready for the procession within seconds. Rose was with her father in a separate room, and within minutes the organ started playing in the church, the guests waiting with bated breath for the ceremony to start.

It was all coming together.

Rey had been running around for the better half of a year, driving across town after work or on Saturdays for cake tastings, dress fittings, and just about every wedding-related errand a person could think of. She’d helped Rose’s parents coordinate the traditional Tea Ceremony, single handedly planned a bachelorette weekend — which had gone off without a hitch, by the way — and held Rose’s hand during _many_ wine-drunk rants and anxious, existential crying sessions. And now, she was about to watch her best friend finally get married to the man she loved.

Everything was fine. Great, actually. She was happy, and the voice in her head that prodded her about being left alone was quiet so long as she focused on literally anything else.

Standing next to Ben, Rey held onto her bouquet with a death grip while her arm was curled around his bicep.

He leaned over to speak softly near her ear, that same smell of cedarwood and cologne invading her senses. “If you squeeze those flowers any more, they’re going to break.”

He was taunting her.

“Wouldn’t you love that? I bet you’re just _waiting_ for me to mess something up.”

“I’m just saying, you might want to ease—”

Rey closed her eyes, her patience thinning. “Thank you for your concern, but I am _fine_.”

Their whispering had grown louder, so much so that Hux turned around, eyeing Rey quickly before quirking an eyebrow at his friend. Rey loosened her grip on the flowers. They were both quiet after that.

Hux was best compared to a cat — sly and aggressive if need be, but friendly once you got on his good side (and cuddly, too, if Rose’s _incredibly detailed_ stories were anything to go by). Rey had at first been hesitant to trust him with her friend, but over time she was able to understand. The two of them truly loved and understood each other.

One by one, each pair of the bridal party walked down the aisle in preparation for the bride. As the maid of honor and best man, Rey and Ben were last, before Hux followed behind. They each took their places — on Rey’s delicately placed tape — and faced the door to wait for Rose.

Rose shone as she walked down the aisle, beaming in the way only a young bride could, her father’s eyes misty as he walked beside her. Hux looked like a man born again, the way his eyes widened and hands shook as Rose made her way towards him. Between the swelling music, the tears on both her and Hux’s family’s faces, and the sudden realization that they were all truly growing up, Rey could barely contain herself.

She delicately held onto Rose’s dress to guide it onto the steps so that it draped gracefully, adjusting the veil before taking Rose’s bouquet and preparing for the ceremony to get started.

When she looked up, she found Ben’s eyes on her, only for his gaze to flick away quickly.

The ceremony was short and sweet, but very _them,_ all things considered. The vows were heartfelt, and when Ben pulled out the rings to give them to Hux, the silence in the room was palpable. Everyone was transfixed as they watched the newlyweds seal their promises of eternal love _in sickness and in health_ , and _until death do us part_ with a kiss. Rey dabbed at her tears with the underside of her index finger as the crowd cheered, careful not to ruin her own makeup.

She was overjoyed for Rose. The two of them had been through a lot together — college, post-grad life, everything that came with being young and free in a big city — and Rose had experienced her fair share of heartbreaks to get to where she was now.

Rey could only hope that one day she would find that sort of happiness and belonging for herself.

* * *

Where the wedding ceremony had been subdued and simple in the early afternoon, the reception was high-energy from the moment they all reached the banquet hall.

While Rose and Hux switched into their Áo dài for pictures, the guests filtered slowly into the room decorated with pinks and greens, taking advantage of the open bar as catchy pop music played. Rey was busy acting as Phasma’s second in command and wrangling the bridal party.

“Okay, Jess, you’re over here. And Mitaka, I need you over there — no, here, yes,” Rey ordered from her spot in front of the table. Rose and Hux’s seats were separated at the head of the hall, with one long table for the bridesmaids and groomsmen off to the side, with the addition of Poe so that he and Finn could be seated together.

Rey and Ben were to sit in front of each other, but there was nothing she could do about that. It kept the table organized.

By the time Rose and Hux made their grand entrance, the buzz in the hall was excited and energetic. The two danced to “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz for the first time as a married couple while their friends and family watched, enjoying the sight of the two of them so clearly devoted to each other and each other only.

When the Master of Ceremonies announced it was time for speeches, everyone took their seats, excited to dote upon the newlyweds. They hadn’t stopped looking at each other since they’d arrived in the reception hall — Rey was almost positive the entire world could fall apart around them and they’d be none the wiser. She closed her eyes and counted up to ten, fighting away that damn voice in her head. Not for the first time that night, her heart ached.

Rey unfolded the paper she’d used to draft her speech, feeling the wrinkles as she read it under her breath. She looked up to find Ben’s eyes on her again.

She almost blushed under his intense gaze, deflecting straight to anger instead. “Can I help you? Did you want to read my speech first, point out any spelling errors?”

He worked his jaw, opening up his phone and unlocking it. She could have sworn he looked amused, like he _enjoyed_ toying with her. “Nope. Wanna read mine?”

“Nope.” She popped the _p_ obnoxiously, holding the paper out in front of her face.

He shook his head, disbelieving. “What is your problem, Rey?”

She peeked out at him from the side, eyebrows raised. “Are you serious?”

He didn’t reply, urging her to keep going.

“ _Right now_ my problem is that you are interrupting me while I’m trying to perfect my maid of honor speech. _Yesterday_ it was that you spent the whole rehearsal dinner mocking me from afar, and _tomorrow_ I’m sure it’ll be something else. Leave. Me. Alone.” She slunk back behind the paper, still able to catch the movement of his arms from under it.

“Ben, is this young lady bothering you?” Finn joked from where he sat, two seats down from Ben. The rest of the table erupted in laughter, all too eager to amuse themselves over what must have looked like petty drama from the outside. Rey groaned, trying to fake a smile.

She didn’t look over to check if Ben was laughing along, too.

Instead, she focused on her speech. When the mic was finally passed along to her, Rey was prepared.

“Hello everyone,” she started, looking over at Rose, who gave her a thumbs up with the hand that wasn’t cradled in Hux’s. “If you don’t know who I am, you’re either crashing this party or you’ve viciously ignored all of my emails,” she started, inviting laughter from the crowd. Good. She could work with this.

“When I first started at Chandrila University, I was a terrified English girl that had no idea what her place was in the world. And then I got paired up to dorm with Rose. Rose and I have been through pretty much everything together, and she’s helped me through some _dark_ moments. In return, I held her hair back every Saturday night after karaoke night at the pub.”

The audience laughed, slightly louder this time. “The truth is, I’ve seen Rose at her happiest and saddest, and I’ve truly never seen her the way she is with Hux,” she looked back over at the bride and groom, directing the last portion of her speech to them directly while fighting the tears that stung her eyes. She added stories from their spring break trip down to Florida and included that tidbit about the time Rose punched a creepy guy that had been coming onto Rey. The crowd _loved_ that one.

Nearing the end of her speech, Rey took a deep breath. In many ways, this was her final goodbye to the Rose of her youth. Her voice was thick with emotion. “Hux, I’m sure you know this, but you’ll never find a gem like her again. Take care of her.”

Hux held up a hand, laughing as he nodded. Rey held up a glass of champagne. “So, to the sister I never thought I’d have, her new husband and their successful marriage. Congratulations you guys!”

Rey sat down to the applause, her cheeks burning as she dotted at her eyes, wiping the tears that had fallen carefully so as not to ruin the makeup.

She handed the mic to Ben while she took her seat, their hands touching for the briefest moment, ignoring the spark of heat that radiated off of his fingertips.

Ben now stood facing the audience. He had taken off his jacket sometime between arriving at the reception and sitting down. The buttons on his dress shirt fought against his chest, as though it would rip apart at the seams if he tried even the smallest stretch. She found herself focused on the buttons and wrinkles, wondering about the skin underneath, warmth rising towards her cheeks the more she did so. She blamed _that_ on the champagne.

Rey couldn’t pretend Ben wasn’t attractive — that would have been naive. Where it might have once fueled a desire to get to know him, though, it now only made her angrier that those good looks were wasted on such a sad excuse for a human being.

The audience quieted down again to listen to his speech. “When Hux asked me to be his Best Man, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, this is the guy that fought me in college because he wanted to be president of our fraternity,” Ben started.

She looked away from his chest, how the fabric of his shirt pulled each time he spoke with hands, focusing instead on the audience as they sat enraptured by his speech.

Ben sprinkled in jokes about Hux being an Irish redhead living in America, and mentioned that if Rose hadn’t been willing to take in his cat Millicent, none of them would be here. The audience hung onto every word. As much as Rey hated to admit it, he was charismatic despite being soft spoken. It made sense that he was a good lawyer.

“Hux has his moments, but hell, he deals with _me,_ so we already know he’s patient. At the end of the day he is one of the most hardworking, earnest guys I know. Good luck with everything, you two.” He held his glass up, and took a sip of the champagne along with everyone else.

Despite the price tag and quality of the champagne the Hux-Tico’s had chosen, it tasted slightly bitter as it made its way down Rey’s throat.

* * *

Rose was a very particular sort of bride. She wanted everything her way, and wasn’t afraid to ask for it — which is exactly how she had convinced the catering company to provide a balanced menu for the evening, consisting of crisp roast pork, vibrant Xoi gac rice, and Gỏi cuốn rolls with fresh, pink shrimp. Luckily, all things considered, there were no complaints about the menu from anyone — except for the person sitting right in front of Rey.

He was eating a roll of bread and butter and caesar salad with a side of roast pork, pointedly refusing anything else.

Rey had her fork halfway to her mouth, stomach rumbling at the sight of the red sticky rice, when she noticed the way his plate screamed “third grader with a peanut allergy.”

“Did you not receive my email on the menu asking about dietary restrictions? You _knew_ what the caterers were bringing.”

“Believe it or not, I didn’t find it necessary to bombard my friends with my personal preferences.”

“So you’re just not going to eat? You’re _huge._ You won’t make it past ten.”

He quirked an eyebrow, rolling his eyes as he pulled a protein bar out of his pocket. “I’m fine. Rose and Hux know how picky I am.”

A _protein bar?_ What was _wrong_ with this guy?

She eyed her own forkful of rice, jamming it in her mouth with all the grace of a wild animal, looking pointedly at him as she ate.

Peeking over to look at her plate, he sat back down and chewed on his bread roll. “No shrimp?”

She narrowed her eyes, taking a sip of her wine. “I am allergic, I’ll have you know. Unfortunately. So, just sticky rice and pork for me, thanks.”

He hummed as though he didn’t quite believe her. She was ready to crawl out of her own skin if she had to sit through any more conversation with him.

As soon as Rose and Hux took their pictures by the cake, the dance floor opened, and Rey jumped out of her seat. It would be much easier to ignore Ben and celebrate Rose from there.

The rest of the night panned out exactly as Rey had expected: Rose and her bridesmaids all danced their hearts out, drinks were flowing, and eventually Rose and Rey took to the stage and stole the mic from the DJ to sing their own version of “Mamma Mia,” their favorite karaoke song.

Rey was giggly and happy by the time the end of the night rolled around, eager to get back to her hotel room and hopefully avoid a hangover. The last slow songs of the night were playing, and she stole one last glance at the dance floor.

Rose had her arms around Hux, the height advantage she’d gained with her heels gone once more since she’d slipped into flats for the reception. They looked made for each other. As did Finn and Poe, their arms wrapped around each other as they swayed to the music.

The voice in Rey’s head became too loud to ignore as reality settled in. There was no wedding planning or coordination to keep her busy now.

Rey hadn’t dated in months, and even when she tried she was hopelessly disappointed with the men she met. She had no family, her friends were moving on to start their own, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She swallowed thickly, turning to the bar to grab one last glass of wine before they closed for the night.

When Rose waved her and the bridesmaids over to toss the bouquet, she could barely muster a smile when it landed in her hands as everyone fawned all over her, drunk and giggling.

“Lucky you!” Jannah hugged Rey, examining the bouquet in her hands. “Looks like you’re next!”

“I better be a bridesmaid!”

“I wonder who the lucky guy will be?”

Rey played along, fighting down the emotion in her throat as she tried her best to laugh.

 _Luck_.

Rey had never been lucky in her life — from barely surviving the slums of London’s foster care system, to shipping herself off to school in the U.S. and working her ass off to become a coordinator for Maz’s Kidz, _luck_ had never been a part of it. It definitely wasn’t now. It was all just a sad coincidence that the loneliest girl at the wedding was the one to catch the bouquet.

The universe must have been playing some sick joke on her.

Rey slipped out of the reception hall shortly after that, kissing Rose’s cheeks, now red and vibrant from a mixture of alcohol and newlywed giddiness. The ceremony and reception had been held at a hotel just outside of town, and everyone in the bridal party had rented rooms to avoid driving home.

The bouquet fell squarely on the floor of Rey’s hotel room when she chucked it there upon arriving, taking very little care to do anything except take off her dress and undo the hairstyle that had been so delicately placed on her head. Within minutes, she was asleep, with dreams of flowers and bouquets and a man with a head of dark hair ruining it all.

* * *

An alarm started ringing in Rey’s dream, a loud, blaring sound that had her squeezing her pillow. Slowly, she realized she was awake, and that the ringing was _actually_ coming from her phone.

Half-asleep, Rey blindly felt around the bed for her phone, pressing it against her ear. “Hello?”

“Rey?” It was Rose, her voice high-pitched in a way that immediately let Rey know there was trouble.

Rey sat up, immediately worried. “Rosie? You okay?”

“There must have been something in the food, Hux and I, we can’t — babe, go to the bathroom before — Rey, I think we have food poisoning.” Rose whined. “We got to our hotel room and haven’t stopped throwing up.”

“ _Shit_. Are you sure it wasn’t the alcohol?”

She groaned. “I wish. Hux barely drank, you know how he is. I’m pretty sure it was something in the food.”

“Do you need me to grab you anything? I have some medicine in my bag I can bring you guys.”

“Can you just drive us to urgent care?”

“Of course. I’m on my way.”

Rey pulled on the first t-shirt she found in her overnight bag, throwing on her sweatpants before flying out the door to get to Rose’s room.

Rose and Hux were both keeled over when she arrived. The two of them tried to get as much of it out of their system before they made their way out the door.

“Hey, wait up!” Ben was approaching the room at a soft jog just as they were leaving.

Rey’s grip tightened over her keys. “What is he doing here?”

Rose, who was leaning on Rey’s shoulder, groaned. “Hux called him over to help. Please be nice, Rey. We need to move or I’m going to—” she heaved, stopping herself before it got too messy.

“Okay, okay. Got it.”

Just her luck. Ben approached them in his pajamas, his loose grey sweatpants slung low around his hips.

“Can you grab Hux and help me get him in my car?”

Together they walked to the lobby, placing the newlyweds in the car before Rey drove them over to the closest Urgent Care center. The drive itself was fraught. Rey could feel Ben’s eyes on her the entire way there, and it took everything she had to bite her tongue and not call him out on it.

When they arrived, the four of them sat in the lobby, waiting for the doctor to let them in.

“Did it happen to anyone else? Do we know? You guys leave for your honeymoon, like _tomorrow._ ”

“Rose texted in her family group chat, but we haven’t heard from anyone yet. And, yes, we are set to leave two days from now, thank you for the reminder.” Hux was green in the face, his hand clasped firmly in Rose’s.

“Didn’t you guys win an all-inclusive package for free?” Ben asked, his elbows resting on his knees.

Rose groaned. “Yes. And now it’s all ruined. Oh, those caterers are going to _get it_ from me tomorrow.”

Eventually the doctor called the couple in, leaving Rey with Ben out in the lobby, the glaring bright lights and hum of the TV playing cable news in the corner leaving her disoriented. She was starting to get a headache, what she supposed was her hangover from the night rearing its head.

She leaned against the wall, willing her eyes to close, ignoring the looming presence sitting two chairs down from her and waiting for her friend. Neither of them spoke while they waited, as time seemed to stretch on _forever_.

_Poor Rose._

It was 3 A.M when they finally made it out of the Urgent Care. The doctor had classified it as vibrio vulnificus infection, from a bacteria found in shellfish, most likely the shrimp.

Which had been Rose and Hux’s favorite part of the menu.

Which neither Rey or Ben ate.

That explained _that_.

Unfortunately, the two of them were not going to be any better within the week, much less within two days when they were scheduled to leave on their all-inclusive honeymoon to Maui. Rose had scoured the internet for months looking for the best possible deal, landing on a sweepstakes that Rey helped her fill out dozens of entries for.

When they had found out she won, the two of them cheered, eager to cross off _that_ section of the wedding budget, giving them more room for everything else. And now Rose wouldn’t be able to enjoy it at all.

On the drive back to the hotel, Rose and Hux were slumped over each other. Hux was asleep, but Rose was patting her fingers absently against her stomach, eyes closed with exhaustion.

“So, you guys, Hux and I were talking…” Rose started, her eyes closed in the backseat.

“Hmm?” Rey firmly avoided acknowledging Ben next to her, her hands gripping the wheel and eyes flickering between the road and the rearview mirror where she could see her best friend.

“We think you two should go on our honeymoon for us.”

Rey was glad for her alertness and dedication to safety, because otherwise she would have _definitely_ run into a tree.

“No way, Rose.”

Ben chimed in from where he sat next to her, almost at the same time. “Absolutely not.” On this, at least, they were on the same page.

“It’s non-refundable. I can call to change the names and transfer the package, but I can’t change the dates. All you guys have to do is pretend to be married—”

“Rose, no.”

“Just hear me out. For better or worse, be it luck or coincidence or whatever, you two didn’t get sick.”

Ben spoke up. “Rose, I don’t think—”

“Hux and I already agreed on it and called the customer service reps,” she said firmly, her voice hoarse with exhaustion and her patience depleted. “The suite is set up for a Mr. and Mrs. Solo. Take it or leave it.”

Rey groaned, ignoring the odd streak of _something —_ disgust, maybe? — that ran through her chest at the mere image of her and Ben together.

She couldn’t act surprised, though. If Rose wanted something, she’d get it. But this was a _lot_.

“How did you get a hold of them? Isn’t it 12 A.M. in Hawaii right now?”

Rose shifted, nuzzling Hux’s sleeping form, her voice groggy. “24-7 customer service, baby. This is the future.”

Though Rey was decidedly _not_ looking at Ben, eyes very focused on the road ahead, she felt him shift uncomfortably in his seat. He turned to face Rose from the space between their seats, his dark hair coming dangerously near her face. “Are you sure? You’re not thinking straight, you’ll probably want to change that back in the morning.”

“Ben, you could use the vacation and you _know_ it,” something in Rose’s tone indicated there was more to that statement than there appeared to be on the surface. “Rey, you were the best maid of honor I could have asked for. Despite all of _this_ ,” she gestured at her and Hux, “today really was the wedding day I’ve dreamed about since I was a girl. All thanks to you — _both_ of you.”

Neither Ben nor Rey replied, leaving the car in silence until Rose spoke up again. “Hux and I will survive, so, please? Sleep on it if you need to. We can talk more tomorrow.”

Rey focused on the sound of the tires against the gravel as she drove them all back to the hotel.

The maid of honor and best man helped the newlyweds settle back into their hotel room, ignoring the lingerie that had been thrown across the chair next to the bathroom.

Rose grabbed Rey’s face as she was put to bed, her voice groggy. “Rey, seriously. Think about it. A free vacation.”

Her head dropped to the pillow, officially lost to exhaustion — at least, until the next bout of vomiting.

Rey and Ben placed trash bins near each side of the bed, with towels and bottles of water. It was the least they could do, at this point.

Rey barely said goodbye to him as she left, walking back towards her hotel room in disbelief as she wondered what the _hell_ was happening.

A free vacation was at her fingertips, if she could get over the guilt. She’d probably be able to ask for the days off easily. She hadn’t had a full vacation in years. Plus, it was already in her name — well, the fake name.

Shit. She’d have to pretend to be married to Ben.

But was that slight discomfort not worth the chance to spend a week basking in the sun on the beaches of Hawaii? For free?

On her nonprofit salary, vacations were few and far between, and often only to the nearest city. She hadn’t left the contiguous states since she’d first moved here.

Rey didn’t believe in luck, but she might believe in coincidence. This wedding had led to a _lot_ of those.

If Rose was offering, what was the harm?

As she tucked herself back into bed that night, she wondered if taking advantage of this _one_ thing — and paying Rose back _somehow,_ of course — could really be so bad. Maybe it was just the sort of reset she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and joining this journey, friends! Hope you enjoyed this first chapter — if you did, please let me know!!
> 
> I'll be updating regularly, and in the meantime you can find me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo), come say hi!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So that was that. Rey was going to Hawaii. With Ben Solo. On a fake honeymoon._
> 
> _All they had to do was pretend to be married._
> 
> _What in the world had she gotten herself into?_

It turned out that Rose and Hux were definitely not the only ones hit by the toxins in the shrimp. A quick check-in call the morning after the wedding confirmed that multiple cousins, aunts, uncles, friends _and_ coworkers who had indulged in the shrimp were writhing in bed, each of them with a case of food poisoning — including Finn, Mitaka, and Jessika from the bridal party. The prognosis was the same for all of them: they’d be better in at _least_ a week, but no sooner.

Rose and Hux were laying on the bed of their hotel room the morning after the wedding while Rey ran back and forth. She had volunteered to put their things away, eager to make herself useful.

She had indeed slept on the possibility of taking this trip, but she had come to one conclusion: she couldn’t do it. The guilt would eat her alive.

There were many reasons, but most importantly: she was a part of every step of the wedding planning. She should have been more _alert_ somehow, able to see this coming. “I’m sorry guys, but no. I just can’t... I should have...”

She made her way towards the bathroom, taking the hotel’s complimentary toiletries and placing them in Rose’s makeup bag, laying the dirty towels at the edge of the bathroom, double-checking the cabinets to make sure there were no stray items left behind.

“Rey,” Hux reprimanded from where he laid on the bed, green in the face. “This isn’t your fault. We _want_ you to go.”

She shook her head as she walked back into the room, placing the makeup bag inside Rose’s suitcase before zipping it up, standing with an arm on her hip. “No. I could have avoided this, somehow. And now you’re sick and can’t go to Hawaii because of me. I-I just can’t do it.”

Rose and Hux gave each other a look Rey didn’t quite know how to decipher — something they did often, as though they were so connected they could speak telepathically — before Rose shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

She leveled her gaze with Rey in a challenge. “Fine. If you’re sure. Ben already accepted, so, at least someone is going to take advantage of it.”

Rey’s blood froze.

“He _what_?”

Last night it had seemed that they were in agreement, but it looked like he was only pretending to be a good person. She kicked herself internally for ever having thought he had a good bone in his body.

“He called this morning and said he’d take it if it was really available, but he made us try and change the dates first. And trust me, I tried. I can talk my way out of a _lot_ , but not a free week-long honeymoon just a few days ahead. So if you really don’t want to go, you’re going to have to live knowing that Ben is enjoying it all by hims—”

Rey saw _red_. How dare he enjoy that vacation, one that belonged to their best friends who were very much in love and supposed to be celebrating their marriage? It was just like him to do that, she supposed. To take advantage of their generosity, guilt-free.

Well. Not on her watch. If he was going to enjoy the trip, then so was she.

“Okay. _Fine_. I’ll go. If…” she wanted to crawl out of her own skin at the thought of taking this opportunity, but she was truly angry at the thought of Ben taking advantage of Rose’s generosity. “If you’re really positive you can’t change it back?”

Rose let out a sly grin, pleased. “Nope.”

The newlyweds shared another one of those odd looks, but Rey ignored it. “So, I guess this is happening, then.” Rey glanced at her watch. It was 11 A.M on Sunday and their reservation was for Tuesday morning.

“Yep. You have a _lot_ of errands to run by tomorrow. Best get a move on. Also — please hurry up and drive us home, before I vomit in that bathroom for the fifth time this morning.”

Hux groaned. “Agreed.”

So that was that. Rey was going to Hawaii. With Ben Solo. On a fake honeymoon.

All they had to do was pretend to be married.

What in the _world_ had she gotten herself into?

* * *

“So you’re saying you need a week off, no notice?”

As the founder of her own nonprofit geared towards children, Maz Kanata was known by all to be an incredibly understanding and patient woman — but even she had her limits.

Rey was running on autopilot after dropping Rose and Hux at their shared apartment, with a promise to check-in with them later to see if they needed anything.

Now, she was going through her closet for Hawaii-appropriate attire, her phone pressed against her ear as she dealt with the reality of a last minute, week-long trip that she was entirely unprepared for.

“Yes. I know it’s really short notice, but this opportunity fell into my lap and I couldn’t say no. I’ve never taken this much time off.”

Maz _tsked_ on the other end of the line. “That _is_ true. You have a ton of vacation available, but I have to admit this comes at a tough time. We need all the help we can get to secure funding. I haven’t told anyone yet, but…”

Rey’s heart stopped, her hand freezing on the floral top she’d been inspecting.

Maz’s Kidz was a nonprofit, which meant they were only able to function — providing shelter to families, helping orphans and children from broken homes, and the like — out of the kindness of their donor’s hearts. Rey knew they had been having trouble with funding, but if it was getting worse...

Rey swallowed. “How bad is it?”

She heard Maz sigh on the line. “Not good, Rey. I’m no accountant, but we’re way down compared to last year’s numbers, and I’m worried we’re going to have to start making some cuts.”

“The donors haven’t been matching last year?”

“Some, yes. Others, I’m still trying to get a hold of. I’m doing everything I can before I make any announcements.”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip, dropping the shirt. “If it’s really that serious, I don’t have to go.”

The thought of Ben Solo lounging around in the sun, snorkeling in the Pacific ocean and enjoying Hawaii all by himself made her seethe. But if they needed her, she’d stay. Without question.

Maz was silent for a long moment before sighing. “No, Rey. You work hard. No complaints, always on time, doing everything you can. There is so much potential in you, but you’re on the brink of burnout. You deserve this. Take your break, and come back ready to hit the ground running. I’ll get Snap to handle your cases this week.”

Rey’s eyes closed in relief as she let out a sigh. Ever since she’d actually accepted the trip, she was starting to fantasize about enjoying the sun and water. She’d never left the state, much less gone somewhere as beautiful as Hawaii seemed in pictures. She was actually _looking forward_ to it — the parts that were there for her to enjoy, anyways.

“Thank you, Maz. Keep me updated.”

“I will, Rey. Enjoy your trip.”

Rey chucked her phone back towards the bed, going back to the floral top. It was light pink and summery. She smiled as she took it off the hanger and stuffed it in the pile of clothes to pack away, finally committed to making the most of this trip — despite the hulking roadblock in her way that went by the name of Ben Solo.

* * *

**_Rey_ **

_How are u feeling???_

**_Rose_ **

_Not great. This shit gets worse before it gets better._

_BUT_

_I can already hear you getting all guilty from here, so stop it._

_We’re fine and enjoying 90 Day Fiancé, Poe says this season is the best_

_They’re watching it with us and it is great, 10/10 would recommend_

_**Rey** _

_Do u guys have a chat for married couples or something_

_**Rose** _

_Hehe yes actually_

_U can join when u get married ;)_

Rey ignored the ache in her chest. It was _perfectly normal_ for married couples to group together. They weren’t purposefully leaving her out. It just didn’t make it hurt any less to know that.

_**Rey** _

_If_

_At this point_

_It’s drier than the sahara down there lol_

_**Rose** _

_Oh shut up_

_Did you forget CATCHING MY BOUQUET_

_I mean that’s fate right there, something is on the horizon i feel it_

_Speaking of fate..._

_Have you and Ben figured out flights yet?_

_**Rey** _

_Oh shit_

_Been packing since I got home_

_Gonna go do that_

_Enjoy your trashy reality tv_

Rey sat on the edge of her bed — now surrounded by a pile of the beachiest fabrics she owned — staring at her phone.

She’d had to save Ben’s number and email during the wedding planning, and they were on the bridal party group chat together. As a result, she’d texted _near_ him, but never _at_ him, necessarily. However, she’d picked up on some of his quirks. Where she made liberal use of emojis and memes, for example, he was straight and to the point, ending every text with a period.

Ugh.

They were going to have to communicate sooner or later. Rey _knew_ that, she just didn’t want to make the first move.

Suddenly her phone pinged, notifying her that she’d received a text. Her heart was racing when she noticed the name; as if by thinking about him she’d summoned his message.

_**Ben** _

We need to figure out our flights.

Rey scoffed. He wasn’t capable of a _Hello_? Even a _Hi_ would have worked just fine.

_**Rey** _

_good afternoon to u, too. :)_

_thats how u greet a person btw_

_its called having manners_

_u should try it_

Rey watched the three dots appear, then disappear, then reappear again. She could practically see him hunched over his phone, so tiny in his large hands. She was about to put hers down to start packing away her underwear when he finally replied.

_**Ben** _

_I can take care of the flights if you want._

_**Rey** _

_Umm_

_Idk who u think ur dealing with_

_But I dont do handouts_

_**Ben** _

_It wouldn’t be a handout._

_You’d pay me back._

_**Rey** _

_God ur an ass_

_What if i take care of it and you can pay ME back_

_How does that sound?_

The three dots appeared again, filtering in and out until he finally replied:

_**Ben** _

_Okay. That works._

_Let me know what to send you._

Rey put her phone away and grabbed her laptop, wincing prematurely at the idea of last-minute flight prices. She may have not been a frequent traveler, but even she knew that there was a slim chance she’d find a budget friendly flight for the two of them on such short notice. She was going to have to get creative.

* * *

Ben’s eyes widened. “You _really_ should have let me handle the flights.”

Rey adjusted the bag on her shoulder. “Why? What’s so bad about this?” She gestured vaguely at the gate, secluded in a corner of the airport where the seats were slightly faded and the only source of food was a dimly lit vending machine. A Quick Jet employee stood behind the counter, half-asleep.

Ben rubbed his eyes and sighed, still tired in the early morning.

Rey actually _had_ found a flight that fit her price range, after a bit of time scouring the internet for airline reviews and tips. She was quite pleased with that; she wasn’t starving because of her job, but — well, nonprofits weren’t exactly lucrative. The issue was, it was clearly not an airline up to Ben’s standards. She would have been lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying the clear discomfort on his face.

He’d made it a point to pick her up that morning, his sleek Porsche pulling into her apartment complex. When she’d tried to carry her own suitcase, he ran up the stairs and grabbed it from her.

“You know you don’t have to pretend to be a doting husband yet, right? I can carry my own bags.” Rey frowned, fighting the strong, _strong_ urge to roll her eyes as she made her way down the stairs behind him while holding onto her tote bag.

The thought of pretending to be Ben Solo’s _anything_ made her prickly, much less his new wife. But she had a plan: the moment they made it to the resort, they could go their separate ways.

She just had to make it through all of _this_ first.

He could enjoy his time however he liked _._ The truth was, it had nothing to do with her.

She was going to curl up under the sun with one of her new romance novels, swim to her heart’s content, and finally get a tan.

They had no reason to be around each other at all, actually. Everything was going to be _just_ fine.

She slid into his car, immediately noticing how much it smelled just like him, something deep and masculine. The interior of the car was sleek and polished, nothing like the beat up Nissan she’d bought off of Facebook Marketplace. It was just another reminder of the fact that he not only came from money, but made a lot of it, too — and for a bloodsucking law firm. It was a good reminder of how much she didn’t like her new fake husband. As if she could have ever forgotten, what with his dry texts and presumptuous attitude.

The car purred silently as he gestured next to her, tearing her out of her reverie. “Seatbelt?” She grabbed the leather, but it wouldn’t budge. Furrowing her brows, she tugged harder, but it stayed firmly in place. She gave the seatbelt a _look_ , as though by sheer force of will it’d fix itself.

She was about to tug again when she felt all of _him_ in front of her, that same scent now intensified with proximity. His hair was damp at the edges; he must have showered right before picking her up.

Rey’s eyes went wide noticing the moles that dotted his cheeks in detail, taking stock of his full lips now in _extremely_ close proximity to her face. She held her breath, suddenly much more prickly than she had been before.

He fumbled with the seatbelt above her head for a second before pulling it against her chest, clicking it into place. His knuckles skimmed the fabric of her t-shirt dress, dangerously close to her chest. He stayed there for a moment longer than Rey expected, her breath still caught in her chest, until he sat back down abruptly.

“ _Oh_. Um, thank you?”

He cleared his throat, shaking his head. “Uh, I’ve been meaning to get that fixed. I forgot it was broken. Sorry.”

He backed out of her apartment complex and got on the highway. They drove in silence the rest of the way there.

Now at the gate after checking in and going through security, Rey ignored Ben’s complaints, plopping herself down on one of the chairs in the terminal. “An airplane is an airplane.”

He approached her seat, standing awkwardly as though unsure of whether to take the spot next to her or in front of her. Ultimately he decided on the one in front of her, setting his luggage down beside him.

“You could have let me find a better option,” he offered. “I think just about anything is better than Quick Jet.”

Rey glared at him. “I’ll have you know, Quick Jet was recommended to me by a travel blogger I found online, so…”

He looked like he wanted to laugh, the corner of his lips quirking just slightly, but he didn’t.

Rey sighed, attempting to look unbothered as she unlocked her phone and refreshed her social media feeds. It was 7 A.M. on a Tuesday, so except for multiple Instagram stories of coffee cups and car windshields, there wasn't anything new.

She needed this part of the trip _over._

“Is it because of the money? If I knew it was this bad, I could have just paid for y—’

Rey practically snarled. “I don’t need your dirty money. We discussed that already. And it’s quite rude to assume I’d take it.”

He looked like she’d kicked him, which gave Rey the oddest urge to soothe, but she stamped it down. Rey was proud of the life she’d built for herself. She wouldn’t explain to him why she felt so offended at his offer — he’d never understand. Ultimately, he’d let her take the reins on picking a flight, so he’d have to deal with it.

She placed her hands on her knees, leaning forward. “Look, I’m _so sorry_ this isn’t to your liking,” she punctuated the words with as much sarcasm as she could muster, “like the fancy planes you must usually take. This will have to do.”

They sat in silence again, tension coming off of the both of them in thick waves as the sun slowly came up on the horizon, visible over the large windows that spanned the walls of the terminal.

He stood up suddenly, running a nervous hand through his hair. “Okay. I’m going to… try to find some coffee.”

Rey watched him walk away, the dark Henley he was wearing stretched taut against his back. His hair had dried up now and was forming gentle curls that framed his head.

She sighed, stewing in her discomfort as she refreshed Instagram again _._ It was way too early to be getting this worked up, over Ben Solo of all people.

* * *

“Passengers for flight 540W2 to Maui, Hawaii, we will begin boarding shortly. Please make your way to Gate 36C.”

The voice on the intercom woke Rey up from her short nap, a crook already forming in her neck. She checked her watch, noting that it had been twenty five minutes since Ben had gone to find coffee.

_**Rey** _

_Hey where are you???_

_We’re boarding soon_

When there was no immediate reply, she stuffed her phone in her back pocket, watching the groups of people flock towards the gate. She double checked for her passport and boarding pass as she stood up.

His dark blue suitcase still sat in front of her. She didn’t want to have to carry his with her, but the line was growing longer and she was very quickly running out of options as people began filtering into the gate and onto the airplane.

Of _course_ he’d leave his suitcase here for her to have to deal with. She was almost surprised, considering he’d never been this inconsiderate so directly, but she figured she was going to be learning a lot about him over the course of the next week as they circled around each other.

She tapped the phone icon next to his contact — no photo, just his full name _—_ pressing the phone against her ear as she grabbed a handle for the suitcases in each hand, wheeling them towards the back of the line while carrying her tote bag on her left arm. She must have looked insane.

The phone rang one, two, then three times. No answer.

The line had extended beyond her now, and soon enough she’d be near the gate. Still no sign of Ben. She started to panic, tapping her foot impatiently. Had something happened to him? Should she go look for him? How far could the closest coffee shop have been?

Maybe her choice of airline _had_ been inconvenient.

She couldn’t figure out what the most appropriate thing to do was — could only hyperfixate on the two suitcases she was carrying and the closing distance between her and the gate.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” An older woman dressed in a hawaiian button-up and light pink cargo shorts asked Rey from behind. Her anxiety must have been visible on her face. She turned, forcing her most placating smile.

“I’m just looking for my—” _my what?_ Enemy, nemesis, unwilling travel companion? “Husband.”

She winced, the word sounding odd as it left her mouth. Better to start preparing for that now, right? “I’m looking for my husband. He went to get a coffee but he isn’t back yet.”

“Oh, let me see if I can help! What does he look like? Jim, she’s looking for her husband.” The woman nudged _her_ husband, ripping his attention away from watching the line move.

An image of Ben popped into her head, his brown eyes and unique features already committed to memory. She warmed, feeling her cheeks reddening. “Oh. Well, he’s... quite tall, dark hair, very intense face.”

The woman brightened, chattering away. “Alright dear, we’re looking. Oh, you’re so young. Are you two newlyweds? Off to _Maui_ , how charming. Jim and I went there for our honeymoon, didn’t we honey? It was _amazing,_ after all that’s why we try to go back every year...”

Rey nodded politely, tuning the woman out slightly as she stood on her tiptoes, looking for Ben. She was starting to grow truly anxious, grabbing her phone to call him once again to give him a piece of her mind—

A warm hand grasped at the one that was still holding his suitcase, sending a flood of warmth throughout Rey’s body. She turned, turning to find herself looking up into the same eyes she’d seen so clearly in her mind just moments ago.

“Oh, is _that_ your husband? Aren’t you two the most adorable couple, look honey! He _does_ have an intense face, just as she said…”

Rey tore her hand away like she’d been burned. “Where the _hell_ were you?” she hissed.

He closed his eyes, as though he were in pain. His chest was heaving. “The only coffee place was in an entirely different gate.”

In his hand he held a paper bag and an iced coffee, the cup extremely small between his fingers and the condensation from the ice dripping onto the floor. “I’m sorry. I saw your call, but I was on the phone with my boss. Had to set a few things straight before I left.”

Rey turned away, accepting the apology — as much as her state of mind allowed her to accept an apology from _him,_ anyway, and turned to face the gate, arms crossed. “It’s fine. Whatever.”

“ _Pssst,_ ” Rey heard the woman from behind her. She saw a finger tap Ben on the back, him leaning over to listen. Ben’s face turned slightly pink as the woman spoke in a hushed voice behind her.

She didn’t hear what the woman was saying, nor did she get a chance to ask, because before she knew it the two of them were herded through the gate, boarding passes checked and walking up on the ramp towards the airplane.

When they got to their seats, Rey understood Ben’s hesitation about the airline a bit more.

They were tiny. Cramped.

Which would have been fine for Rey’s smaller frame, really. No issue there.

But where Quick Jet was an airline built for thrifty spenders, it was certifiably _not_ built for 6’4” beasts of men.

He motioned for her to sit so she did, slipping into the row and dropping her tote bag at her feet. He softly placed the cup of coffee and a small bakery bag on the seat next to hers, pulling up his suitcase and then hers into the overhead bin as though they weighed nothing. And Rey had weighed hers that morning — it definitely did not weigh _nothing._

When he placed their baggage in the overhead compartment, the smallest sliver of skin became visible as his Henley rode up, forcing Rey’s breath to catch in her throat. His skin was smooth, and she could see a few of those same moles that decorated his face on the skin near his abdomen, and right in the middle a patch of hair that led...

She turned away sharply, staring out at the tarmac now bright in the morning sun, suddenly way too warm in this tiny, cramped airplane. She definitely would have splurged on a better airline if she knew this was going to happen. It got worse when he finally sat down, his large body looming dangerously close to her personal bubble of space. These seats were definitely _too_ cramped. She’d mention that in her review. Hadn’t that travel blogger said they were comfortable?

Rey took deep breaths, willing herself to come down from whatever it was that had taken over her. So what, she’d seen a bit of skin? Was that any reason to start overheating like a teenage girl going through puberty?

Having him so close wasn’t helping.

Rey smoothed her hair idly, focusing on the sleepy faces boarding the plane, getting stuck in the aisle, awkwardly shifting against each other to slip into their seats, and _not_ on the man whose body was now so close to hers that their arms and thighs were touching, even as she tried to shift as close to the window as possible.

She supposed she couldn’t blame her body for its biological responses. It had been _too_ long since she’d done anything — and even then her previous experiences hadn’t been all that special. Fumbling encounters after a night out that slowly turned into more until they fizzled out completely; the odd Tinder date here and there every time she worried about staying single forever; until now, her only long-term boyfriend had been a year-long stint in college, and they had only really been together out of convenience and a shared loneliness.

Rey still hadn’t found anyone that lit that _spark_ inside her. Someone that made her feel alive, understood, _known._

She sighed in her seat, suddenly overcome with the same melancholy that had clouded her at Rose’s wedding. She needed to get this out of her system. Suddenly, she felt a soft weight hit her lap.

The bakery bag. She furrowed her brows, turning to eye the culprit.

He looked like a fish out of water, cramped in that tiny airplane seat. Her heart almost tugged at her chest out of pity. _Almost._

“I, uh, felt awkward just buying this,” he said, gesturing to his coffee. “Got you a muffin... if you want. Have you eaten yet?”

She hadn’t. That was… nice of him. Odd, and unexpected, but nice.

Didn’t make up for almost leaving her with his suitcase, though. Or just being a general ass, as usual.

“Oh. Thank you.” The pleasantry felt awkward on her lips, and probably sounded just as stilted. She opened up the bag, the pleasant smell of semi-sweet chocolate wafting upwards. It was some fancy, faux French breakfast bakery. He really _had_ gone all the way to the other side of the airport for this. Figured. “You really didn’t have to.”

As if on cue, her stomach chose that very moment to growl loudly, betraying the fact that no, she _hadn’t_ eaten that morning, and this was actually a very welcome surprise. She didn’t want to admit that to him _,_ though.

He sighed, the side of his lips quirking upwards just slightly as he fastened his seatbelt. “You’re welcome, Rey.”

* * *

Rey had forgotten what being in the air felt like.

It had been so many years since she’d taken that red-eye from London, and since then she hadn’t really had any reason to fly anywhere. It was disconcerting, at first, but she felt free up there. It was nice.

Three hours into their flight, she was still full on the chocolate muffin — she tried her best not to moan as she ate it, but it had been quite delicious — and enjoying a free movie on the tiny screen propped in front of her. She’d closed the window on her left out of respect for the other passengers, but every hour or so she opened it up at the bottom to peek, just in case the scenery had changed. They had been flying over the water for a while.

She couldn’t shake the urge to do it a fourth time, giving into temptation and opening the window just slightly at the bottom to let a stream of light in. They were just over the Pacific Ocean, and the water glittered brilliantly with the help of the sun above them. Tiny islands dotted the ocean while boats left streaming jets of white in their path. It was beautiful.

Rey had never seen anything like it.

Ben groaned next to her, the silent hum of it stirring his body where it touched her arm so that she felt it, too. “Do you have to open that every hour? I’m trying to sleep.”

She took one last glance at the world 36,000 feet below them, savoring the view before jamming it shut and shrouding their row in darkness once again. Ugh.

“There. Happy?” She didn’t take care to hide the acid in her tone, turning to glare at him.

“Hmm. Yes, actually. Thank you.” He stared at her through sleepy eyes, his head resting on the seat and facing her. Had he been watching her this whole time?

She coughed uncomfortably. “We’re going to need to set some ground rules here, Ben.”

He sat up. “Oh?”

She sighed. She’d been avoiding this conversation, but it was now or never. “I don’t think either of us are all too pleased that the only way we can enjoy this vacation is… well, like this. Fake married, and all that.” Rey fiddled with the earphones she’d been wearing to listen to the movie. “But, this is the way it is. So… truce? For Rose and Hux?”

She couldn’t believe she was saying this, but if they didn’t decide on it _right now_ , she was worried they wouldn’t make it through the cab ride to the resort.

He nodded, setting his head against the seat again. “For Rose and Hux.”

“Good.” Rey cracked her knuckles, not sure how to approach this next subject on her list.

“And… you’re single right?” She winced, hating the way that sounded, but she vaguely recalled a barbecue a while ago — maybe a year ago, even? — when he’d brought someone with him. She didn’t keep close track of his dating life, but she needed to know.

He sat up, brows furrowed. “I didn’t go to the wedding with anyone, did I?”

Rey blushed. “Do you have to be so difficult about _everything?_ Maybe she couldn’t go, maybe she had other things to do. I just need to know you’re not on a fake honeymoon with someone you hate when you could be with your girlfriend.”

He looked like he was going to refute her statement until he leaned back again, deciding against it. “No girlfriend. Bazine and I broke up a while ago. You’re single, too, right?”

Yes. Painfully so. “Yup. Absolutely no worries, there.”

“So that settles that, then? Are we clear to enjoy this honeymoon, now?”

She sighed, nodding. “That settles that.”

They were really going to do this, weren’t they?

“So, I guess this is as good a time as any…” Rey pulled her large tote bag towards her with her feet, sifting through it to take out a small pouch. “We should get used to wearing these.”

She handed him a small silver band that was a close match for her own. They had been Rose’s idea — during a Facetime session Monday morning, she’d reminded Rey that the trip was free and, therefore, the resort staff were probably going to be very interested in their wedding story, especially since the couple had changed at the last minute.

The very fake wedding story they hadn’t been able to touch upon amidst the bickering — but that was neither here nor there just yet. The rings would help sell the idea.

Part of her felt disappointed, knowing the ring would act as an instantaneous repellent for any attractive young bachelors. Another part of her felt awed seeing the band on her ring finger, the tiny jewel glinting with the small pocket of light that came in through the nearly closed window.

He held the ring out, staring at it quizzically. “Where’d you get these?”

“Thrift store.” She’d made a quick trip the day before to finish up her shopping for the trip. “This one’s mine, though.”

“So you get to wear your own and I have to wear something that belonged to a dead person?”

“That is _such_ a misconception. And quite classist of you.” She rolled her eyes. Ben reeked of privilege in the oddest ways. “Anyways, I sanitized it.”

He huffed before sliding it onto his finger. She didn’t know how she knew it would fit his fingers — which were admittedly quite large — but it felt right when she’d seen it. A lucky guess, she supposed.

“I guess we match then. Official newlyweds.”

“Congratulations to us,” she sighed, slipping her earphones in and pressing play on her movie.

This was going to be an interesting week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please do let me know if you enjoyed!! All feedback is super welcome as I'm still getting the hang of writing a chaptered fic like this! 
> 
> Best beta/friend award goes to [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) 💖 
> 
> Come say hi on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisingly enough, the plane ended up feeling much more comfortable than Rey anticipated. And it smelled nice, too. She was comfortable after watching the movie, finally easing into the relaxation that would hopefully accompany her throughout the rest of the trip. She sighed, drowsily slipping out of the nap she’d fallen into, when she opened her eyes to find herself absurdly close to Ben’s face, her head leaning on his firm shoulder. One of her hands was curled up against his side, the other gently laying on his forearm.

For a moment she wasn’t quite awake yet, as though she were in a dream where he was near her, and it almost felt right. And then reality set in as consciousness flooded her senses — this was not at all _right._

She tore herself away the moment she realized she’d been sleeping _on his shoulder,_ heat creeping up her cheeks and crawling outwards until she felt like there were needles poking at her from the inside. She could barely bring herself to make eye contact, leaning back against her own seat — the real one — to notice it was decidedly not as comfortable as where she’d found herself sleeping. Her heart was racing, embarrassment clawing its way down her throat.

“Sorry about that,” she muttered, fiddling with the seatbelt. “You could have just moved me, you know.”

She chanced a glance up at him, finding a soft expression she couldn’t quite figure out before he hardened again. “Figured you’re safer when you’re well rested,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite reach those deep eyes of his. “We’re almost there. Just about to land.”

He had a Nintendo console in his lap and seemed to be playing Pokémon.

“Is that a Switch?”

She leaned closer once again, despite herself. She’d been curious about the console since it had come out, but she’d never gotten the chance to buy it. He nodded without disrupting the game, meeting her eyes for a quick second before turning back to it. “Already on the Champion Cup.”

Huh. She hadn’t pegged Ben as a nerd _or_ Pokémon fan, but she guessed it wasn’t totally outside the realm of possibility.

“Sword or Shield?”

“Sword, duh.”

“Hm. Shield looked so much better in the previews. Lame.”

She turned back to her seat, sighing as she slowly regained her composure, shaking off the sleep. She definitely did _not_ miss the feeling of his broad shoulder under her cheek, because that would have been ridiculous, and Rey was not ridiculous. Anything was better than those terrible, flimsy seats, so of _course_ leaning on him was preferable.

At least she felt well-rested and eager to take advantage of the rest of the day. She should thank him for that, but she wouldn’t.

* * *

The moment they stepped out into the Hawaii air in Kahului after landing, Rey instantly felt herself growing lighter. The sun was bright above them, palm trees in the distance with a faint tang of the ocean just barely noticeable. Everything just felt _better._ Full of opportunity.

She really did need this trip, even if the circumstances that had led her here were less than ideal.

Ben looked freer, too, his shoulders already looser than they had been back at home. He’d taken her suitcase out of the overhead with the same ease as when they’d arrived, and walked behind her as they made their way out.

“So,” Rey said, holding onto the same pamphlet. “Rose told me that there would be a car waiting for us… but I’m not sure—”

“I think I know which one it is,” he didn’t sound pleased. Rey looked up towards the direction where he was pointing. “No time like the present, right?”

An older man in a suit was holding a thin sheet in front of him with the words “MR. & MRS. SOLO” printed in a large, simple font.

Rey gulped, gripping her bag tighter around her as they approached. This was really happening, wasn’t it? Rey was an honest person, she’d never made a habit of lying, but she was about to start. For better or worse.

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo?” the man greeted them as they approached, shaking Ben’s hand and extending a hand out to Rey. “Welcome to Maui! We’re very happy to have you.”

Rey smiled, taking the man’s hand in hers. She was slowly growing more and more anxious at the thought of having to lie her way through this process. This was all so bizarre it felt _surreal._ She let Ben take the handle of the conversation, tuning out in an anxiety spiral as they put away their suitcases in the trunk.

“So, you’re here in Maui on a honeymoon trip, yes?” the chauffeur — Michael, he’d introduced himself as — attempted to make conversation as he drove them towards the resort.

Ben looked to Rey for an answer, but she just shrugged, eyes wide in panic. He narrowed his eyes at her, asking a question with his eyes she couldn’t answer.

“That’s right. Just me and my new wife,” he tried to laugh, feigning nonchalance. Rey could barely pay attention. His arm was draped behind her seat, one of his legs resting on his thigh. Of course he was able to lie through his teeth and look great doing it — this was Ben she was dealing with, after all.

Michael was none the wiser, ignorant to the tension brewing in the backseat. “You hold onto her, you hear me? Me and my wife, well we’ve been together twenty years now. We met in high school… actually it’s a funny story, it all started…”

Rey tuned him out, grateful for Ben’s ability to seem intrigued in the conversation. What if he figured out that they were not in fact Mr. and Mrs. Solo? What if he told the resort, and they’d be forced back home? Rey chewed at her nails as she looked out the window and focused on the passing scenery, tapping her foot up and down, drowning in _what ifs._

A hand landed on her knee to stop the movement. His touch was unassuming but firm. “You okay?”

She sighed, nodding as she bit her lip, nervously chewing at the skin. “Just a little worried about being married to you, is all,” she whispered.

His hand was _this_ close to touching her shoulder from where he’d draped it across the seat. He leaned in conspiratorially. “I’m not as bad as you think, Rey. Just relax.”

“You two okay back there? You’ve gone quiet on me,” Michael laughed as he pulled into the Wailea Sunshine Resort. “Look at me, trying to make conversation with two crazy kids in love.”

Rey raised her eyebrows, laughing nervously. Ben joined in with that same bravado that he wore so well. She definitely needed to get a handle on her nerves — but once they were checked in, she could relax. She just needed to make it there.

Their arrival at the resort was like something out of a movie or TV special — that is, they were given leis, offered hibiscus water, and ushered towards the front desk to check in once it was revealed they were the recipients of the free honeymoon package.

Rey was speechless. The resort itself was like nothing she’d ever seen before — high ceilings, large windows, and a tropical architectural style that allowed glances at the crystal-clear blue water out beyond the hotel framed by large, rocky mountains that rose straight out of the water.

Growing up in London had made the sun itself a rare enough occurrence. While moving to the states had opened up her worldview just a bit, she’d never seen anything like _this._

“This is beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said softly, fingering the flowers on her lei as they waited for the reception to find their file. She turned to face him. “Isn’t it?”

He hummed in agreement, another flash of that softness in his eyes that she couldn’t quite figure out before he hardened again. “It is.”

The sun glinted off of his thrift store marriage band, reminding her why — and how — they were here. “I’m gonna let Rose know we made it.”

_**Rey** _

_Heyy_

_We have arrived_

_I’m sad you’re not on your honeymoon but also_

_This is gorgeous_

_So thank you? :(_

_This is weird_

**_Rose_ **

_Im glad you’re enjoying bb_

_Have u gotten lei’d yet ;)_

_I have_

_But not in the same way_

_yet_

_**Rey** _

_Ew while you’re sick????_

_rose…._

_**Rose** _

_When ur married literally nothing matters its amazing_

_I love him :)_

_ANYWAYS_

_enjoy this trip rey i mean it!!!! And make nice with ben!!!!!!! PLEASE_

_FOR THE HUX-TICOS_

_**Rey** _

_IM NOT THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO MAKE NICE_

_But anyways we’ve decided on a truce for the time being so_

_Hopefully we will both make it back alive at the end of the week :-)_

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo?”

Rey looked up from her phone, called to attention by the use of that surname again. She was going to have to get used to it. “First and foremost, welcome to the Wailea Sunshine Resort. We know that these are… unique circumstances… but it’s great that you and your friends got married around the same time, huh? You two really lucked out.” She winked, clicking around on the computer to find their reservation.

Rey gulped, uncomfortable once more at the thought of lying. She was barely able to hum in agreement, wringing her hands under the desk at the thought of getting found out.

“We’re excited to be here,” Ben seemed unphased, just as collected as he’d been all day. This really was a walk in the park for him, huh?

“May I see your IDs, please?”

Rey panicked, fumbling through her purse before handing over her green card while Ben smoothly took his ID out of his wallet. Rey Niima, her card said. Oh, no. She started to feel tense all over again, not at all excited to find a way out of this one. Her moral compass had been skewed considerably in just a few hours, and she only saw it getting worse.

“I haven’t been able to change my last name quite yet, as you might be able to tell I’m from the UK, and well the way the process works is just so confusing, so...”

“That’s alright,” the receptionist smiled, shaking her head. “No worries. I’ll process these quickly and in the meantime you can look through these contracts. Liability forms, media releases, stuff like that. You can also start looking at the activities you’d like to sign up for,” she winked, grabbing their IDs. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Rey grabbed the papers, her eyes roving the pages quickly and skimming over mentions of _fees_ and _legality_ and _eligibility_.

“Oh, no.” Rey’s head started to feel dizzy, uncertainty ringing through her as she held up the forms. The receptionist was still in the back, but she whispered anyway. “Ben, we shouldn’t have done this, they’re going to find out we’re not married, this is wr—“

“ _Hey,”_ he took her hand in his, his grip warm and firm. He leaned towards her ear, speaking low enough that what he was saying was just for them. “Relax. Everything is going to be fine.”

He picked up the forms and started to sift through them, reading the fine print carefully. Her hand stayed in his warm grip. “This is all standard,” he said. “As long as we stick to our story we’re going to be okay. We got married two weeks ago, in a small ceremony with few witnesses. We’re private people, so we don’t have a lot of pictures.

Like clockwork, the receptionist came back out, Ben’s hand moving to curl around Rey’s waist, holding her in place. “Right, _baby_?”

His deep voice emphasized the pet name, flustering her to the point of speechlessness, which was odd because she didn’t even _like_ that endearment. She much preferred something softer, like _sweetheart_ or _honey._ It made sense, though. Ben was such a _baby_ sort of guy. Of course he was.

“Uh, right.” She cringed, shaking her head as though that alone would make this all go away.

“So,” the receptionist started. “Here are your room keys and the full list of activities. It’s all-inclusive, so take advantage! We have a full list of exciting honeymoon options, and each Sunday we host a luau.” She pointed at pictures of each event as she explained, pointing out times and how to make reservations for the restaurants. “While I have you here, is there anything you’re interested in for tomorrow?”

The two of them looked at the options in front of them, which included zip-lining (tight harnesses and helmets, nope), Jet Skis (puffy vests and extremely dangerous aquatic vehicles, _definitely not_ ), kiteboarding (terrifying and lethal, without a shadow of a doubt, _no)_ and a sailboat day trip (complimentary champagne and scuba diving, okay _maybe_ ).

The receptionist looked at them expectantly, probably anticipating some sort of conversation or something from the blushing newlyweds they’d invited on this trip.

Rey shifted, Ben’s arm still warm around her waist. “How does the sailboat trip sound, _baby?_ ” She injected as much of a syrupy sweet tone as she could manage, but she was no actress. He was a whole head taller than her, which meant she had to crane her neck to try and communicate nonverbally.

_Just go along with this. Please, so we can get out of here._

To his credit, Ben looked like he wanted to jump out of his own skin, growing redder by the minute. “That sounds great. Count me in.”

Rey was sure neither of them anticipated spending a single second together once they’d finally arrived, but the universe appeared to be dead set on them keeping up their ruse for as long as possible. At least they could stand on different ends of the boat, or something.

“Perfect! I’ll pencil you two in for our boating trip to Molokini. One more thing…” she said, slipping the sheet of amenities over to Rey. “As part of the prize package, we’ll need you two to take a few pictures for our Instagram, website and social media. You can find that information in your copy of the media release I left for you. We’ve reserved a slot for you on Thursday, okay? Your bags should already have gone up with the valet, so you’re good to go!”

Oh, no. That was a step too far. Rey opened her mouth to refute that requirement until she felt Ben’s grip tighten around her waist, anticipating her reaction. He thanked the receptionist and grabbed her hand again, walking with the key cards out into the lobby before she could confess to their ruse and get them on a one-way flight back home.

* * *

“ _Baby_? What the hell was that all about?”

Ben groaned. “I was _trying_ to sell the concept.”

“There are better pet names than _baby_ out there.”

He sighed as the two of them approached their room, both of them flustered by their attempt at faking this, whatever it was. “It slipped out. Let’s just stick with it when we need to. No harm, no foul?”

She narrowed her eyes at him from behind, ultimately relenting when she realized it hadn’t been a terrible idea. At least they were able to seem like a normal couple. At least, Michael and the receptionist had seemed to buy it, and it was truly thanks to him. “Fine.”

Finally, they had made it past all major hurdles and the vacation could begin in earnest. Rey could be downstairs in her bikini within the _hour_. That was a feat worth celebrating if she’d ever seen one. The only thing separating her and sun-drunk bliss on the beach was this door.

The card reader beeped when Ben placed his key on it, and he pushed it open to reveal the nicest room Rey had ever seen outside of, well… ever. It was spacious, with a large couch and living room area set against paneled walls the color of sand. The decor was sea-inspired but subtle, and the entire space smelled like fresh laundry and coconut. The balcony had a perfect view of the ocean, and there was a small hot tub just big enough for two on the deck, partially covered by the roof and wall.

They walked into the room, exploring slowly, Rey catching sight of the small gift the hotel staff had left on the dining room table. The card announced it was, as she was now growing to expect, for MR. AND MRS. SOLO, and it contained a standard greeting from the hotel staff. Right next to it there was chocolate _._ She hadn’t eaten since the muffin Ben got her, she suddenly remembered, and as if on cue her stomach growled. She grabbed a few truffles, stuffing them in her mouth and barely stifling a satisfied moan at the taste. They were _delicious._

Ben cleared his throat behind her. “You’re going to ruin your appetite.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll hold you to that when you refuse to eat a proper meal because you’re on a sugar high.”

“Well, that will be _my_ problem, won’t it? I think I can manage.”

He sighed. “Right.”

She kept stuffing her mouth happily, dropping her tote bag on the table.

“We have bigger problems right now anyway.”

She turned to face him, quirking an eyebrow at his tone. “Such as…?” It came out muffled due to the chocolates in her mouth, but he seemed to understand her just fine, the tiniest spark of amusement lighting his eyes.

“Come see for yourself.”

He turned towards the door leading to the bedroom, but Rey couldn’t quite understand why that was so shocking or revolutionary. After all…

Oh.

This was a honeymoon suite.

For a couple on their honeymoon. Where it was assumed they’d sleep in the same bed, because that’s what couples do. Among other things.

Rey pursed her lips, waiting. They stood in silence for a few moments.

“Well…?”

He turned to look at her. “Well?”

“Aren’t you going to be chivalrous and offer me the bed? Isn’t that what guys are supposed to do?”

“I didn’t realize we were operating under such old fashioned gender roles?”

She tilted her head, measuring him. He kept surprising her. “Point taken. I still think I should get the bed, though.”

“And why is that?”

“Rose is my best friend, and I helped her with the _entire_ wedding, while you boys lazed about.”

“Sure, but I’m the one that convinced him to talk to her when they met, so they wouldn’t be together at all if it weren’t for me.”

Rey shook her head. “They’re soulmates, they were going to meet regardless.”

“We’re fighting for no reason. We can always just share.”

She crossed her arms, feeling suddenly warm as images of them sleeping together flitted through her mind, mixed with the memory of her head on his shoulder on the plane. She shook her head furiously to wave _that_ problematic thought away. “We are _definitely_ not sharing the bed. You can have it, if you’re going to be like that.”

He faced the room’s balcony, staring out at the sea. The waves were crashing against the shore just a few hundred feet from where they stood. “I’m kidding, Rey. You can take the bed.”

“Oh, _now_ you’re being chivalrous?"

“I was always going to—”

She huffed petulantly. “Well, now I don’t want it. I’ll just take the couch. I’m sure it’s very comfortable.”

“There is _no_ point in arguing with you, is there?”

“Nope,” she said, turning towards the living room to grab another piece of chocolate. They were _really good._

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time the two of them had completely settled in, arranging their clothes and toiletries in their shared dresser. Ben quickly left, claiming he was going to go on a run, which meant Rey had the room all to herself. She changed into a more modest bathing suit, not quite in the mood to look her best just _yet,_ and made her way down to the main pool.

She realized very quickly it wasn’t hard to enjoy herself — not when the sun was shining, the smell of saltwater was sharp in the air, and the piña colada she’d ordered was soothing her frayed nerves. She was _definitely_ going to find a way to make this up to Rose and Hux.

Despite her insistence otherwise, the past year had taken a toll on her. Working, helping Rose, stretching herself as thin as possible. She needed this break from reality.

She wasn’t sure exactly how long she sat there, happy to let time get away from her while shifting between reading bits of her romance novel and napping, but soon enough the sun started to drift behind the clouds and lower itself into the horizon, painting the scenery in a gorgeous shade of orange.

Rey stood, only slightly buzzed after the cocktails she’d had, and began to walk towards the hotel room to shower and move on to finding food. Palm trees rustled in the wind as she walked, the air light and breezy. This was truly paradise, plain and simple.

Someone called out from behind. “Rey Niima… is that you?”

She turned, at attention, recognizing that voice. Amilyn Holdo was a major donor for Maz’s Kidz and a well respected congresswoman. They’d worked together on occasion in the past.

“Amilyn! What a surprise,” Rey greeted the woman, taking her hand. “What brings you to Maui?”

If Amilyn picked up on the thinly veiled panic in Rey’s voice, she didn’t show it. Instead she smiled, white teeth accentuating her newly sun-kissed skin as she took off her sunglasses, raising them up on her head. “I’m on a trip with my wife, actually. She’s back in the room getting ready for the night. And you?”

She bit her lip, fidgeting with the hair around her neck. “It's a funny story, actually...”

Amilyn’s eyes caught on the glint of silver on her finger, widening slowly. “You never mentioned you were married?”

Well. There it was. She’d forgotten to take off the ring, but if she was living a lie why not make it consistent? “Ha. I’m on my honeymoon, actually. Just got married! My husband is off, uh–getting ready for our dinner. We just arrived today.”

“Well, congratulations! That is quite exciting,” her smile was genuine and warm. Rey hoped she wouldn't press for details, having none of the expertise in lying about their relationship that Ben did. Luckily, Holdo seemed to move onto other bits of small talk, trails of her diplomatic nature coming through. “How’s everyone over at Maz’s?”

Rey’s heart sunk, remembering her conversation with Maz about funding. Holdo was a donor, so it would be meaningless to lie. “Honestly, we’re doing our best. Our numbers aren’t what they used to be, but that’s the way it is, you know?”

Holdo nodded, understanding. She looked pensive for a moment before taking Rey’s hand in hers. “Well, how about this. Why don’t you meet me and my wife for dinner with your husband and we can catch up? I might be able to help Maz some more, too. We’ll talk all about it. What do you think?”

Rey tried to hide her shock, but this was more than she’d anticipated. “Wow, Amilyn, that would be… incredible, actually. We’d love to.”

A chance to save the nonprofit? There was absolutely _no_ way Rey was passing that up. If she had to drag Ben Solo along, so be it.

“Great. Now, I don't want to hold you. You should get back to your husband," she said with a wink. "You have my number, right? Give me a ring and we can sort out the details, okay?”

Rey nodded, waving goodbye, her mind racing. _Shit._ Back to square one. 

She practiced her speech to Ben the entire walk up to the hotel room. He was taking the bed, so he owed her one, right? Nevermind that she’d conceded it in the end. It was just one quick dinner. It wouldn’t be that bad. She _needed_ this.

She entered the room to find him hunched over a laptop on the dining table, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Are you… working?”

“Hello to you, too,” he clicked around on the keyboard, before turning to look at her. His eyes widened slightly at her bathing suit before he regained his composure, so quickly she might have imagined he’d had any reaction to her at all. “And, yes. We can’t all just take a week off at a moment’s notice.”

“That’s what happens when you work for the devil,” she took to the dresser, grabbing an outfit. She enjoyed the smallest bit of schadenfreude before feeling guilty. No one should be forced to work through a vacation. “Sorry to hear that, though.”

“I’ll survive,” he kept typing. “By the way, I ordered dinner up to the room. There’s enough for two, if you want. Should be here soon.”

“Oh. That’s… convenient, actually. I’m too tired to go down for dinner right now,” she chewed on her lips. “Thanks? I’ll go shower now, then.”

It was odd, showering while knowing Ben was _right there,_ but he was far enough in the living room that Rey could pretend this was all incredibly normal. That she wasn’t naked a mere ten feet away from him. If it was someone else, this might have even been exciting. But it was _him,_ and the only thing he managed to excite in her was her temper.

This truce seemed to be working, though. In its own, weird way. Maybe they _would_ “make nice”, as Rose had put it, though Rey had a feeling it would crumble the moment she asked him to go to dinner with Holdo.

She got the chance to test that theory when she’d stepped out of the shower, a towel wrapped around her head. She’d chosen her comfiest t-shirt and shorts, enjoying the smell of garlic that wafted throughout the room.

“Italian? Nice choice.” She sat down, opposite from where he’d closed his computer. Before he could make any more conversation, she began to scarf down as much pasta and bread as her stomach could hold — admittedly, a _lot_ — without fear of holding back. Why feign propriety? This wasn’t a date. It was Ben. That, at least, was a freeing thought.

She looked up to find him watching her, a mix of awe and confusion in his face. “Whatever you’re going to say about me, I don’t want to hear it. This is the way I eat, and I’m starving.”

He held up a hand, claiming innocence. “Wasn’t going to say a thing. I’m just glad you’re enjoying the food. And I’m impressed the chocolates didn’t ruin your appetite.”

She chewed, swallowing the latest bite with a bit of the wine that had been in the fridge when they arrived. “Hmm. You have lots to learn about me and my appetite, Ben.”

Rey turned red, the double entendre only registering after a moment of heavy silence. She avoided his eyes, terrified at what she might find there. “And, uh, speaking of food and dinner. I need a favor.”

“A favor?”

“Before you say no, remember that you took the bed.”

“About that, Rey—”

“No, listen. Long sob story short, the nonprofit I work for is in bad shape. Luckily enough, a donor is here on a trip, and she could help me out a lot. She invited me out for dinner on Thursday,” she breathes, gauging his reaction before continuing — so far, so good. “I also miiight have told her we were on our honeymoon.”

He choked on his wine, face turning red. “You _what_?”

“I panicked! I’m sorry. But I _really_ need this," his hands were so large in hers it was almost distracting, but she gripped them tighter. "It’s not too far from the truth anyways, is it? We’re on a honeymoon, just not in love. Pleeeeease,” she whined, grabbing his hands from across the table. They were warm. She didn’t know where that instinct had come from. “Please, Ben _?_ I’ll do anything.”

The tips of his ears grew red and he pulled his hands away gently. “Why weren’t you just honest with her?”

Rey dragged her fork across the plate. “She saw my ring and I didn’t know what to say,” she said, chewing on her lip. “It’s not like I can afford a trip like this on my salary, either. It just slipped out.”

Ben contemplated this for a moment, working his jaw. He didn’t look _angry,_ per se, but frustrated — enough that she truly did feel terrible for lying and forcing him into this position. She may not have liked the guy, but this _was_ quite the stunt to pull. “I really am sorry, Ben, but I _need_ this. My work means a lot to me. Please?”

She heard him shift in his seat, thinking about that for a moment. “And to think I was going to insist you took the bed,” he grumbled. His tone grew amused, a slight lift of his lips indicating that he wasn’t angry, that he would help her out.

Hope bloomed in her chest. She had expected Ben to shut down, leaving her to deal with her issues on her own, but he hadn't. Another surprise.

“So you'll do it?”

“I’ll do it," he chewed on his food. "But I'm definitely keeping the bed now.”

Rey let a relieved sigh escape her. “Thank you. Were you really going to insist on me taking it?”

He nodded. Despite the admittedly old-fashioned devotion to chivalry, the thought that he would do that was enough to make her feel a bit dizzy. Then again, it could have been the wine. Or the piña coladas.

Rey eventually smiled, feeling incredibly relaxed now as she twisted some more pasta around a fork as she watched him resume eating. So what, if she took the couch? It looked comfortable. She'd slept on much worse. It was a fair trade. "This could be _major,_ Ben. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

He laughed – a genuine laugh, that took her by surprise - and took a sip of his own wine. "I'll hold you to that, Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please do let me know if you enjoyed, I look forward to your feedback and it helps motivate me to get these out to you regularly!! 
> 
> Thanks as always to [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for making sure these are coherent 💖 
> 
> Come say hi on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little earlier than usual bc I was excited!! Hope you guys enjoy :)

It definitely had a learning curve, figuring out how to exist in the same space as Ben Solo — in a hotel room that spanned 1,000 square feet at most, where they were forced to circle around each other like two animals trying desperately not to nip at the other's feet or pick a fight. Before last week, they hadn’t shared a single conversation that didn’t end with Rey almost strangling him; now, they had to coexist, and pretend to feel casual while doing it. Pretend to be _married_ while doing it.

They settled in for the night in awkward silence, Rey grabbing extra blankets and pillows from the closet near the door. She filtered into the bedroom to brush her teeth and hastily apply her skincare while he fiddled with his Switch again on the seat next to the bed, skittering away quietly while muttering a hurried goodnight. She settled into the couch and turned off the lights, preparing for sleep to come to her.

The very first thing Rey felt when she woke up the next morning was regret. And a slight kink in her neck. The couch was, in the grander scheme of things, not entirely unpleasant. After all, the Wailea Sunshine Resort was built with the express purpose of providing a luxurious experience for its guests — never mind the fact that they probably expected said guests to sleep in the actual beds. Rey had certainly slept on worse throughout her life; after all, her childhood was made up of paper thin mattresses in orphanages, wiry bed frames in foster homes that were too short for her growing limbs.

It really wasn’t so bad. Technically.

It was more the thought of him, sleeping soundly in the room just a few paces from where she had placed her pillow and covered herself with an extra blanket, that grated Rey as she willed sleep to come to her — he probably snored, she thought to herself. He was probably snoring all over that precious bed right now. _That_ thought was what made her anger come back to her in waves as she slept.

She had gotten too comfortable over the course of the past day. They were sitting so close to each other, holding hands, calling each other _baby_ , declaring truces, asking for favors. It was far too much, and as a result she had totally let her guard down — and Rey was not a person who let her guard down. Ever.

And now, she could hear his footsteps as he pattered around the kitchen, the sun just barely beginning its ascent into the sky, slight rays barely visible behind the blinds that covered the balcony window. Rey groaned, shifting to her side as she heard him approach.

“Why the hell are you awake?” she mumbled, her voice partially muffled by her pillow. She grabbed at the blanket blindly, pulling it over her eyes. She wasn't an early riser if she didn’t have to be, and this was _vacation_ , so she certainly hadn't expected to be. She was entirely unclear as to what fresh hell he’d walked out of to leave him waking up at the crack of dawn.

“I believe the proper way to greet someone is with a ‘good morning,’ wife.” His voice was deep with sleep and altogether too much in the quiet hotel room, her legs squirming squirming almost reflexively in the early morning. “Have you forgotten your manners already?”

“Shut. Up.” His vague nod to their text conversation from earlier in the week was entirely unwelcome. She lowered the blanket, peeking out to find him dangerously close to her face. She absently registered the fact that he looked unfairly well-rested, ready to go for the day in his swim trunks and t-shirt. His shorts were snug tight against his thighs, black with tiny fluorescent cacti on them. “What time is it?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.

“About to be seven. We have to be downstairs for the sailboat trip by 8:30.”

“Do you always wake up at the crack of dawn or are you just doing this to annoy me?”

“Can’t it be both?” He stood once again, looming over where she laid on the couch, watching her intently. “How’d you sleep?”

Rey sat up straight, firmly giving up on the chance of getting any more rest, stretching her arms out behind her as she yawned. Instead of answering she shrugged, shifting so her feet were on the floor.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

She rose, beelining towards the bedroom where he’d somehow managed to infuse the entire thing with the smell of his cologne. He’d made the bed already, too, she noted. Did he even sleep? If you had told Rey she was suddenly shacked up with a cyborg, she would have believed it.

She made quick work of grabbing an outfit, her makeup bag and toiletries still in there from the night before. It felt incredibly odd to see her shaving cream and shampoo right next to his, or her perfume and eyeliner set against his aftershave. Offputting. Like she’d been given more pieces of Ben Solo than she could ever know what to do with, signs of his existence as a normal adult man that shaved and brushed his hair and played Pokémon.

Rey finished getting ready, her hair pulled away from her face in two braids while the rest of it fell against her back, slightly wavy from the bun she’d slept in. She’d chosen one of her prettier bikinis for the first official day of paradise — a strappy two piece with fabric that would criss-cross against her back, flattering her slim waist. She pulled on the bottoms, folding her pajamas to put away later, stuffing her head through the top. All she needed to do next was tie it at her back, and—

Fuck.

It had gotten tangled up, somehow, into a complicated knot that she couldn’t quite reach on her own with her fingers grabbing aimlessly at her back, limbs cramping at the mere attempt to do so. Shit.

“Hey, Ben?” She tried, hoping he wouldn’t hear her and she could just stay in the bathroom forever, stuck with the knotted fabric at her back. Unfortunately, he was at the door quickly, his voice appearing from right outside.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come in? I-ah, need help…”

He seemed to hesitate, the door staying closed for a moment until eventually the doorknob twisted, revealing Rey in nothing but her bathing suit, in a state of undress that did not match his, though in the new lighting she suddenly noticed his legs as they filled out those incredibly short swim trunks. His thighs were massive. Rey couldn’t tell if that was making things better or worse.

His eyes went wide, like they had when she’d gotten back to the room the night before, only this time he roved all of her — tracing her legs all the way up to her hips, focusing on her chest for a second. Rey took a deep breath, willing away the total sense of _wrong wrong wrong_ that was blaring sirens in her head. He shouldn’t have been seeing her like this; she shouldn’t have let him. Thank _God_ she’d managed to put her shorts on first, or he’d be getting a great view of her ass, too.

“Hey, eyes up here,” she snapped, noticing the way he seemed to just… stare. “I know I don’t exactly have a lot to work with up there, you don’t have to—“

“Wait, what? Rey, no, I—“

“It doesn’t matter,” she turned, quickly growing tired of him again. So what, she never really developed a chest. It didn’t make her any less of a woman. He had no right to ogle, making it quite obvious what he thought of her body. “Can you just help me untangle this and retie it?”

“Sure,” he muttered under his breath, his hands coming to work at the knot. It was almost instantaneous, the flutter in her belly at the feeling of his strong fingers working at the tangle, skimming her back every so often. They were warm, and she’d known they were big, but they felt entirely different when they were on her. She let her eyes close, cursing her body and the way it kept reacting to him. For a moment, she imagined his large hands roaming the expanse of her back, feeling their way across their skin and leaving her scorching in its path.

The moment he finished, she jumped away as though he were made of live wire, each and every one of her nerve endings responding like he’d electrocuted her. “Uh-thanks. I appreciate it. I’m almost done. I’ll meet you back out there now.” She turned him around and nudged him out of the door, pushing it closed harder than she should have as she worked to catch her breath.

* * *

The buffet was buzzing with energy. Families wrangling their children, cheeks red and eyes bright in the morning sun as they shared pancakes and eggs; couples sitting languidly, arms pressed posessively against one another, enjoying moments of bliss before their day truly started. Soft instrumental music played on the speakers under the cacophony of pots and pans clanging, and the air smelled intensely of syrup. Rey had never seen anything like it. She stared, eyes wide, as her stomach came to life.

“I’ll grab us a table?” Ben asked from behind her. She nodded absently, following the smell of fresh breakfast sausages and fresh fruits, stacking her plates as she went. There were muffins, scones, all sorts of toast, yogurts — Rey didn’t hesitate, grabbing everything that looked good and placing it on her plate. It was very quickly stacked to the top with some of the pastries along with more fresh fruits, scrambled eggs, bacon and salsa. Ben was going to gape at her, probably, when he saw the haphazard way she mixed foods and textures. She smiled at the thought of his getting angry, the image spurring her to add one more piece of bacon on top of her pineapple for good measure.

She roamed the buffet, looking for the table he should have found for them. The dining area was crowded even in the early morning, everyone eager to eat quickly and head down to the pool. Still, there, tucked into a corner. She saw his dark head of hair, the silver glint of his watch. Rey’s brow furrowed. He was talking to a woman.

Rey swallowed, feeling a strange sort of burning inside at seeing him converse with her, even if she knew it was irrational. She was gorgeous — long, dark hair that fell elegantly against her back, tan skin that glowed in the morning sun, wearing a yellow sundress that fell prettily against her long legs. It was just disrespectful — even if they weren't _together_ together, what if an employee recognized them and saw him flirting with another woman? He was going to make a fool out of her.

The woman turned, sensing Rey’s eyes on them, and Ben turned with her, his eyes widening in what looked a little bit like fear. Rey felt stuck, unsure of how exactly she should approach them, when a man came up behind the other woman, his hand around her waist. Huh.

She looked down at her full plate, grabbing the piece of bacon off of the top and taking a bite before making her way over. She stood at the edge of the table, putting her plate down in front of him.

“Who’s this, Benny? Gonna introduce me?”

 _Benny?_ Rey quirked an eyebrow, her skin prickling.

“Rey, this is Bazine,” he started, the cogs beginning to turn in Rey’s head. _Bazine._ The ex-girlfriend he’d mentioned on the plane. “Baz, this is Rey, my…”

Bazine quirked a head as she offered her perfectly manicured nails, her ring finger sporting a ridiculously large diamond. The guy standing next to Bazine looked like he’d taken the subway from a cushy office in Wall Street and made his way straight to the resort. Was she engaged so soon? Ben had said they’d broken up only months ago.

Rey plastered on a bright smile, one that usually came easily but was suddenly much more forced. Despite her loathing, she had to admit it must suck to see your ex-girlfriend engaged so soon. Until she remembered the fake band on her finger, an idea beginning to form. She could make this work for Ben _and_ to her advantage.

“Don’t be shy, _baby,_ ” Rey giggled at him, hating the way it sounded, before turning back and taking Bazine’s hand. “We just got married!”

She noticed Ben freeze next to her, but he stayed silent as Bazine seemed to digest this, her eyes widening despite the smile she wore, teeth pearly white. The man whose arm was wrapped around her extended his hand out to Rey, his smile lazy and indulgent — like someone who’d never had to work for anything in his life. “Congrats, you two. I’m Alex. Bazine and I are here celebrating our engagement.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Rey smiled. “And likewise! Looks like everything worked out for all of us, huh?”

Rey didn’t know anything about Bazine and Ben’s relationship — he’d never really brought her around to the few outings they both attended — but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to help Ben get even with his ex.

Bazine laughed politely, but it didn’t sound genuine. “Yeah. Congratulations to you two. We’ll, uh see you on the boat?” It wasn’t a question that begged an answer, as she turned to walk away the moment she'd asked.

“They’re going on the sailboat trip to Molokini today, too,” Ben said in explanation. She wasn’t sure how to interpret his expression, but she figured spontaneously seeing your ex-girlfriend in Hawaii on an engagement trip while you were pretending to be married to a girl you hate would be difficult to process.

Honestly, Rey wasn’t sure how many more of these coincidences she could take — despite the free trip, this was the weirdest set of things to happen to her… _ever_. And now they had been forced to keep up their ruse once again, all dreams of standing at an opposite side of the sailboat gone, just like that.

Rey plunked herself down at the table and they ate in silence for a few moments, letting the weight of the interaction settle, until finally Rey couldn’t take it anymore.

“First the donor, now your ex-girlfriend,” Rey said, picking at her food. She’d practically emptied her plate out already. “We can’t catch a break, can we?”

She attempted conversation, ramming fruit into her mouth, enjoying the tart pineapple and sweet mango. Ben’s plate, unsurprisingly, contained some bland eggs (no salsa) and a muffin. He took a bite of the eggs, his expression still difficult to determine. It was like he'd become a different person after the conversation with Bazine.

“And what is up with your diet? Do you just not like it when things tasting good?”

He shrugged. “Never been the adventurous type with food, I guess.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “So many flavors and textures out there and you choose to resign yourself to this,” she shook her head. “Figures.”

He seemed distracted as he ate, and Rey followed his gaze behind her to find Bazine and Alex sitting just a few tables away. The tiniest string of pity tugged at her, until she remembered the excellent favor she’d done him.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” she leaned towards him, in what she hoped looked like a devoted yet casual gesture of affection, maybe that of two newlyweds who had gotten very little sleep last night. If she was going to have to pretend for his sake, she may as well give it her all. From the corner of her eye, she could see Bazine watching them with intense concentration. She looked _livid_. Good — her half-baked plan was actually working. “She’s totally jealous. Looks like I don’t owe you one after all.”

Her vulnerability in front of Ben last night had been disarming, and having to ask him for a favor had been downright embarrassing — but now, she finally had the upper hand again. It felt good.

She got up, leaning down by his seat to whisper in his ear, hoping it looked like a kiss on the cheek or something. As if on instinct, Ben’s hand came around her waist, causing a shiver to go down Rey’s spine which she resolutely ignored. “And just so you know, I am so taking the bed tonight,” she finished, patting his arm before getting up to try a crepe, maybe one with Nutella and strawberries.

* * *

Ben had stayed quiet the entire walk to the dock after breakfast, scrolling through his phone while Rey walked at his side. She’d tried making small talk, but no dice — which was all the same, really. She didn’t actually want to talk to him. She was just bored, and he was fun to argue with.

When they finally arrived, the catamaran waited for them right there on the water, a huge sailboat with two decks, a netted rest area and an entire seating area below deck. It was the largest boat Rey had ever seen in person, tall enough to leave her gawking. They made their way up, checking in and receiving all-access wristbands that allowed them to grab as many drinks as they wanted at the open bar, as well as the chance to go snorkeling. It helped that the day was gorgeous, too, clear blue skies only helping to accentuate the vibrant green of the palm trees on the shore and the mountains in the distance.

Bazine and Alex were at the back of the line when they made it onto the deck, the two of them wrapped in each other in the way couples tend to do. Rey tried not to look at Ben, not entirely sure how to interpret whatever reaction she might find there — reminding herself that she had a new goal, and that was to keep Bazine on her toes.

Once they were on the deck, Rey walked towards the edge, captivated. It was one thing to gaze at the ocean from the plane, or their view from the hotel room. But now she was here, right in front of it, and she couldn’t help getting a bit emotional. There was so much to take in at once, and she wanted to make sure she remembered all of it. She took out her phone to snap a picture of the beach, noticing Ben taking off his shirt from the corner of her eye, revealing his bare chest. Even from her angle, she was able to notice the smattering of moles across the expanse of skin that matched the ones on his face, as well as the built chest that indicated his athletic regime contained more than just jogging. Rey’s mouth went dry as she forced herself to keep looking at her phone, taking aimless pictures. It _was_ a hot day, nearing 90 degrees if her phone was to be believed. She couldn’t blame him for that.

“Do you want to put it in my bag?” she offered, holding out her tiny backpack. He nodded, folding the shirt before he placed it inside. She handed it to him so she could take off her own top, the heat suddenly getting to her. She felt exposed again, like this morning, only this time he was, too — leaving them at a standstill. He was still pretty quiet after what had happened at breakfast.

It made her want to push his buttons, find something to argue with him about, but instead she focused on the sea ahead of her, watching the waves rise and swell under the boat.

She felt his presence come up from behind her, her body traitorously reacting with pleasure that trailed from her arms to her legs, pooling low in her belly. Though he didn’t touch her, she could practically _feel_ his firm chest behind her, his hands coming to rest right next to where she was gripping the railing, her knuckles now white as she furiously held onto what little composure she had left.

“You didn’t need to do that,” he said in her ear, that voice of his altogether too low and familiar for her. “Pretending for Bazine.”

It was the first real sentence he’d said to her since breakfast. She turned abruptly, willing her eyes to stay on his rather than letting them roam his chest, his broad shoulders, his ridiculously large biceps. She’d been flustered in the airplane, and this morning in the bathroom, but this was worse in every single way. He was _everywhere_.

“I wanted the bed,” she managed.“Saw the opportunity to do you a favor and took it, I guess.”

Rey followed Ben’s gaze to where Bazine and Alex were approaching. That explained the sudden nearness; their little show was beginning. She twisted the ring on her finger absently, trying to decipher his expression, though it was cloudy and intense. She patted his arm as his hand snaked around her waist. “It’s go time, tiger.”

Bazine caught up to them, the awkward chit chat quickly resuming as they all stood on the deck together, pretending this was perfectly normal. “So, Benny,” she started. “Long time no talk. How did you two meet?”

There was that nickname again. It grated Rey, but she didn’t know why, only that she’d never call him that if her life depended on it. Bazine’s expression was obscured by her sunglasses, which made it impossible to decipher how she was feeling, or how to proceed.

“It all happened sort of fast,” Rey explained as Ben stayed uncomfortably silent. She remembered the story they discussed yesterday and followed that. “We met through our friends Rose and Hux, and it was all just a whirlwind.”

She wondered if she should kiss him, or something, the thought of pressing her lips to his cheeks – to his _anything –_ making her heat up even more. She'd hold off on that, unless it was absolutely necessary.

“Hux, huh? That pretty girl he was engaged to?” Bazine asked, tilting her head. She realized it was very likely Rose had met Bazine, filing that thought away for later. She suddenly had a lot of questions she wanted to ask.

Ben nodded, his hand tightening around her. “What about you two?” he asked.

“Much of the same,” Alex drawled. “Some of my buddies from college put together a mixer for young singles, and sparks just flew,” he kissed Bazine’s cheek — she was stiff, staring straight at Ben, but she smiled with closed lips as she patted his arm. She was _definitely_ jealous. That bed was going to feel amazing tonight.

They tried — unsuccessfully — to make small talk for a few more minutes, Ben grunting out one worded responses when absolutely necessary while Rey tried desperately to keep the conversation alive, until finally they all seemed to realize they were wasting their time. Rey heaved a sigh of relief when she watched them walk away.

“She’s pretty,” Rey mused, glad to be done with the worst part of her little assignment. It was hard not to compare herself to Bazine, who clearly worked for her physique: toned skin, long voluminous hair, an effortless beauty that looked like it belonged in a fashion magazine. Meanwhile, Rey looked like an undeveloped middle schooler, her lack of curves _and_ boobs painfully obvious. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. “Why’d you two break up, anyways?”

He ran a nervous hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about that right now.”

Something about his tone tugged at her, an apt reminder that he was now watching his ex wrapped in another man’s arms, too. They stood there again in silence, the awkwardness hanging above them like a heavy cloud. He was a million times worse when he was quiet. 

“Your shorts are ridiculous,” she blurted, trying just about anything to lighten the mood.

He slowly took in what she’d said, smirking down at her. “I’m sorry?”

“I mean, cacti? Really? And they’re _so_ short,” she avoided looking at his thighs, choosing instead to cross her arms as she leaned against the railing. “Absurd if you ask me. No respectable man wears swim trunks _that_ short.”

She was riling him up, and she hoped it was working. She couldn’t take another second of moody Ben Solo. She wanted the argumentative one back.

“I’m sorry my choice of swimwear offends you," his shoulders slackened, some amusement gracing his features again. "I’d make fun of your outfit, but I honestly can’t,” he said, his eyes staring down into hers, quickly traveling up and down her body again. He paused for a moment, as though weighing his choice of words. “It’s pretty.”

Rey blushed, heat blooming in her chest. He wasn’t even complimenting her, only the stupid bikini, and he was probably doing it on purpose just to fluster her — and _yet_.

Suddenly the boat rocked, as it began its voyage into the Pacific, Rey shrieking as she stumbled over, her heart thundering in her chest. The water was terrifying as much as it was beautiful, and the thought of falling was enough to petrify her. Suddenly large, warm arms were wrapped around her torso, holding her in place, her face momentarily pressed against his chest. It was dizzying, being locked in his arms, and he held on as the boat rocked and righted itself, their bodies flush against each other. She could feel the heat of his chest pressed against her, her boobs crushed together and pinned against him as they regained equilibrium. The moment the boat righted itself, Rey jumped, keeping a safe distance as her heart rate slowed.

“Sorry—”

“Uh, let’s just—”

They both paused, Rey grimacing while he ran another nervous hand through his hair. Rey desperately needed something to take the edge off, and quickly. “I’m gonna go get a drink,” she said, watching the crowd of people heading towards the open bar. “Want anything?”

“I’ll go with you.” He followed her, slipping his hand into hers, that same heat jolting her as they walked. Rey glared at him before he sighed in resignation. “Baz is watching. We look awkward as hell with each other. I just figured...”

“Oh. Right.” She tried to look around proof of Bazine — Baz, he kept calling her — but he walked quickly, her falling behind. They made the line and he asked her what she wanted, ordering her cranberry vodka and a beer for himself. He handed Rey the drink and dropped a few loose bills into the tip jar.

“Didn’t peg you for a tipping kind of guy,” she said between sips.

“You keep operating under these assumptions about me,” he held the beer, his large fingers closing around it. “Without bothering to check if they're accurate.”

“Well, just keep proving me wrong then, I guess.” The cranberry felt sour and nice as it made its way down her throat, the vodka loosening her limbs just slightly.

They roamed around the catamaran for a bit, exploring the lounge where Rey picked up some mini sandwiches and chocolates while Ben watched her eat, shaking his head.

Their hands were still clasped when they made it above deck again, the wind whipping in their faces. Every once in a while the boat would encounter a harsh wave, rocking so hardly that Rey gripped on Ben’s biceps for purchase, until after a while there was little point in separating.

She was loose-limbed and a few drinks in by the time early afternoon rolled around, the sailboat far from the mainland and in the middle of the sea.

He'd officially become talkative again, which she was silently grateful for, sighing as he looked out at the ocean. “Great view, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “I’ve never even been on a boat before.”

“Wait, really?”

She rolled her eyes, looking up at him. He didn’t understand, did he? “Believe it or not, Ben, we aren’t all privileged enough to go on trips like this often, or ever. I grew up wearing donated clothes and eating bland cafeteria food. I went to the mall, like, three times before I was 18.”

He softened, understanding etching his features. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

She shrugged, no longer containing the energy to be angry at him. His hand still felt so warm and comforting, and she noticed that neither of them had let go. “Life of an orphan in London. It’s fine — but, just let me have my moments of wonder, ‘kay?”

An employee announced that they would be stopping soon for the snorkeling part of the excursion, and that those who were going to participate should begin lining up. He began to walk in that general direction, Rey planting her feet firmly on the ground.

“Oh, I’m not doing that,” she shook her head, turning to look over the edge of the railing, the water deep and blue. “No thank you. You can go ahead.”

She let go of his hand and shooed him away, only for him to grab it again. “Why not?”

“I’m barely used to swimming in pools. I’m _not_ about to go down there where I can get eaten by a shark or something.”

“Oh, come on, Rey,” he said, the sound of her name on his tongue soft and alluring. He was a few beers deep now, too. “Live a little.”

“I’m living _just fine,_ thank you,” she said. “You go on, I’ll sit here and watch. I’ll give a good eulogy at your funeral.”

He laughed out loud at that one, a smile catching on Rey’s lips at the sight. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him quite like this. The surprises kept coming — he actually looked like a human sometimes, and not just a dramatically built robot pretending to live among men.

He checked his watch. “There’s still a few minutes to go, just think about it? I’ll protect you from the sharks.”

She rolled her eyes even as she shivered at his offer, reminding herself this was _Ben Solo._ The enemy. Stuck-up and entitled. Her fake husband on this once in a lifetime trip, and nothing more.

“I-I have to go to the loo,” she stammered, realizing it was true. “Too many of these,” she tried to laugh, holding up her plastic cup with red liquid. She hurried away, leaving him behind, her mind catching up too slowly as her body continued to react to Ben the way it had all day.

There was no line for the bathroom so she ran in, making quick work of it. Of all people, Bazine was there when she walked out, fixing her eyelashes. She cursed under her breath as she approached the sink on the opposite end.

For a moment the only sound in the bathroom was that of the water running under as Rey washed her hands. All the bravado from this morning when she’d decided to stick her foot in her mouth was gone, and in its place she was left with a situation she had no idea what to do with. Who was she to meddle in this past relationship? She had no part of this. Ben hadn’t even told her _why_ they broke up. She suddenly felt sick with embarrassment.

She thought of what their relationship must have looked like, images of the two of them dancing around in her head, her chest coiling in an odd response she didn’t know what to do with. She wondered what reasons Ben might have had to avoid the topic of their breakup, remembering his odd silence after the conversation during breakfast.

“Um,” she started, eager to cut the tension and silence. “I hope this hasn’t made your day too awkward.”

Bazine fluttered her lashes at herself, making sure they were on. “Why would this have been awkward? It’s all in the past. It’s fine.”

She definitely didn’t _sound_ fine, though, which left Rey with more questions than answers. Then again, she didn’t know this woman. She’d obviously moved on from Ben — and Rey was just helping him look like he’d moved on, too.

Rey felt infinitely more sober on the walk back, and he now had a life vest in his hands. “Now or never, Rey,” he said. His cheeks were red.

She grabbed the vest, leaning up. “You’ve got a sunburn,” she said. “Did you apply sunscreen at all?” He shook his head and she tsked. “Of course you haven’t. Here,” she took a tube from her backpack and handed it to him. “You’re going to ruin your skin.”

“And why do you care?”

“I don’t,” she rolled her eyes. “Just put it on.”

“I will if you go snorkeling. Come on, you don’t even have to swim. The life vest will keep you afloat.”

He didn’t have one, she noticed. Had he taken one just for her? She took the tube back. “Burn, then. Like I said, _don’t care._ ”

“Hey,” he grabbed her hand, taking the tube out of it in a delicate movement that toyed with her fingers, so tiny against his. Her chest contracted, and she felt disoriented as he took it. “Fine, I’ll put it on.”

He slathered the sunscreen over his face and shoulders sloppily, the smell of it alongside the salty tang of the ocean air feeling deliciously like summer. She sighed, shaking her head as she put away the tube and opened the vest. If there was ever a time to do something new and exciting, it was now. When would this sort of opportunity arise again?

“Okay, maybe I will try. If _you_ agree to try a new food. I get to decide.”

He grinned, something boyish and manly all at the same time. “Okay,” he moved forward, tugging her life vest together and zipping it up so that it was tight. “You can just sit at the top and watch the reefs, but you’ll regret it if you never try. I guess the same goes for me and my food habits. I'll try something new for you."

She looked up at him from where she’d been staring at his fingers working the vest, the same way he’d untangled at her bathing suit that morning, her breaths coming harder. “Oh. Thank you.”

They stayed in silence for a moment, just staring at each other, his hands still on the clasps of her vest, just resting there. There was a splotch of unblended sunscreen over his nose, causing her to smile. She pointed at it. “You missed a spot.”

His hands left her vest, and she regretted saying anything almost immediately. He tried to wipe it away and failed. “Is it gone?”

“No—you…” she sighed, rolling her eyes. She leaned up, her hand rubbing gently over his nose and cheeks to blend out the cream. From her new angle she became _much_ closer to his full lips and dark eyes, her own becoming saucers as she took in their proximity. Her heart was pounding by the time she came back down, breathing heavily.

“Got it,” she said softly.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice low like it had been when he’d woken her up. She gulped, unable to look away.

One of the employees broke the spell, calling for the snorkelers to gather.

They sat through a quick tutorial of safety procedures before they let the snorkelers go wild as they swam around the islet of Molokini, a crater in the shape of a semicircle that provided a secluded bank for the boat to dock. Rey watched them all jump in, terrified down to her bones of what the water might hold in store for her. Ben’s hand came back to hold hers, his thumb rubbing softly against her knuckles. Absently, she wondered if Bazine was watching. If she’d seen her applying his sunscreen or him tying her vest. That must have been why he’d done those things.

“Hey,” he said, calling her attention. “It’s going to be fine. Just stay by the boat.”

She nodded, willing her heart to calm down. Not entirely sure if it was just the anxiety that made it threaten to beat out of her chest.

The closer they got to the ladders that led down into the ocean, the tighter she gripped his hand, until finally it was their turn. He went in first, lowering himself down until he was fully submerged, his hair so wet that his ears stuck out more than usual. Rey stared at them as she brought herself down, shaking, his hands coming to rest on her waist to help her in. The water wasn’t cold, like she thought it would be. It was nice, and it wasn’t that hard to stay afloat with the vest. She watched the other travelers in the water, the tips of their snorkels peaking out in the water.

She floundered around in the water for a while, using every bit of knowledge she’d learned when Finn taught her to swim in the public pool at Hyde Park the summer they turned 17, pretending she knew more than she did. Ben led her out just past the boat, his hand guiding hers as he swam. 

“You ready?” He asked after coming up for air a few feet from the catamaran, the goggles and snorkel warping his face hilariously. She nodded, terrified, but down he went. She wouldn’t follow — they’d discussed that part — but instead she dipped her face into the water to peek at the reefs as he swam down to point at things. The moment she did, her heart stopped.

She’d thought the mountains or the palm trees or the water had been enough, that she’d officially seen the most beautiful things the world had to offer. But she hadn’t quite seen _this_ — fluorescent beds of coral reef that spanned the entire ocean floor as fish swam in and out of it — bits of yellow, orange, blue. Fish that were tiny and swam in schools of hundreds and eels that crept in holes and poked their heads out every so often. Rey marveled at each and every one of them, her eyes wide behind the goggles.

Ben was swimming nearer to the reefs, freer without the vest that kept her at the water’s surface, pointing as much as he could to get her attention every time he found something interesting. After a few minutes of that he came up for air, telling her things about the fish that they'd seen, like the vivid yellow tangs with two spines or the white and black striped ones - Moorish Idols, he corrected - like Frank from Finding Nemo. She joked that they reminded her of him, all broody and mean.

“Do you snorkel often?” she asked, legs pumping in the water to stay afloat.

“I used to, with my dad,” he said, almost wistfully, like there was more there to unpack than he was letting on. “I was also just a major nerd as a kid, picked up too many useless facts,” he said. “Okay, going back down now.”

His excitement was intoxicating, and it made her want to try and snorkel too, but she didn’t. Maybe another day. She kept watching for a while, amazed at the fish, until she saw a group of people grouped together next to a large turtle close to the sea floor. She practically shrieked, even underwater, calling Ben’s attention and pointing at it. He swam from below while she doggy paddled her way over to the turtle. No one touched it, of course — turtles were practically sacred, and everyone in the group respected that. Still, just getting to look at it with her own eyes was something special, an experience she knew she would keep close to her heart for the rest of her life. The turtle swam, almost oblivious as the humans fawned around it.

When she and Ben came up for air, she was practically babbling, amazed at what she’d seen. “That–was–incredible!” she shrieked, excited, between breaths. She’d stayed under too long that last time and was paying for it now.

Ben looked just as excited. “I’ve never seen one either if you’ll believe it. That was an amazing find.” He took off the goggles, shaking his hair to remove some of the water, his ears still poking out despite his attempts to cover them. It made him look younger, freer, different. 

Rey squinted at the sun, enjoying the warmth on her face as she basked in it, so giddy from the beautiful sights and sounds that all thoughts of her worries were far, far away from her. She smiled. “Must be our lucky day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up now huh,,, i wonder when these two idiots will figure it out. who knows 
> 
> I adjusted the chapter count a bit. Hope no one's too mad about a longer story :) Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, your feedback means the absolute world to me!!
> 
> Thanks as always to [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for cheering me on and beta'ing 💖💖💖 
> 
> Come say hi on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	5. Chapter 5

“What about sushi?”

He grimaced. “I don't know how I feel about raw fish.”

Of course. “What about the yummy tempura ones? Deep fried?”

“Maybe. Sometimes.”

“And let me guess: tacos, but without the good bits like cilantro or onion?”

He had the decency to look embarrassed. “I like cilantro,” he grumbled.

“Well, that’s a relief. What about spicy mayo?”

He let his head hang back against the railing of the deck where they’d found two seats and groaned. “No, no spicy mayo. Not with sriracha, anyways.”

Rey let her mouth fall into an _O_ as she rested on her knees next to him on the bench in the lower deck. The sun was starting to set after their day at sea, and the snorkeling adventure had left them all happy, tired, and very hungry. She shook her head, smiling. “No sriracha? You are truly something else.”

His arm was resting on the railing, the tips of his fingers touching her shoulders every so often as the ship rocked to and fro. After snorkeling, the travelers had made their way back up to the boat to begin the journey back to the mainland. Even Bazine and Alex had gotten in on the fun; Rey had noticed Alex wearing a GoPro as the two of them chronicled their trip. They hadn’t spoken to the fellow couple since the beginning of the day, but the act continued — Ben held Rey’s hand everywhere they went and slung an arm around her waist whenever they were around. Even now, he leaned in closer than was probably necessary to talk to her as they debated his appallingly boring diet.

“I just like things my way. When I cook at home, it’s usually fine. It’s just the way I am.”

“Huh. I’m a horrid cook, so there’s that,” she shook her head. “And why _are_ you the way that you are, Ben?”

She couldn’t tell if his cheeks were reddening from shame or if he’d managed to get a sunburn even after she’d rubbed her hands all over his cheeks like an idiot. She still didn’t know what had come over her to pull _that_ trick. “I don’t know. I was never really forced to explore foods outside of my comfort zone, so I didn’t.”

She supposed it made sense. From what little she could glean about Ben’s home life, growing up in the shadow of someone like Leia Organa of all people, he’d been immensely privileged — prep schools, fancy banquets, the like — which meant he was probably given just about anything he asked for, and coddled to an extreme.

Meanwhile, Rey had gone with so little. So much of her life had been beyond her control that the moment she had the freedom to eat anything she wanted, she did.

It was just one of the many ways they were cut from a different cloth, she supposed.

“Why the big deal about the shrimp at the wedding, then?”

“I just don’t like shrimp. They weird me out.”

“Hmm,” she leaned back, noticing the way she could fit just right into the crook of his arm if she let herself. The orange glow of the sun as it settled into the horizon was dreamy, and after the day she’d had she was tired of fighting herself in his presence, started letting herself get comfortable. More than she probably should have. If he wanted to, his fingers could easily skim up and down her shoulder gently, comfortingly. It would be so easy, and Rey fought back the silent urge to lean back in an invitation for him to do so. That would have been silly. That was not what this was.

She tsked, pulling herself out of her reverie. “All that travel, and you’ve wasted it.”

“I don’t think I’ve _wasted_ it—”

“No, you have. A total waste. But that’s okay,” she smiled, resting her head on his arm and turning to face him. “We are fixing that _today._ You promised.”

He squirmed in his seat again. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, we’re in Hawaii after all. Why not try some poke? There’s this great place I go to near the office all the time, but I can’t imagine how much better it is when it’s authentic.”

“I’ve never had that before…”

“ Uh-uh. You _promised._ I risked my life for you!”

He laughed, though she wasn’t sure if it was at her or with her. Either way, it made her cheeks feel warm. She had to admit he had a nice laugh. It was throaty and deep, and it made him look younger than he usually did. “You didn’t risk your life, Rey. You were totally safe the entire time, and you _know_ it was worth it. But, fine — I did promise. We’ll have poke.”

“Good. That’s settled, then.” She rested against the seat — and his arm, though she tried her best not to — enjoying the sound of the catamaran’s motor under the cheesy pop music as it whirred across the pacific.

* * *

They managed to find a place nearby that came highly recommended online, a tiny market tucked into the corner of a stripmall near the beach. Rey instantly knew it was going to be delicious, her stomach growling with anticipation as she asked the employee at the counter to fill her bowl to the brim with tuna, soy sauce, green onions and seaweed. Ben, on the other hand, blanched as soon as they’d reached the counter, watching the rows of gutted fish. 

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Rey leaned in to joke with the young woman at the counter. “He’s a picky one.”

The girl smiled, understanding. She’d probably run into a number of tourists just like him, what with the amount of traffic they got in the area from non-locals, especially.

“What about our kids menu? There are some more approachable options there,” there was a glint in the girl’s eyes that made Rey laugh.

“Oh, no,” she wrapped an arm around Ben’s bicep, leaning into him. “He is definitely getting a big boy plate. Right?”

He looked down at her, quirking an eyebrow, something like terror and confusion in his eyes. “Right.”

Rey turned to the employee. “He promised.”

The employee chuckled, preparing Ben’s poke. Rey gestured at her to add extra seaweed and tuna when he wasn’t looking.

“You guys make a really sweet couple,” she said, handing them the bowls over the deli counter, along with the canned pineapple juice Rey chose and another beer for Ben.

Rey froze, releasing her playful grip on Ben. Images of them from the day came to her in flashes, each moment he’d held her hand, or steadied her while the boat rocked, or leaned in to tell her a bad joke playing vividly in her mind, reminding her of the game they were playing.

“Oh, well we actually… uh—,” Rey stammered, fidgeting as the employee gave her a funny look from behind the counter. There was no point in offering the details of the wedding disaster that had led them here to the poor employee. Thankfully, Ben swooped in, grabbing the bowls and handing over his card to pay before she could even try.

“Thanks,” he smiled, signing the receipt. “Have a good one.”

“You too, enjoy!” she waved them goodbye, seemingly unfazed at their odd interaction.

“Hey,” Rey pouted as they walked to a small table outside. “What was that all about?”

“Did _you_ want to explain to her how we got here?”

“Well… no,” Rey sighed. “But we _do not_ make a really sweet couple.”

He shook his head at her, setting down the plates. Rey sat in front of him and watched him rotate his bowl, inspecting its contents.

“Also, I _told_ you I don’t like handouts. How much was it? I’ll Venmo you, or something.”

“Rey, it’s fine, seriously.”

“Are you trying to say that I can’t p—”

“What I’m _trying_ to do is not fight with you anymore. Just enjoy your food, please.”

Right — the food. She was about to dig in, but instead she leaned back, snapping open her chopsticks. “Fine. But not until you try yours,” she said. “Go on, I want to see your mind explode when you try the tuna. Don’t look too hard at the sauce, though. I still can’t believe you’re such a child about this.”

He sat up, grabbing the fork he’d picked up. Rey leaned closer, already offended. “Absolutely not — here, take my chopsticks,” she grabbed his hand in hers, placing the chopsticks around his fingers. Their fingers had brushed so many times over the course of the day, and yet she felt herself warm almost immediately, even in the nice windy breeze that had descended the island at night. She gulped, turning quiet as she realized how close she’d gotten.

“Your fingers are huge. Figure it out yourself,” she scoffed. He fiddled with the chopsticks for a bit before finally grabbing at the tuna, holding it away from his mouth warily before taking a bite. She watched him chew, delighting in the way he seemed so ridiculously uncomfortable.

“Such a baby,” she laughed, grabbing her own bite, with lots of seaweed on top, just how she liked it. “How is it?”

“Salty, mostly,” he frowned, squirming as though he’d sucked on a lemon. “It’s not bad, I guess. Just… different.”

“You see! Not bad, now we’re getting somewhere. Okay, now try it with the rice and the seaweed, like this,” she used her chopsticks to tear into his bowl, creating the perfect bite. She extended it towards him, but she quickly realized if she tried to put it in his massive hands it would fall part. She sighed. Her cheeks were probably fluorescent by now.

“Open up,” she sang, waving the chopstick in front of that ridiculous mouth of his for a few seconds as he narrowed his eyes at her, until finally he relented. She practically shoved the food into his mouth, eager to back away, although even then she couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of her. This was so odd, but she was actually having _fun._

Weird.

She watched him chew for a few moments, only realizing after she’d turned back to her own food that she used her chopsticks to feed him, but if he wasn’t going to bring it up neither was she. Maybe he hadn’t noticed. She was probably thinking about it too much, anyway. At least he seemed to be enjoying the poke more than he’d anticipated.

“Y’see, all you had to do was try,” she gloated over a mouthful of rice after they’d gotten through most of their food. “Now what’s next? I think you should try something properly spicy.”

“We only agreed on one new thing. This is the new thing,” he said, pointing at his food with all the stubbornness of a child.

Rey rolled her eyes, scraping the bottom of the bowl. “We’ll get there, I guess.”

She realized momentarily the promise of a _next time_ in those words. The smile he threw her way was warmer than she expected, and Rey averted her gaze quickly. Every time he caught her off guard like that it made her feel weirder, more unsettled. She couldn’t tell just yet if it was a good feeling or a bad one.

After dinner, they walked back to the hotel in a comfortable silence, following a trail that curved alongside the beach and led up to the resort’s poolside. The moon was high, bathing the night in a milky glow that was accentuated by the soft orange glow of lights scattered on the path.

Every so often their shoulders would brush up against each other as other people came along the opposite way. Still, there was no groping or grasping or hand holding anymore; they’d done their job over the course of the day, and found themselves right back where they started.

* * *

Their shared honeymoon suite smelled like fresh linen and coconut when they entered again. Rey eyed the couch with glee, realizing that he would be snoring all over _that_ tonight instead of the bed.

“Oh, I am going to sleep so good,” she preened, making a big show of grabbing her book from the coffee table to bring it into the bedroom. She glanced over at him to rub it in, preferably with some sort of sneer, but his attention was on his laptop as he set it up on the coffee table. Rey frowned. “You have to work again?”

He nodded. His shoulders were tighter already and he looked exhausted, which tugged at something in Rey’s heart, though she didn’t want to admit it. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom first? That way I can just camp out here without bothering you.”

Rey clutched the book to her chest. “Oh. Sure.”

He moved towards the dresser, grabbing those grey sweatpants he’d worn the night of the wedding. She followed him into the bedroom, setting down her book and taking a seat on the balcony, leaving the door open just enough to hear him turn on the shower. It was still early enough back home that she figured Rose would be awake, and it felt like as good a time as any to check in.

_**Rey** _

_Hey rosie_

_How are you holding up_

_**Rose** _

_How am /i/ HOLDING UP?_

_Why are you texting me when you’re on my honeymoon_

_Did you eat ben_

_is he dead_

_Oh god we failed_

_**Rey** _

_Huh??_

_No ben is fine he's showering rn_

_I just wanted to see how you’re doing_

_Today was fun but… a little hectic_

Rey juggled with whether or not to send the question that had been on her mind all day, chewing on a hangnail as she weighed the pros and cons. Ultimately, her curiosity got the best of her.

_What do you know about bazine?_

**_Rose_ **

_Ben’s ex?_

_She was nice I guess… i never really got to know her_

_They broke up a while ago but he never really mentioned why_

_Why do you wanna know huh_

_Should i ask armie_

Rey shifted in the seat, propping her legs on the railing. If she told Rose that Bazine had been there, new fiancée in tow, she’d end up telling her about what she’d done in return. She was pretty sure she’d be able to hear Rose’s shriek from here if she found out they had kept up the appearance of newlyweds to make Ben’s ex-girlfriend jealous.

Plus, there was something Rey couldn’t name that made her want to keep that part a secret. Just for now.

_**Rey** _

_it came up in a convo_

_The thought that anyone could date him is just shocking to me so i needed to investigate_

_figured i’d see what you thought_

_Nbd_

She swiftly led the conversation elsewhere after that, sending her pictures of the view from the boat and receiving notice that though the real newlyweds were unfortunately still very sick, they had flown through the latest season of 90 Day Fiancé and had moved onto the newest reality show on Netflix with Finn and Poe, accompanied by selfies of the two of them in bed. They didn’t look great, admittedly, a little green in the face as they were. But they looked in love. That made Rey smile.

She noticed the shower had stopped and turned around, only to find herself face to face with Ben’s bare chest. _Again._ This time, though, his hair was damp after washing it and a towel was slung over his shoulders. His skin was soft and luminescent in the moonlight, just a tiny bit red after their day in the sun. Served him right for being so careless with the sunscreen.

“Is that Rose and Hux?” he asked casually, shaking his hair dry with the towel. As though him appearing in front of her bare chested weren’t an assault on her senses. She fought the urge to punch him.

“Would it kill you to put on a shirt?” Rey swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. She sighed, showing the phone to him. “Yes, it’s Rose and Hux. Sick in bed instead of enjoying their honeymoon.”

He winced. “Yeah. Don’t feel great about that, either," he admitted. "Those two, though, I think you could put them in a cardboard box and they’d be just fine as long as they have each other.”

Rey thought about that, shocked by such a sweet statement from _Ben_ of all people. “They really would." She sighed, almost dreamily, pretending not to notice the emotion thick in her throat. “That’s sort of a once in a lifetime thing, don’t you think?”

His voice came out deeper, more thoughtful when he replied. “Yeah. It is.”

She looked up, only to find him watching her with that same warm gaze from the poke place that made her stomach feel funny. Rey couldn’t bring herself to look away. For a moment they just stared at each other, drowning in the moonlight without any words passing between them.

Suddenly, he cleared his throat, snapping the two of them out of whatever _that_ was, resuming the process of trying to dry his hair. It hung damp around his ears, and only strengthened her desire for him to walk away.

He worked his jaw as he looked out at the ocean, away from her. “Anyways. Just wanted to tell you the shower’s ready.”

“Oh. Uh-thanks.” The air on the balcony felt much more charged than it had been just moments ago, and her heart was threatening to jump right out of her chest. Rey leapt out of the chair and ran past him to get her sleepwear and rush into the shower, itching to wash the saltwater out of her hair.

She took her time indulging in the sweet-smelling shower gel and warm water, this tiny moment of solitude the only chance in her day to truly process everything that had happened. The boat, the snorkeling, _Bazine,_ it was all more than she could have expected to encounter in just one day. Not to mention that they had the interview with the resort tomorrow as well as the dinner with Holdo — which meant their game of pretend wasn’t going to stop tonight. Rey searched for the same sense of disgust and hesitation she’d felt just days ago at the idea, but she couldn’t find it.

She finished up with her shower and skincare and turned off the lights, eager to jump into bed. Ben didn’t need a _goodnight_ from her, so she didn’t offer one. 

She was exhausted _._ A shred of light was visible under the door where Ben was still working in the living room, but the room was hers. All hers. At least there was that.

Rey settled in, fluffing up the pillows as she sprawled against the plush mattress, already much more comfortable than she had been the night before. She’d won this bed, fair and square, and for the rest of the vacation she’d get to enjoy it.

The more she tried to will herself to sleep, though, the more she tossed and turned. She noticed quickly that Ben’s presence the night before had seeped its way into the _entire_ room, bit by bit — the whole damn bed smelled like him, notes of cedar and sandalwood and vetiver so strong it felt like he was right there next to her, a thought that sent her heart plunging towards her stomach. Suddenly, bits of the entire day came to her at once: the feeling of his fingers gently working at her bathing suit, the way he’d held her as the boat rocked, how his arms had protectively grasped her waist as she descended into the ocean. She swallowed, turning again, willing the insistent drumming in her chest to slow, but with every inhale of his cologne, the thoughts only came on stronger and more intense.

How he’d held her hand the day before when she’d been nervous. His hand on her knee in the car on the way to the resort.

Rey sighed, staring up at the dark ceiling. This was a simple problem with a simple solution — just her body reminding her that it was achingly lonely, which in and of itself wasn’t newsworthy. It had nothing to do with _him,_ necessarily. A simple solution, and one she could handle on her own.

Rey had always been particularly good at handling things on her own.

There was a familiar throbbing at her core that usually made itself available during moments of loneliness and desperation, warming Rey’s skin, only much more intense now, until she had no other option than to snake her hand under her cotton underwear and give in to the demand. She closed her eyes, intending to get it over and done with quickly, but she was surprised to find herself much wetter and needier than she’d anticipated. She began to stroke herself in the way she knew felt good, using the pads of her fingers to work at herself, slipping her fingers inside to mimic the feeling of something stronger, bigger. Typically, she had a few images that worked for her, things she knew were exciting enough to finish the job, but now—

She saw him. His fingers on her back, untying her bathing suit, except this time, the bikini top fell to the floor as his fingers continued to skim up and down her naked waist, slowly, tauntingly _,_ holding her lithe form against his broad chest, thick with muscle. It was like her need had a mind of its own; she imagined his imposing frame hovering over hers on the bed, running his hands along her waist, his mouth at her breast, the smell of his cologne _everywhere_ just as it was now. His deft and able fingers pumping in and out of her the way she knew would feel better than her own, helping her along as she kept up her momentum, waves of pleasure coursing through her as they built up to something stronger.

His deep voice, deeper even in the stolen hours between night and day, crooning in her ear, asking her if she could be good for him, calling her _baby_ , taunting her gently as she rode his hand, as she rode _something else.._ Something that her mind didn’t know how to visualize quite yet but that she knew would feel perfectly right; it would make her feel perfectly full in a way she never had before.

A tiny, feral part of her was perfectly aware of the fact that he sat in the living room right now, none the wiser, as she got herself off to the thought of him. She didn’t have any space for embarrassment in that now, though; it only helped her pleasure grow as she worked faster, her body tensing and coiling. She imagined herself on the boat after snorkeling, giving in to the pull of his body, wrapping herself up in his arms and straddling as she pressed kisses along his neck, chest, reaching those plush lips of his that begged to be debauched, right in plain view for anyone to see.

It was all far too much, enough so that her pleasure began to crest incredibly quickly, faster than she was typically used to. She clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a moan as she climaxed, her heart pounding wildly in her chest as her eyes rolled to the back of her head of their own accord. She stilled, breathing slowly as she waited for her heart rate to slow down, shame flooding her like a dam torn wide open. Each time she inhaled, she smelled him again. With every second that passed, clarity began to slowly trickle in, but the soft undercurrent of loose-limbed comfort remained. 

She hadn’t orgasmed like that in… ever, actually. And it had been to the thought of _him._

No, not just the thought. The memory, too. 

Rey tried to enjoy the feeling of satisfaction and release that should have come after what she’d done, but all she could focus on was the sense of dread that told her getting through the rest of this trip was going to be substantially more difficult than she’d anticipated.

* * *

An hour or two after she’d given in to her exhaustion, Rey’s sleep was interrupted by the soft pattering of footsteps in the bedroom. She was barely awake when she saw him come in, stuck in a half-conscious state that made her question whether or not he was really there in the first place. 

He didn’t seem to notice either which way. Through barely closed eyelids, she let herself watch Ben brush his teeth in the dark, the methodical way he opened the doors so as not to slam them and make extra noise. He even turned on the faucet slowly, as though it would make the water quieter, too. When he finished he went back to the living room, shutting her door gently. He was in and out before she knew it. She slept gently after that, comforted by a thought she couldn't quite name in her drowsiness.

When she finally did actually wake up — on her own accord, and without the rude wake-up call from her fake husband she'd gotten yesterday — the room was empty and silent. The sun was considerably high in the sky and she felt refreshed with an entire day of opportunity ahead of her. She took her time lazing around, enjoying the special comfort of no one telling her when to wake up and get started with her day. 

It was nearing 10 A.M. when she finally got herself out of bed, her sleep shirt hanging loose over her frame. The couch was made up just like the bed had been yesterday, and in his absence the room felt… different. Emptier, larger somehow.

She figured she was better off that way, though — she had no idea how she would look him in the eyes after what she’d done last night, knowing full well he had been mere steps away. She still burned a bit with embarrassment even as she remembered how amazing it felt. 

On the counter, there was a protein bar with a sticky note right under it that held the logo of the hotel. All it said was _JUST IN CASE_.

She looked around the room curiously. Maybe he was leaving himself a note to remember to keep up with the protein intake necessary to maintain his frame. Next to the bar, the media release sheet from their first day was placed on the countertop.

She didn’t feel like going down to the buffet, so she ripped open the wrapper as she read over the form while she set up a cup of breakfast tea on the tiny kettle, noticing the sweet chocolate peanut butter taste. _This_ was what he’d brought with him to the wedding? She bit back a laugh, remembering how silly he looked with the bar next to the few plates of food he’d deemed worthy for his palate.

They had to be at the lobby at 1 P.M. on the dot, which left her with a few good hours of alone time, considering the fact that he’d managed to vanish into thin air. It made sense that he’d gone off alone; they were certainly not beholden to one another, and if either of them ran into Bazine an excuse would be easy enough to think up. It was exactly what she’d wanted out of this trip, wasn’t it?

That didn’t explain the hollow feeling that had buried itself into her chest, then, at noticing he’d gone off to do his own thing, without a glance back. He hadn't even left her a note to tell her where he'd be. She checked her phone, but there were no texts, either.

Rey stood up straight, snapping herself out of it. She hated Ben — a _lot_. He was standoffish and rude. They had fallen into a camaraderie over the past few days, sure, but she was still here on her own, first and foremost. She’d finally been given a pocket of valuable alone time — she needed to make sure she took advantage of it. Plus, she needed to cool off. Being around him had fooled her body into thinking something else was going on, and this reprieve would give her the perfect chance to stamp it down. Maybe she’d meet someone by the pool? The world was her oyster.

There was just enough time to go down to the beach and tan again before the interview with the hotel’s social media team, not to mention the range of activities held by the hotel in the recreational center all day. There was more than enough to keep herself busy without worrying about what Ben was up to.

She checked the timetable on the activity sheet for the resort, noticing she had just enough time to make it to a yoga class, after which she could do — well, anything, really. That was the beauty of her independence, and she would be damned if she didn’t take advantage of it because of Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day rey will get a brain cell, but that day was not today. soon though!!
> 
> please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, your feedback means the absolute world to me :) starting with this chapter and moving forward, i'm going to be having a lot of firsts as a writer, so hearing what you guys think really keeps me going!!! 
> 
> thanks as always to [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for cheering me on and beta'ing and just being the best, as well as elle and rose for looking over this and quelling my anxiety!! lol, ya'll are amazing 💖💖💖 
> 
>   
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	6. Chapter 6

The yoga class hosted by the resort was… nice. All in all, a perfectly enjoyable experience. Rey had never really been a yoga person, per se — Rose and Finn had dragged her to a class once or twice, and it had never really stuck — but she figured it didn’t hurt to at least try and find her inner peace. The instructor was a sweet woman who guided the heated room of travelers through a variety of poses as she offered pieces of calming motivation.

After the past few days she’d had, any chance for a moment of tranquility was a welcome one.

On her way out of the yoga studio in the recreational center, Rey grabbed a snack at the bar by the pool and set down her things, eager to enjoy the rest of her morning. The sun was proud and brilliant in the sky, too, advancing the tan that was slowly developing on her skin. Holdo had texted her to confirm their dinner reservation for that night, which solidified the fact that her social calendar today was once again filled with… well, much of the same as yesterday. In the meantime, she'd enjoy this, at least.

The pool was surrounded by parents fawning over their babies, kids playing on the shallow edge, and adults lounging in the sun as they settled into their day. It might have annoyed any other single adult trying to relax, to be around the loud music and even louder sound of children shouting in the general area, but Rey liked the busy energy. She enjoyed watching the babies and the children and the young parents. Maybe it was masochistic, this urge to surround herself with what she’d lacked as a child — but in a way it reminded her that these things were possible. That she’d be able to create this future for herself one day, even if it felt like that day would take longer to arrive than she hoped.

By noon, Rey was starting to feel much better. The past few days had been a whirlwind of unexpected surprises, but this chance to catch her breath and take a break was more than welcome.

Which did little to explain why she felt her stomach swoop when her phone buzzed, interrupting the catchy pop song she’d been blasting in her earphones. Her traitorous heart skipped a beat when she noticed who the message was from.

**_Ben_ **

_Hey._

_Where are you?_

**_Rey_ **

_By the pool_

_Why?_

Absently, she wondered what he’d chosen to fill his time with all morning. Maybe he’d gone snorkeling again, this time without her, giving him more freedom to actually explore instead of coddling her.

No point in asking. It wasn’t any of her business.

**Ben**

_The interview is in an hour._

_We should make sure we get there together._

_I’m at the hotel room, so we can just meet here._

Right. That made perfect sense — it was important for them to maintain their little game today, just as it had been yesterday, which was why he'd asked. She sighed as she replied that she was on her way, sticking her phone in her back pocket and ignoring the pressure that had settled itself into her chest.

He was sitting on the couch when she entered the room, fiddling around on his Switch, a lazy smile gracing his features as she entered the door. Just as Rey took in his light blue collared shirt that hugged the swell of his arm and the hair that had dried into his usual, voluminous shape, she remembered what she did last night, as well as the thoughts that had brought her there. His new outfit wasn’t helping.

“Hello, wife,” he teased, his eyes playful. “How was your morning?”

“ _Husband_ ,” she replied in kind. Their time apart seemed to have rejuvenated him, too. It was nice. I went to yoga.” The couch still had his pillow and blanket from the night before resting on the edge, and she winced, realizing anew just how… _large_ he was, especially in comparison.

“What…” she cleared her throat, unsure as to why words weren’t coming to her. Usually, she’d have insulted him thrice by now. “What about you?”

“Exercised for a little. Needed to clear my head.”

“You’ve spent half this trip working or exercising. This is a vacation for you?”

He laughed, though he didn’t sound amused. “Trust me when I say yes, it is.”

She could have provided a barb about his horrible job, or thrown in a jab about how that’s just the price one pays to sell their soul, but she didn’t have the energy. She put down her bag on the kitchen table, rummaging through the bag for her chapstick.

“Hey,” he said, cutting into the silence. “You didn’t happen to see Bazine, did you?”

She froze, her fingers stuck on the zipper of her bag. “Nope. All clear.”

He loosened, letting out a relieved breath. “That’s good. Wouldn’t want to have to explain why my poor wife was all alone.”

It stung, the fact that he only cared about her whereabouts because of Bazine, but she couldn’t necessarily bring herself to feel surprised — that had been his girlfriend after all. Instead there was a dull sense of _something_ that made her uncomfortable. Not for the first time, she wondered what that relationship had looked like. What he’d been like with her, and if it was anything like the Ben she’d been with yesterday, the one that she was getting to know.

She wanted to pry for more information, but he’d been so avoidant about it before. Whatever it was, it seemed to have affected him. 

“Well, I’ll go get ready,” she said, hoping to mask any possible hint of dejection in her voice. “Be out in a second.”

Of the outfits she’d brought on this trip, none of them were particularly glamorous — she thrived off of thrift store spending sprees and the discount bin at H&M, at the end of the day — but there was a green sundress on it with tiny daisies that she felt was quite flattering. It looked nice with blue, too. That was a plus.

She added the same braids to her hair from yesterday and dusted some makeup on her cheeks to help make herself more presentable. If this picture was going to be posted on the resort’s social media, she wanted to at least try and look her best.

“Let’s stick to the story we agreed on,” he supplied as they took the elevator down to the lobby. He was standing so close to her she could smell his cologne, and she hoped he didn't notice the way she leaned towards it. “Small courthouse wedding, very private, almost no pictures. That works, right?”

“Right,” she gulped, rolling her shoulders back. The band of silver on her ring finger suddenly felt heavy and insistent against her skin. His footsteps accompanied hers, their pace steady as they made their way to the lobby. She wondered with an anticipation she couldn’t name if he would grasp her hand again as they got closer, or perhaps place his hand on the small of her back. It wasn’t that she couldn’t find it in herself to fake this — yesterday had proven she could do that just fine — but that the thought of doing so simply wasn’t as appalling as it should have been.

He did, in fact, slip his hand into hers as they approached the two employees seated in the lobby, effectively shutting off all coherent thought as he gave hers a gentle squeeze. He seemed to have memorized all of the information on the release form, because he knew exactly what to do as they approached.

“Chelsea? Stephanie?”

The two young women from the social media team stood to meet the couple, smiles gracing their features as they introduced themselves. They had a professional camera with them and one held a fancy iPad, which gave them away as they were surrounded by other families either leaving or arriving at the resort.

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo, thank you both so much for meeting with us,” one of the women said. “We know you two probably have _other_ things you’d rather be doing on your honeymoon, so we promise we’ll make this as quick as we can,” the young woman said with a wink that brought a blush to Rey’s face.

“We want to start off with a short interview to get some information about you both that we’ll use in our caption, and then finish off with some pictures. Shouldn’t take more than an hour,” one of them said. They walked ahead, taking them to a room that had windows overlooking the main deck where Rey had sunbathed earlier.

“So,” she said, as soon as they’d all settled in. “How have you two been enjoying the resort so far?”

“Oh, it’s been great,” Ben said, cranking up the charm. They were seated on a tiny couch in front of their desk, his arm holding onto Rey’s shoulder and pulling her close. “We’ve been having a lovely time, haven’t we, baby?”

That was such a _ridiculous_ pet name. She hated it, and the way her body reacted to it, with his lips so close to her ear. She took a deep breath, taking a hand to hold onto the one that draped off of her shoulder and squeezing tightly. Almost _too_ tight.

She plastered her best smile, hoping they wouldn’t see right through her. “It’s been lovely. The room was gorgeous, and our trip on the water yesterday was delightful.”

“We’re so glad to hear that,” the employee with the iPad — Chelsea — said, as she typed down her notes. “So, tell us a little bit about you two. What’s your love story?”

Thankfully, Ben started talking before she could force him into it by cutting off his hand’s circulation even more. “We met through our mutual friends who had recently gotten together,” he said. “You might think that sounds boring, but she _hated_ me at first.”

“Oh?” Stephanie, the employee that had been holding the camera, chuckled. “Elaborate on that, it’s cute! Has a good angle to it.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, biting down the urge to glare at him. He was basing their story entirely on the very real memory of when they first met at Rose’s birthday party two years ago. “Well, I _hated_ him because he works for a notoriously horrible law firm, and that goes against just about every moral I have. I work in the nonprofit sector. So, of course I had to let him know about that from the get go.”

The two employees laughed and _aww_ 'ed like it was the sweetest thing they’d ever heard. If only they knew.

“And I must hate myself because I pined over her after that anyways.”

He cleared his throat, then, as though uncomfortable, but played it off quickly as the two employees watched, enraptured. “Slowly, one thing just led to another, I guess… the more we got to know each other the more we understood each other. Right?”

There was something about the way he said that last part — his warm tone, the timbre of his voice reverberating against her side — that made her want to look up at him. She risked a glance only to find him already staring down at her.

Rey gulped, searching for her voice. “Right.”

His eyes were warm and brown in the fresh sunlight, and from up close she realized there were tiny flecks of green, too. There was something in them that warmed her down to her toes just as much as it terrified her.

It was like every time she found herself looking at him, _really_ looking, she found herself standing on the edge of something dangerous, something that had the chance to break her — but there was an equal chance she might end up flying, too.

Someone cleared their throat from across the room. “Okay, guys! We get it. You’re newlyweds,” Stephanie giggled, cutting the tension between them. Rey looked away, staring down at her dress, feeling heat bloom in her cheeks. “Save all of _that_ for later.”

Rey smiled, trying to play along, pretending her heart wasn’t battering against her ribcage at a thousand beats per minute.

“No, but really. That was a really sweet story,” Chelsea said, her fingernails clacking against the iPad’s added keyboard. “Just what we were looking for when we created this contest. So, what was your actual relationship like? And the wedding?”

They answered more questions — well, Ben mostly answered — about their fake relationship and their fake courthouse wedding and the fake love they were in. He took them all in stride, and she only hoped she could keep up the image of a blushing bride to avoid answering any of them. She had the blushing part down, at least.

After the interview was over, they were led to a small balcony that overlooked the deck, the bright blue water glittering in the distance. Stephanie helped arrange them against the railing to capture the perfect amount of lighting, as well as make sure the ocean was perfectly visible in the distance, from _just_ the right angle. The setup was manicured to make them look like the perfect couple, which would have been sweet if it weren't so very far from reality.

“Okay, Mr. Solo, can I get your arm around her waist? Just like that, perfect. And, Mrs. Solo, can you shift your head slightly so you’re looking up at him?”

Ben was pressed against her backside, holding onto her by the waist. She curved over to look up at him as instructed. She felt like a deer caught in headlights. N _othing_ about the situation felt normal — he was _this_ close to her, and his large hands currently spanned her _entire_ stomach, and his scent was everywhere again, just like it had been last night, and—

None of this should have felt the way it did, and there were about a million warning signs going off in her head. She was starting to feel lightheaded, when she felt him pinch her hip lightly.

“Hey,” he whispered, his lips close enough to her ear that he was able to keep this between them. His voice was deep and comforting, sending shivers down her spine. “We’re almost done, and then you can go back to hating me. Just... just think of me in my stupid cactus shorts and laugh and it’ll be over before you know it.”

Rey couldn’t help her reaction to that — the memory of his silly shorts made her actually _giggle,_ her nose crinkling, all of the panic she’d felt moments ago ebbing away. She heard the snap of the camera capturing them a few times as they held their position.

He seemed relieved to have made her smile, rubbing absently on her hip where he’d pinched her moments ago.

“You two are _adorable_.” Stephanie gushed from behind the camera. “Can we get one with you two kissing? And then I promise we’ll be done.”

Rey froze. It was like the world stopped shifting around her. Holding hands with him was one thing. Cuddling up to him was another. But actually kissing him? On command?

She was comforted at least to find the same terror in his expression. His ears were pink, now, too. This wasn’t going to be fun for either of them. She tried to communicate to him that they should find a way out of it, do _something,_ but before she could, a warm hand cradled her jaw with a hand and he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

It was a chaste kiss. Sexless, unromantic, and just long enough to feel realistic. A press of lips against lips. It was over as soon as Ben heard the snap of the camera and pulled away.

Which meant none of it should have made Rey feel the way she did now. His lips felt, somehow, just as she imagined they would — warm, inviting, _soft_. The kiss had been so innocent, but there was a sense of power there, like the promise of something much stronger. Everything about her suddenly felt _alive._ More raw, somehow.

She was still catching her breath when the two employees giggled over the camera, murmuring their approval and planning their posting schedule. She couldn’t bring herself to catch Ben’s eyes.

“Would you two like to see the pictures?” Chelsea asked. “They look _great._ We can send them over to you as soon as they’re posted on our page!”

She noticed Ben drift over to where they stood, humming when they complimented the posing. Though he was still incredibly red in the face, he hid it well. She followed him, standing behind his large frame, feigning interest. Her lips still felt warm, and she had to fight the urge to bring her fingers to them.

Her lack of a comprehensive dating history had not only manifested itself in being perpetually lonely, but an unfortunate lack of experience. The last time she’d even kissed a guy had been _months_ ago on a failed blind date, and with the extensive wedding planning she’d thrown herself into… it had been a while.

That had to explain why she felt breathless, knees nearly buckling under her,from simply _kissing_ him.

“Alright, you two,” Stephanie grinned, pleased. “You’ve been awesome, and we really do appreciate you carving some time out of your honeymoon to let us take some pictures and chat. In return, we actually have a special surprise for you. Please follow us.”

She led them out of the room out towards the pool deck. As they walked, she pointed out features about the resort like the convenience store and water park, dropping in tidbits of information that they could take home with them as free advertising. She reached a fork in the cobblestone road and turned towards them, a glint in her eye.

“Have you two had a chance to visit the spa yet?”

They definitely hadn’t, though the gears in Rey’s head were starting to turn. A spa session sounded _lovely._ One of life’s many luxuries she’d never been able to indulge in — and it was right at her fingertips. She’d kiss Ben all over again if it meant more of _that._

“Well, you’re in luck: there’s a couple’s massage booked for you two that starts… in just a few minutes! We are right on time.” They entered a door that led into the most luxurious space Rey had ever seen.

High paneled windows invited an abundance of natural light into the room, decorated by high palm trees that provided just enough shade shade while soft instrumental music strummed under the trickling of a fountain that was located in the middle of the room.

Chelsea led them towards the check-in desk, confirming the reservation they’d made with the young man behind the counter. After a short conversation, she turned to the both of them.

“Alright, you two. They’ll call you in a few minutes to get set up, so just wait here for now. Thanks again for the wonderful interview!”

She shook their hands again and assured them that the pictures would be sent to the email on file, and to have a nice day — and rest of their honeymoon, with another suggestive wink — before turning to go.

Which left them alone. With just a few minutes to spare until they had an entire _couple’s massage_ booked. They stood in silence for a few moments, nothing more than the sound of the fountain and instrumental music accompanying them. To the corner, there were pitchers of cucumber water and hibiscus tea. Rey grabbed herself a cup and downed it, refilling it before she went back to Ben.

“So,” she sighed, taking another sip of her water, an arm cradled protectively around herself. “…that was a _lot._ ”

Ben’s ability to tease her was lost in what looked like a newfound sense of embarrassment. It wasn’t just his ears that were red, now, but his cheeks, too. “Yeah. I… I’m sorry about the kiss,” he blurted, avoiding her gaze. “Didn’t really see a way out of it.”

“Hmm. So my husband thinks I’m a bad kisser, huh? Time to go find the divorce papers,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. Goading him into banter if she could — that was much more their style than _this._

She already knew she wasn’t really his type, the point only strengthened by the unwelcome comparison her mind offered to Bazine of all people, so the fact that he’d seemed repulsed by her shouldn’t have come as a surprise. It didn't surprise her, really, so much as left her feeling a bit bereft.

He turned to her like she’d insulted him. “It’s not that, it’s just—”

“Ben, it’s fine. We couldn’t avoid it, and it’s done now. We can move on.”

They stood in an incredibly awkward silence after that, each of their attentions focused on different parts of the room. The light fixture to her left was an incredibly intricate and noteworthy marvel of interior decoration, she was finding.

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo?”

Rey’s head turned towards the voice automatically. She was getting too used to hearing that.

Their masseuse led them towards a changing room where two robes were placed, side by side. Everything smelled intensely of eucalyptus and lavender, and the robes even _looked_ softer than her best pair of fluffy socks. Everything was so incredibly decadent it made her head spin.

“You two can change into those, and I’ll be back in a second so we can get started.”

So far, except for Rey’s bathing suit mishap, they’d managed to narrowly avoid each other when actually changing - a miracle, given their shared use of a living space. Now, though, there were few options for a presumably married couple to find privacy before a joint appointment.

“Just… turn around, I guess. I’ll do the same.” Rey said, grabbing the robe closest to her. It really was incredibly soft. Rey hastily took off her dress and threw on the robe, only taking off her bra once she was fully covered. The room was quiet except for the sounds of their clothes dropping to the floor, a sound that shouldn't have felt as illicit and exciting as it did.

“Can I turn around yet?” she asked, patting herself to make sure she was covered. He hummed in affirmation, though when she turned around he was simply in his boxer briefs without his shirt. Rey’s throat went dry at the sight of his smooth back, the soft hints of muscle that flexed gently each time he moved. She tried desperately not to… well, _stare._

“Ben! Can you please put on the damn robe,” she covered her eyes, cheeks burning. This was _not_ the same as the swim trunks. Not the same at _all_. He turned, slowly, giving her the briefest glimpse of just how well-endowed he truly was through the space between her fingers. Nope. She closed them tighter, ignoring that view. “Seriously, _now._ ”

He tsked, shaking his head. “My wife doesn’t want to see me in my underwear? Guess I’m the one that has to find a divorce attorney.”

Rey chuckled, despite herself, devolving into full blown laughter when he started to join in. “Oh, God, this is ridiculous, isn't it?”

They were both still laughing like teenagers when the masseuse returned.

“Hello again,” he smiled, grabbing a set of oils from the cabinet and standing in front of a single massage table.

Rey cleared her throat, suddenly suspicious. “I’m sorry, aren’t we both getting massages today?”

“Yes, of course,” the masseuse — Vincent, his name tag offered — answered as he set up the table with his materials. “You two are set up for the honeymoon package, where I'll be teaching the both of you how to give your partner a massage, but you’ll be practicing on each other.”

Rey had to bite back a groan. It seemed everything on this island came with a price she wasn’t ready to pay.

“So. Who’s up?”

“I’ll go first!” she blurted out. An impulsive move, but one that felt right. Ben’s head whipped towards her. “I’ll practice on him, I mean.”

There was no way she would survive Ben’s large, warm hands all over her body, covered in oil, kneading at her shoulders—

Nope. She definitely had to be the one giving the massage.

“Is that okay with you?” Vincent gestured at Ben, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else. If the scowl he’d donned was any indication, it definitely was _not_ okay with him, but ultimately he nodded, taking off his robe again and laying down, face first. His back was scattered with the same moles that adorned his face, and the muscle was clearly defined as he folded his arms above him to face the wall.

Vincent walked them through the steps of a massage, explaining the mechanics while he demonstrated on Ben’s back, how they were a perfect way to _become one with your partner,_ and help them _understand their bodies in new ways._ He focused on the difference between kneading at pressure points and other techniques, before gesturing vaguely at the oils to his left.

“Alright, your turn. Grab some oil here,” he said. “And start applying it on his back.”

The oil was warm to the touch, and she gently pressed her hand on Ben’s back, noticing him flinch when she did. He was faced away from her, but he was clearly tense. She followed the instructions, letting her fingers span across his skin, moving in circular motions across his broad shoulders.

It was incredibly awkward, at first, as she navigated the masseuse’s instructions. She was barely able to hear the ambient music that played on a speaker in the corner under the slick sounds of oil spreading under her fingers. She soon started to get the hang of it, though, pressing into the wide expanse of skin before moving lower where his back narrowed slightly. His skin did run warm, she learned, and she couldn’t help but appreciate the tightness of it as she tried to—

No. No, no, no.

What had she been _thinking_? This was not better. Not at all.

She wanted to stop, but couldn’t — even if she’d been able to get her brain to catch up, her hands seem to have had a mind of their own, pressing down on the firm muscle — going as far as to elicit a soft groan from Ben when she must have reached a particularly tense spot.

Rey tensed, her legs squirming. His knuckles were fisted tightly, his face turned away from her. She gulped, marveling in wide-eyed wonder at how _her hands_ had gotten him to respond like _that_ , and in turn it had started to feel like she was made of jelly.

She turned to Vincent, pleading for a way out, when he gestured at her to keep going, focusing on his arms if she could. She followed his lead, biting her lip as she let herself explore the muscle there. She knew what it felt like already, of course, but this was a different experience altogether.

Ben broke the silence abruptly. “I… I think I’m good now,” he groaned, as though it pained him to say anything at all. Rey stopped, her hands freezing where they’d been pressing into him.

Vincent laughed jovially, somehow exactly aware of what Ben was talking about even as she continued to stare in confusion. “It happens. Time to switch places, then?”

“Was I doing it wrong?” Rey squeaked, her fingers coming to rest on the fabric of her robe. Ben got up slowly; his pupils were blown wide, a stark black compared to the hazel she’d noticed earlier. Her eyes flicked lower on their own accord, snapping back up quickly but not before noticing how the space down there now appeared much tighter than it had before.

She wasn’t doing it wrong.

Vincent confirmed as much, chuckling as he replaced the towels and instructed Rey to dress down and step in, looking away for propriety’s sake. He seemed blissfully unaware of the tension that hung thick in the air, the way the two of them seemed to repel each other just as much as they were drawn to each other, like similar sides of a magnet.

She could have told him to just stop the massage session now that she’d realized it wasn’t going to go the way either of them had anticipated. It’s what she _should_ have done. It was the entire reason she volunteered to go first.

But she’d also ever had a massage before. Had never gotten a chance to enjoy such a luxury. If Ben had received one, she deserved it, too.

 _You know you want this,_ a tiny voice supplied in the back of her mind. As much as she’d tried to lie to herself, it did sound appealing to have his strong hands massage her, kneading into _her_ shoulders, pressing into _her_ waist.

No, she probably wouldn’t survive this — but she couldn’t bring herself to put a stop to it, either.

She met his gaze, raising her eyebrows in a challenge. He still seemed dazed, but turned to give her some privacy while she slipped out of the robe and onto the massage table. She turned her face away from the two men, resting on her arms and closing her eyes.

“So,” she heard Vincent grab the massage oils she’d used, “Should I go first, and then you take over?”

“No,” Ben muttered, his voice deep with… _something_ that made her quiver. “It’s fine. I can do it.”

Vincent hummed approvingly. “That’s a good husband you’ve got there, ma’am. Alright, so what you’re going to want to do is use the oils to _help_ you, but you’re going to be taking care of most of the work. Be gentle, but firm on her pressure points. Try it out on her back first.”

Rey practically _shivered_ with anticipation, she was so nervous. The rational thoughts passing through her brain — the ones that told her that this was _wrong,_ that she hated him, that they shouldn’t be tempting fire like this — were dimmed by the buzzing in her ears as she felt his large hands rub at her back. It was so slow and deliberate it was almost torturous, but that would have implied she wasn’t enjoying this. And she was _very much_ enjoying this.

She let him work at it slowly as he got the hang of it, as Vincent slowly provided less and less commentary. His hands pressed into the slight dip of her waist, close and firm enough to provide her with memories of what she’d imagined him doing with them just last night. She sighed — or moaned, she couldn’t tell — pleasure and comfort coursing through her, an insistent throbbing at her center reminding her that this was not an entirely innocent indulgence. 

She’d never felt so frenetic and relaxed at the same time in her life. Everywhere Ben touched felt so alive and raw, but also soothed. Impossibly so. 

With the relaxing instrumental music, and the feeling of Ben's surprisingly gentle hands on her, it wasn't hard to drift in and out of consciousness. She must have fallen asleep right there, because she opened her eyes to find him over her, kneading softly, the room otherwise empty. She sighed, blissed out on comfort, turning her head towards Ben.

“Did I… where’s Vincent?” She sighed, keeping herself on the massage table so as not to flash him an unfortunate view of her breasts. She was so comfortable she could barely open her eyes.

“He stepped out a while ago,” he said, as though the effort of speaking was killing him. Her skin felt a little cold where he’d removed his hands. “You fell asleep, and I felt bad waking you up.”

Rey stayed silent for a while, regaining her senses. That had been… well. Too much, and yet somehow not enough. She hummed, smiling despite herself. “It was nice. Are you a secret masseuse or something?”

He smirked, amusement replacing the dark look that had taken over his features. “Nope. Just that good, I guess.”

She laughed into the crook of her arm. “Don't tell anyone I said that.”

“You mean you _don’t_ want people to know your sworn enemy had his hands all over you?”

“Exactly,” she confirmed with a lazy smile, watching him put his shirt back on. “If you do, I might have to move away, start a new life. Can’t have people knowing such incriminating information about me. It would ruin my reputation.”

She watched his fingers toy with the tiny buttons, even more minuscule in his fingers. Admittedly, they were probably getting a little _too_ comfortable in front of each other in various states of undress, though she couldn’t find it in herself to actually feel upset about it.

“Don’t tempt me, or I’ll actually start telling people you enjoy my company or something,” he said. “What’ll you do then?”

“Murder you, probably. I’ve been waiting for a good reason.”

His grin knocked the wind right out of her lungs. She smiled back when he caught her eye, shifting her head away from him. “Can you hurry up and turn around so I can change, please?”

Once he did, she slowly got up from the massage table, still reeling as her mind caught up to reality, admiring how moisturized and supple she felt, as though she could walk on air. 

There was something about the way he was treating her — something about the way she found herself treating him _—_ that made her think that maybe they didn’t have to hate each other after all.

As she came down from the buzzing in her limbs after the blissful massage he’d given her, _that_ was the thought that unsettled her the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks so much for reading!! i would love to hear what you think :') your feedback keeps me going!! 
> 
> thank you [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for beta'ing 💛
> 
>   
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	7. Chapter 7

Through the mahogany of the bathroom door, Rey could hear the muffled rush of water coming from the showerhead alongside the wail of a metallic guitar in a very loud rock song. She knocked, one tap, then two — harder the second time — in an effort to make herself known above the ridiculous music Ben was playing.

“Ben!” she shouted over the screech of the handle as the water stopped. “Hurry up!”

When he didn’t reply, Rey turned back to the mirror at the vanity, adjusting the clasps on her earrings. Holdo had chosen the nicer restaurant on the property, which meant she had to get a bit creative when it came to figuring out her outfit — the sort of people at this resort were those who could afford it, as well as all the bells and whistles that came with a tropical vacation, but Rey was here on borrowed time and money. She didn’t have the closet of a congresswoman or the accessory drawer of an investment banker.

She’d gone with a black tube top and olive shorts with a fabric belt, pulling back her hair in a low bun. It wasn’t _elegant,_ by any means, but it looked nice. Showed off her arms, which she’d always thought were her best asset, and the shorts were high waisted enough to hug what little curves she did have, accentuating her legs. Not that she had any reason to show off, of course, but… well. She wanted to look her best — good impressions, and all that.

She propped up a leg on the bed to slather her discounted body lotion — the one with the gold flecks in it that was supposed to accentuate your tan, or whatever — when the door to the bathroom finally opened, the obnoxious rock music still blaring loudly from that tiny phone speaker, louder now that the door was open and there was no water to muffle it.

After the massage, Rey had felt like a sea lion preening in the sun, drunk on a level of comfort and ease that conveniently left out any anxious thoughts about the half naked man who’d left her that way. She assumed she was finally getting _truly_ used to it, to him, the way you get used to hot water if you slowly turn up the heat once you’re in it.

The door opened, steam curling out into the bedroom, and Rey’s mouth went dry at the sight of him, hair wet and a flimsy towel wrapped around his waist. It was impossible not to look at him and remember the feeling of his muscle underneath her hands, the way he groaned softly under her. He didn’t seem to notice the way her eyes followed him across the room, as he ducked down to grab his clothes.

Nope. Definitely not used to it.

She shifted her focus towards the lotion on her legs, avoiding the glimpse she’d gotten of him with water droplets trailing lazily down his skin. The bedroom suddenly felt much smaller.

“Can you turn off the music, please?”

He did as asked, plunging the room into silence. “Not an Avenged Sevenfold fan, then?”

“Is that what that was? Sounded like an offering for a death cult or something.” She narrowed her eyes at him, keeping her gaze on his face. Definitely on his face. Except she found her gaze drifting towards his lips, then. Remembering how they felt for that brief second, which was silly, because it was not a remarkable kiss by any means whatsoever, and she had much more important things to worry about.

“Ben, first you took forever to finally get in the shower, and now you’re just... standing there. Can you go get dressed? We’re going to be late.”

He rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself as he went back to the bathroom. “Didn’t realize you were _that_ kind of wife. Good to know.”

She gaped at his retreating figure, planting her leg on the floor and replacing it on the bed with the other one. “It’s not my fault you’re taking _forever._ Aren’t guys supposed to get ready quickly?”

“Again with the gender roles?”

She scoffed. “You started it! I’m just saying, you waited until the last _possible_ second to get in that shower, making me suffer in the process. You’re lucky you don’t need to wear makeup.”

He’d left enough space open through the door so that they could speak, but she could very clearly hear the rustling of fabric as the towel fell to the floor and he pulled on his clothing. She didn’t want to think about it, the idea of him undressed mere feet away from her a surefire way to get her palms sweaty, so she fixated on his voice as she finished getting ready.

“Who said you need to wear makeup? Last I checked you looked just fine without it.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Society, the patriarchy, etcetera…” She added some of the lotion to her shoulders, for good measure. “Also, telling a woman she looks _just fine_ is not a compliment.”

When he walked out of the bathroom, she couldn’t help glaring with a little bit of envy. How did he look so good without even trying?

Unlike her, Ben was just the kind of person to go on these sorts of trips. His clothes were simple, but obviously well-made and expensive. A level of expensive that made her look at her outfit and want to whimper a little.

“You look much better than just fine without makeup. How’s that?”

She rolled her eyes, triple checking her appearance in the mirror on the vanity. “I’d try out other adjectives if I were you. If you were in the business of wooing a woman, I mean.”

When she turned away from the mirror she found him facing her, his eyes slowly traveling from her face, to her torso, all the way down her legs until they hit her strappy sandals.

“You look _beautiful_.” He met her eyes again, the slightest smile lilting his full lips. “How was that?”

It was like he _wanted_ to give her a heart attack. And he did it so easily, too. Almost as though he really meant it. She hoped the makeup helped cover the warmth that rushed to her face, blooming in her chest.

She blinked, bringing herself back down to earth. “Good. That-that was good. Now you know how to compliment a woman. Congratulations.”

She hardened, leaning closer in a challenge – one she was going to lose if she let herself get lost in those eyes again. “Now, go finish getting ready. Flattery will get you nowhere if you make us late.”

* * *

“Taylor Swift? Really?” He leaned over her to press the ‘L’ on the elevator once they stepped in, the mirrored panels providing infinite reflections of them on either side. His dark shirt and jeans complemented her outfit, their rings glinting in the harsh light — for all intents and purposes, they did at least look the part.

“She is the best singer-songwriter of our time and there’s no debate on that, thank you very much. No one’s doing it like her,” Rey grumbled, leaning against the wall to look up at him. “At least I don’t listen to music that sounds like I’m trying to summon satan.”

“Rock music is _not_ satanic.”

“Anything you listen to is, actually, in my book. That it happens to be rock of all genres is a perfect coincidence.”

A family of five strolled into the elevator on a lower floor, pushing them towards the corner. Rey crossed her hands, her elbows hitting Ben’s chest. When he spoke, she could feel the vibrations of his voice all the way in her fingers.

He shrugged. “I guess it’s my mission now to change that.”

“There is _no way_ I’m changing my mind about rock music. Not unless you give Taylor a try.”

“Fine,” he countered, angling towards her. When he did, a lock of hair fell from where he’d haphazardly styled it.

“Ugh. Your hair looks like a _mess,_ ” she chided, her hands moving on their own to fix it for him. It was incredibly soft under her fingers, and she had to bite back a smile as she took the liberty of arranging it, taking the raven strands of hair in her hands and flushing at the amused look he gave her, her fingers landing on either temple. “You’re going to make me look bad in front of my very important work contact. This is what you get for wasting time, see? Can’t even get your hair right.”

The elevator stopped again before hitting the lobby, a couple and their baby joining the group. This only served to push them even closer towards the corner, until she was trapped between his arms on either side of her. Her hands dropped from his hair to his shoulders, before she realized she was keeping them there for no reason.

Rey took a deep breath, ignoring their proximity. It wasn’t so much disconcerting anymore as it was surprisingly comforting. “Seriously, though. Please be on your best behavior. I wasn’t really thinking things through when I arranged it, but this could really help me out.”

“It’s going to be _fine,_ ” he murmured, close to her face in the crowded elevator. “I’ll be the best trophy husband you’ve ever had.”

“You’re the _only_ trophy husband I’ve ever had.”

He smirked. “Exactly.”

The crowd of people filed out, giving Rey space to breathe and focus on the task at hand, while the glow of the setting sun welcomed them out into the world, closing in on their third day of paradise.

Three days, and yet it already felt like a lifetime had elapsed since she’d arrived.

The palm of his hand closed in on the small of her back, gentle but secure, as they approached the hostess at the restaurant. It was crowded as the dinner rush began to form, so Rey took it upon herself to walk up and provide Holdo’s name. The young woman behind the desk tapped around on her tablet to find their reservation. Ben joined Rey as she gestured for both of them to follow her.

“We’ve set up a table with a beautiful view for you tonight,” she said, walking ahead of them.

“The other members of your party haven’t arrived yet, but they should be here soon.”

They were led towards a table for four tucked in the back corner of the restaurant. Surrounded by windows, they had a view of the beach and the mountains, accompanied by the orange glow of lanterns that had been lit as night approached. Rey was struck by the effortless beauty, so much so she barely noticed Ben had pulled her chair for her until she looked down.

She bit her tongue on the sarcastic remark she wanted to level at him, choosing instead to take the seat gracefully. The hostess handed them the menus and promised that their water would be at the table soon.

Rey felt a little out of place, truthfully. This was very obviously a _nice_ restaurant, one where the water was triple purified and brought to you in pretty glass jars with confusing handles. Her assumptions were proven correct when she opened the menu, her eyes glazing over.

“ _Ben_ ,” she hissed, leaning towards him. “There aren’t any prices on this. Doesn’t that mean everything’s like, super expensive?”

He didn’t seem thrown off by it at all, thumbing through the pages. “Shouldn’t your work contact pay? If they invited us?”

“I don’t feel comfortable with that. I didn’t realize it’d be _this_ nice.”

He slung his arm over the back of her chair. “If I offer to pay for you will you scream at me?”

Instinctually, she wanted to refuse the offer. And, yes, scream at him for throwing his abundance of money in her face. She knew her bank account could not afford that refusal, though, making her predicament all the more frustrating — which meant she had to find a way to make it fun, some way that she could leverage this to challenge him.

It was becoming their thing.

“Not if I get to choose what you eat.”

“Absolutely not.”

“So you’re going to let me starve?” She pouted, batting her eyelashes, the caricature of a petulant child. “You’d do that?”

The smile he gave her was easy, and it struck her — not for the first time — how handsome he looked, even when he wasn’t trying. “No, I’m just going to pay for your dinner, whether you like it or not.”

“You say that like it’s a given.”

“That’s because it i—”

“Rey?’ Holdo’s familiar voice cut through their play-argument, alerting the couple to her presence. Rey stood up to greet her, a dated custom but one she held firm, only to notice Ben frozen at his seat.

“Holdo! So nice to see you,” she smiled, leaning over to shake her hand. Holdo was with her wife, who she introduced as Larma D’acy.

“And your husband…?”

She turned towards Ben, who was staring straight out at the window, looking like he’d seen a ghost and abjectly _failing_ at his one job of being the picture perfect husband. Holdo looked just as confused, her brows furrowing. “Wait, Ben? Is that you?”

Rey swallowed, something thick and ugly making its way down her throat. “You-you two know each other?”

Holdo gave them a measured look as she sat down across from them, Larma offering an apologetic smile behind her. “Know him? I changed his diapers.”

Rey sighed as she took her seat next to Ben. This was not going to be the breezy dinner she’d envisioned.

* * *

He hadn’t said a word.

To be absolutely fair, no one was talking much, preferring to instead pore over their menus in hushed deliberation, but still. She could deal with that — she’d handled awkward business lunches before. But _Ben_ wasn’t talking.

And that was a problem.

It was like a switch had gone off, from the moment he’d heard Holdo’s voice. Her mind was racing, trying desperately to understand, until slowly things clicked.

Amilyn Holdo was a congresswoman in their state. This, she already knew. It explained her fancy clothes, and her ability to take a trip to Hawaii as she was doing now, and the money in her pockets that she was seemingly prepared to throw at Maz’s nonprofit after a mere two minute conversation.

As Rey racked her brain for some sort of explanation for Ben’s behavior, though, she also recalled an important fact.

Leia Organa was a renowned activist, yes, but she’d only chosen that path _after_ a career in the Senate. She’d made headlines for denouncing her work in government in favor of something that actually _helped_ people — her words, no one else’s.

She chanced a glance at Ben, who was staring resolutely at the menu in front of him, his shoulders tight. It would have been so easy to bask in his discomfort, but instead it tugged at her chest to see him so clearly anxious. She didn’t know what exactly his family dynamics looked like, or what Holdo was to him, but he was clearly distressed, and Rey couldn’t bring herself to feel happy about that.

Before she could think too much of it, she slipped her hand into his under the table, squeezing tightly until he met her eye.

 _You okay?_ She mouthed, watching for the twitch in his eye that always showed up when he was upset.

He shook his head and mouthed _fine,_ though Rey wasn’t convinced. She searched his eyes for an inkling of evidence for how to proceed, but he turned to the two women.

“Amilyn…” he started, meeting her gaze.

Holdo held up a finger, cutting him short. “Whatever you’re going to say to me is better saved for your mother, Ben. I’m not interested in derailing what was supposed to be Rey’s dinner for this. Are you?”

He shook his head furiously, his ears pink. He suddenly looked ten years younger. “Definitely not.”

Rey cleared her throat, realizing honesty was the only surefire way out of this. The worst of it, at least. Her thumb was rubbing softly against his knuckles in an attempt to soothe.

“So,” Rey started, breaking the tension. “I think Ben and I should explain… well, all of this.”

Holdo rested her chin in her hands. She didn’t look _angry,_ per se, but intrigued, like a curious mountain lion. “I’m listening,” she conceded.

“First, Ben and I are not married,” she laughed awkwardly, stopping short at Holdo’s glare. She was intense, but in an unassuming way. Rey trudged on, her hand still gripping Ben’s, explaining the journey that had led them to this table — including the wedding, the free honeymoon package, and everything that came after, though she conveniently omitted any mention of snorkeling excursions and massages.

“So you two aren’t…” she searched for the word, gesturing vaguely between them. “Involved?’

“Oh! Oh, no,” Rey forced a laugh, though under the table her hand was still clasped to his. “No, we’re not… _involved._ ”

Rey felt herself warm up again at the images _that_ accusation brought to mind, shaking herself to maintain her focus.

“Listen,” Holdo closed her menu, resting back on her seat. “I’m a pragmatic person. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, or how we got here, but I’m willing to put things aside for tonight. I don’t exactly plan to waste my vacation worrying about _you”_ , she said, with a leveled glare at Ben, “and I was looking forward to getting to know _you_ better, Rey. So, let’s just enjoy dinner. Let’s start with a good wine?”

They chose a fancy red wine Rey was barely able to pronounce when the waitress returned, while Holdo and Larma did their best to sprinkle small talk over the appetizer. It was easier to fill the time if everyone was eating the spinach dip. During a brief lull in the conversation, she turned to Ben again.

“So, what are you getting?” she let herself peek over his shoulder at the open menu.

“It better not be the ch—”

“—I was thinking of getting the chicken parmesan.”

She frowned. “No. That is so _boring_ , and you could literally get it anywhere. Why don’t you try the pasta with lobster?” She knocked his shoulder with hers; he was perking up, which made Rey smile.

“Aren’t you allergic to shellfish?”

“Exactly! It’s not fair _._ I’ve always wanted to try a good lobster and I can’t.”

From the corner of her eye, Rey noticed Holdo watching them with increased interest, but she was altogether too focused on convincing Ben to go with the pasta. When he eventually conceded, she removed her hand from his to pat his knee in excitement, pleased with her work.

Rey’s heart skipped a beat when he immediately took her hand in his again.

Once they ordered — Rey went with the risotto and fresh ahi — and refilled their wine glasses, the mood at the table became more jovial, as they found topics to discuss that skirted conveniently around the elephant in the room.

When Larma politely asked Rey how she’d become involved with Maz’z Kidz, she found herself jumping into her tried and true elevator pitch with ease. Over the years, she’d gotten so used to giving away the business casual version of her orphan sob story that it was easy to go straight to autopilot.

“...Once I turned eighteen, it was my goal to move to the states. I just needed to get away, I think. No two orphans react to their situation the same, of course, but I coped by getting as far away as I could, once I realized there was nothing there for me. Felt like the only way to make a life for myself. I met Maz at a career fair in my senior year of uni, and I’ve worked with her ever since. At first it was case work, directly with kids,” she beamed at this part, the memories of her direct work with children reminding her of why she loved what she did, “but I’ve also become more involved in the organizational side of things lately. Apparently I have a knack for that.”

To her surprise, Ben actually spoke up, perhaps aided by the alcohol as well. “It’s true. She ran our friend’s wedding like a drill sergeant. A frustrating one, but she’s the reason everything ran smoothly.”

She narrowed her eyes at his use of the word _frustrating,_ but offered a gentle smile his way, happy to see him more involved in the conversation.

Holdo seemed just as surprised to hear him speak up, but she took it in stride. “That so? And these are the friends that got food poisoning?”

 _That_ helped them jump into a tangent about Rose and Hux, littering funny stories about Rey’s obsessive wedding planning, which she took in stride as best she could.

The more they talked, the easier dinner became, as they focused on safe topics and avoided difficult ones, like a true business meeting. Rey hardly noticed the wine as it kept flowing, and by the time dinner was closing up she was beginning to feel warm and loose, letting herself lean into Ben just a little. Just enough to feel his warmth.

Rey was five bites deep into a shared tiramisu — of which Ben had only indulged in a single spoonful — when Holdo gave her the news she’d been waiting for.

“I think we’ll be able to work something out to help you guys,” Holdo said. “I’ll give Maz a call once I’m back in the office.”

It should have been too good to be true, how easy it was — but then again, it helped boost Holdo professionally just as much as it did the nonprofit. A donation like that, when publicized correctly, would be incredibly helpful for her next campaign.

As they wrapped up — Holdo insisted on picking up the tab, which was refused by Rey, only for Ben to offer to take care of it — Rey thanked Holdo profusely.

“This is going to help so many families, Amilyn, I really can’t thank you enough,” she gushed as they stood at the entrance of the restaurant.

“Which is why I’m happy to do it. You do really important work, Rey,” she said, sparing a quick glance in Ben’s direction. “And you’re a good influence on those around you, too.”

Rey blushed under the praise, but accepted it all the same. “Thank you. I have to say I’m glad we ran into you both here, all things considered.”

With a promise to keep in touch, the couple turned to leave, but not before Holdo patted Ben on the shoulder, leaning in to give him a hug. Rey did her best not to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t help but overhear the words she told Ben, whose eyes had grown melancholic in return.

“There’s nothing for me to say that I know you aren’t thinking. Just... call your mother, Ben. It’s the least you can do.”

* * *

It was supposed to be a straightforward walk back to the hotel room. With the dinner over, there was nothing left for them to do.

 _Drinks_ were definitely not a part of the equation. They shouldn’t have been, anyways.

The wine at dinner had left her feeling fuzzier than she’d expected, enough so that as they walked she gave in, letting herself lean into Ben just a little, enough to claim some deniability if she needed to.

“I’m… sorry about dinner,” she said, looking up at him as they walked. “That was… a lot. And weird. There are too many coincidences on this island.”

He worked his jaw, scratching the back of his neck. “It worked out, though, didn’t it? You got what you needed.”

“At the cost of placing you in a really weird situation,” she winced. “Thank you, though. I really appreciate it.”

His tone was genuine and warm when he replied. “I wasn’t going to leave you hanging there, Rey. I wouldn’t do that.”

That gave her pause. For all that she’d been convinced she knew exactly who Ben was before this trip, she never would have pegged him as someone capable of being caring or considerate. And, yet, she wasn’t surprised that he had been – not in the least.

“Still,” she huffed, stopping to take in their surroundings. The walk to the hotel room led them in the direction of a path that straddled the beach. It was open to the guests at night, with a cocktail bar situated precisely at the entrance, making it a perfect spot for after dinner drinks. “What if I make it up to you with a drink? Your choice, I’m buying.”

“Isn’t our package all-inclusive?”

She waved that away. “You know what I mean.”

He took in a deep breath, and for a moment it seemed contemplative, until he exhaled deeply, amusement in his eyes. “Okay. You sure about that?’

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

He gave her a once-over, smirking. “I’m just not sure how much you can take.”

She took his hand before he could continue to goad her, dragging him towards the bar. The beachside hut was brightly lit as guests chatted and drank, either on the bar or on the small sets of tables that were scattered throughout.

“Sir!” Rey leaned over the tabletop, grabbing the bartender’s attention. “One piña colada, and,” she turned to Ben, quirking an eyebrow. “Your most boring beer, please!”

The bartender smiled when Rey brandished their all-inclusive wristbands. Odd coincidences aside, there were definitely perks to this trip.

He took a hesitant sip of the beer, humming appreciatively. Meanwhile, she was almost halfway through her cocktail and ready to ask for another. She felt pretty great. Like she didn’t have to think too hard about what she wanted to say, or do. It was freeing.

She took another long sip, enjoying the bitter rum mixed with semi-sweet pineapple. It was like a milkshake, but _way better._ “Okay,” she banged a hand on the table top. “Let’s play a game. Truth or drink, yeah?”

“A drinking game?’”

“You said you ‘weren’t sure’ how much I could take,” she said, punctuating his phrase with a surly voice and air quotes. She took another long sip, finishing off her drink and flagging the bartender down for another one. “Now you’ll see exactly how much.”

The rules were straightforward — they would ask each other questions, and if they refused to answer they would have to drink. Easy.

They started simple.

He asked her what her major was. She replied Social Work with a minor in Psych, though she took a sip of her newly refilled drink anyways to check if it was good.

She asked him what his favorite Pokémon was, to which he told her to be more specific about which generation. She forced him to take a long sip of his beer for evading the question.

She learned that he had broken his right arm twice and was a regular contributor for a literary magazine. He prodded her about her favorite television show, and what she liked to do for fun on Saturday nights.

“Okay, okay,” she huffed. “All you know about me now is that I am very good at keeping up with Netflix Originals. B _oooooring._ ”

She let herself scoot closer, resting a hand on her chin. Their faces were inches apart, and it made her already warm cheeks feel even warmer.

“What was all that stuff with Amilyn about?”

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes cloudy as he begrudgingly took a long sip of beer. His first sip in a while, actually – he hadn’t touched his as he answered her questions, while she had been steadily drinking as she answered his. To prove her point, of course.

She swirled the dark straw around the watery residue at the end of her second drink. She felt _fine,_ still, but there was a blurriness at the edges of her vision, a slightly pleasant numbing of her fingers. “That bad?”

“It’s… complicated. I haven’t really been on speaking terms with my family for a while now.”

Something in Rey’s mind was prodding her with the laundry list of reasons she never liked Ben to begin with, eager to add ‘ _ungrateful son’_ to the list, but she found herself unable to feel the same blind anger that had come so easily before. Not when so many new things about him, _good_ things, had made the list much more confusing to parse through.

“Can I ask why or will you drink again?”

He laughed, though there wasn’t much humor in it. “Well. If I tell you it’s because of my job, will that surprise you?”

She took her time filtering through that list again in her mind. It was faded at the edges, a little blurry, but there it was: the first reason she’d decided she hated him. This part, at least, hadn’t really changed. She chuckled humorlessly. “Not really, _but_ I’m feeling nice tonight, I’ll hear you out.”

“You obviously know who Amilyn is, so I’ll assume you know who my mother is?” At her slow nod — her mind kept getting _fuzzier,_ though she worked hard to get a grip — he continued. “Well, I sorta grew up in the shadows of all of them. My dad was an Air Force pilot, too. I should have had everything. Instead I just felt… trapped. Alone.”

She knew a thing or two about feeling alone. His honesty was disarming, but she appreciated it all the same, offering him the most sympathetic smile she was capable of as he continued.

“Anyways, when I was offered a job with First Order, it felt so _right_. Like a chance to do something outside of what was expected of me. It helped that it was exactly the opposite of what they all wanted me to do.”

She watched his Adam's apple bob, the slope of his profile elegant and proud. He was so _pretty_ to look at. Sober Rey might have torn him a new one, but this Rey didn’t have the fight in her.

“So you gave up your time, money, and family for this job. Was that worth it?”

Suddenly, she felt bad for bringing any of it up. His eyes were deep and sad, and this was _not_ what she’d intended. She wanted this to be fun - she wanted to have fun _with him_.

“I... don’t know. I had these dreams of creating a name for myself, of making my own impact. Now I’m not so sure I have that chance, and it feels too late to really fix things.”

She had the strongest urge to hug him, but instead she grabbed his hand again. The way she had at the restaurant. “I don’t think it’s too late, Ben.”

He watched their intertwined hands, something between affection and amusement dancing in his gaze.

She was starting to feel sleepy — so sleepy, that she let herself slump against him, content. Happy to bask in his warmth, even if only for a little while.

“So what’re ya gonna do?” she asked, trying her best to enunciate each syllable, enjoying the way he carefully ran his hands up and down her back.

“I’m not too sure, yet. Part of the reason Hux convinced me to take this vacation was so that I could decide — I had enough time saved that I was able to pull for some last minute time off.”

“ _Barely._ They’re still making you work, all the way over here in paradise.”

When he laughed she felt his chest under her cheek. He was basically cradling her, at this point, but it felt so nice. She didn’t — _couldn’t_ — bring herself to get away. She slowly took in the weight of what he was saying, until her mind zoned in on what exactly he’d implied.

“Wait a minute…” she extracted herself, just enough to stare up at him, though not much more. “Hux had to convince you to take the trip?”

“This was their _honeymoon,_ Rey. I’m not a total monster.”

She furrowed her brows, her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. “They… they told me you took it without—“ her tongue got stuck on the word _hesitation_ , her brain doing its very best to connect her thoughts with her mouth. “Made it sound like you just _took_ it. The whole reason I decided to come. Couldn’t let you enjoy all of _this_ ” she gestured at the ocean, the trees, the sand, “all by yourself, could I?”

His eyes met hers with something that looked a lot like fondness. “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me at all.”

She furrowed her brows in mock anger. “What’re you trying to say?”

“I’m _saying_ you pack a lot of spite in a very tiny body, is all.”

She tried to punch his shoulder, though all she found was firm muscle at her pitiful attempt to maim. “ _Hey._ I’m not _tiny._ You’re just _massive,_ which makes me smaller. S’not my fault.”

He laughed, grabbing the fist she’d used to try to punch him and holding it to his chest. “What you _are_ is a spiteful, angry woman. But it’s okay,” he got closer, any traces of their heart-to-heart officially vanished in favor of that playful grin. “I like you that way.”

There had to be some explanation for the way her heart caught in her chest, hearing him say that. For the way she couldn’t bring herself to look away from him.

And then, suddenly, it was like everything hit her all at once.

“Ben... I have to tell you something,” she gazed up at him, doe-eyed.

He leaned in closer, or she did. She couldn’t quite tell anymore. “Yes?”

She giggled, eyes nearly closing against her will. “You win. _Iiiiiiiiim_ pretty sure I failed the drinking game.”

* * *

Rey was rambling — somewhere between the wine and the rum, her brain had stopped controlling what she said, choosing instead to voice any and every thought that felt important.

Ben was taking the keycard out of his pocket to open the hotel room when she voiced her newest thought. “Ben, _BenBenBen,_ I read about these mountains, supposed to be beautiful. I want to go. Can we go tomorrow, or are you gonna leave me again like you did today? I really didn’t like that you weren’t here when I woke up. It made me sad, I think.”

He sat her down on the bed, rubbing her shoulders. It felt nice, and it made her smile a little. “We can definitely go hiking, but you need to drink some water if you don’t want to have a hangover.”

He left to go to the kitchen, bringing back with him a glass of water and a tiny pill. “Here, drink this.”

Rey did as told, mumbling something about him being _so resourceful_ to herself. When she was done, he handed her another one of those granola bars.

She ate it while she watched him rummage through her drawers for her pajamas. “There — the big shirt, yeah.” She sighed happily. “These bars are _soooo_ good. I stole one of yours for breakfast this morning.” Her eyes widened. “Oops. Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

He brought her the t-shirt and shorts she’d requested, smiling. “I left it there for you.”

“Really? That was nice of you. You’re so nice when you’re not mean, Ben. I like you the most like this.”

He took her hand and guided her towards the bathroom, instructing her to wash her face and take off her makeup. “Did you just say you _like_ me?”

The water was cold, but refreshing. She slowly applied as much of her skincare routine as she could remember, nodding as she patted her face dry. “I shouldn’t, but I do.”

He was smiling fondly at her as he handed her the pajamas to change into. Rey started shimmying out of her pants, eyes starting to droop. Ben’s hands forcefully stopped her, his cheeks reddening. “Woah, woah, woah. Wait until I leave, Rey.”

“We gave each other massages today. We even _kissed,_ don’t you remember? What is there to hide?” she couldn’t control the slow giggles bubbling out of her. “Felt so nice. Love the way your hands feel on me.”

She watched him make a funny face she didn’t understand, the tips of his ears bright red, until he excused himself to give her some privacy.

The new shirt felt good. She wriggled into the bed, sniffing the comforter indulgently, except the smell reminded her of something that made her feel a little sad. Like something was missing.

Just as the alcohol had rubbed at her inhibitions, it also made it harder to avoid the thoughts she usually pushed away. Sleeping alone was the _worst_. It was cold, and lonely, and such a waste when he was right there, warm and comforting and huge.

She called for Ben, snuggling deeper into the comforter on her side.

He poked his head through the doorway, but she could see a glimpse of his chest. He was changing out there and not in here, and Rey suddenly felt sad that he was doing that. “Come here,” she said.

When he approached — bare-chested, wearing dark joggers Rey found herself appreciating even then — she watched him through hooded lids. “Can you do something for me, Ben?”

He nodded, earnest. “Whatever you need.”

She pushed the fabric down from her shoulders, extending her hand towards the vast expanse of mattress on her side. “I... don’t want to sleep alone.”

Suddenly his eyes were as wide as saucers. “Uh, Rey, are you sure? I don’t think—”

She sniffed, grabbing one of his wrists. “I’m always alone. _Aaaalways,_ ” she mumbled. “I just wanna not be alone for a little while, and I feel less alone when I’m with you.”

He sighed, taking a hand and running it gently over her forehead. He eyed the bed, his lips pursing in a silent calculation. “I’ll… I’ll be back in a second.”

She waited for him to come back into the room, this time with a simple t-shirt on over his joggers. He slowly got into bed, on the opposite side. His voice was deep and rumbly, and she wanted so badly to grab his arm and pull her close to him, but this was enough for now.

She turned over, watching his back as he leaned over to turn off the lamp.

“Thank you,” she whispered, watching him settle for the night.

He turned over to face her, resting on his elbow. “You’re not alone, Rey. Okay? I need you to know that.”

In the dark, everything felt so much more intimate. He was _right there,_ so close and yet still so far away from where she really wanted him.

All she could think of were his sad eyes by the bar, the way he’d rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her back. She settled into the bed, bringing the comforter to her chin. “Neither are you, Ben.” She meant it.

They were both silent for a while as Rey tried her best to drift off into sleep. One thought in particular, though, kept her mind running.

She whispered at the dark head of hair that lay resting a few inches away from her – close enough for her to touch, if she so dared. “Do you really promise we’ll go hiking tomorrow?”

When he replied, she was able to hear the smile in his voice, and it felt genuine and real, even if her head was swimming — _he_ was there, and genuine, and real. “I promise, we will go hiking. _Please_ get some sleep.”

Rey did as she was told. She closed her eyes and smiled into her pillow, feeling safe and warm all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> things are heating up very, very soon so i promise the torture won't go on for much longer :) 
> 
> if you enjoyed please let me know!!!! your feedback and encouragement has really made all the difference as i've gone about writing this, and i love hearing what you think. 
> 
> [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) remains the BEST BETA EVER and i am so thankful for you 💖 
> 
>   
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	8. Chapter 8

Consciousness came to Rey in waves. At first, she could barely open her eyes. The weight of sleep was so strong, and she felt so _comfortable._ Safe, even. Protected.

She was used to sleeping tightly wound in on herself — arms tucked under her chin, knees as close to her stomach as she could get. Now, though, she didn’t feel as compact. Like she could let go, and just breathe, enjoying the comfort of slumber without inadvertently etching frown lines on her forehead.

She sighed, content. Still in a precariously sensitive space between her dreams and alertness – tied to her sleepy subconscious, not yet ready to face the world.

A soft air tickled the back of her neck and she stilled, eyes wide as she became fully aware of the world around her.

Ben’s large arms were wrapped around her _right_ _now,_ gripping her torso tightly _._

Her first instinct should have been to jump out of bed. To separate herself from him immediately, and restore what little sanity she had left.

Instead, she forced her eyes shut, desperate to fall back into sleep — to drift back towards a place where she didn’t have to think about _why_ she felt so safe and warm, where she could enjoy it for what it was.

Her face burned with shame as her memories came to her in flashes. Last night had _not_ gone as she’d intended. She’d gotten piss drunk in front of Ben, let all of her defenses down, and made an absolute arse of herself in the process.

A couple of realizations came to her then.

One, she was in big trouble.

The kind of trouble that left her palms sweaty and her knees weak; trouble that had brought her to miserable depths in this same bed the night before, and would likely do so again. The kind of trouble she wasn’t quite sure how to get herself out of.

Two, she _really_ had to pee.

Her fingers were barely able to circle around Ben’s wrist as she gently grabbed at his arm. She tried wriggling away from him, only to be pulled closer, the soft groan that escaped him doing little to fix Rey's problem, in fact nudging her farther in the opposite direction.

She pulled his arms away from her with a little more strength, careful not to wake him, sparing a single glance at his sleeping face as she got out of bed and padded towards the bathroom barefoot.

The cold tap water was a welcome wake-up call as she relieved herself and slowly worked through her — admittedly simple — morning routine. She took deep breaths to bring herself back down to earth, even if all she _really_ wanted was to slip into his arms again.

Ben was awake when she returned to the bedroom, absently scrolling through his phone through hooded eyelids. His hair was all over the place, disheveled and loosely hanging in his eyes. Rey had to tamp down the urge to cross the distance between them and run her fingers through it.

His eyes met hers over the phone and he sat up with a soft smile. “Good morning. How’re you feeling?”

She sat primly on the edge of the bed, her stomach churning.

She could just barely catch glimpses of last night. How he’d helped her back to the room, made sure she’d taken off her makeup and put on her pajamas. How she’d practically _begged_ him to sleep in the same bed as her. God, she was a _fool_ — drinking had a tendency of making her a little sad, but this was an entirely new low.

“I’m okay. Just a little nauseous,” she murmured, chewing at her lip, her gaze fixed on her lap. She pressed her hands to her eyes, shame getting the best of her. “I’m really sorry about last night. That… I’m not _like_ that, usually, I really _can_ hold my liquor, and I just—”

“Rey, it’s okay,” he said, pulling her hands from her face, smiling just a little. With affection, she realized. Not judgement. “We all deserve to let loose sometimes. As long as you’re sure you feel better now?”

She took a deep breath, meeting his soft eyes on an exhale, their usual brown softened to a pretty hazel in the morning sun. “I’m sure,” she said.

He became hesitant suddenly, staring down at _his_ lap. “Do you… remember everything?”

Her cheeks reddened with another deep shot of embarrassment that left her stomach rolling. He probably thought she was the biggest idiot. He was being all too gracious, given the things she’d done.

“Bits and pieces,” she lied. “Some of it’s fuzzy… I’m sorry if I— well, that I coerced you into bed, it looks like,” she cleared her throat, wishing the ground would swallow her whole. “And anything else I might have said. I was just… drunk, it didn’t– _I_ didn’t...”

“It’s okay _,_ ” he said, though his tone was hard to decipher. He shifted to get off the bed, towards the bathroom. It struck her, not for the first time, how attuned they had become to each other in this odd, forced domesticity.

“You don’t have to apologize, Rey. If anything I should, for… well–”

“No, Ben. You didn’t do anything wrong, either. I...” she cleared her throat, hating the way her voice sounded. Desperate not to give away how she felt. “Let’s just... move past this, yeah?”

He stilled, his toothbrush in his mouth. Unlike yesterday, when she’d felt so attuned to his shifts in mood, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all. “Sure,” he said, humming in agreement while he brushed his teeth.

He was still facing the mirror, checking his face and running a hand over stubble that had grown over the past few days. “You snore, you know.”

She gaped at him. “Wait, _what_? Excuse me, I do _not–_ ”

“You absolutely do. Took me an hour to get to sleep.”

“Well, I– I mean,” she scoffed, standing to pace around the room. “Sorry I’m _so_ annoying in bed,” her eyes widened with realization. “I mean, not in _bed,_ but you know–”

“Don’t apologize,” he shifted to face her, altogether way too amused by her floundering. “It’s cute.”

She scrunched her nose — resolutely pretending her heart didn’t skip a beat at the word 'cute', especially since he seemed to get off on trying to fluster her on purpose — as she focused her energy on arranging the blankets. The blankets _they’d_ slept on. Together.

“Whatever. Have fun back on the couch tonight. I won’t be bothering you there, so you’ll sleep _just fine_ ,” she spat out. He was watching her flit around the room as she fluffed pillows, leaning against the doorframe.

“You still up for hiking today?”

Rey paused at that. She remembered asking him about the hiking trails she’d seen on Youtube when researching the trip, the ones she’d fallen in love with through pictures.

“You don’t have to go just because I wanted to, Ben. I…” she sighed, her fingers gripping the pillow sleeves. She did _really_ want to go, but there was no way she was forcing him to spend a single minute with her out of some weird sense of obligation. “Don’t worry about it.”

“What if I _do_ want to, though?”

She put the pillow down, meeting his gaze, suspicious. “You do?”

“You may not remember it, but you were _very_ passionate about these mountains. Killer sales pitch,” he smiled, crossing the room to lean against the drawer in front of her. “Plus, I think we could both use a day far away from this resort.”

That much was true. From the run-ins with Bazine, to his weird familial connection to Amilyn, some distance from the resort in the shape of a commune with nature sounded incredibly appealing

“... _Okay_ ,” she smiled down at the bed, happier at the turn of events than she would let herself admit. “Okay, yeah. Let’s go then. As long as you won’t slow me down on the trail?”

He grinned, leaning to grab his clothes from the dresser. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

The concierge at the front desk was more than accommodating when it came to choosing a car to rent for the day — it was her lovely, fake husband that just had too many _opinions_.

They had rushed through a greasy breakfast at the buffet, taking care of any residual nausea left over from the night before, and asked around for the rental car service on the property — only to find themselves in the middle of yet another heated debate.

“Ben,” she hissed. “There is _no need_ for anything fancy. You’re going to waste your money,” she frowned, crossing her arms.

He pretended not to hear her, flipping the pages of the book the concierge had laid out for them where he was currently eyeing a shiny Mercedes. “Look at this one,” he pleaded, gently tugging her closer.

She rolled her eyes and focused her attention on the concierge, though she didn’t move from Ben’s side, either.

“Sir, surely you have something a bit more modest? Corollas get _great_ mileage, for example, and the Waihe’e Ridge is quite far, isn’t it?”

“Come _on,_ ” Ben turned to her, his eyes wide and pleading. “Let’s live a little.”

He had a way of saying things that made her want to give them to him, and his absurd puppy eyes weren’t helping.

Still, she held on, furrowing her brows. "No, Ben. It's such a _massive_ waste!" 

“Alright, look, how about this?” He’d landed on a convertible Jeep. Not the most expensive option on the list, but certainly not the cheapest either. “Compromise?”

Rey sighed, leaning even more into him to look closer. It looked like the rental service prided itself on luxury vehicles, so in the grand scheme of things, this would be _technically_ roughing it. “I guess…”

Ben’s excitement was palpable as he pulled her into a grateful embrace, tucking her under his chin and squeezing. “Thank you,” he offered, his voice rumbling in her ears as her face pressed against his chest. “I’ll drive.”

If they were dating, this would have been the part where he kissed her forehead affectionately, rubbed a comforting hand up and down her side. Or, perhaps she’d kiss _him,_ leaning up on the tips of her toes and cupping his cheek in her palm.

But they weren’t dating, were definitely _not_ together, so that didn’t happen — even if Rey was unable to forget that brief, dizzying feeling of his lips on hers from yesterday, finding herself drawn to him beyond all logic.

“Oh, that was never a question,” she patted his shoulder, beaming. “I’ll enjoy being chauffeured around, thank you very much.”

After the attendant led them to the rental and handed the keys over, it was just them, their new Jeep, and the open highway.

The car was evennicer than it had looked in the picture, but Ben was so overjoyed she couldn’t find it in herself to grill him about it. He’d spent a full minute marveling over the tires and lavish seats before he’d even turned on the ignition. It was… cute, really, to see him so excited.

When did Ben Solo get _cute?_ He’d always been attractive, sure, but more of the scowling, tall-dark-and-handsome kind. Now, though, he was geeking out and pointing out car features she didn’t understand, and all she wanted to do was play along to keep him that way.

She forced him to listen to Taylor Swift’s top hits on the 45 minute drive towards the trail — _compromise,_ she’d argued _—_ while she watched the mountains and greenery pass them by. He had one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other left free to hang in the open space between them. Rey’s fingers twitched with the absurd urge to reach for him. Instead she scrolled through social media and took videos of the landscape to keep herself occupied.

With the top down and the wind rushing through her hair, there wasn’t much space for making conversation, but she found they didn’t need it. 

Just before reaching the trail they stopped at a convenience store to pack a lunch—Rey’s research had indicated it was a short hike but a steep one.

“I’m all out of my protein bars now,” he teased with a glint in his eye, picking up a few from the shelves. “I think someone’s been stealing them.”

Rey huffed, picking out some pre-packed sandwiches and water bottles for them. “That’s more _your_ fault than mine. Turkey or chicken salad?”

He grimaced. “Are there any other options?”

“Turkey or chicken salad, Ben. Pick one.”

He was silent for a moment. “Chicken salad, then?”

She rolled her eyes, grinning as she took their items towards the cash register. So _predictable._

It was noon when they finally reached the mouth of the Waihe’e Ridge Trail, Ben pulling into the last available parking spot after speeding through the last 10 miles on the empty highway. Rey was so excited she practically ran towards the entrance while he lowered the convertible roof, but he stopped her to stretch before they got started.

He put his hands on his hips, doubtful. “You should always stretch before getting started.”

Rey tilted her head. “Oh, please. None of that’s true,” she waved away his cautions, though she didn’t make any effort to stop _him_ from stretching. His biceps flexed with the effort of stretching back to pull on his calves, and she had few complaints.

“You’ll regret it if you don’t,” he warned.

“I’ll be just fine, thank you.” He was stretching his arms now, and she was suddenly glad for the way her sunglasses masked her blatant ogling. “Let’s just get started, hm?”

The mouth of the trail opened with a steep ramp, during which neither Ben and Rey did much talking. She wasn’t out of shape, but she didn’t really try too hard to stay _in_ shape either, evidenced by the way she was huffing just a few minutes in.

Sweat was starting to collect on her brow with the effort of climbing up. She glanced over at Ben, apologetic, but he seemed unphased. He was quite in his element, despite the fact that this was technically her idea.

“Do you hike often? Back home?” She asked, going for casual but sounding more like a dying horse.

“Sometimes. Not as much as I should,” he shrugged. “You?”

“I’m starting to wonder why I suggested this,” she tried to laugh, stopping off to the side to grab a drink of water. “Want yours?”

He nodded, taking the water bottle she offered him and drinking some, before groaning. “Hot as hell out here, though.”

Before she could so much as hum noncommittally, he’d set down his water, tugging at the collar of his tank top to reveal his bare chest, rendering Rey completely silent. He was starting to sweat, too, but where it made her feel like a greasy mess, it only made him even _more_ appealing. He didn’t seem to have a single issue with modesty — his chest was glistening at this point, her eyes drawn to his pecs and the small moles scattered around his skin, and he was acting as though things were just _fine._ Like this was all normal. 

It was suddenly much harder to breathe than before.

After a moment of collecting her breath, once again thankful for her sunglasses, Rey offered to place his shirt in her bag and they were off again. Though this time, she was admittedly more focused on the massive body walking alongside her than she was on the scenic route that had appeared after the initial incline.

As they fell into the walk, she once again marveled at how little she needed to force any sort of conversation. The silences were comfortable, and every once in a while she stopped them so she could grab a picture of a new flower she noticed, pledging to google them later.

“I have a whole album on my phone for flower pictures,” she boasted, bringing up the Photos app. “Look, I take them all in portrait mode and make them look all professional.”

He squinted, leaning down. Being close to him wasn’t a fear anymore, but something she actively craved. She did her own part, nudging closer. “See?”

“Pretty,” he said. “Suits you.”

She smiled as they kept walking. She could tell that Ben was taking things slower than he probably needed to, given his general wingspan, height, and all-around muscle mass, but it was nice to keep up the pace with him.

Just as she was starting to seriously wonder what had gotten in her head to suggest such an activity — she was well and truly sweating buckets now, which was _embarrassing —_ they made it to a platform where the trees opened up to a stunning view of the mountains, the dim echo of a waterfall in the distance.

The mountains clustered together on either side to create dips and valleys that took Rey’s breath away, and out in the distance the nearest beach was visible, small dots of people scattered throughout the sand as families enjoyed the sun. Birds chirped from among the trees, the wind gentle but refreshing all the way up here. It smelled of nature and dirt, which was exactly what Rey had wanted.

“Wow,” she stood as close to the edge as she was able, peering out to gauge how high they were. “This is _incredible._ ”

She let herself take it in, closing her eyes against the sun and wind, not caring at all how cheesy it looked. This view was _so_ worth it. “Isn’t it gorgeous?”

She turned back to wave Ben over, but he was looking at her with nothing short of blatant fondness _._ He neared closer, standing next to her against the railing, though he was looking directly at her. “It is.”

She watched the landscape for a moment, taking it all in, before her stomach growled unhelpfully. A single picnic table was located on the viewing point, and Rey didn’t waste a single moment before planting herself down and taking out their food. She passed him his sandwich from her bag, chewing on hers happily. Fellow hikers passed by every so often, but no one stayed for too long.

The sandwiches were admittedly mediocre, but she almost preferred the ruggedness of it all. Staring out at the lush, green mountains, she knew she couldn’t really ask for more.

“When I was little I thought the world started and ended in the gloomy suburb I grew up in,” she admitted, meeting his eyes over her sandwich. “The fact that there’s so much beauty out in the world like this… I can’t believe it sometimes. If little Rey saw me now, she’d explode.”

He chewed on his own food thoughtfully, which didn’t surprise her. Most people didn’t know how to respond, and she usually defaulted to talking to Finn about these things. After last night’s conversation with Ben, though — everything she’d blurted out drunk _notwithstanding —_ she felt more comfortable opening up. She _wanted_ to, for whatever reason.

He drummed his fingers on the wooden edge. “What was it like for you? Growing up, I mean.”

“Boring. Sad. I was too adventurous for my own good, got in trouble a lot,” she said.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she smiled. “At least I never tried to run away, though. I always thought someone would come back for me, so I stayed.”

“Until you moved here?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” she said. “I needed to move on. It helps that I met Rosie, and then Finn joined us. We were our own little team,” she recalled with no small amount of nostalgia, for the wilder times when the three of them had been each other's world. As their wilder days of their adolescence shifted to adjust to adulthood, so did that dynamic, just slightly.

“Are you… happier, now?”

She took a moment to think about that one, her face burning as she remembered her confession from last night. Even if she pretended it hadn’t happened, he clearly remembered. “I have a good, fulfilling job. Friends that care about me. There’s not a lot to complain about, is there?”

Realistically, she really _didn’t_ have much to complain about. Which only made it all the more frustrating that she did feel like something was missing — and she didn’t know how to find it.

Or, she already had, and didn’t know how to get it. That thought was almost worse.

They finished up their lunch and kept going, giving themselves enough time for the food to digest before they kept climbing. The hike itself was short, only two miles in each direction, and many guides said the overlook where the picnic table was located was a good endpoint. Except, Rey wasn’t most travelers. She wasn’t sure when she’d have an opportunity like this again, and wanted to reach the highest peak — see the best view — she possibly could.

The sun was just as warm and stifling as it had been all day. Now, though, Rey took moments to appreciate the quiet sound of their breaths, the silent way Ben greeted passing travelers coming the other way, placing a gentle hand on the small of her back and stepping behind her when too many people were on the trail at once.

He’d always come off as standoff-ish, but she could see now that it was just a slightly more tactical way of interacting with the world. He was more easy going on this vacation than he had been before, certainly, but she nevertheless found herself reframing the moments she’d once used as ammunition, shedding them in the new light she saw Ben Solo in.

Eventually — and not without a few water breaks and flower photography sessions — they found themselves in front of another stunning overlook, this one a little higher than before. They were practically _in_ the clouds, and all of Maui greeted them from below. It was breathtaking _,_ and Rey couldn’t keep her eyes off of it.

“Oh, I love this,” Rey gasped. She pulled out her phone to grab a panoramic view, though it didn’t truly do the scenery justice.

“Ben, will you take a picture of me for my Instagram?” she asked, practically shoving the phone in his hands before he could answer, though he nodded anyways.

She posed in front of the camera, suddenly a little self-conscious, her hands placed gingerly on her hips. Her phone looked tiny in Ben’s hands, and she had a startling realization that he was looking at _her_ through the camera. She couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of her — she felt sweaty and gross, and suddenly regretted putting the spotlight on her at all.

She rushed over to him once she heard the click of the camera, eager to slip out of his focus. He clicked on the tab to show her the picture.

“Ben,” she chewed her lip, trying not to laugh. “Ben, what is this? Do you not know how to take pictures?”

He brought the phone closer to him, squinting to figure out what Rey was referring to. “What do you mean? You look pretty. What did I do?”

She swept over the casual compliment, keeping the reaction to _that_ in the deep swoop of her stomach — zeroing in on how blurry the picture was. “You can barely see me, and I’m not even in the center! Do you really think I can post something like this on my Instagram?”

“I never claimed to be a photographer,” he groused. “Do you want me to take another one?”

Rey shook her head, feeling just a little bit giddy. He was even cute when he was grumbly now. “No, that’s okay. I’ll just take a selfie or something.”

She arranged herself in front of the overlook, holding the phone out as far as her arms let her, plastering her goofiest smile. She took the picture, but pouted once she saw it. There wasn’t enough of the view behind her.

Ben must have noticed her displeasure, because he grabbed the phone from her and stood off to the side. “Here, now you can arrange it yourself. You have short arms.”

She tried to arrange herself, unable to focus on how awkwardly he was standing just out of the frame. “Oh, just come here, this is impossible," she chuckled.

Tugging his wrist, she brought him closer to her, smiling brightly, the wide landscape of Maui’s mountains beautifully vibrant behind them.

“Okay,” she leaned into him, nudging his hand so that they were at the bottom, centered, tapping the screen so they were in focus. “Take it now.”

The tiny phone camera shuttered just when she instructed, and he handed the phone back to her for her approval, her nose scrunching with delight at the sight of them together, his soft smile aimed directly at the camera while she grinned, baring her teeth.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

She looked through the pictures they had taken, blushing at the visual of them. They looked casual, almost like a real couple. Like they fit together.

“It might just be my favorite,” she confessed, smiling up at him.

As if waiting for her to grab her picture and go, the sun quickly disappeared into another set of clouds, the sky grey and dark in the distance. The weather had been picture-perfect the entire trip, but it looked like that was about to change, and quickly.

“We should try hurrying up,” Ben announced, grabbing her backpack from where she’d laid it to the side for the picture. “The ground here looks like it gets muddy.”

The soft dirt beneath them seemed to agree with that. Before they’d gotten a mile down, the rain began in earnest. The ground softened underneath them, making it much more difficult to walk a straight path. Rey’s sneakers were completely brown as soon as the water hit the ground, and the lack of proper grip on her shitty tennis shoes made it difficult to stay up. They turned a particularly narrow corner, the soil soft and dark brown under them, slick and mud-caked with wet dirt.

The rain started coming down in thick droplets, and Rey lost her footing against the mud, her hands wobbling around her. She almost slipped, her foot losing balance, when Ben grabbed her arm. He helped her up, holding on to set her straight.

“You okay?” he shouted over the rain. The storm had come out of _nowhere,_ and they were in the thick of it now.

“I’m fine!” she assured him, though she really wished she had a pair of fancy walking poles some of the other hikers had right about now. Ben firmly held onto her hand the rest of the way down, his grip firm and secure. It wasn’t like the way they’d held hands before, but it was every bit as comforting as they leaned on each other and took each staircase — steep and slippery as they were — together.

When they reached the concrete path that led to the parking lot again, the rain was peppering the skin on Rey’s back, and surely doing much worse damage to Ben’s. They took the opportunity to run, hand in hand, until they finally made it back to the car, sopping wet.

“Holy shit,” Rey said as soon as they were both in the car, her teeth chattering. “T-that came out of _n-nowhere._ ”

Ben flipped the hair that had fallen into his eyes again, swatting out the excess water. They were dripping all over the seats as the rain pelted against the window.

She grabbed his dry shirt from her backpack and extended it to him.

“No,” he shook his head. “You wear it, you’re freezing.”

“And-d-d you’re not? B-ben, you’re—”

“I’m _fine,_ ” he insisted through gritted teeth, turning the heater on. “Please, just wear it.”

She warmed, realizing he was trying to be considerate, but putting on the dry shirt over her tank top would make his offer completely useless.

“Um, okay,” she said, grabbing the edges of her tank top. “I’ll have to take off my tank top, though.”

He made a pained sort of sound as he fiddled with the AC, turning up the heat. “Okay,” he muttered.

Rey watched him from the corner of her eye — not because she was scared of him seeing her in her sports bra, but because she didn’t care at all. She almost craved his gaze on her, wondering if his pupils would blow wide like they did yesterday during their massage. She’d been _naked_ under him, after all. This was nothing.

So why was her heart racing?

She took the tank top off and threw it under the seat, unable to hold in a content sigh once his shirt was covering her, warm and dry and smelling intensely of _him._ A smell she was getting way too used to.

“Okay,” she said again. “Thank you.”

His eyes roamed over her, presumably checking to make sure she was okay — settling on her chest, where she realized her damp sports bra was plastered to the t-shirt, and she was still sort of _freezing,_ so her nipples were poking through — quickly moving away as the tips of his ears turned pink.

She covered her chest as soon as she realized, but by then he’d already looked away, working his jaw. Was he breathing _heavier_ now, too, or was it just her? That thought warmed her more than the shirt possibly could have.

“You’re welcome,” he managed under his breath, his voice low.

As he drove, they sat in silence, the air fraught and crackling with an energy that she couldn’t quite name. Her eyes were focused on his hands as they gripped the steering wheel. The Jeep had a manual transmission, and she was hypnotized by the way he grabbed at the stick shift, embarrassed by how erotic it was to see him handle the car so expertly. Every movement was made all the worse by his lack of a shirt — his back muscles taut against the leather seats, chest and arms slick with rainwater. He already looked ridiculously attractive when he was driving, but this was another level.

She no longer had her sunglasses on, so she couldn’t stare outright — but she was careful with the way she watched him, just under the corner of her eye.

She had nothing new to scroll through, no new messages from Rose or Finn, and even if she did she wasn’t sure she would have answered. Her mind was, for all intents and purposes, totally occupied. 

* * *

When they finally made it back, the room felt smaller than it had the entire time they’d been here, their things scattered haphazardly. Or, well, Rey’s things — Ben seemed to have a better knack for organization and cleanliness than she did.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower,” she said, eager to wash off the sweat and rainwater from the day. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed that she looked like a wet dog, a situation she was suddenly very fixated on changing.

Ben sat down in front of the couch while she excused herself to enjoy the steam of the shower and take a well-needed breath _away_ from Ben, and the pull she felt towards him. She wasn’t quite sure what the remainder of the day had in store for them — it was already almost six, and there was nowhere for them to go — but she felt a keen sense of anticipation about it all. She wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out into the bedroom once she was done.

It was still gloomy out, but the rain had stopped, and without the sound of the shower she could hear a soft mechanic hum coming from the balcony.

The curtains covering the bedroom windows were still drawn like they were in the morning, so she had to gently move them to find out where the sound was coming from.

Her jaw dropped when she realized Ben was _in_ the hot tub, eyes closed, arms outstretched on the edges, bubbles peppering the surface. It wasn’t a big tub by any means, but it looked even smaller with him in it, his broad frame taking up at least half. He didn’t seem to notice her — the balcony wrapped around the length of the suite, but it was on the edge near the living room.

So, for a moment, she let herself watch. His hair had dried from the rain, but it was disheveled. A disaster, really. And he’d probably changed into another pair of those stupid shorts, since the ones from the boat day were still hanging to dry next to her white swimsuit. Now that she thought about it, it was rude of him to enjoy that all by himself when her muscles were starting to ache. 

Before she could reason her way out of it — not really caring that she’d just showered _—_ she rummaged through her drawer to grab a bathing suit, drifting towards her her nicest one. It was another two-piece, bright orange with frills along the edges. It didn’t have padding, which she suddenly lamented, but she’d always found those to be too uncomfortable.

Still, this was the one that framed her the nicest. It was sort of a waste, to use it for the first time when the day had become so dreary, but for some reason she _really_ wanted to. She let her hair down from the ponytail it had been in all day, ruffling it around her shoulders. It was suddenly important to her that she _didn’t_ resemble a goblin when she surprised Ben by joining him.

She tiptoed towards the hot tub once she’d changed. He didn’t seem to hear her approach, so she let herself in, hissing when the steaming water touched her skin. She sat on the edge, waiting for her legs to get acclimated before she went the whole way in.

He cracked an eye open at the sound, his eyes going wide when he saw her. He sat up, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you were showering.”

“I did,” she shrugged, letting herself further into the water, sighing as soon as she felt it around her aching muscles. “And then I found you in here, wasting a precious _shared_ amenity. Not fair.”

“Right.” She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, taking her in. She had to fight the urge to shrink under his gaze, exuding confidence as best she could.

They were quiet for a while, no sound except that of the bubbles foaming up between them, except this silence wasn’t comfortable like the others. The crackling energy was back with a vengeance. If anything, she’d made it worse by showing up in her nice bathing suit, trying to… what? Impress him?

“Today was fun,” she said, finally, staring down at the water. She crossed her legs, suddenly feeling shy. What had she been thinking? This was stupid. “Thank you for going with me. I know I was really annoying last night, and you don’t have to pretend I wasn’t.”

He tensed, the hand closest to her shoulder twitching. “This again? You weren’t annoying, Rey.”

She cringed, her body cowering in on itself. “I’m not used to… being like that. Having someone make sure I take my medicine, or remove my makeup, or whatever.”

He edged closer to her, just enough distance between them that she had to look up to meet his eyes. “Sometimes it’s okay to let people take care of you, you know. You can’t spend all your time worrying about other people.”

She shook her head. “I’m not–I never had that. I’m not used to it, so I… don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Okay, then learn,” he said, his voice soft and low close to her ear, but demanding enough that she felt lightheaded. “I took care of you last night because I wanted to.”

She met his eyes, her heart hammering against her chest. It made no sense to hear those words, coming from _him._ “Why?”

“Because I care about you,” he admitted, meeting her gaze. She couldn’t look away if she wanted to. “When you care about someone, you do things for them. The way you do things for your friends, like helping Rose with the wedding.”

She took that in. “So we’re friends, then? Is that what you’re saying?” her voice was so weak she barely managed to get the words out.

He smiled, his contemplative eyes falling to her lips. “I don’t know if the way I feel about you can be considered _friendly,_ Rey.”

Her heart was officially too much for her chest, stomach filled to the brim with butterflies that had taken flight. Their shoulders and legs were just barely touching under the water, and she couldn’t find it in herself to move away. Her gaze dropped down to _his_ lips, plush and full as they were.

The words he’d said hung around them, everything from the past few days — each wandering glance, each touch, each moment she’d let herself get lost in him — coming over her like a vicious tidal wave.

He pursed his lips, bringing her attention back to them again. His voice was deliciously deep when he murmured near her ear. “Rey...”

Their faces were so close she could feel the soft puffs of his breath on her face. “Ben?”

For a moment they were stuck, a breath apart. When she dared to glance up, his pupils were blown wide again, dark and hungry, but there was something hesitant about him, too.

She watched him swallow. Lick his lips. “Can I kiss you?”

It felt like the ground under her had caved in, her stomach swooping dangerously as she let her eyes close on a shaky exhale, slowly, as her head shifted to give him permission. 

It was the barest nod. The tiniest flutter of her eyes, the softest admission that _yes_ , she wanted this, just as much as he did. That she knew this was coming. That it was always going to lead to this.

He brushed his lips against hers tentatively, his hand coming to cradle her jaw, his thumb rubbing a soothing back and forth along the sensitive skin there. She let herself go in the taste of him, in the soft movement of his lips against hers. Tender, patient.

So _Ben._

When he pulled away to gauge her reaction, his eyes searching her face, she wanted to whimper with the separation, unable to grasp why they should be apart after learning what it felt like when his lips were _really_ on her, on purpose. After being given the chance to truly enjoy it.

She’d half-heartedly participated in awkward makeout sessions once or twice, but they were nothing like this _._ This was something else entirely. It set her chest ablaze, the way he was looking at her. Like there was no one else in the world.

Before he could prolong their separation, she leaned up to close the distance between them, her hands curling on his chest. His lips were just as soft and inviting, and she sighed against him when his other arm came around her waist, her hands snaking upwards to curl into the hair at the nape of his neck. He groaned when she licked his lips, desperate for _more,_ and the heat low in her belly erupted at the sound.

He pulled away again and she _did_ whimper this time, only accepting the distance when he began to pepper kisses along the edge of her jaw, her neck. “Ben,” she whispered, aching to be closer, her hands coming down to rest against his shoulders. 

“Been wanting to do this for ages,” he growled, frustrated by the awkward angle, pulling her hips to rest her on his lap. The new position gave him better access to her skin, the kisses suddenly turning more urgent than intimate. “Haven’t stopped thinking about you all week.”

She pulled up his face to capture his lips again, delirious with pleasure. “Me too,” she let herself admit aloud against his lips, drunk with satisfaction as his arms explored her waist and hips, securing her position on top of him. His hands settled around her curve of her ass against him, pressing her closer.

She felt the stiff press of his erection then, hard and insistent. It made her feral to _feel_ his desire under her, sighing into his mouth as the kiss deepened, doing little to mask her moans.

She curled her arms around his neck, desperate to be closer, to feel his chest press against hers. She was suddenly grateful for the fact that her top had no padding; he felt firm and warm under her, their hearts battering viciously together as they grabbed at each other.

She could have lost herself in him – in the feeling of those delicious lips on her - forever, probably, if he hadn’t intervened. There would have been nothing wrong with that. But he pulled away from where he was sucking on her neck, his fingers tugging experimentally on the fabric of her bathing suit top.

“Rey?”

In that one word, that one syllable, her _name,_ enunciated in his gruff voice — thick and deep with want — she knew exactly what he was asking. It was the difference between _before_ and _after,_ she knew. She knew, and it scared her half to death, to imagine the ways in which he’d have the opportunity to break her.

He searched her face, pleading, pupils wide and dark, the way she imagined her own must be. Rey licked her lips, desperate to taste him again. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore; there was no point in that, not when this tiny world they’d found themselves in was so wide and plentiful, just for them.

So, she did the only thing she could do.

She nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITSHAPPENING.MP4
> 
> i promise (!) i will have the next chapter for y'all as soon as possible, i really do! but i hope you enjoyed this one :)) as always, you all really keep me going with all of your feedback, so please let me know if you enjoyed!
> 
> ty [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) for dealing with me week after week 💖💖
> 
>   
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	9. Chapter 9

Rey had always had a little too much trouble letting people in.

She’d been a loner more or less all of her life, until Finn nudged himself in, bit by bit. Rose’s exuberance – and admittedly insistent personality – had functioned in much of the same way, and with them it felt like enough, for a long time. She tried to make herself believe that, anyways.

Even then, she was far from perfect. When she’d been accepted to school in the states, it took her three weeks to sit Finn down and tell him, terrified as she was of him getting angry with her even when she’d had no reason to suspect he would.

When she moved in with Rose after graduation, just the two of them and their first chance at post-grad independence, she had a habit of letting petty frustrations bubble up until they reached their boiling point. Rose had to demand they schedule weekly check-ins to force open communication between them.

Unsurprisingly, these things didn't make her a very good date either. 

The thing was, regardless of what she wanted deep down, reality was tough and people were highly unpredictable; the more closely she protected herself, the less of an opportunity they had to hurt her. That was her logic.

Following Rey’s closely guarded logic, giving Ben access to her, to _all of her,_ should have been off the table.

Instead, it was one of the easiest things she’d ever done.

It was like breathing, having his hands on her. Smelling him, tasting him, _feeling_ him. For the first time in her life, she didn’t care about how scared she felt. She didn’t want to think about the consequences.

She just wanted _more_.

As she nodded, he let out a pleased sort of sound, something between a moan and a sigh, his attention returning to the delicate skin of her neck where he’d already figured out how to elicit soft sighs from her.

“Ben,” she gasped, her hands unsure of where to go — she just wanted to be closer to him than she was now. _Needed_ to be closer. “ _Please.”_

He grabbed her torso and lifted her up out of the hot tub, placing her on the edge and standing after her. She felt bereft at the lack of proximity, only for him to get out and walk even _farther_ away, dripping wet, towards where the hotel’s standard-issue towels were placed on the lounge chairs.

Her mouth watered as she fully ogled him now, her body warm and flushed, something inside of her preening at the clear tenting in his swim trunks. These had subtle banana leafs on them, and hugged his thighs just as the others had; an improvement, to be sure. They looked good, and she felt powerful knowing he was like this because of her.

He rushed back, and before she knew it he was practically pawing at her with the seafoam green towel. His strong hands were urgent as he cursed under his breath about how long it was taking.

Rey couldn’t help but laugh at the determination with which he was viciously drying her, the movement tickling her skin while she sat along the edge of the hot tub.

He silenced her giggles with a kiss while he ran the towel over her torso, his lips teasing her newly dry skin as the towel sunk lower and lower. While he dried her arms, he kissed her collarbone. When he dried her stomach, his mouth was dangerously close to her breasts.

When he dried her legs, he looked up at her with nothing short of reverence, pressing a kiss to the side of her thigh, dangerously close to where she really wanted him.

She pulled him towards her and grabbed the second towel, leaning upwards to return the favor. She took her time, curving the towel over his arms and chest, delighting in the firm muscle tensing under her hands. When she gingerly kneeled down to dry his legs, he growled, pulling her up and finishing the job himself.

“Can’t–… I won’t–” he muttered, drying himself off while she watched. “Won’t last with you that close...”

Somehow, Rey flushed even more, both at his reaction and the image of her that it produced, kneeling beneath him, taking him in her mouth. She’d never done _that_ before, but it wasn’t an unappealing thought.

Once he’d decided they were both dry – they weren’t, not really - he threw the towel towards the floor, leaning down to cradle her jaw and kiss her again, deep and sweet. When she wrapped her arms around him this time, her legs crossing against his torso, he picked her up as though she weighed nothing.

“I can walk, you know,” she was giggling again — _Jesus_ , she was an idiot when it came to him — nipping at his earlobes playfully.

He grunted, gripping her ass tighter while he caught her mouth in a kiss.

The sliding door to the bedroom was open, and he kicked her sneakers out of the way as he brought her over to the bed. His gaze was ravenous as he laid her down, pressing soft kisses on her stomach, playing with the fabric of her bathing suit top, thick fingers teasing as he gently lifted it. A question.

“Can I?”

She nodded, eyes closing against her will at the feeling of him on top of her.

He tugged at the top and undid the knot at the back, setting aside the bright orange and watching her under him. She wanted so badly to shrink under his gaze – to take his attention away from what she knew was an admittedly underwhelming chest – but when she looked back up, his dazed eyes were taking her in indulgently, his eyes roaming while his hands explored with soft caresses.

“You…” he muttered, pressing a soft kiss to her breast, swirling his tongue liberally while he palmed the other one, his hand gentle and firm. It was like her skin was on fire, each slight movement making her feel _everything_ more intensely. Rey writhed under him, her fingers locked in his hair.

“You’re fucking perfect. The things I’ve thought about you– fuck, baby,” he groaned.

She shivered at his use of the pet name, the one she’d tried so hard to hate – all it did now was serve to make her even _more_ aroused. She could feel the moisture pooling beneath her legs, made all the worse by the feeling of his lips on her sensitive nipples.

He separated himself with a wet _pop,_ shifting his attention to her other breast. “Knowing you were right _fucking_ here, sleeping in another room this whole time. It was killing me.”

Rey moaned as he swirled his tongue around her nipple, each sensation more dizzying than the last. “I… I thought about you too,” she managed, her voice hoarse. She didn’t know what was coming over her. All rational thought was lost to the dizzying effect he had on her and the hunger for more. “In this bed.”

Ben stilled. She looked down at him, worried, until his wide eyes met hers, his jaw slack. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Rey?”

She gulped, feeling tiny under his burning glare. He pressed on when she didn’t answer. “Did you touch yourself in this bed, thinking of me?”

 _Fuck_. Hearing him say that — knowing he knew the things she’d done — filled her with a new wave of lust she could barely contain.

She couldn’t get the words out, just barely managed to nod while she moaned, his attention suddenly becoming much more urgent.

Tension coiled deep in her gut as he kissed his way down her stomach, nearing closer and closer to the apex of her thighs. She watched his Adam’s apple bob once he arrived, eyes dark and hungry.

He fingered the hem of her bathing suit bottoms, toying with the string to the side and pulling it down. Rey lifted her hips to help, watching the way he looked at her as he splayed her thighs out, taking her in, her heartbeat insistent and strong.

“You’re so wet,” he murmured, amazed, palming his cock with the hand that wasn’t laid out on her skin. “So pretty, just like this.”

His hand roamed her thighs while he pressed delicate kisses on the skin closest to her cunt. It was _torture_ , the way he was teasing her, but the best kind. The kind she could happily lose herself in.

His fingers pressed against her entrance, collecting moisture before lazily drifting upwards towards her clit, then down again. She whimpered when his fingers neared her, so close to where she wanted them and yet not close enough.

She gasped under her breath when he slid a finger into her. Just one, and already her earlier suspicions were confirmed.

“How does that feel?”

She didn’t hear him at first, or at least, didn’t know how to answer. Things didn't usually go this way. Her brief experiences were as satisfying as they were forgettable, but _this._

This was something new entirely — the delicate way he ran his hands over her, raising goosebumps on her flesh, the soft murmurs of wonder that he let escape his lips while his eyes devoured her. She’d never been asked anything like that before.

He brought his lips closer to her center, his voice muffled by the proximity to her skin. “Rey, baby, I need you to tell me how it feels, so I know what to do.”

She whined under him, her eyes shut so as to gain some coherence. “Good,” she whispered, her fingers tugging at his hair. “Really good.”

He hummed appreciatively, slipping a second finger while his thumb played lazily with her clit.

He was _trying_ to kill her, at this point. She could already feel the wave of pleasure building at her core until he removed his fingers, replacing them with his mouth. His tongue lapped lazily at her, and she couldn’t help whimpering when his nose nudged against her clit.

“You taste amazing _,_ ” he sighed, each movement of his tongue against her sensitive center bringing her closer and closer to her impending release, the telltale pressure in the back of her spine growing. “Like you were made for me.”

When he introduced two of his fingers back into her, pumping carefully while the pad of his tongue circled against her clit, it didn’t take long for the pressure in her spine to reach its breaking point as her orgasm crashed against her, her sensitive walls fluttering around his fingers. She came apart with his tongue still pressed against her, his large hands holding onto her waist while her hips bucked into him, tiny whimpers of pleasure escaping her, despite her attempt to muffle any sound by pressing her lips together.

“ _Jesus,_ ” she sighed, chest heaving as she came back down. “Ben, that was...”

She paused, eyes widening at the obvious bulge in his shorts that was officially too large to ignore. Her mouth went dry as she took in the length of him.

“You…” she sat up and tried to grab for the drawstring of his shorts, her movements slow and languid. Still, her appetite was growing steadily again already — and this time, her gaze was transfixed on his torso, desperate to know what he looked like. What he felt like. She licked her lips. “Want to see you…”

Her fingers wrapped around the waistband, pulling his shorts down with his help until his cock sprung free. If her throat had gone dry at the mere impression of it, the sight of him in front of her, heavy and insistent, was enough to take her breath away. There was a bead of slick precum at the tip, and she suddenly felt very intimidated.

She had _no_ idea how that was going to fit inside her.

He tugged the shorts off completely, laying on top of her.

Before she could think too much about it, he was kissing her again, his large hand coming to her jaw. By now she should have been used to the feeling of his tongue in her mouth, the way he already knew just how to lick on her bottom lip, but instead she was sighing against him, her hands rushing to cover as much space as possible. He was just so damn _big._

“Ben…” Rey gasped, desire coursing through her in vicious waves.

He pulled back, looking down at her with swollen lips. “What do you want, baby? Tell me.”

She groaned, feeling slightly frustrated. This _talking_ nonsense was really not something she was used to.

“Want to feel you,” she forced out, her hands caressing his back. “ _Please_.”

He let out a strangled sort of sound, cursing under his breath when he seemed to realize something. He pressed a deep, longing kiss as he stood again, pinning her down with his large hands.

“Do. Not. Move.” He punctuated each word with a kiss on her cheek, her jaw, her neck. “I’ll be right back.”

She whined softly as she watched him go, enjoying the view of his thighs and ass from behind. The air was a little cold over her naked chest — absently, a distant part of her realized the door to the balcony was still open — but the deep flush that she was sure spanned from her face and neck to the tips of her toes was more than enough to keep her satiated as she waited for him.

He practically ran back into the room, his eyes dark and consumed with a hunger that made her feel dizzy. She smiled as he kissed her again, soft and slow but with every inch of that same hunger as she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled away, brandishing what he’d gone to find — a golden wrapper.

She placed her hand on his shoulders. “You brought _condoms_? You just _had those lying around?_ ”

He hummed nonchalantly, pressing a kiss to her lips in lieu of an answer, prompting her to bite on his bottom lip. _Hard._

He groaned. “Better safe than sorry? I carry at least one with me everywhere.”

She narrowed her eyes, a different sort of heat — more like anger or possessiveness — brewing in her chest. “Did you think you’d be getting lucky with me? Was this all a part of your grand plan?”

It was either _that_ accusation or the thought of him with someone else — her mind unhelpfully provided images of him pulled against Bazine of all people, the way he must have done many times in the past, all long dark hair and curves. The thought churned her stomach and threatened to stomp on her arousal as jealousy slowly curdled instead.

He almost laughed, choosing instead to plant a slow, wet kiss to her jaw, then the crook of her neck, her shoulder, sucking gently each time where she’d surely find bruises later. It was a slow, torturous thing that had her toes curling.

“Trust me,” he said, moving farther down to take a breast in his mouth again, paying careful attention to her nipple and rolling it around with his tongue as pleasure coursed through her, erasing any sort of anger she’d held. “I could have never thought I’d get _this_ lucky.”

She preened, pulling him upwards to kiss him again, deep and slow in a silent acceptance of that answer.

 _All mine,_ a less evolved version of her screamed from the back of her mind.

She watched him unwrap the condom and start to put it on, getting up on her knees.

“Let me…” she said, under her breath, desperate to get closer. “I can help.”

She gazed up at him from under her lashes, smiling gently when she saw him looking a little wild with desire.

Rey didn’t consider herself petite, but the way he was looking at her, paired with how _massive_ he was all over — it was like he was _restraining_ himself. That thought sent a devious thrill through her.

Before he could deny her the opportunity, she took it from his hands, relishing the feeling of his cock as she delicately placed the condom on, her heart ratcheting with anticipation. He nuzzled her neck while she did it, gently guiding her back onto the bed and kneeling between her legs once it was in place.

She was breathing hard now that all pretense was gone. He kissed her while he let a hand drift to rub at her clit again, his thumb swirling gently while he inserted two fingers again. She gasped under him again at the contact, her body already hungry for more.

 _“Ben,_ ” she gasped. “Please.”

“Just want to make sure you’re ready,” he groaned, though even _he_ had his limits, if the pained voice was any indication.

He placed her against the pillow, one hand cradling her cheek while the other grabbed his cock to nudge it towards her entrance. She cried out when it grazed her clit, eyes closing against her will. She felt him nudge at her entrance, slowly guiding himself in.

 _“Fuck,_ ” he whispered under his breath, shuddering above her.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head when he’d managed himself in, her hands grabbing at his shoulders for purchase.

“You feel amazing,” he grunted, his ragged sighs doing more than enough to please her. “Does– Does that feel good?”

She hummed as best she could, lost to the feeling of how well he filled her, how complete she felt with his cock inside her.

And then he started to move.

 _That_ was a new sensation entirely, as he rolled his hips, emptying out only to fill her up again while his thumb paid close attention to her clit. He was clearly still holding himself back, slowly guiding himself in and out of her, not quite at his full potential, she knew.

“Ben,” she managed, searching for the words, even if they didn’t come to her easily. “You… you can go faster,” she whispered against him, pressing a kiss to his neck.

He groaned, looking down to meet her eyes for confirmation, though her eyes were half-lidded in pleasure as he kept up with the pace he’d established. “Are you sure?”

She nodded, eyes closed, flattered with his patience as much as she was starting to grow frustrated. She didn’t want him to hold back anymore. “It’s okay _._ I’m a big girl, I can take it.”

That was all he needed, it seemed — his pace grew almost frantic over her, the slick sounds of their bodies coming apart and together ridiculously erotic. She was taking _all_ of him at this point, and he was definitely not holding back anymore. Rey crossed her legs behind him, pulling him even closer towards her, needing _more_.

“Fuck,” he huffed. His breath was rasping now as he pressed messy kisses to her chest, his grip on her waist so firm she wondered if it might bruise.

As she started to snake a hand down to give herself what she needed, he beat her to it as his thumb found her clit again, setting a pace that matched his thrusts.

She clamped a hand on her mouth almost instinctively to drown out a loud moan as the beginnings of her orgasm, this one even stronger than the last, began to rock through her,

She’d never felt like this before. No one had ever tended to her with such care. It was almost embarrassing.

“No,” he growled, the gentle touch of his hand as he uncovered her mouth at odds with the way he was currently thrusting into her with full force. “I want to hear you. You can be as loud as you want with me.”

She couldn’t deny him that — not when this felt so good, not when she felt like she was floating. As her orgasm fully hit her, she focused on the waves of pleasure that coursed through her, the way he filled her so well, how caring he’d been the entire time. She moaned, letting herself go in a way she hadn’t in a long time. Perhaps ever.

“Ben, _ohmygod_ , this feels—“

“Me too,” he grunted, bottoming out until finally he stilled on top of her, groaning as he chased his own orgasm, hiding his face in her neck.

She wrapped her arms around him as they both came apart, their ragged sighs filling the silence. He pulled out of her, kissing her so deeply she was pretty sure she’d forgotten her own name.

She was still trying to catch her breath when he went to dispose of the condom, stuck in the glow of what was undoubtedly the strongest orgasm of her life. When he came back she was half asleep already, limp in his arms as he gently pulled the covers over them and pulled her closer towards him, pressing languid kisses on her shoulder.

She turned over to face him, nuzzling closer until they were skin to skin and she was safe in the crook of his neck, his arms protectively latched around her.

“That was nice,” she sighed against him, content.

“Really? No notes?”

She looked up at him from under her lashes to find him smiling, absurdly pleased.

Rey rolled her eyes and shoved him — just a little, enough to make her point without actually creating any distance between them — biting down a smile. “Shut up.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” he chuckled, pulling her closer, kissing her forehead.

Rey smiled, letting him have his moment of masculine pride, the exhaustion of the day settling itself into her muscles. Now that the excitement had washed away and she basked in the hazy glow of what they’d done, she was well and truly spent.

As her eyes closed against her will, Rey let herself go in his arms, while the crash of the waves against the shore a few hundred feet away lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

The sky was heavy and gloomy after the impromptu rainstorm, but by nightfall the clouds had parted to give the full moon her own stage among the darkness. Rey woke up, registering the ridiculous ache in her muscles as she stretched out on the bed, still a little dazed by what had happened on it just a few hours prior.

He wasn’t in bed, which was frustrating. Rolling over to check her phone, her heart stopped, noticing that she had a few messages from Rose.

_**Rose** _

_Heyyyy_

_Im bored_

_Were def starting to feel better but now its just B O R I N G and armie has decided this is the time to reveal to me he likes to do cat puzzles_

_CAT PUZZLES REY I CANT BELIEVE I MARRIED THIS HOW DID HE HIDE IT ALL THIS TIME_

_How is paradise_

_Are you alive why arent u answering :(_

_Ok i guess u could be tanning by the pool U havent uploaded anything on ig so I WOULDNT KNOWWW_

_Send me a pic i wanna know what im missing!!!!!!_

Rey chewed on the corner of her mouth. She still _smelled_ like Ben, and the text from Rose had been an unwelcome reminder of what that meant.

As if on cue, Ben chose that moment to come back into the room, opening the door gently and smiling shyly down at her once he saw she was awake. He must have showered.

“Hey.”

She put her phone down, staring up at him and returning that shy smile. The combination of hiking and sex had left her decidedly _not_ ready for a second round, but her insides were stirring already at the sight of him, hair wet and completely bare save for his briefs. “Hi.”

He seemed unsure of what to do, standing just a bit too far until she tugged him closer, holding onto his thumb. That was all the indication he needed, as he immediately leaned over to kiss her, an activity that was climbing higher and higher on her list of favorites.

“I ordered room service, so whenever you’re ready to eat…”

She turned over, her hand on her stomach. “Food sounds good,” she pulled the covers up over her, groaning at the stretch in her thighs and arms. “I’m so sore.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, grinning. “Oh?”

“From _hiking,_ ” she muttered, kicking at his chest. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

He came over her on all fours, trapping her under him. “I told you to stretch,” he murmured, eliciting giggles out of Rey when he kissed a ticklish spot under her jaw. “See what happens when you don’t listen?”

His words were teasing, but their implication made Rey want to forget dinner _and_ the soreness. He laughed over her, kissing her chastely. Like it was nothing — like this was normal.

It scared Rey, just a little, to realize how badly she wanted that to be true.

He pulled himself away after telling her to get dressed and join him in the living room where the food had been laid out — he’d ordered a hamburger for her, news that her stomach responded to loud and clear with an audible growl. When he was gone she sat up, turning her phone over again while her mind raced, rereading Rose’s messages.

_**Rey** _

_Hey sry!!!_

_Ur right i was out tanning lol_

_I went hiking today tho :) heres some pics!_

She scrolled through her pictures from the day, choosing a few of her favorite flower and landscape shots and blushing when her thumb stopped over the selfie she took with Ben.

She didn’t know what this was, what they were doing, what it meant, or what Ben was thinking. What she _did_ know was that she felt good, better than she had in a long time, and all she wanted right now was for things to stay exactly as they were.

She swiped over the selfie they'd taken and tapped on the one she’d taken alone, sending it off to Rose and turning off her phone.

* * *

They’d eaten dinner — Rey in a sleep shirt and nothing else, Ben in his briefs and nothing else — while sneaking anxious glances at each other over bites of their food, the two of them clearly ravenous after so much physical activity. She couldn’t even bring herself to grill him over the plain quesadilla he was eating.

Rey wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate this part, either. A tiny part of her was experiencing a bout of clarity that came with shiny alarm bells, while the rest of her felt languid and at ease in a way she never had before, her memory presenting her with helpful flashbacks that left her squirming in her seat.

He’d made the right choice with the hamburger, which she chewed happily while fixating on the sight of his fingers cutting through his tortilla and cheese, the same fingers that had just hours ago had so deftly–

She grabbed a french fry and dipped it in ketchup, eyes on her plate.

Rey was so hungry she didn’t exactly have time to talk, as she practically inhaled her meal and sipped up the last of her Coke – but the longer they went without speaking, the more uncomfortable she felt.

“Um _, I’mgoingtogoshowernow,_ ” she mumbled as soon as she was done, standing to head towards the bathroom even though he was still only halfway through his own meal. His hand darted out to stop her when she was an arm’s length away. She looked down at him, an eyebrow raised.

He responded by pulling her towards him until she was _in_ his lap, his food forgotten on the plate. He kissed her neck, sending shivers running down her body, her body seriously unaware of how _not_ ready she was for them to go again.

“What’s up? Talk to me, please.”

She couldn’t meet his eyes, and he grabbed her wrists, holding them in his hands. “Is it– do you regret… what we did?”

She gave in and laid her head against his bare chest, shaking her head gently. “No, I don’t.”

He was silent for a moment, thinking. “I’ll take that as a good sign,” he mumbled. She could feel the vibrations of his deep voice against her cheek. “Go shower, and we’ll watch a movie when you’re done?”

That second shower was a necessary indulgence, even if it was a little unfortunate to wash Ben’s smell off, and after she was comfy and dressed for bed they tried their best to watch the movie. They really did.

She’d argued in favor of a fun action film, while he’d insisted on a biopic.

“Ben, I get that you think this bloke’s life was interesting, but wouldn’t you rather see some explosions or something?”

He shook his head. “You don’t even know who he is! You see? Take this opportunity to learn something.”

She pulled away from him. “Are you _hearing_ yourself right now? And here I thought I was done with school. Why do I need to spend my _free time_ ,” she punctuated the words by gesturing at their room, “learning? Why not just have some fun?”

“This _is_ fun,” he frowned. Her eyes watched the turn of his lips, her resolve crumbling.

Ultimately, it didn’t really matter. Although she _had_ conceded, she didn’t remember much of the movie anyways. She was far too busy enjoying the way he kept leaning down to kiss her as his fingers ran up and down her back, lulling her into a peaceful sleep before the credits were rolling. 

* * *

When Rey woke up early the next morning, it was thanks to all the rest she’d gotten sleeping in Ben’s arms — this time, their closeness a result of their mutual desire to stay near each other. She felt fully refreshed, even if she was still a little sore.

She propped herself up on her side once she was fully awake, an elbow resting on the bed and holding up her head. This gave her the chance to steal a moment to indulgently gaze at him, reveling in the secrecy of the act, the knowledge that his sleeping frame was bare and open for her - _only_ her - to enjoy. She took in his long nose, full lips, the dark hair that begged to be tousled. He was so intoxicating just to _look_ at, and now knowing what it felt like to have him inside her, how well he filled her, made her shiver.

Smiling to herself, Rey nudged him gently, testing his sleeping form. He scrunched his nose and made a low noise, as if she’d tickled him, but otherwise remained asleep.

She shifted, laying her head down on his chest, arms around him so that she was planted firmly on top of him. He shifted, once again making that same sweet noise — almost like a growl, a sound that immediately sent pleasure coursing through Rey’s body — but he wasn’t quite awake yet.

Turning her face to the side, her cheek resting on his chest, she reached up to feel for the scruff under his neck, daintily dragging her fingertips across his nose, cheeks, eyes, ears. She could happily spend her entire day, sitting here with his warmth under her, exploring him languidly like a map that led to secret treasure.

Just as she was drifting back into sleep, she felt him move under her, his large arms coming to rest protectively against her back. She looked upwards to catch his eye, but they were still closed. He hummed contentedly, tightening his grip around her.

Spurred into action at his movement, she shifted upwards again, moving forward so that their faces were inches apart. She repeated her earlier ministrations, gently letting her fingers roam and explore again. She ran her thumb over his bottom lip appreciatively, enjoying how thick and plush it was.

He smiled against her finger, pressing a soft kiss to it.

She was sated and drunk on endorphins in a way that was only possible after a night of good sex — that is to say, she hadn’t felt this good, this _peaceful_ , in a long time.

And how much time had she wasted hating him? How many hours of her life, lost stewing in meaningless anger when she could have been appreciating _this_ all along?

She couldn’t bring herself to care whether either of them had brushed their teeth, could only think of being as close to him as possible. She tightened her legs around his chest, leaning down to kiss him. She slipped her tongue into his mouth with little resistance, his arms roaming up and down her bare back, gripping her ass to tug her closer.

She’d moved on to his neck, pressing light kisses there, nipping at his earlobes, enjoying the soft vibrations on her lips every time he hummed with pleasure. “Good morning,” he said, voice hoarse and thick with sleep.

Jesus. Was she really so turned on by the sound of his _voice?_ “Good morning to you, too.” She smiled against the crook of his neck, enjoying the way he continued to rub a lazy hand against her back. “What do you want to do today?”

He let his hands roam towards her ass again, this time squeezing just a little. “If it were up to me I would keep you in this hotel room to myself all day. What do _you_ want to do?”

She laughed, her smile dropping slightly when she felt something stiff against her. She swallowed at the feeling of him, already so hard.

Briefly, she remembered a moment from yesterday, when he’d stopped her from drying his legs, images of the suggestive position she’d been in suddenly appearing in her mind, this time with more accurate visuals gained from experience.

Just like yesterday, the thought of it didn’t revile her. In fact, quite the opposite.

He’d taken his time with her then, had treated her so well. Just the memory of the things he’d said to her were making her dangerously wet.

Before she could think too much about it, she began to press deep kisses along his chest, rising slightly so that she could work her way down.

He lifted his head, fully alert. “Rey? What are you doing?”

She hummed against his skin, delighted by the sight of the happy trail on his lower abdomen, her nose pressed against the fabric of his boxers. “I got an idea,” she said, staring up at him. “I want to try something.”

“You don’t have to…” he said, the strangle in his voice at odds with the words he was saying.

She gingerly pulled on the fabric of his boxers until his cock was visible to her.

“I want to,” she kissed his thigh, leaning back to take him in.

 _Because I care about you,_ were the words she didn’t say. Couldn’t bring herself to. Better to show him, anyways.

He was even larger up close, and once again was slightly intimidated, with no idea how this was going to work. She didn’t know where this bravery was coming from, either. Something about Ben just seemed to make her reckless.

She licked her lips, arousal coursing through her at the mere thought of doing this for him. “Can you… well, I’ve never done this before, so just…”

His head fell towards the pillow, a hand covering his eyes while she stared down at his cock.

“Okay, wait.”

She sat up while he composed himself, charmed by his response to her.

When he was ready, he sat straighter against the headboard, and she stared down, her hand itching to get started.

“You can start by just grabbing it,” he breathed, his fists clenched.

Tentatively, she grabbed hold of him. He was half-hard already and she felt him twitch in her hands when she grabbed, slowly moving her hand up and down, taking a bit of the precum that had become visible at the head to make it easier. “Like this?”

He nodded, eyes closed while she worked her hand up and down, relishing in the soft moans coming from the man just a few feet away.

She licked her lips. No time like the present.

When she took him in her mouth, she had to adjust her position, just a bit, to fully fit him in. He groaned audibly when she did, his hand coming to pet her hair.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he muttered, as Rey swirled her tongue, exploring the sensation. She only had the tip of his cock in her mouth and he looked like he was about to come undone already.

“Be careful with your teeth, baby,” he muttered softly. There was that talking again — it seemed to be his way of doing things. She was grateful for it now, though. It helped her know how exactly to make him feel good.

She took that advice, covering her teeth with her lips and taking him deeper, moaning at the feeling of him filling her. If she was wet before, she was probably _dripping_ by now.

Swirling her tongue around the head, her hand returned to work up and down the part of him she wasn’t quite able to reach.

“You feel so good,” he grunted, hips bucking just slightly when she hummed around him in response. She couldn’t quite take him all the way in, but he seemed to be enjoying this, which pleased her.

He gently guided her head with his hand, setting a pace that seemed to work for him. “Like that,” he muttered. “Doing so good.”

She sighed against him, pleased with the encouragement. Her jaw was starting to ache a little, and she looked up at him to gauge his reactions.

“I’m close,” he managed, his hand still gentle at the crown of her head while she did her best to take as much of him as she could, hollowing her cheeks around him and delighting in the groan that followed. “Just like that, I’m– _,_ ” he was talking through gritted teeth. “I don’t wanna come in your mouth if—”

She hummed around him and did her best to take him in just a bit further, both to get him closer to his release and to show him she didn’t really mind. Just from his tone, she could tell that’s what _he_ wanted, and she was happy to oblige.

He finished almost instantly, his hips bucking into her as he came into her mouth.

She swallowed curiously. It was warm and bitter, and some of it had fallen on her chin, but he kept murmuring endearments so fondly she didn’t even have the space to be embarrassed about it. What had gotten _into_ her?

His chest was heaving as he gently grabbed her, pulling her towards him to kiss her and cleaning up what was left of him off of her, rubbing away the errant tears that had fallen.

“You did so well,” he murmured, while she sighed against his lips. It felt so good to have made _him_ feel so good. “You sure that was your first time?”

She laughed, sitting up in his lap and resting her cheek against his chest. “I’m full of surprises, you know.”

“I'm starting to see that,” he chuckled, kissing the crown of her head.

His hand was rubbing at her back gently again, so soothing she was almost tempted to never leave this hotel room. They could stay here forever, surely, just them? She was starting to think she wouldn’t really need anything else.

“We should go get breakfast,” she said against his chest after a while, her fingers absently tracing the moles she could see.

“We should,” he replied, though he made no effort to move.

Rey was certain they _would_ get breakfast, sooner or later. There was still time before the buffet closed, and she had worked up quite an appetite. A french toast slice with strawberries and syrup sounded really, really good right now.

For now, though, they sat in each other's arms as a new day in paradise unraveled around them, umbrellas unfurling in the white sand and families clamoring for space on the pool deck, while the smell of sunscreen and saltwater began to perfume the breezy air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew.
> 
> well, they did the damn thing. took em long enough
> 
> is it smooth sailing from here? is trouble on the horizon? who knows! (me, i know) :)
> 
> i really hope you all enjoyed! this was my first time writing smut, so i hope i gave these two the experiences they deserved. i'd love to hear what you thought!!!! your feedback keeps me going! 
> 
> as always [chasingnexus](http://www.twitter.com/chasingnexus) is a phenomenal beta and dear friend and this fic wouldnt exist without her!!!  
>    
> thank you for reading <3 
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	10. Chapter 10

If there was one thing on this resort Rey was grateful for, it was the flexibility and patience of the buffet employees to let them slide in with only fifteen minutes left until they were set to close.

She had, very genuinely, made every possible effort to make it on time — it was just, her ability to make any coherent decisions had been dangerously minimized in the past day or so.

“You’re _absolutely_ sure you don’t wanna just stay here all day?” Ben wound his arms around her, pinning her to his bare chest and nuzzling the nape of her neck, pressing tiny kisses there.

She scrunched her nose against him, unable to suppress a smile. He was just so _warm._ Enough that it took her a few moments to remind herself that there was an entire resort out there to explore, and there was nothing stopping her from doing it with him.

“Tempting, but no,” she propped herself up directly above him, their faces only inches apart. “That’s just wasteful.”

He brought a hand to her cheek, slowly moving lower to skim her waist, his fingers gently gliding across her hip bone, threatening to inch even lower. “At least let me return the favor…?”

Her body was a traitorous little thing, stirring to life instantaneously. She managed to push away, despite every cell in her body begging her not to. “I’m serious. I’d like to actually enjoy this lovely hotel and the amenities in it.”

He might have grown up with luxury casually thrown at him, but she certainly hadn’t. There was _no way_ she was spending her day in a hotel room.

She sat up, nudging him with her feet until he was nearly off the bed. “Go on and get ready. You take even longer than me.”

Rey settled back against the sheets once he was up. She didn’t know what had gotten into her, but she felt so peaceful she couldn’t bring herself to care about anything other than what was right in front of her. And right now, that was the sight of a very naked, slightly burnt Ben Solo leaning over the dresser, picking out his swim trunks for the day. A muted red pair, this time, with dark blue accents. Rey approved.

She let herself watch indulgently while he snuck glances back at her, until she really _did_ need to get up and go through her own routine, picking up her white bathing suit from where it had dried on the balcony.

When she was finally in the bathroom again, the daylight allowed her to fully notice the bruises Ben had left her with overnight. She didn’t have any waterproof makeup to cover them with. Her lips were a little swollen still, too. She looked different _—_ debauched _,_ even — and she felt it. She even _liked_ it.

She was definitely losing it.

An idea came to her as she stood in front of the mirror, a mischievous grin settling on her features. “Ben?”

She could hear him from where he was fiddling with his hair products in the mirror on the dresser. He was probably just about to finish the elaborate routine she’d noticed him doing every morning, one that left his dark hair looking effortlessly tousled, though she now knew the truth. “Hm?”

"Can you help me tie this up?”

She didn’t need the help. Not really. But as she was preparing to tie the suit at her back, the ghost of his touch from a few days ago was suddenly too strong to ignore.

He was at the bathroom in an instant. She gestured at the string, meeting his eyes in the mirror while she held up the fabric at the front.

Just like the other day, his hands were at her back, tying the string together. Unlike the other day, though, she felt him linger this time, his hands skimming her waist with no need for propriety. She wasn’t surprised at the way her body was responding anymore — she seemed to exist in a near constant state of arousal where he was concerned.

“Thank you,” she met his eyes in the mirror and smiled, enjoying the decadent feeling of his hands on her, letting herself lean into his touch. He grabbed her hips and turned her around.

His eyes grazed her slowly, landing on her breasts, enough to make her blush and cross her arms.

He furrowed his brows. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“The…” he gestured at her vaguely, which would have been funny, given the fact that he’d been quite literally inside of her just last night, if Rey weren’t so confused. “I noticed it the other day, too. You get weird about your… chest.”

She sighed. It was a silly insecurity, maybe. She didn’t necessarily mind them, but she didn’t need his lingering eyes to remind her that she left much to be desired in that area, either. Why was he bringing attention to it now?

She narrowed her eyes. “Well, _you_ hide your ears. You think I don't see you spending all that time fiddling with your hair just to cover them? We all have insecurities.”

He was the one growing red now, the very tips of those ears taking on an adorable pink hue.

“That isn’t the same thing.”

“Why not?”

The palms of his hands appreciatively caressed her over the fabric of the bathing suit. He grinned boyishly. “I _like_ your boobs. A lot.”

She blushed, embarrassed and a little giddy with the sensation of feeling so desired. “Well, I _like_ your ears. A lot." She smiled, letting her fingers move his soft hair to pinch the warm, reddened tips. They were incredibly endearing. “So, we seem to be at an impasse.”

His smile turned shy. “You’re missing the point.”

“Oh? Care to enlighten me, then?”

He shrugged, leaning down to slant his lips against hers. “The point is,” he murmured against her mouth, his full lips working seamlessly with hers. “I need to make sure you know how beautiful you are.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she smiled against his lips, her fingers knotted in his hair. He kept finding ways to surprise her. Just like that, she was lost again, putty in his hands.

Before she knew it the kiss had deepened, his arms caging her in against the sink while her arms wrapped around his neck.

He shifted slightly, placing lazy kisses along her neck and collarbone while a large hand came at her newly tied top to nudge at the fabric, exposing her breasts to the cool air. “I don’t think you realize what you do to me. What _these_ do to me.”

It was like her skin was on fire from the inside, each slight movement making her feel everything more intensely. One of his fingers gently grazed over an exposed nipple, resulting in an almost dizzying feeling that had her rolling her eyes as she moaned.

“I love how perfect they are. The way they fit in my hand,” he said, moving lower to kiss her clavicle, then lower until his mouth found the same nipple. He stuck one in his mouth, his tongue rolling languidly. “The way they feel in my mouth,” he continued to explore her as she stood in front of him on legs that were growing weaker by the second, a hand fisting into the hair at the nape of his neck. “The pretty little sounds you make when I tease them.”

She was gaping at him from above, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. The words he was saying weren’t making any sense. “Ben…”

He hummed against her nipple. “Hm?”

“We- we’re gonna miss breakfast if you don’t…” she yelped when his hand snaked into her bottoms, past the thatch of curls there. She felt him smile against her skin when his fingers swiped easily at her entrance, already so wet. She was losing every inch of self-control she had left.

She pulled him up in a desperate attempt to kiss him but he shook his head, his attention fully focused on her chest, until his arms gripped her by the waist and propped her up on the counter.

“ _Ben…_ ” she tried to warn, though it didn’t sound much like a warning at all.

His hands leisurely ran across her thighs before pulling her forward from behind her knees. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he seemed to have other ideas, kneeling down so that his face was directly between her legs.

He licked his lips. “If I promise you we’ll make it to breakfast on time will you let me do this?”

He was dead set on killing her. Of this, she was now absolutely certain — and what a way to go it was.

She wasn’t sure she had much of a voice left, but she tried her best. “Y-yes, okay.”

He spread her legs apart, kissing her inner thigh. “Good.”

The praise wasn’t for her necessarily, but it sent a shiver running across her skin all the same. He must have noticed the effect it had on her, because he didn’t stop there.

He slipped the suit down her legs to give himself better vantage, lifting her right leg and placing it on his shoulder so that she was wide open in front of him.

It should have been embarrassing, sitting there in broad daylight on the sink _,_ completely bare — it was a level of physical vulnerability Rey wasn’t at all used to. Nothing could have possibly prepared her for _this._

And yet, it felt entirely right, in a way she could barely describe. It helped that the hungry look in Ben’s eyes was doing more than enough to sell her on the idea.

He licked his lips, and Rey followed the movement of his mouth as he kissed his way up her thigh, anticipation building in her spine, more murmurs of _so good, so sweet, so perfect_ tickling her skin.

She was ready to grab him by the hair and force his lips right where she needed them, done with the teasing, when his nose bumped her clit and she cried out at the contact, already intensely sensitive and eager. He smiled against her and pressed a kiss to her center while she continued to writhe under him.

They’d only been aware of each other so intimately for about a day, and yet he already knew exactly how to get her to respond. He tested her with a finger, then two, before pumping in an out while his tongue made quick work of her clit.

“That… feels,” she was hardly able to focus on anything except the white-hot pleasure that burned at her core, but just as he’d learned so quickly about how to please her, she’d started to learn about him too. He liked to hear her. So she tried. “Just like that,” she breathed.

Her hips began to buck against his mouth the closer she got to her impending release, urging him to move faster, the slick sounds of his fingers and mouth working against her wetness enough to drive her over the edge. She came with a barely concealed shriek, her vision going white as pleasure rolled over her.

She gently urged Ben’s face away from her legs once she couldn’t take it anymore, the rolling euphoria of her orgasm enough to leave her limp against the sink, which in the middle of… whatever _that_ was… had been accidentally turned on so that water was rushing out. Rey was barely able to notice — it was Ben that leaned over, lips still wet with _her,_ to turn it off.

He kissed her while he fixed her bathing suit, covering the fabric over her breasts and lifting the bottoms back where they were meant to go. “See? Still on time for breakfast.”

Her eyes were still closed while she caught her breath, her hands against his chest. “Hmm.”

When Ben set her back onto the cool floor, she followed him into the bedroom, pulling on her coverup and breezily grabbing her things, until she checked her phone.

Rey had absolutely zero complaints about their morning so far — but when she was hungry, she was _hungry._ “Ben, the buffet closes at 10:30. It is nearly 10:15. I would not call that ‘enough time’.”

He came up from behind her and grabbed at her waist, causing her to emit a sound somewhere between a shriek and a giggle. “A man’s gotta eat.”

She swatted his arms away, blushing at the implication. “Yeah, yeah. Well, so does a woman, and I’m starving. You _promised._ ”

So, the walk towards the buffet had been a _little_ rushed. To make good with his promise, Ben grabbed her hand and walked as fast as possible, long legs stretching into a gait Rey could barely keep up with. They were giggling messes by the time they arrived, falling over each other when they asked to be seated.

The employees led them to a table with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smile. They weren’t the first pair of newlyweds — fake or otherwise — to make a rushed entrance into the dining corridor, and they certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Rey eagerly piled her French toast slices high with Nutella, strawberries, pineapple and an extra layer of condensed milk, which Ben regarded with nothing short of disgust over his plain omelette.

“Oh, come on,” she rolled her eyes, picking up a piece of pineapple covered in the syrupy milk and bringing it towards his lips. “The condensed milk is sweet while the pineapple is tart — it’s so good.”

“Hm, kind of like you, then?”

She brought it closer to his mouth, wondering when he’d stop making her blush. “Just try it.”

He opened his mouth enough for her to gingerly place the piece of pineapple in, shivering at the feeling of his tongue over her fingers. She watched him chew, delighting in the slight puckering of his lips at the sour fruit before the condensed milk tamped it down. “Well?”

“…It’s _good_ ,” he conceded. She smiled, pleased, focusing her attention back on the plate of food in front of her, before she felt his arm wrap around her and tug her closer. “You definitely taste better, though.”

She hid her blush — she was starting to think it was just a permanent thing now, so long as Ben kept talking to her — with a teasing roll of her eyes. “Shut up and finish your damn omelette.”

* * *

After breakfast they walked leisurely out of the buffet and towards the main deck of the hotel, an entire day spread out in front of them.

He’d taken her hand in his as they walked out, as naturally as though they’d been doing this for months. The hotel even _looked_ different today, the sun shining brightly above them.

They’d decided on the pool — Rey had advocated for the big, family-friendly one she’d gone to the other day, but Ben had insisted they go to the adults-only option in a secluded corner of the resort.

“It’s about compromise _,_ right _?”_ he said, tugging her closer, his large hand completely enveloping hers. “We’ll go out to the pool like you want, but I would rather be somewhere where I won’t scandalize young children.”

She raised an eyebrow up at him. “And why exactly would you be scandalizing _young children?_ ”

“Better safe than sorry,” he smirked, opening the gate for the Serenity Oasis — the naming conventions at the resort were all a little _much,_ in Rey’s opinion — leading directly into an luxurious infinity pool that seemed to reach out into the sea, blanketed by heavy throngs of palm trees and cabanas with reclining chairs.

Rey’s mouth fell into an ‘O’ at the sight, her eyes wide. “This place was just here, this whole time? How many pools does one hotel even _need_?”

The area was indeed relatively secluded. Except for a few other adults relaxing or drinking by the water, it was quiet, nothing more than the sound of trees and soft instrumental music reaching Rey’s ears.

Ben chose a cabana at the edge of the pool, placing Rey’s bag on the reclining chair. He almost ran straight into the water, but not before Rey pulled him back by the arm, gripping tightly. “Uh-uh, if you forget sunscreen today you’re _really_ gonna burn. Come here.”

She sat him down on one of the cabanas, sitting cross-legged behind him and rubbing the lotion all over his back, tickled by the easy domesticity of it all. Once she was done, she got up and sat in front of him, doing the same to his chest and arms. It was absurd, how much she enjoyed touching him, even with something as simple as making sure he applied solar protection.

“All done,” she murmured, a little breathless. “You’ll have to wait a second before you can go in.”

“Okay,” he took the bottle from her. “You need sunscreen, too.”

She was managing her tan just fine, actually, but she allowed him to repeat the routine on her, turning around when he was done subtly fondling her chest — she now understood a little more what he meant by the word _scandalize_ — only for him to direct her to lay down so that he could apply it over her legs, doing the same thing to her ass.

She was almost more turned on than she’d been the day of the massage, now that she could appreciate it without having to hold back. Now that touches between them didn’t come at quite the same cost.

She turned over immediately, excited to enjoy the sun and move as little as possible. Ben, on the other hand, seemed to have the exact opposite idea, despite his insistence that they stay in the hotel room all day.

He was sitting on the edge of her chair, running a lazy hand over her legs. “I think I’ll swim a few laps.”

Rey eyed him quizzically. “Swim a few _laps_?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I’ve just never heard someone _seriously_ say they’re going to ‘swim a few laps’.”

He leaned over to kiss her. “Do you have to fight me on everything I say?”

She giggled against his lips. “This isn’t a fight. It just sounds unequivocally _absurd_ to say you’re going to swim a few laps. Like you’re some snobby, posh socialite who goes golfing and calls it a business meeting or something.”

“I think that’s classist or something,” he said, his eyes lighting up enough to know he was teasing, giving her just as good as she gave him.

“Oh, alright, so you have no idea what classism is, then. Cool. And they gave you a law degree?”

He kissed her again, deeper this time. “You know, you’re way cuter when you’re nice to me.”

“And _you’re_ cuter when you don’t open your mouth, so I guess we’re both setting ourselves up for failure here.”

He sat back, rubbing a hand on her legs again, looking at her with a fondness that made her head spin. So she kicked him.

“Go swim your laps, or whatever. You’re blocking the sun.”

He grinned, whipping his shirt off and practically jumping in the pool. He may have preferred the adults-only area, but he was acting like a little kid, swimming from one end to the other.

Rey took it in stride, leaning back to watch his broad arms and shoulders appreciatively. His form was perfect, which only reminded Rey that she swam like a seizing dog. It was just one of the many, _many_ differences between them.

It was hard for Rey to believe that merely a week ago they’d been facing each other as nearly enemies at Rose’s wedding, and had been scowling at each other for much longer before that.

If their friends saw her now…

She shook that thought away. Rey didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to think about _anything —_ she was so tired of planning ahead, worrying incessantly, letting stress drive her every waking moment. She’d been given a rare chance to do whatever she wanted — and she was going to take it.

As far as Rey was concerned, her real life didn’t matter at _all_ right now. What _mattered_ , was that Ben was calling her over, trying to get her attention. She didn’t really plan on swimming, but she walked over, sitting at the edge of the pool and dipping her feet in.

“You trying to impress me or something?”

He smiled, shaking the water out of his hair and pushing it back. “Is it working?”

She shrugged. _“_ That’s to be decided.”

He grabbed onto her ankles from the water. “Why don’t you come in?”

“Did you already forget the snorkeling situation?”

“Oh, come on.” He was still holding onto her ankles, his thumb running along her skin. “You did great in the ocean, why would a tiny pool be any different?”

“ _Because_ I would rather just not swim,” she crossed her arms. “I look silly when I do, and there are no life vests here.”

“What if you just hold onto me?” He leaned upwards, and Rey let her hands drift towards his hair, pushing it away from his ears.

“That’s a _little_ more convincing, but I don’t know, it’s a big risk…”

He tugged her ankles to force her in, over admittedly childish laughter coming from both of them. They probably _were_ better off among the kids doing cartwheels in the big pool then all of the very serious adults trying to have a mature, relaxed time.

She poked at his chest with her foot. “I’ll come in, I’ll come in,” she announced. “As long as you make sure I don’t drown.”

“I’ve got you,” he promised, the words doing something weird and fluttery to Rey’s chest.

He grabbed her by the waist to lower her down, and Rey immediately clung to him. The water was chilly, and at the deeper end there was _no way_ she was going to reach the floor — which made for the perfect excuse to wrap herself around Ben, leaning back to look him in the eyes.

“I _swear_ if you let me go I will–,”

“I _won’t_.”

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes, adjusting so that she was perfectly comfortable. “Hope you enjoy having me gripping you like a koala.”

His hands moved from her lower back to grab her ass, pulling her tightly against him. “No complaints here.”

She wasn’t sure who kissed who first, then — their bodies were so in sync it wasn’t clear where he started and she began, only that she never wanted to be anywhere else except right there.

She delighted in the soft grunt that escaped his lips when she ran her tongue across his lower lips, pinpricks of electricity lining the places where their skin met. God, they were all over each other in _public_ , and she didn’t even care. She almost enjoyed the idea of everyone seeing.

When something started to poke her lower belly under the water, she was ready to ask Ben if they might return to the hotel room after all — under the guise of needing something, anything — when she felt the rest of him stiffen under her, and not in the way shed been anticipating.

She followed his gaze, her easy smile slipping slightly when she noticed it was none other than Bazine and her fiancée. Alex, if Rey’s memory served her properly.

Not for the first time, Rey wondered about Ben’s previous relationship. In particular, how it had started, what it was like, and why it ended. Every single minuscule detail would be nice.

There were still so many questions she didn’t know the answers to, and it was hard to imagine the Ben she’d come to know — especially since last night, and this morning, and right now — acting like _that_ with anyone else. It was a thought Rey quickly decided she didn’t like.

His eyes were cloudy again, too, which made Rey’s head move even _faster._ Was he still hung up over her, even after yesterday?

She bit her lip. _Well_. This had all started as a way to make Bazine jealous, right? Rey had no issues keeping up with that charade. She wasn’t even sure if they were looking, but they were supposed to be newlyweds, right?

She pressed forward and caught his lips again, her hands tightly wrapped around him. It was easy enough to get lost in the feel of his plush lips working against hers, the scratch of his new scruff on her jaw, the way his hands were holding her up from her ass. More than easy, actually. He was kissing her back, too, which she took as a good sign — until he pulled back, a little red.

“Rey, wait, I don’t think–,”

A sugary-sweet voice appeared out of nowhere. “Hey, Benny. Rey. Funny seeing you two here.”

God. She hated that nickname. “Baz,” he said, by way of greeting.

That one too.

Alex was with her, a tanned arm slung around Bazine's waist. He and Ben shared some weird, bro-y handshake, while Rey tried her best to smile, something dark and uncomfortable unfurling in her gut. Did he not want her to kiss him in front of her, either? Was _that_ why he pulled away? 

Bazine spoke first. “How’s the honeymoon going?”

Rey subtly brushed her hair over her shoulder, fully aware that the deep red spots on her neck — yes, multiple — would be visible from Bazine’s angle. Oh, well.

She turned to Ben, laying her head on his chest and channeling the most indulgent sounds she could. She was more than ready to put on a show and play the blushing bride.

“Pretty great. Lovely that these rooms have such comfortable beds, huh? What do you think, love?”

The endearment had slipped out easily, and Ben seemed almost shocked to hear it. He furrowed his brows. “Yeah, it’s been great. How about you guys?”

Bazine smiled, although nothing about it seemed genuine. “Mmmhmm. _Super_ relaxing.”

Alex, true to form, didn’t notice a thing. “Yeah, this place _rocks_. Thinking about joining the volleyball game on the beach later, if you’re down? Bazine was gonna hit the spa.”

Rey watched Ben carefully, ready to analyze how he reacted. He shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe. We’ll see you there if anything.”

And then, that awkward silence again. Why had Bazine even approached them?

Rey ran a hand over Ben’s arm, hoping her voice transmitted the fact that this conversation was not at all welcome and definitely over. “Well…”

Bazine watched the two of them, her eyes moving quickly. Her engagement ring was a large, glittery thing, brilliant in the sunlight. She’d clearly moved on – or so Rey thought. Her expressions told a more complicated story. “Right. Just wanted to say hi.”

Her eyes glanced towards Ben, and for a second Rey noticed her facade fall, just a little.

Rey turned to face him when they walked away, feeling more than uncomfortable and embarrassed. For all that she’d gotten close to Ben, she felt like a third-party here, just like Alex was. Ultimately, they were dealing with something she wasn’t privy to, and it was frankly embarrassing to pretend she understood.

She tried her best to swallow and sound unfazed. “That was weird, right?”

Rey didn’t know what she expected from Ben – for him to laugh and brush it off, or kiss her, or remind her that whatever fragile foundations they were operating on were as secure as they could be. Instead, he looked just as conflicted. “Yeah, it was.”

She frowned, desperate for things to return to how they were – but she wasn’t about to sit here in his arms while he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend. And it was foolish, really, for her to pretend that whatever _this_ was could hold a candle to an actual, long-term relationship.

She was an _idiot_.

“I think I’m done with the pool now,” she said with a little more bite than she intended, frustrated with her own helplessness. “Help me out?”

He followed her out and sat down on the opposite reclining chair, while she fiddled around with her bag, looking for nothing in particular. Rey had to admit being stuck with Ben on this tropical island made for some great moments, but it also meant there was no avoiding him when she was upset.

He tentatively reached over, his hand meeting her leg again.

“Rey,” he warned. “Don’t get quiet on me, please.”

She sniffed, unsure _why_ she was reacting the way she was. It wasn’t her place. At _all._

Sitting up, she crossed her arms, bringing her knees to her chest so that Ben and her weren’t touching anymore. “Look. On the boat, you got all weird when I asked you about Bazine. And now all of _this_. I don’t even know how to describe what that was. So, forgive me if I feel weird when I don’t know _what_ is going on, or what happened, between you two. I know it’s not my business, but–”

“It is your business,” he interrupted. “Or at least, it is if you want it to be.”

She chewed her lip, thinking about what that might mean, filing it away for later. “Why did you two break up?”

He grimaced, tensing up a little. “Our relationship was never… right. I think we got together out of convenience – we were both alone, had similar friends, similar jobs. It just sort of happened, slowly.”

Rey’s arms tightened across her chest. She was having a hard time doing anything other than frowning at these images of what they must have looked like – flirting over drinks at rooftop happy hours, expensive boozy brunches. Ugh.

She swallowed, willing away any emotion in her voice. She was just _curious._ “And then…?”

“Well, like I said, it was never really right. It felt like she wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. I think she knew that, but kept hoping things would change. She wanted the white picket fence, the picture perfect family, and the next step was for me to propose. I… couldn’t bring myself to do it. So she left me.”

Rey took that in, the gears in her mind turning. “So when she saw you here, supposedly married..”

He winced. “Yeah. She moved on, sure, but I don’t think she expected the boyfriend that couldn’t commit to do it so quickly.”

Mortification came over Rey like a violent wave. She took her towel and covered her face with it, letting out an embarrassed groan. 

Ben pulled the towel over him, trapping them both underneath it. He was doing those puppy dog eyes again. Rey _hated_ him, just as much as she still wanted to kiss him.

She winced under the towel. “It’s all my fault, isn’t it? I totally flaunted you in her face.”

He was silent, but she noticed a tiny lilt in his lips. “You don’t have to sound _that_ sorry about spontaneously deciding to play up the wife thing. I wasn't complaining.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “I just… I _really_ wanted to take the bed. Felt like a fair trade at the time.”

He let his smile grow, playfully poking her thigh. “That’s what you get for being stubborn. I was always going to _offer_ the bed to you, regardless.”

“Oh, _what_ a gentleman,” she smiled, too, playfully fanning herself like a swooning maiden, until she remembered what they were talking about. “Ugh, I’m serious, though. I feel terrible now.”

Ben peeked over to glance at his ex-girlfriend and her new fiancée. Alex was taking pictures of her against a palm tree, Mai Tai in hand.

The two of them watched the couple for a moment, noticing the way she directed him to capture various poses while he did as asked, without a single complaint. “That guy is everything she wanted, and he gave her the ring to prove it. I think she’ll be okay.”

Rey sighed. She would find a way to apologize to Bazine anyways. “I guess.”

“You really laid it on thick today, though. Hm, _love?_ ”

“Oh, god. Shut up,” Rey covered her eyes, the truth behind her actions simmering just under the surface of his words. “I was just trying to make her jealous, okay? And for the record, ‘love’ is way better than ‘baby’.”

“You weren’t really complaining when I called you that yesterday,” he grinned. Her stomach did a violent flip at the reminder. She schooled her features, attempting indifference.

“Well, I won’t be calling _you_ that again, so you don’t have to worry.”

He inched closer. “I never told you to stop, baby.”

So met him in the middle, scrunching her nose indignantly despite the furious blush she felt on her cheeks at his use of the endearment. “Well, I definitely will. Too bad. That's what you get.”

He nuzzled her neck, her hands automatically coming around him. "Hmm. If the point is to punish me, I can think of better ways."

She balked, shock and arousal fighting inside of her. She was about to say something in reply, maybe find out what he meant by 'punishing', but then he was kissing her again and that train of thought left the station entirely. She sighed against his lips, everything that wasn’t _him_ growing blurry.

Once again they were lost in their own world, made easier by the relative privacy of their cabana.

She _had_ been trying to make Bazine jealous earlier, the thought of them together too much to bear even now that she knew the truth. The more Ben kissed her senseless though, the more she realized there was much, much, more to it than that.

She filed that thought away. Not important – Ben was currently kissing her, and if they weren’t careful they’d end up managing to scandalize the adults in the Serenity Oasis pool, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh these two are so married. they dont even know that theyre married but they are
> 
> PSA: just in case you missed it, my friend and the beta for this fic ([chasingnexus](https://twitter.com/chasingnexus) i love u) commissioned some artwork of our fav newlyweds, which you can find [here!](https://twitter.com/jagtheartist/status/1298068267957981184?s=20) !!!! go show the artist and my friend some love!!!! i am obsessed with the two pieces and i hope you all like them as well :)
> 
> finally, thank you so much for reading!! as always, you all keep me going with all of your feedback, so please let me know if you enjoyed!
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	11. Chapter 11

Rey watched the blinking red hand on the crosswalk light, bouncing on the balls of her feet while anticipation thrummed in her veins, her hand clasped firmly in Ben’s. Cars zoomed past them in the slowly dying sunlight, regular people living their regular lives — on their way home after a long day of work, heading _towards_ work if they had a night shift, going out to eat with their families. Things normal people did.

At the present moment, she reflected with quickly-waning patience, her life was anything _but_ normal.. She couldn’t have been farther from the life she’d left behind when they got on their flight last week.

Because they were going to buy condoms. At a convenience store. Right now.

After the pool – and the run-in with Bazine - they’d had lunch in one of the bars outlooking the water, their faces pink and sun-kissed as Rey stole crispy fries off of Ben’s plate while he pretended to care. There was a live band playing and everything, crooning out the words to “Stand By Me” while Rey did her best to follow along to the lyrics, bobbing her head side to side.

“You see? _This_ is what I’m talking about. Can’t get this from our hotel room.”

She smiled over at Ben, her heart somewhere in the clouds. Their legs were brushing up against each other under the table, tiny sparks of electricity concentrating anytime their skin met. Her breath caught when he placed a hand on her thigh, but then she smiled, absently playing with his fingers while she watched the band play. It shouldn’t have felt this exciting, to be touching him so innocuously, so casually — but it was. It did.

They did _not_ go to the beach for volleyball, though she had tried to convince Ben, eager to play the part of cheerleader if it meant she’d be able to ogle. Instead, he'd laid a towel down right next to hers. Together, they sat on the beach, relaxing as best they could.

Rey was trying to get through the next few chapters of her novel, Ben’s now omnipresent hand on her thigh more of a casual comfort than a distraction, when she noticed an ice cream vendor setting up shop near the boardwalk. She waited in line behind the children screaming over each other and chose a dragonfruit flavored popsicle when it was her turn, bringing it back to their shared towel space on the sand and sticking it in her mouth.

There was little grace to her movements — she was concerned more with cooling off and enjoying the tart juice of the dragonfruit, given the high heat index of it all — but she noticed Ben watching her anyways, her cheeks heating impossibly when she realized his gaze was motivated by more than mere curiosity about her snack.

A thrill went through her and she slowed her movements, taking her time with the treat and letting her tongue dart out to lick up the side only to slide it back in her mouth again afterwards. When some of the juice drifted past her lips and stained her chin a deep purple, she let it, watching the heat in Ben’s gaze grow; he tracked her movements like some sort of predator, the two of them ensconced in their own universe, far, far away from the rest of the people on the beach.

There was a confidence to her movements that she wouldn’t have had yesterday, an excitement that awoke deep in her belly at the memory she was inadvertently reliving while he watched, entranced. She swirled the popsicle in her mouth, watching him through her eyelashes, until he shifted to sit behind her, his hands on her waist.

He kissed her neck, from behind, his voice dangerously low when he all but growled into her ear.

“Rey,” he warned. “You’re killing me.”

She sighed, content, humming around the quickly receding popsicle. “What do you mean?”

His hands slipped lower, skimming the top of her bathing suit bottoms, testing. “You know exactly what I mean.”

She let go from the popsicle with as lewd a sound as she could manage, delighting in the way Ben seemed to melt under her gaze. She took her time licking her lips clean of the juice. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, actually. You want ice cream? The guy is right over there, still selling them. Might have to knock a kid or two over for an M&M sandwich, though.”

“I don’t want a damn popsicle,” he muttered. His fingers lazily roamed her thighs, gently brushing against her center as he went. She was already so sensitive she felt it immediately when his knuckles barely grazed her from outside her bathing suit, a heavy sigh escaping her.

They packed up early from the beach soon after, sand and salt sticking to their skin while they crammed the towels into Rey’s bag, walking as quickly as possible back towards the room.

His lips were on her before they’d even arrived at the door, his hand reaching around to palm her ass from under her coverup as she moaned against his lips.

“You taste so sweet,” he sighed against her collarbone. “You always taste so sweet.”

“It’s the popsicle,” she laughed against him, glad that there was no one else in the corridor.

“No. Definitely you.”

Rey pulled the keycard from his pocket, fumbling behind her until she heard the magnificent click. It was all a flurry after that — her coverup flying somewhere near the couch while he pressed her against the wall, her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

It all came to a head when he had laid her against the cool floor — too impatient to get to the bedroom, all the way over there. He was kissing her so deeply she felt it in her toes, lazily circling her clit with his thumb while she writhed under him.

“Ben, _please_ ,” she gasped, lost to whatever was happening at the moment. It occurred to her then that, despite the fact that they’d been wrapped up in each other for a while now, he’d only actually been inside her once, which was a damn shame. That needed to be fixed. Immediately.

He groaned at her words, pulling at the fabric of his shorts while one hand gripped her hip bone. She tried her best to help, fumbling at his swim trunks until his cock sprang free, already erect. She relished in the hiss that escaped him when her hand came around him, desperate to provide some relief. To _feel_ him.

He cursed suddenly, going still above her.

“What happened?” she asked, chest heaving.

“I… _fuck,_ I don’t have any more condoms,” he said, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

Rey sighed, her head hitting the floor, clarity coming to her. “I- Wait...” she whined. “I mean, you could–”

“Are you on the pill?”

She frowned, then sighed again. “No. Don’t have any reason to be.”

He sat back against the wall. “ _Fuck._ ”

“We can’t,” she laughed softly, sitting up and fixing her bathing suit. “That’s sort of the problem.”

He returned her smile, leaning over so that he could kiss her, cradling her jaw in that specific way he did that sent her over the moon. In a second, without even _trying_ , the kiss had deepened, Rey’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. He pulled away, a breath apart.

“Yeah, we’re going to need to fix that.”

So, when the crosswalk light finally, _finally_ , let them pass, clearing the last stretch of the interminable walk towards the 24 Hour Store directly in front of the hotel, she practically _ran_ , the two of them filled with a very specific sort of urgency.

She felt dangerous and exciting and alive as they walked, the blurry neon lights of the convenience store’s OPEN sign greeting them like they’d arrived at the pearly gates.

Sex was not something Rey took casually. It was not something that just _happened_ to her, nor was it something she sought out because there was an itch she needed to scratch. 

She’d been disappointed in the past, when the occasion had risen without that special _something_ , and so she’d let life pass her by, waiting for the right chip to fall. She wanted more than just sex. It felt better when it was more.

How Ben Solo had turned her into a nervous, giggling mess as she walked up and down the aisles of the convenience store, then, she wasn’t entirely sure.

She knew for a fact her hair looked like a mess. Ben’s lips were still swollen. Anyone passing by must have thought they were a pair of sex-crazed lunatics. They had run up to their room to have sex, then run down to emergency-buy condoms, and were going to have sex very, very soon. It was all she could think about. She was definitely _feeling_ like a sex-crazed lunatic.

Ben looked adorably concentrated as he perused the aisle — stocked to the brim with vibrators, lubes, and pleasuring oils — leaning down to grab a conspicuous black box, but Rey couldn’t _stop_ giggling, even as they walked to the cashier. She buried the laughter in his back, holding onto his arm for support.

In the line, she started to panic, seeing the other patrons casually hold onto jugs of milk or last-minute toothbrushes. She tried to stifle her giggles, putting down a Milky Way and a bright pink shirt two sizes too big for her that said “I ♥ HAWAII” along the top, decorated on each side with brightly embroidered palm trees and foamy waves.

Ben watched her throw the items on the conveyor belt, amusement lighting his eyes.

“What?” she shrugged, trying to hold back another fit of laughter. “Just... some necessities. I’m— I’m out of PJ shirts and have a sweet tooth, is all.”

“Right,” he said, tugging her closer to kiss her forehead before turning around to pay. The cashier barely raised an eyebrow as she scanned their items.

It wasn’t until after they’d made it back to the hotel room, until after he’d effectively silenced her giggles once and for all, until after he’d thrown her coverup across the room _again,_ until after he laid her on the couch, and she’d rolled the condom on, and felt his thick fingers coax an orgasm out of her, that he finally — _finally —_ entered her again, his cock practically pulsing. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to the way he filled her.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he groaned, thrusting in and out of her. “Even at the wedding, the rehearsal dinner, couldn’t keep my eyes off of you.”

She warmed, remembering the way his eyes had followed her — he’d been a scowling mess, which had only served to make her even more anxious about the ceremony.

The memory was faded now, though, which might have had something to do with the pace he was keeping at present.

“You… You were terrible that night,” she managed to remember, smiling up at him. For better or worse, she hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off of him either.

“I never knew how to act around you,” he said. “Still don’t.”

Her eyes narrowed even as she bit back a moan. “N— not an excuse.”

“I know,” he leaned down to kiss her, becoming a little more frantic. “You just looked so pretty in that damn dress.”

She couldn’t help but marvel at the way he looked above her, sweaty and eager. She delighted in each and every thrust, the fullness she felt every time he bottomed out, the grip her legs formed around him. She felt him _everywhere_. It was all too much, and yet she wasn’t sure she could never truly get enough.

She took it upon herself to bring a hand down on her clit while he focused on thrusting in and out of her, one of his hands on her shoulder while the other grabbed onto her hip.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his eyes wide once he looked down and noticed what she was doing. He seemed to like it, and the thought of _that_ was erotic enough to bring her over the edge. “Seeing you… let me—”

Rey silenced him with a kiss, each of the sensations on her skin compounding on each other until she came apart, her walls fluttering around him until he quickly followed.

He was still breathing heavily when he pressed himself against her, absently kissing whatever parts of her skin he managed to get his lips on, her own personal weighted blanket. She felt powerful, with a man as big and strong as Ben rendered immobile in her arms.

Finally catching her breath, she gently pushed away the damp hair that was still in his face, unable to fight the urge to kiss him on the forehead, just like he had in the store. It was quiet and intimate, in a way that shocked her. In a way that she really, really liked.

In a way that she didn’t know what the _hell_ to do with.

* * *

Later, after they’d used a few more of the new condoms — once against the wall after they’d showered together to get rid each other of the pesky sand and once more after they’d finally made their way to the bed — Rey laid her head on Ben’s chest, gearing up to ask a question that had been on the back of her mind the entire trip.

“Ben…” she started, her fingers making tiny swirls on his chest, while he scrolled absently through the Netflix options in front of them. She was prepared to let it slide, the fact that it looked like they would be spending another night in, but only if he said yes to her next request.

“Hm?”

“Can I… okay, look, don’t laugh,” she sighed, looking up at him. He seemed confused. “Can I play Pokémon on your Switch?”

He scrunched his eyebrows, like he’d been expecting her to ask something much more serious - except this _was_ serious, to her, at least. He laughed, his features softening before he kissed her again and murmured an ‘of course’, getting up to take the device out of his bag.

She held it out in front of her. “I’ve actually never held one of these, other than the ones on display at Target,” she marveled, blushing once she realized what she was admitting. “I mean– it’s just, I’m not the hugest gamer… I just like Pokémon, so it didn’t feel worth the investment,” she added, trying to save face.

“How long have you been playing?” he asked, surprisingly earnest. It was such an unexpected thing for them to have in common, but she liked it. Finn and Rose didn’t play, and neither of them were interested enough to sit with her and watch gameplays.

“One of the older kids in my first foster home gave me their beat up GameBoy. I was hooked pretty much the moment I caught a Pikachu for the first time.” She clicked through the intro screen and started to explore a bit, fully aware that Ben’s eyes were on her.

“Favorite generation?”

She pursed her lip. “Hmm, Sinnoh, I think. Chikorita is my favorite starter. You?”

“I’m a Kanto-Charmander kind of guy.”

Rey rolled her eyes, biting the inside of her cheek to keep away a smile. “Of _course_ you are.”

She played around on the Switch for a while, getting herself into a few battles. “Your team is way too weak to make it to the Champions Cup like this. You’ve got lots of training to do. _Ugh_ , I wish I could start from the beginning — I’d choose Grookey, for sure.”

He pulled her into his lap, nuzzling her neck. “Grass types are notoriously the worst.”

She rolled her eyes, shivering at the feeling of him around her. “And fire types are notoriously obnoxious. It’s about _hidden_ strengths.”

He shifted under her, quietly watching her play. She was mostly roaming around, getting a feel for the new open world concept on the unfamiliar console. When he finally did speak, it was low, tickling her ear. “You know, you can just start a new game, if you want.”

Rey froze. “Doesn’t that overwrite yours? All your progress?”

"I don't mind," he shrugged, his voice low and serious. The implication of it hung between them for a few quiet beats until he spoke up again. "Plus, what kind of a husband would I be if I didn’t offer?”

Rey watched the character Ben styled after himself walk on the screen, her cheeks turning purple. They’d been doing that — playing the part, actively pretending to be married to each other, even when there was no reason to.

Still. There really was _no_ going back from a decision like that, and he was nearly at the end of the game. Rey’s cheeks warmed at the realization that, under the joke, he really _was_ willing to give that up.

She turned to face him so that she was practically straddling him. “And what kind of a wife would I be if I let you? _Plus,_ if you do that, I won’t be able to beat you with my Grookey when I eventually do get the game,” she said, leaning forward to kiss him.

“Keep it and get to training.”

* * *

With Ben, time seemed to stop. Or slow down. Or speed up. Rey couldn’t really tell anymore — she’d fallen out of the habit of checking her phone, of catching up with the outside world, of doing anything that wasn’t Ben, really.

When they weren’t eating, they were having sex. When they weren’t doing either of those things, they were dangerously close to one or the other. Time blurred into laying in the sun, swimming — Ben was teaching her how to do it _right_ —, kissing while _trying_ to swim, and basking in the glow of something Rey couldn’t bring herself to really define yet. Not when this barely felt like life, and more like some sort of tropical dream she’d stumbled into.

They went out once to try shaved ice and Kona coffee, and Rey enjoyed the feeling of walking hand in hand with him out in public. No one knew who they were, and no one needed to. They were just another couple walking down the street.

Every so often, he dropped bits and pieces of information. He’d been sent to a fancy boarding school at thirteen. Summer trips with his family were the only chance he got to really see them, given his parent’s schedules. He earned his love of cars from working on them with his dad. Each and every piece of new information — from benign pop culture opinions to philosophical discussions on life — made Rey feel like her picture of him was becoming clearer, more real.

In return, she gave as good as she got. She parlayed her worst college stories, read steamy passages to him from the novel she’d brought, and revealed she didn't have any pets, but considered her houseplants to be her children. They all had names.

It could have been two days or twenty years that they’d been living on that island, in that resort, lost in each other. Rey would never be able to truly tell.

They were walking off a dinner of pasta and steak one night, after Rey had dragged him towards the beach in the moonlight. It looked pretty and romantic, and she hadn’t actually _intended_ for their beach rendezvous from the other day to get cut short. That had just been science; their bodies were ticking time bombs, the way they craved and leaned towards each other, like plants reaching for sunlight.

“So, you’re basically in charge of all the funding for an entire nonprofit? What does your casework entail?” Ben asked casually, an arm around her waist as they walked. She held onto her sandals in one hand, the other wrapped around his broad back. He knew the lingo well, which only served to remind her that he came from a similar world, in his own way.

“Whenever I can. I work with families and at-risk youth, connecting them to resources and keeping up with their progress. It’s how I’m helping Finn and Poe adopt. Why do you sound so surprised, hm?”

“I’m not. Just impressed.”

Rey bit back her smile. “Well, yes. I lead quite a busy life. But I like it.”

“It suits you,” he watched her as they walked. “Helping people, giving them what they need. You’re good at that. Have you ever considered starting your own org?”

Rey shrugged. “I think everyone considers it at one point, no? Doesn’t mean we have what it takes.”

“You _definitely_ have what it takes.”

She considered his words, the praise sinking down into her belly, tickling the tips of her toes. “I can’t really trust a word you say when I know you just want to get in my pants, you know.”

He scoffed, taking her hand and leading her towards an empty spot in the sand, settling her down between his legs. She leaned backwards into him and staring up at the moon.

“Tell me about it,” he said, low, into her ear, after a moment or two of them sitting there. “If you could start something, anything. What would it be?”

Rey thought about that, holding onto Ben’s arms across her midsection. “Well. I think… I think I’d like to help older kids, most of all. All ages need help, of course, but the older ones worry me. I remember all the charity drives and Christmas gifts when I was a kid — that’s easy. But when you get older and you’re still stuck in the system, everyone sort of forgets about you. They think, ‘well, they made it this far, so our job is done’.”

She broke off for a second and cleared her throat, feeling him tighten around her.

“And I do get it. Surviving is _hard_. I know that. But what comes next, after you’ve managed to survive?” she took a deep breath, the words sounding odd once she’d heard herself say them out loud for the first time. She’d never even told Rose or Finn about this. “I don’t know. It’s just an idea.”

“I love it,” Ben said. She felt the rumble of his voice against her back. His thumbs were running up and down her knuckles. “If anyone out there can do it, it’s you.”

It must have been the conviction in his voice. The way that she _knew_ , for a fact, he wasn’t lying to her. That he believed in her. That he cared. Whatever it was, Rey felt something warm flood her like drizzling honey. It made her chest feel funny, and her fingers tickled where they connected with his.

It wasn’t a new feeling. She recognized it instantly. Had tried to ignore it, the way it slowly seeped into her heart, but now the onslaught of it all felt heavy in her bones, the way it shifted everything around her. Around _them_.

“What about you?” she turned around in his lap, desperate to look at him, to see into him. Shadows were playing on his pretty face, softer in this darkness now than ever before. “If… if you could do anything — at all. What would it be?”

He swallowed, looking a little uncomfortable now that the attention was on him. “Oh. I... I don’t really know.”

Rey settled into his lap, staring up at him. “You don’t know? Smart, capable, big-shot-corporate-lawyer Ben Solo doesn’t _know_? Wasn’t this whole trip a way to ‘figure it out’ for you?”

He winced, running a hand through his hair. He somehow looked even _more_ uncomfortable, his eyes a little sad.

Rey chewed on her lip. “You said you wrote for a literary magazine or something, right?”

“You remember that?”

“I wasn’t _that_ drunk.” He gave her a look that made her laugh. That was the same night he’d spoken about his parents, and his conflict, as well as the same night she’d desperately begged him to sleep in the same bed as her. She _wished_ she could forget.

“Okay, I was, but I _do_ remember. I also remember liking that concept _way_ more than anything about the leeches over at First Order. I mean, really, the last case of that law firm of yours to make headlines broke out a corporation that wanted to evict a bunch of families out of their homes. Just to build a new shopping center,” she tried to hide the contempt in her voice, but it was difficult.

“I wasn’t even on that case,” he frowned.

“Doesn’t really matter,” her eyes narrowed. 

Before she could get ahead of herself, she held onto the conversation from that other night, recalling the look in his eyes when he spoke about what had led him there, and where it seemed like he was going. It was what had carried her all the way here, sitting with him under the moonlight, after all. She cleared her throat. “ _So_ , please do tell me about your literary magazine stuff.”

He shrugged. “I just submit articles from time to time. It’s not really a big deal.”

She squirmed in his lap, her arms around him. “It sounds like a big deal to me.”

It was something he’d started doing in college, he explained. Part of his English double major. His Milton professor had invited him to start polishing some of his papers, and it snowballed from there. He didn’t have as much time for it now, but it was fulfilling. A good hobby.

“Have you ever considered making it _not_ a hobby?”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start with that.”

For some reason she couldn’t figure out, he still looked a little too far away from her. She tried to change tactics, tightening her grip around his shoulders.

“You could get a Ph.D. or something, become a professor,” she offered, excited to see him perk up a bit. “Could spend your whole day writing articles about Milton and his friends. Now that I think about it, you should let me read yours."

She was running a finger through the soft curls in hair, dipping into his neck and shoulder, then back up again. "You know, I’ve always thought literature nerds were kinda sexy. The tweed suits and glasses, and all that. You wear glasses?”

He smirked. “Absolutely not.”

“No to the glasses? Or me reading your work?”

He narrowed his eyes, but he gave her a smile. It was a start. “You’re not reading my articles. And I wear them sometimes.”

“Google exists, you know. You can’t exactly stop me.”

“I send them under a pen name. Too bad.”

“Clearly you’ve not yet encountered the search power of a woman on the hunt for information. I’ll find them, and they’ll be brilliant. And you can read them to me, while you wear your sexy glasses.”

He laughed out loud at that, the vibration of his chest comforting under her. His hands were running up and down her side, dipping under her shirt as quiet settled around them again. The rush of the waves crashing against the shore were the only reminder that the rest of the world even existed.

“Where the hell did you come from?” he whispered, his eyes contemplative.

She pretended to think about it, even as she was blushing furiously. “London. We’ve talked about this.”

“I’m serious.” He kissed her jaw. “Never thought I’d be this grateful to see my best friend get food poisoning on his wedding night, but.. I am.”

“Me, too,” she sighed, something deep and serious brewing in her chest. Her feeble attempts to stall the conversation in her mind — the _serious_ one, the life-altering one, the one that would leave her knee-deep in something new and terrifying — were beginning to fail. “This all feels like some sort of dream.”

It was one she was desperate to never wake up from.

* * *

Maui was known for its beautiful sunsets, but there was something equally as breathtaking about the sunrise. The resort faced the West, so it wasn’t like you could see the sun come up or anything. Instead, it was just a slow shift of color, from the deep purple of night to a light blue tinged with orange, as the rays of sun slowly lit up everything around them.

Rey stepped out onto the balcony, easing the door open as quietly as possible. The air was brisk and tickled her warm skin, the dried sweat grateful for a chance to breathe. In the quiet moments before the day there wasn’t a soul out on the beach or near the pool.

Before long she heard the door open again, softly. She smiled and closed her eyes when two warm hands wrapped themselves against her from behind, their grip now not only exhilarating but a comfort – like being protected. She leaned back into his arms, inhaling the musk of his skin. The scent of them.

Ben pressed a kiss to the spot just under her chin, his voice thick with sleep – deliciously so - when he angled his mouth towards her ear.

“It isn’t even 7 yet. Why are you up so early?”

She grabbed his hands and wrapped them tighter around her, sighing deeply. She couldn’t get enough of it. “Just… thinking. I can’t believe we only get two more days of this.”

He straightened behind her, his hands a little tighter. “No, I’m pretty sure tomorrow’s the last day.”

She narrowed her eyes. “No, it’s not. We…” she counted aloud with her fingers. “Wait, what day is it?”

He pulled out his phone, showing her the screen. “Our flight is… _tomorrow_.”

“...Oh.”

She tried to settle back into his arms, desperate to sink back into the place and time they were in just moments ago. The thought of work, her friends, _real life —_ it was all too much. They still hadn’t discussed what came _after._ The thought that there was an ‘after’ in the first place had barely occurred to her until this moment.

Rey could hardly believe the man with her now — the one that made her laugh, that made her take risks, that was an absurdly picky eater, that made her feel so _good_ , better than she’d ever felt before — was the same person that had arrived late to the rehearsal dinner, and had reeked of egotistical privilege, and had been firmly placed into her ‘Asshole - Do Not Interact’ list immediately after meeting him.

And now all of that was on the cusp of changing. Rey knew for a fact she’d never felt like this before. That feeling of warm honey still filled her bones. She just wanted to sit in that for a little longer — she’d find the words to tell him what she felt. Just not yet.

The good thing was, his presence alone was distracting enough.

“We should make the most of it then,” she sighed.

He responded by humming and kissing her neck, his hands slowly skimming under the sleep shirt over her that reached her mid-thigh, his calloused hands — she knew now he particularly enjoyed lifting weights — grazing her stomach. She wasn’t wearing underwear. Her eyes widened a little when she realized he didn’t plan on stopping, his lips warm on her neck.

Her knuckles were bone-white where they gripped the railing as he made his way down, smiling against her when they found her clit. Without thinking, she spread her legs a little, providing him with a better vantage.

“So wet already?” he murmured. He already knew exactly how to wind her up, his fingers pressing gentle circles into the sensitive area, pressure building in her spine until her toes curled, right there against the balcony.

Rey gently bit his arm, semi-grateful there wasn’t anyone out to see them. He kept finding new ways to surprise her, to shift her worldview — and doing _this_ against the balcony, as the sun slowly came up on their last full day of paradise, was no different.

His erection was poking into her back through his boxers. She rubbed herself against him, seeking friction, delighting in the soft groan that escaped him.

He practically growled, turning her around gently so that she was facing him and leaning down to kiss her while his pace quickened.

She gripped his shoulders, consumed and single-minded while he managed to multi-task, his tongue hot and wet against hers. 

The heat that was building in her core reached a fever-pitch until she came, whimpering into his mouth, barefoot and in nothing more than a sleep shirt on the balcony, her arms gripping his shoulders so tightly she wondered if she would ever manage to find anyone or anything sturdier. 

* * *

Time was still its own mechanism for Rey and Ben, the way it swirled around them lazily, but everything they did had an unspoken hint of finality to it.

They ate, lounged around, enjoyed what the resort had to offer — all with the silent understanding that there was a breaking point coming soon. The looks he gave her held more weight; the flight of butterflies that had made a permanent home in her chest fluttered their wings with double the intensity.

The resort was hosting a luau that night. Rey knew it wasn’t the most authentic experience — it was mostly a way to give foreigners something fun and “traditional” to do without doing any of the work of having to actually leave the resort — but it _did_ give them a chance to dress up for each other. They might even dance. Maybe she’d figure out how to tell him then?

Rey felt on edge the entire rest of the day, now that a plan was starting to form. A heady mixture of excitement and nervousness carried her throughout lunch, then the beach, all the way back up to the hotel room where they were getting ready for the luau.

They’d gotten carried away on the couch, as they were wont to do, but Rey managed to bring herself back down to earth, at least a little bit.

“Okay, okay,” she smiled, pulling herself out of his arms. “I need time. I want to look pretty.”

“You always look pretty,” Ben said, tugging on her shirt.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” she smiled. “And I want you to look pretty, too. Go get ready.”

She chose an orange sundress she didn’t realize she’d been saving for a nicer occasion, scrunching the beachy waves in her hair and spreading some more of that glittery lotion on her legs and shoulders. This night felt special, different. Like things would change irrevocably for them afterwards.

The luau was held in a grassy field near the beach, just as the sun was coming down towards the horizon. Everything was painted in that pretty orange hue, the inverse of what Rey had witnessed this morning. It was hypnotizing.

Ben was wearing a white button up and khakis, looking every inch the professional golden boy, with a dash of brooding Byronic hero. He’d let Rey style his hair, his ears peeking out just a little.

They grabbed food at the buffet — kalua pig, poi, and even some more poke — and sat down at one of the tables. Ben hadn’t even complained when Rey shoved some of the more adventurous dishes on his plate, much to her content.

The show itself was captivating. The food was delicious. Ben’s hand was warm in hers, and she rested her head on his shoulder as they sat and watched — it seemed to fit perfectly there. Everything was picture perfect, the way she never imagined she’d be lucky enough to experience.

All that was left to do was just _tell him_. 

Once the main event had ended, guests were encouraged to stay, chat, and drink. It was then that Rey noticed Bazine standing near the bar, her phone in her hand. They’d managed to narrowly avoid the other couple over the last few days, but it felt right that she should run into her there.

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” she whispered in his ear. “Do you want anything?”

He patted her thigh and shook his head. When she squeezed his hand before getting up, she felt the cool metal of the fake wedding band press against her palm.

Rey waited patiently for the bartender to get to her, standing as close to Bazine as she could manage. She was sipping on her glass of wine, scrolling through her phone.

“Hey,” Rey said, fighting off the awkward tension. Maybe indulging in some alcohol before this conversation would have been a good idea. “Can we talk?”

Bazine turned to face her, her expression curious. “Sure?”

Rey chewed her lip, ordering a Mai Tai before turning back to Ben’s ex-girlfriend. Regardless of what their relationship had been like, that tiny fact still stung, even if it shouldn’t have.

“I just wanted to… I don’t know, clear the air? I feel a bit bad about the other day, all the weirdness with Ben, and me, and you,” she shrugged. “I wasn’t really thinking.”

Bazine pursed her lips, taking another sip of her drink. “I can’t really blame you two for enjoying your honeymoon, can I? Not like we’re together anymore. That ship sorta sailed. I’ll admit I could have been better, too.”

Rey chewed on that, thinking it was over, ready to smile and back away. That went much easier than she thought — and now she could get back to Ben.

And then Bazine kept talking.

“It’s just — he’s so unavailable. At least, he was. I wanted to figure him out so badly. I wanted us to _work,_ so badly.”

“Right,” Rey tried to agree, even though she couldn’t quite wrap her head around it. She tried to empathize, but this conversation was surreal at best. 

“Anyways,” she said, laughing as though she realized what she’d said. “Sorry. Bad form in front of the new bride — I really have moved on. Alex is great, and we’re all better off. So… no harm no foul.”

Rey smiled. Okay, _now_ this would all be over. She peeked over at Ben, who seemed to be scrolling through his phone. She wanted to be right next to him again, smelling his cologne, curling into him tightly so that she might stay there forever.

“Glad he’s doing well though. Phas told me all about how he was offered partner over at First Order. It’ll definitely make him busier,” she laughed. It sounded tinny and odd in Rey’s ears, to hear it. “Be glad you got some quality time in on your honeymoon.”

Rey’s mind blanked for a bit, her heart slightly faltering. She was having trouble keeping up.

“...Huh? Ph- Phas?” The name sounded awkward on her lips. She’d never heard it before.

Bazine’s brows furrowed. “Gwen Phasma? One of the attorneys at F.O… we still talk. Sorry if that’s weird, I guess. She told me about how he got promoted.”

Rey swallowed some of her Mai Tai, drinking too much of it in one go. It didn’t taste as sweet as she’d read it described online.

Promoted. Ben had been offered a promotion. At First Order. To _partner_. She didn’t know much about the life of an attorney, but she was pretty sure that meant his involvement was stronger than she originally thought.

That firm — and it’s practically evil reputation — was half of the entire reason she’d chewed him out when they met, and all this time he’d been holding onto that extremely crucial piece of information. He’d fed her stories about his childhood and his parents and his hobbies, but _that_ he’d kept under wraps. Rey felt a little sick.

Her discomfort must have been clear on her face, because Bazine seemed concerned. “Rey…?”

She cleared her throat, the sunset already looking a little cheaper. Fake, like a generic wallpaper on a brand new computer. It was so, _so_ obvious now. She tried her best to keep the embarrassment at having fallen for it in the first place at bay.

It was bad enough that she clearly had no idea who Phasma was. What good were tidbits about prep school and snorkeling trips with his father if there clearly wasn’t a space for her in his life here, now? If he planned to become even _more_ involved with a law firm like First Order?

Tears threatened to sting her eyes, but she pushed them down. She wasn’t about to look like a fool in front of Bazine, either.

“Sorry. I- I zoned out a little — the alcohol’s _really_ strong here, don’t you think?” When Bazine smiled, Rey took that as a way to end the conversation, doing her best to thank her for the well wishes and tipping her glass up in a polite ‘cheers’.

Rey watched Bazine walk away, suddenly a little hesitant to go back to Ben. A deep, heavy feeling like lead had settled in her chest as she digested the information Bazine had so casually dropped on her. Because, clearly, if she were actually Ben’s wife — or his _anything_ — that was information she would have known.

But he hadn’t told her. And she actually _wasn’t_ his anything, so she had no real reason to be upset.

That thought, perhaps, was the one that hurt the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) just gotta earn that HEA real quick 
> 
> (francis that scene was for u. u know the one) 
> 
> thanks so much for reading! i would love to hear what you thought about this one, your feedback keeps me going <3
> 
> huge thanks to my beta [chasingnexus](https://twitter.com/chasingnexus) as well as alex for being amazing and helping me out a bunch with this chapter!!!! 
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	12. Chapter 12

It felt a little bit like someone had poured a cold glass of water over Rey’s head, whipping the rose-tinted glasses that had painted the world around her in shades of color she’d never seen before right off, enough so that she could finally see things for what they were.

Rey’s mind felt like a slowly brewing storm. Bazine had walked away without missing a step, while Rey was left to digest and recontextualize everything that had happened to her over the last week.

Bazine had told Rey she just couldn’t _‘figure him out_ ’, when it came to her own relationship with Ben, and Rey had had the presumptuousness to think she was different.

She thought _she_ knew him; she’d made herself believe that she understood him better than anyone else possibly could. And that, in return, he understood _her_ better than anyone else possibly could _._ She’d been fully ready to throw caution to the wind and jump headfirst into this ridiculous fairytale.

But that’s all it was: a story that she’d told herself. Stories like that weren’t made for people like her.

The more she thought about the words Bazine had so casually said, the more questions she had. And, in turn, the worse she felt.

It was true — she wasn’t his girlfriend. Or his wife. He didn’t _need_ to tell her absolutely anything.

_So why did she care?_

She knew the answer to that question, at least. Except, where it had once made her feel light and fuzzy — like a world of opportunity was at her fingertips — it only weighed her down now, sinking into her chest, making her weak.

Ben’s eyes met hers on the way back, a soft smile lighting up his ridiculously handsome face. Rey hated the way it threatened to melt the edges of her heart — the way it already _had_ , despite every effort she’d made otherwise. He’d found his way in, right past her defenses and straight into the most sensitive parts of her, and now she wasn’t sure what to do.

She gripped the cool Mai Tai in her hands tighter.

“Hey again,” he murmured, slinging a protective hand over her seat when she made it back. She envied how oblivious he was. The grassy area in the center had been cleared as the sun went down and taken over by children given the OK to jump out of their seats. Some couples danced while the speakers continued to play music. Business as usual. “How’s the drink?”

Rey hummed noncommittally, her mind too busy going over the information at hand and ruminating over worst case scenarios. Nothing about this felt right anymore, and she wished she could have known how quickly it would all start to fall apart around her. She would have taken a picture, or something.

A heavy silence settled between them. The music was too loud, the air so hot it was sticky. Ben must have noticed, because he inched closer. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” she said.

The fingers closest to her shoulder were brushing the exposed skin softly. “Doesn’t sound like everything’s fine.”

“I’m _fine,_ ” she snapped, deflating when she noticed him flinch. “I’m… I’m just tired.”

It wasn’t a bad one, as far as excuses went. Sleep had not been their priority over the past few days.

Memories from earlier in the week assaulted Rey’s memory — the two of them murmuring sweet nothings at each other in the hours between night and day, the feeling of his bare chest under her as she listened to his warm and steady heartbeat, his arms protectively wrapped around her waist, the sheets somewhere near their legs. It had all felt like a perfectly absurd fantasy, something so beyond Rey’s wildest dreams that she hadn’t been able to take note of what was actually happening.

Rey took a deep breath. She wasn’t just tired — she was _exhausted._ Now that the first crack in the facade had revealed itself, everything else felt like it was crumbling around her, too.

She got up suddenly, needing to be far, far away from everything. “I think I’m going to go back up to the room now.”

He followed her up, brows furrowed. “Okay. I’ll come with you.”

She wanted space so badly — _needed_ it, but they were still on this trip. Together.

He followed her upstairs, a tentative hand on the small of her back. For the first time in what felt like forever, Rey took her phone and looked through her messages, grateful that it allowed her to use both hands in order to avoid holding Ben’s.

The messages were mostly from Finn and Rose — checking up on her, providing updates on food poisoning recovery, and reminding her that they hadn’t forgotten her, even if they _were_ in their own group chat with Poe and Hux. They’d given up asking for status updates when they’d accepted she was fully in _vacation-mode._ If only they knew.

Each and every notification felt like a surreal reminder of who she was. _These_ were her friends.

 _That_ was her life.

 _This_ was… a game of pretend that had gone too far.

At one point she thought that they would have fit together seamlessly, her old life and this dreamy new one. But her judgement had been clouded; that fact couldn’t have been more obvious than it was right now.

The walk back to the room was quiet. Rey knew that Ben sensed something was wrong — she felt it in the way his eyes lingered on her after she swiftly exited the elevator on their floor and the stiffening of his shoulders when she blew right past him into the bathroom once the door to the room opened.

But she didn’t have time to think about that right now. Once she was undressed and inside the shower, she rested her head against the cool tile, chest heaving under the warm water. She couldn’t be around Ben right now — she was still in the process of gathering her bearings, and she’d proven herself to have a startling lack of judgement wherever he was involved.

As the steam lifted around her and the hot water seared her skin, she finally let herself _think._ Her capacity for rational thinking had been slowed, not stopped.

First, she laid the facts out in front of her. Ben had received a promotion at First Order. Ben had not told her about said promotion. Ben had told her about his family, had revealed to her how troubled he felt about their distance, but he hadn’t mentioned _that._

Second, she ran through a list of reasons why he might have avoided supplying that information. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to draw her ire when they were in the middle of a truce. Maybe he didn’t think she needed to know, if it wasn’t worth telling her when they’d be enemies again the moment they landed back on the ground at home.

With a start, Rey realized she wouldn’t have even known half of what she did if the dinner with Holdo hadn’t forced that conversation between them. There was no reason for her to believe he would have confided in her if that hadn’t happened. So much of this trip had been touched by chance or odd coincidences — how much of it was actually real?

Maybe all of this — the part with _them_ — had been just as much of a lie as their little newlywed ruse.

Rey lathered the soap and scrubbed her body until it was red and raw, an agonizing frustration biting at her from all edges, clawing itself up her throat. She didn’t know what to do anymore, she just wanted _this_ feeling, the heavy thing falling like lead in her stomach, to disappear.

Maybe it wasn’t just about Ben, the reason this had hit her like a vicious punch to the gut, but the years and years of waiting for that special _something._

The sense of belonging and absolute trust in another person that made life just a little bit easier to deal with at the end of the day. The freedom to give in and trust another person with everything, wholeheartedly.

For so long, Rey’s life had revolved around her friends, but they’d found their own families, their own sense of belonging. Rose and Hux were _perfect_ , in almost every way, and so were Finn and Poe. She didn’t hate them for it, either. She was happy for her friends. She just desperately wanted to find it, too.

For a brief moment, it seemed like she might have found that in Ben. 

Rey finished her shower, and when she was scrubbed clean, her skin pink and sensitive, she knew what she needed to do.

She jumped into the bed immediately after, burrowing into her side as close as possible to the edge while Ben showered.

When he finally joined her, she did her best to pretend to be fast asleep, avoiding any sort of contact with him that would weaken her resolve. The last thing she wanted was to have to look into his eyes before she was truly ready.

He slept beside her that night, just as he had the night before, and the one before that. The ghost of his touch on her hip bone or thigh threatened to sear her skin, even now. All she wanted was to lean back into him, feel him wrap his arms around her and kiss the back of her neck, and tell her everything would be alright. That they could keep living in that dream, and that she'd never have to wake up.

But Rey hadn’t made it this far without a cunning sense for self-preservation. Growing up had taught her exactly how to avoid trouble, and she’d endured enough pain and loss to last a lifetime. She didn’t need more.

Giving him the chance to hurt her — opening up to him, letting him see her — had been too much of a risk already.

It was a mistake she didn’t plan on making twice.

* * *

The sky was gloomy and thick with clouds when Rey woke up the next morning, which seemed fitting. Unlike the last time there had been rain on the island, though, this wouldn’t be the beginning of something.

She slunk out of bed and began to pack, taking care to make as little noise as possible. Now that she’d slept on it, she felt even more convinced that there was only one sure way out of this that allowed her to maintain her sanity.

Bathing suits and underwear were folded, shirts and shorts and sundresses crammed into every corner to make space. Each and every piece of this trip that Rey managed to fit back into her suitcase felt like one more reminder of what she would be leaving behind. Of the things that would stay here, in this hotel room.

Ben was still asleep, the bulk of him under the sheets rising and falling with his breath. She stole glances at him while she worked, her heart clenching every time her gaze stuck on his sleeping face. After a while she heard the rustle of sheets that indicated he was waking up and bit her lip, frustration, anger, and sadness brewing inside her in equal measures.

“Good morning,” he mumbled against the fabric of his pillow after a few moments. “Up already?”

The thick, sleepy voice did things to her that she wished she could ignore. That she _needed_ to ignore.

“You should get to packing,” Rey managed after a few seconds. “The car taking us to the airport will be here by 10:30.”

He sat up and watched her work for a few moments, until she’d had enough of that and decided that she would focus on the things she needed to pack up in the kitchen.

Ben was meticulous and organized, his personal items relegated to their proper drawers and shelves, but Rey… her things were _everywhere._ Earphones hanging up on the counter near the door, sunglasses case near the tea kettle.

Ben had pointed it out the other day, joking that his wife needed to be a little more organized. Rey had laughed along, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world. That it might _look_ like a mess to an outsider, but she remembered exactly where everything was. Organized chaos, she’d told him before kissing him.

After a few moments she felt him come up behind her, arms reaching across her midsection to hold her tight to him. He nuzzled the nape of her neck, the stretch of his soft smile sending unwanted shivers down her neck. “Did you sleep well? Still tired?”

Rey’s eyes shuddered closed at the unexpected warm touch. The room felt like it was caving in on her, little by little, and this was the last straw. She couldn’t keep going like this.

The problem was, as much as she had steeled herself for what was to come, it was still the last thing she wanted to do.

His arms loosened, pulling her around. “Okay,” his voice was pained, like that had been the last straw for him, too. “I’m confused. You won’t look at me. You're all quiet again. What _happened_?”

She was a coward. She couldn’t even think of meeting his eyes. “Ben… we need to talk.”

He stiffened. “Talk about what?”

She ran a hand over her eyes, turning to sit at the coffee table. She’d run through multiple versions of the same speech in her head the night before, over and over again, but all of it fell away now. She felt raw and uncomfortable in a way she’d never felt before.

“There’s a flight waiting to take us home in a few hours. I think it’s time we discuss what happens after that.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “You’re right.”

“So let’s not kid ourselves, yeah?” she chuckled, though there wasn’t any humor in it. “This won’t work.”

She chose that moment to look at him, but what she found only made her feel worse, twisting the invisible dagger that had dug itself under her breastbone and forcing it deeper.

The thing about Ben was that he was pretty good at hiding his emotions, too. She’d realized this once the impassive mask she was so used to started melting away in favor of an expressiveness that had taken her by surprise. That made this more painful than it had to be — and if she let herself get lost again, she wouldn’t get through this. She needed to _focus._

She kept going. “This… well, it was fun, but it wasn’t reality. We should just accept that, make sure we’re on the same page before we get home. What happened here is better off staying here.”

“Is it…” he took a second, working his jaw, his knuckles white from where his hands were fisted. “Was that all this was, for you? Fun?”

 _No,_ a sad voice in her head supplied. That was the entire problem.

She sighed, wringing her hands. “You have your life to go back to, and I have mine.”

“I think you’re just scared.”

That took her by surprise, the pain and hurt lodged in her chest crystallizing into something sharper, bitter.“You think I’m _scared_? Of what, exactly, if I may ask?”

He took her hands in his. _“_ Of this. Us.”

She narrowed her eyes, heart pounding. “That’s _quite_ an assumption to make.”

“Rey, you didn’t let me anywhere near you — anywhere _real —_ until you were so drunk you admitted you hated even being alone,” he shook his head, his mind working. “I know it’s not easy for you to trust people or let them in, but it felt easy for me. With you.”

Rey’s eyes closed, embarrassed at her own vulnerability. It _was._ That was the entire issue — everything felt easier with him, so easy she thought things might be different, until suddenly it hadn’t. Until it was suddenly all too clear that they weren’t.

“I thought that too,” she whispered, separating herself from his grasp and focusing on the wood panels lining the floor. They’d almost had sex on that floor. “Hard to believe that’s true when all of this is based on a lie, though.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him flinch. Something told her that he knew exactly what she was referring to.

“I saw Bazine at the luau,” she said. “By the bar. We spoke for a bit. I wanted to apologize for everything at the pool, and she asked me to pass on the well wishes for your promotion. Congrats, by the way.”

She sighed, steeling herself before looking at him again. Now that she remembered why she was upset, it overwhelmed her all over again.

“Do you know how _ridiculous_ I felt? Standing there, pretending to be your wife, pretending to _know_ you,” Rey stood up suddenly, needing to move, pacing listlessly. “And the funny thing is, the _best part_ , is that up until then, I really thought I did."

“Rey—,”

She barreled on, picking up steam. “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me. I don’t know if you didn’t trust me, or something. Maybe you just wanted to enjoy your vacation, and it wasn’t worth the fight. But it made me realize that this… this _game_ we’re playing, Ben, that's all it is,” she said.

Rey had no idea where this bravado was coming from, but she tried to channel the person she’d been before this trip. _That_ Rey didn’t get hurt. _That_ Rey was safe, even if she was just a little lonely.

She was just waiting for the right thing, and this clearly wasn’t it. If it were, he would have trusted her. He would have told her everything right away, and she wouldn’t be in so much pain right now.

Everything had felt so easy when it was just them, but that wasn’t real life. Real life was her job, and her friends, and her houseplants and her apartment. She and Ben wouldn’t fit in real life the way they had here.

"The sooner we come to terms with it, the better.”

He shook his head, agitation starting to simmer off of him in waves. “I’m not even _taking_ it.”

“Is that what you think this is? Me worried about you working for that god-awful law firm?”

When he didn’t answer, Rey let herself get closer, frustration twisting that dagger in her chest even deeper. “To be very clear, Ben, your talent is and was absolutely wasted on scum like them. But that’s not the point I'm making here. The _point_ is,” she swallowed, taking a deep breath. “We shouldn’t pretend this will work, when deep down we both know it won’t.”

It took a while for him to respond, his eyes now glued to the floor. “So you don’t want this?”

Rey’s body felt like it was caving in, but she held firm. She _had_ to. “What’s ‘ _this_ ’? We were never together, Ben. We pretended to be married to get a free vacation, and got a little wrapped up in it. That’s all.”

He cleared his throat, worked his jaw. The mist in his eyes reflected her own. “You sound like you’ve made up your mind.”

His voice sounded smaller now, all the way where he sat on the couch. For some reason, hearing him let her go without a fight felt even worse. As though _his_ acceptance of it meant it was well and truly over.

It didn’t make any sense, of course. For her to push him away and still want him to try. To point out how he’d hurt her and still crave his embrace. To know that this wouldn’t work, and still hope, beyond all hope, that it could. Nothing about this made _any_ sense.

 _“_ It’s for the best,” was the only reply she could muster as she fought the tears that threatened to fall.

The rational part of her knew that was true. It was the rest of her that just needed to catch up.

* * *

Rey had never been so glad for her tendency to think ahead.

She picked up the luggage, her sunglasses case as well as her deodorant and sunscreen. Every piece of her that had made a home for itself in this hotel room would be shipped right back, as though nothing had happened. 

The thought of being around Ben for a second longer was enough to have her running down the stairs. Every moment near him was torture, every accidental whiff of his cologne causing a clenching pain in her gut.

Still, she let herself take one final glance at the room before she left, under the guise of making sure she’d packed away all her things.

One last walk on the balcony, looking out at the pool deck decorated with palm trees, packed with families and couples still in the midst of their journeys.

One last moment in the living room, with its seashell dresser knobs and comfy pillows. The kitchen, where they’d eaten together on that first night, a memory that she’d jump back to in an instant if it were possible.

She blushed remembering what they did on the bathroom sink, and wanted to cry when she realized she wouldn’t sleep on such a comfortable bed — _or_ in such comfortable arms, an unhelpful voice supplied — ever again.

What had happened here, within this honeymoon suite, would stay here. For better or worse. At least this last glance would be the final memory of it all — in time, she might even look back at it with fondness. She hoped so, at least.

For now, she needed to focus on getting through the rest of the day, given that she’d just popped the bubble on whatever had blossomed between her and her only travel partner.

She wouldn’t cry. That was her only rule, until she got home.

Rey left soon after that, with a painfully awkward, cursory reminder about the time to Ben. Once she was in the lobby she made her way to the front desk, tattered suitcase in one hand, large carry-on in the other.

“Hi there,” the receptionist said after waving Rey over. “Checking out?”

“Um, yes,” Rey slid over the keycards. “Room 830.”

She clicked a few times on her screen, eyes brightening. “Oh, the honeymoon suite! How did you enjoy the accommodations, Mrs. Solo?”

Rey wasn’t prepared for that, or the way it poked at the extremely fresh wound. They were still — very technically — fake married.

“Lovely, really,” she smiled. She _wouldn’t cry._ “We had a brilliant time.”

“We are _so_ happy to hear that. Alright, let me make sure you’re good to go,” she said, continuing to work while Rey clutched her bag tighter to her chest.

“My– my husband is still upstairs,” she added, almost unable to get the words out. “He wasn’t done packing so he sent me to go ahead.”

“Oh, that’s no problem. The cleaning service won’t be up for a few hours,” she smiled, leaning in conspiratorially. “Husbands, right? They always get mad at us, when _they’re_ the ones that end up taking forever.

The ruse was a nuisance at first, a hurdle to jump over. Then, it was a convenience that turned into a private, oddly _sexy_ joke. Now it was just painful.

“Yep,” Rey couldn’t smile, so she settled for a grimace she hoped would pass for one. “He takes forever.”

The receptionist leaned down to grab something just as she was finishing. “Oh! Almost forgot. We wanted to provide you with this, as a sort of parting gift. The free honeymoon contest only happens once a year, so we like to go all out. You two got really lucky!”

 _Luck._ That was definitely one way to describe everything that had happened to her on this trip.

Rey opened the folder branded with the logo for the hotel, her heart clenching impossibly once she realized they’d provided her with copies of the pictures they took earlier that week. The photos were crisp and sharply detailed, her green dress complimenting the blue of the Pacific Ocean in the background perfectly.

There was, of course, the one where they were kissing — but the one that caught her eye was the one where he’d made her smile, gazing up at him while their arms connected across her midsection. She could practically _feel_ the imprint of his touch from that day, the way it had already started to feel so intoxicating to be around him. They really did look like picture perfect newlyweds.

Rey was already breaking her only rule. She chastised herself and closed the folder, patting her eyelids as covertly as possible while she put it away in her bag. “Thank you. This is a very sweet gesture.”

“Oh, it’s the least we can do! Honeymoon bookings always surge after this campaign,” she said with a wink. “The valet will meet you at the front shortly. Thank you so much for joining us, and we hope to welcome you again soon.”

* * *

When Rey first met Ben, he’d clearly been taken aback by her knee-jerk reaction to him. At first, their relationship — if the forced proximity that came as a result of their best friend's relationship could be called that — had been characterized by healthy amounts of avoidance and heated glares. As Rose and Hux became more serious, though, she couldn’t just _ignore_ him entirely. Her snarky comments did not go unnoticed, and in turn he teased and ribbed. Rey had gotten too used to that, it seemed.

Their bickering had not gone away as they fell into each other, but had instead just rolled over, playful and exciting in the wake of so much newness. That was just the way they _were_ with each other.

Until now.

When Ben finally arrived in the lobby, he didn’t seem angry, or upset; instead, it was as though a stranger had taken over Ben’s body, stiff with a passive indifference that felt infinitely worse than anger would have. But this had been what she wanted, hadn’t it? He was doing what she requested. They would go home just as they’d arrived.

Rey tried to content herself with watching the mountains pass them by on the way to the airport, a sadness taking over as she slowly realized that she wasn’t only saying goodbye to whatever happened between her and Ben, but to the beautiful scenery and landscapes she’d fallen in love with, too. She didn’t know when — or if — she’d come back, and she wanted to make sure she took it in as much as possible.

She avoided his eyes when she took out her phone to take a picture of a crowded street during a red light and bit her tongue when she thought of something to say, or a quip he would certainly laugh at, in that quiet way of his. He was so far away in the backseat she couldn't even entertain the idea of his palm resting protectively over her thigh, the way she’d gotten so used to. That wasn’t what they were anymore. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a little colder without it.

When they arrived at the airport, they made it through the check-in line one after the other, their government IDs handed swiftly over to the employees in exchange for a boarding pass. From that moment forward, the idea of Mr. and Mrs. Solo was well and truly gone.

She didn’t know if she was happy or sad about that, but she silently took the fake ring from him anyways and put it in her bag, right next to the folder with their pictures. Hers went in right after.

Rey walked off to find some food as soon as they arrived at the gate, her stomach grumbling once she realized neither of them had eaten breakfast.

She ordered her typical frappe and breakfast sandwich, eyes lingering painfully on the counter with the thought of Ben sitting near the gate on an empty stomach. They hadn’t had a chance to grab any food this morning, and the day ahead of them was long. Uncomfortably so.

She added another breakfast sandwich to her order as well as a water bottle before she could talk herself out of it, clutching the bags to her like she’d stolen them on the way back to their seats.

“The employees made a mistake,” she shrugged when she handed him the sandwich, her voice small. Their fingers brushed slightly as she handed it to him wordlessly, the only contact they’d had since this morning.

Rey shivered, turning to sit in front of him and gluing her eyes to her phone, one hand holding onto her own sandwich while her frappe was tucked between her bent legs.

Never mind that the convenient mistake made sure he ended up with Gouda instead of Swiss cheese.

Rey hadn’t really calculated the awkwardness that would ensue, but then again she’d only been able to worry about him eating. Either way, she kept her head down and waited for her heart to slow to its normal pace. 

In the week since they’d been gone, QuickJet had _not_ miraculously become a premier airline, and the seats were just as cramped on the flight back home as they were on the way there. Rey sat near the window, just like last time, and Ben quietly helped put her luggage in the carry-on bin, just like last time.

Unlike last time, though, when his shirt rode up to expose his stomach, she knew what the taut muscle felt like under her hands. She knew what he sounded like when he came, and what it felt like to kiss him all over. 

She couldn’t let herself fall asleep on his shoulder, or hold onto his hand during takeoff. All she could do with that information was try to compartmentalize it as best as possible, pretending that her heart wasn’t broken inside her chest, and that the only person she wanted to seek comfort in was the one person she couldn’t go to.

Rey didn’t open the window on the four hour flight. She leaned against it, arms crossed, and tried to watch a movie. Then tried to listen to some music. Then tried to nap, and then chose a different movie. But at least she managed to make it without crying.

She just had to get through today. It would get easier after today.

* * *

“You’re not taking an Uber.”

“It’s not that big of a deal—,”

They were both so exhausted; the time difference had brought them back home when the sun was already down, and they were clearly worn out, bodies weak and uncomfortable after an entire day of travel.

Rey had opened her phone up immediately after exiting out onto the street, but Ben had taken notice.

“I won’t bother you after this, I promise. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to. But you’re not taking a fucking Uber from the airport.”

The outside world was just as bland and disappointing as Rey had expected. The trees that surrounded the airport had nothing on Maui’s palm trees, and the air was bland and dry where she’d gotten used to the breeze. All Rey wanted to do was go home and sleep her heartache away, and maybe the world would look right again when that was done.

Despite the unique mixture of sadness and heartbreak that hadn’t improved, though, she felt a familiar frustration and tension settle, too.

“I think I can choose what I want to do with my time and money, Ben.”

“It’ll cost you at _least_ thirty dollars. I paid in advance for the parking here.”

A quick glance at the app on her phone corroborated that claim, and though she hadn’t spent too much of her own money on the trip, this was firmly out of her budget. Ugh.

His car was parked in the airport garage, right where they left it. It all felt so domestic, the way they placed their suitcases in the trunk and sat down in the same seats as before just another reminder of how messed up everything had become.

It was impossible for Rey not to imagine another world as he drove through the familiar freeways, one where they _did_ work, where they _were_ together. One where his hand would hold hers over the middle console and he’d drop her off at work or drive her to a nice restaurant for a date. A world where they would be given a chance to become something _real._

But she’d done this for a reason. It didn’t matter that Ben wasn’t taking that promotion; he’d hurt her by not telling her, and that pain was just the reminder she needed that she needed to be careful with her heart. That this was _Ben Solo_ , for crying out loud. 

She needed to protect herself. It was the only reason she’d gotten this far in the first place.

Rey was exhausted and drained beyond all measure by the time they pulled up to her apartment complex. She barely managed to look at Ben when he handed her the suitcase, standing outside the door of his car, as though there were something else to say. Like he was waiting for her to have something to say. Or maybe she was waiting for him to have something to say.

But this was it. After this moment, she would go her own way, and Ben would go his, and they wouldn’t be involved with each other anymore. What was a week, compared to the rest of a person’s life, anyways?

She would manage the heartbreak well enough on her own. She was good at that.

“Thank you,” she said, breaking the silence daring herself to meet his eyes, if only to get a good last glimpse of them. For posterity, of course. “For driving me home.”

He nodded, seemingly at a loss for the right words, that indifferent mask sliding off just slightly. "The least I could do."

She nodded too, though her feet didn't move. “I… I wish you the best, Ben. Really.”

Rey had managed not to break her rule all day, despite a few close calls. It was the _one_ thing she’d required of herself. But she was making it incredibly difficult for herself with every passing moment. 

“Me too,” he answered at last, his voice thick with emotion, but honest. She was desperate to reach out and touch him, but she’d given up that right when she’d ended this. “I really do, Rey.”

She nodded and stepped inside, her vacation officially over. 

It was only after she’d made it to her apartment, the walls and couch and plants all appearing much more faded than she remembered, that she let herself break her only rule.

The bouquet she’d caught at Rose’s wedding still sat in the vase she’d placed it the day after — wilted, petals shriveled and dead all over the floor.

It was only then, staring at the dead bouquet, that Rey finally let herself cry, tears streaming freely down her face. Every pent up emotion she’d been holding in all day was given free reign to let loose, and her body sighed with the desperate release of it all.

This was the right thing to do. It _had_ to be, for Rey’s sanity above all else. She would heal, eventually, and that would be the end of it. 

But she let herself feel. Because despite the pain and anger she felt, at the end of it all, she was still hopelessly in love with him. 

So she stayed there for a good while, curled up against her favorite pillow and nursing her first true heartbreak. Tomorrow, she’d go back to her old life — for tonight, she let herself mourn the possibility of a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry guys :( pls dont hate me. or rey. shes doing her best even if its not the smartest and i PROMISE everything will be okay!!!!
> 
> if you didnt notice, i added an extra chapter, so we will get even more happy times at the end! bear with me pls <3  
> thanks as always to my friend caroline for the beta, ilu very much :))
> 
> your feedback is everything to me! i'd love to hear what you thought about the arrival of this angst train <3
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	13. Chapter 13

When Rey walked into the office on her first day back, her box of paperclips was still right next to the computer where she’d left it. There were still too many post-it notes taped to the edges of her screen, reminders and appointments and to-do lists scrawled on the edges in the black ink of her favorite pen. One of those pens had been left uncapped on her desk — the ink had probably dried by now.

Her chair still squeaked too much when she rested her weight on it, and her commute this morning had taken the same amount of time as always. The coffee in the break room was still terrible and Jessika, her cubicle mate, was still running late.

Everything was exactly the same as Rey had left it, which left her feeling a little bit like a fish out of water, grasping desperately for even the barest hint of air in a world that felt all too suffocating.

Because she didn’t _feel_ the same. And it wasn’t fair that the world kept spinning, and life moved on, while she could barely manage to find her footing.

She’d fallen asleep right there on the couch the night they’d returned, cheeks bloated and damp, eyes puffy and heavy. She’d even managed to give herself a headache, temples aching so much that she needed to apply a bit of menthol to self-soothe, feeling more alone than ever.

Rey loved her apartment. Sure, it wasn’t exactly situated in the ‘nicest’ area, — classifications like that were all just propaganda, anyways — and the listing for a ‘Quaint 1BR/1BA’ had been an embellishment at best _,_ but at least it was _hers_. No one could take it away from her, and no one ever would.

She’d bought the tiny condo off of her old sketchy landlord after years of saving up for her own space. Renting had always felt too temporary, and she longed so badly for the ability to really dig her feet down somewhere and say: _I can stay here_.

Finn and Poe had helped her paint the walls a creamy shade of yellow, and she’d taken care to decorate it with the prettiest rugs and teacups and ceramic china she managed to find at the thrift store. Even if they all didn’t necessarily _match,_ they fit together in an odd sort of way, and Rey liked that. This was her space.

Yet upon her return, her apartment suddenly felt too empty. Bare. Like something was missing.

There was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, for starters. Her full-size body wash and shampoo and conditioner were spread out freely in the shower, and there wasn’t any need to accommodate her things for anyone else. She didn’t need to remind anyone to put down obnoxious rock music that had been left too loud. There was no one to tease, or scold, or step around on the way to the bathroom. Her sheets smelled like the same floral detergent she bought religiously every month, and the dressers were filled with her things, and her things only.

Everything was exactly as it was supposed to be.

Except for Rey.

She’d zombie-walked through the rest of the next day, growing uncomfortably used to the new gnaw in her chest while she caught up on house chores and shopped for groceries to get her through the week, slowly putting her barely recognizable life back together just enough for her to step back in, like a pair of shoes that had grown too tight with an unexpected growth spurt.

Work, at least, _would_ be a welcome respite. The monotony of boring meetings and pre-packed lunches would seep back into her bones soon enough and eventually she’d start to feel normal again. One glance at her desk and the stuffy office they all worked out of was proof enough that this, at least, was a stable part of her life that she could continue to latch onto. Or so she hoped.

“Welcome _baaaaaaaaack,_ ” her closest work friend, Tallie, grinned over Rey's head she tried to catch up on her ridiculously full to-do list. “Nice tan.”

“Hey there, Tallie,” Rey tried her best to smile, looking up at her coworker before extending her arms to examine her skin tone and playing along. She didn’t know how good of an actress she was, but Tallie didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. “Hawaii will do that to you.”

“Well, I for one am _extremely_ jealous,” she took a sip of her coffee and sat at the edge of Rey’s desk. “While you were off in paradise, we were all here, working away. Snap is going to _cry_ with relief when he sees you.”

Rey winced. He’d been given her cases to look over. “That bad, huh?”

“On top of his usual workload? Yeah, kinda…” Tallie laughed, but not before placing a supportive arm on Rey’s shoulder. “Do _not_ feel bad, though. No one could believe it when Maz told us you were taking a whole week off. You definitely deserved it. And you _still_ pulled in a major donation, somehow? You really are a beast.”

“Who told you that?” Rey raised an eyebrow curiously, her heart rate picking up slightly.

“Maz announced it on Friday,” she said. “Congresswoman Holdo is coming in sometime this week to finalize everything. Jess is whipping up a whole press kit on it. It’s pretty huge.”

Rey hummed, unable to muster the enthusiasm that should’ve brought. “News travels fast, then.”

Tallie nodded. “Yeah, apparently it’s enough to see us through the whole _year_? None of us know how you did it. Enough about that, though,” she frowned. “Tell me all about your adventures in paradise.”

Rey gulped, settling on an abridged summary of the trip that glossed over just about every possible detail, or else she was sure she’d get emotional, and Tallie didn’t need to see that. Rey barely talked about her personal life at work as it was.

Tallie accepted her story with minimal questions — thank _God_ , because Rey was veering ridiculously close to crying, and she felt more and more ridiculous for it every single time — leaving Rey alone to stare at her Gmail inbox and contemplate life.

It took every ounce of her energy to jump back into the routine she’d left behind — catching up to her emails, sitting through meetings that most certainly should have been e-mails, and settling back into life again.

She consoled herself with the mantra that everything would start to feel normal again, just as soon as she managed to stop thinking about Ben.

It didn’t matter how much she tried to avoid the things that would remind her of him, like when she’d driven around the lot at the bank to avoid parking next to a black Jeep and ran straight past the protein bar aisle at the grocery store. It didn’t matter how many times she reminded herself she’d done the right thing. It especially didn’t matter how much she tried to pretend the last week hadn’t happened, and that she hadn’t been affected by it, and that she was okay.

It just wasn’t worth calculating the ways in which he’d managed to change everything, so much so that she couldn’t go two seconds without thinking about him. There were simply too many.

She wanted to know what he was doing, a train of thought that left her even more bereft than she already was once she realized she didn’t even _know_ anything about his regular routine — what did he eat for breakfast? Did he work out in the mornings or in the evenings? Was he having as much trouble getting over her as she was having getting over him?

The only bright spot in Rey’s life post-fake honeymoon came when she had a chance to devote time to her actual cases. She didn’t have the chance to hold onto as many anymore, ever since she’d been promoted to handle more administrative tasks, but she’d practically begged Maz for the chance to stay as hands-on as possible.

She’d helped a lot of children and families in her time — some cases successful, others not as much — and while no part of the job was particularly easy, that was okay. Rey understood the dirty underbelly of it all perhaps better than anyone.

Right now, she was particularly focused on a case with a little boy named Temiri that had been placed in foster care. Finding him permanent placement had proven difficult, but Rey was dedicated. She spent most of that first week back running back and forth between meeting with his therapist and case worker to connect them to somewhere that would take him in indefinitely.

Rey was so busy with his case, in fact, that she’d barely noticed when Holdo came into the office for her meeting with Maz.

Her only indication that she was needed was a tap on the shoulder, Maz’s eyes wide under her glasses. “Come on,” she smiled, her gaze somehow knowing despite the fact that Rey had barely talked to her since she’d been back. “Holdo wants you in the meeting, too.”

Rey went in expecting little more than typical budget discussions that came after a major donation. After all, she’d been in communication with Holdo long before she knew the Congresswoman had ties to Ben. Seeing her in the flesh, though, instantly transported her back to the night they’d had dinner at the hotel — fixing Ben’s hair in the elevator, holding his hand under the table, leaning into him as they decided what to eat… and everything that had come after that.

She ignored the pangs of longing that ricocheted in her chest — she was getting _used_ to them, but more in the sense that they were just a part of her life now — extending a hand out. “Good morning, Congresswoman.”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Holdo smiled brightly, opening both arms to pull Rey into a hug. She smelled like very expensive perfume, but in a comforting way. It made Rey’s nose tickle. “Come here.”

Rey couldn’t help but lean into the hug, although her throat was starting to itch.

“Look at you, fresh off your honeymoon, hm? Hawaii agreed with you.”

Rey’s eyes widened, her cheeks turning scarlet until Holdo waved the joke away with a laugh. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

It hit Rey then that she still didn’t know just _how_ deeply Rey and Ben had played into the newlywed charade. Then again, maybe that was for the best, that it stayed between just them. Their little secret. If that was all they shared from this moment forward, maybe that would eventually be enough.

If Maz cared about the odd joke the two women shared, she didn’t show it, sitting at her desk and typing away in preparation for the meeting.

“How have you been?” she asked, taking on that calculated tone again. “Since you got back.”

“Oh, you know,” Rey shrugged, hoping she’d be able to feign nonchalance. If it was working, it definitely didn’t feel like it. “It’s hard to adjust after a good vacation.”

“I’m sure,” Holdo raised an eyebrow, amused. “Especially in such good company, hm?”

There was a playfulness to her tone that almost felt out of place, given what Rey knew about Ben’s family, until she spoke again.

“You wouldn’t happen to be the reason he’s coming to dinner this Sunday, would you?”

Rey’s eyes widened before she could get a grip on her reaction, her heart catching in her chest. So, he’d reached out to his family. Good. She couldn’t help but feel happy about that — the night of the dinner, she’d felt his loneliness as if it were her own. If he was making the right steps towards rekindling whatever had gone wrong there, she couldn’t help but be proud of him for that. Even if that pride came with an echo of her own loneliness — the one she’d grown up with, and the self-inflicted one, too.

“That’s all him,” Rey was able to manage with a soft smile and a gentle shrug, wishing she had the chance to tell him that herself. Which only her feeling even more frustrated, and sad, and confused.

The three women sat down for their meeting and laid out the finer details regarding Holdo’s donation, including where exactly the money would go, what news outlets to initially leak the information to and some talking points for any interviews or public appearances she found herself involved in.

“We can’t stress enough how crucial this is,” Maz said just as they were saying goodbye. “Thank you, Congresswoman. This will go a really long way.”

“Don’t thank me,” she laughed breezily. “Rey’s the superstar here.”

“Oh, I didn’t really do anything,” Rey smiled. “It’s my job.”

“You did, though. More than I think you know,” Holdo smiled, again with that odd look in her eyes.

Rey accepted the odd compliment and bid her goodbyes, sitting back down and letting the piles of work begin to grow around her. Between Temiri’s case, and everything related to Holdo’s donation, she had enough to see her through the rest of the workday — and the next few weeks, for that matter — with little interruption from the outside world. Which was precisely what she needed.

She would get over him. Soon enough, everything would be fine. She’d park next to any car in the parking lot, and be able to look through her photos without crying, and he’d be nothing more than a momentary blip in her radar.

Perhaps if she told herself these things enough, they would eventually become true.

* * *

At first, it was easy to avoid Finn and Rose’s texts begging to see her. Their post-food poisoning enthusiasm for social interaction was admittedly sweet — and she _did_ miss them, of course — but she didn’t even know where to begin with that part of her life. The social part, the one where the rest of the bridal party was already making plans for lunches and dinners and Sunday barbecues in the group chat that she was unfortunately still the admin for. She hadn’t been in the habit of talking to them before the wedding, so she certainly didn’t plan to now. Finn and Rose, on the other hand, were family to her.

And because they were family, she knew they would want every detail of her trip, and she wasn’t ready to talk about that and pretend nothing had happened. Not yet, at least.

Ben hadn’t spoken in the group chat, either. Then again, that had never been a habit of his. And it’s not like she was waiting for it. Or staring at the blank icon on WhatsApp where there should have been a picture of him. He was _infuriating_.

Rey’s vulnerable, late-night social media stalking of Ben’s profiles had frustrated her just as much as his lack of a profile picture. She spent more time staring at the tiny profile picture and scrolling through the grid of 3 pictures on Instagram — one of a dog she assumed was his, another of some of the groomsmen at the wedding, and finally a black-and-white image of a library that had been taken over four years ago — than she would have ever admitted to anyone else.

She wasn’t surprised — and it almost would have endeared him to her even further, his lack of a cohesive social media presence — but she was heartbroken and angry and he was _infuriating_.

Worse than that, though, was the fact that she knew she didn’t have a right to feel that way at all. So, she did what she did best: she compartmentalized and ignored and pretended she was just too busy with work to hang out with anyone.

It became more difficult to evade her friends after the second week, though. Not just because they were persistent, even though they definitely were. Rose, despite her busy schedule as a software engineer, had texted her 20 times by noon on her second Monday, and Finn was calling her almost constantly. They didn’t want her to feel left out of their double dates, they said. They needed to know how the trip had gone. They wanted to see her.

Rey lamented that she was not in the position to fourth wheel (a lie), and that she would text them when she had a chance (also a lie), and that she wanted to see them, too (mostly a lie).

She would talk to them when she was ready to put this behind her. When she’d well and truly gotten over Ben Solo, and her heart didn’t lurch into her stomach every time something reminded her of him — which was still far too often, _ridiculously_ often, given the fact that they’d only shared a week together. She just wasn’t there yet.

Was _he?_

She was nursing that very question over a bottle of cheap pink wine one night when her door knocked, startling her before she could scroll through the embarrassing search results currently on her phone.

Rey cautiously opened the door, unsure of what exactly she planned to find on the other side. Her heart swooping a little anyways when it wasn’t what she had anticipated.

In that split second before she opened it, she’d played out a quick, indulgent fantasy in her head — Ben, ready to accept her apology and take her into his arms and promise her that everything would be alright, and they’d figure things out together, and that she hadn’t irreversibly ruined things beyond repair. That they _could_ fit together, if they just tried.

But he wasn’t coming back. She’d made sure of that when she ended things. How many times would she have to remind herself? She didn’t live in a romantic comedy where everything worked out in the end, and things would be wrapped neatly with a bow. This was real life.

The reality in front of her was still enough of a surprise, though. “Rose?”

Rey’s best friend in the entire world narrowed her eyes at her, holding up a brown paper bag stamped with the logo to their favorite taco place. “Inside. Now.”

She took the bag and clutched it to her chest while Rose stormed in, every bit as tiny and ferocious as she’d been when they were only freshmen, taking a seat at Rey’s dinner table.

“Hello to you, too?” Rey said, still a bit too shocked to really register what was happening, looking down into the bag before realizing it would probably be prudent of her to set the table for them.

“You don’t get to say that,” Rose frowned, her hands crossed where she sat at the table. “I am mostly here to make sure you’re _alive,_ considering the way you’ve been ignoring us _._ But I also needed dinner, because I was starving, so I got some food on the way. And I got you the tacos you like, with the cilantro sauce and pineapples, because we’re best friends. So we’re going to sit, and eat, and _talk_.”

Rey sighed, guilty. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“Hell yeah, I am. I’m too hungry to think about that, though. Tacos now, talk later. Nice tan.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, staring down at her arms again. She wasn’t even _that_ tan.

They ate their dinner in a tense silence, Rey taking the occasional sip of wine while Rose drank from a bottle of water she’d brought.

“Thanks for bringing over the food,” Rey mumbled over a mouthful of oxtail. “Really good.”

She didn't answer, dutifully chewing her own chicken tacos and dipping them in the special guacamole. 

When they had been sitting in front of empty plates for a few minutes, Rose finally sighed, shaking her head. “You know, you can’t just disappear on us like that, Rey.”

Rey took that as a sign to get up and start clearing the table while she chewed on her lip. “I know.”

“Why, then? Are you _okay?_ At first I was mad, but at this point I’m just worried about you.”

Rey joined Rose where she’d moved to take a seat on the couch, tucking her knees up to her chest. They had spent so many nights, just like this — stressing about exams, venting about life, gossipping about the random drama that came with being a young adult — it should have been easy to slip back in. But Rey just felt raw, and uncomfortable, torn apart with an ache in her chest she didn’t even know how to talk to her best friend about.

“I know. It’s just— I’ve been really tired lately. I didn’t realize how much going on vacation would… make it difficult to readjust.”

Rose narrowed her eyes again. “Are you _sure_?”

“Yes _, mum_ , I’m _sure._ ”

“Okay, then tell me about it. What was it like? Did you enjoy the free honeymoon? You two didn’t manage to kill each other, so you must have ended up getting along.”

Rey gulped, absently chewing on her nail. “It was fine. We— we didn’t fight too badly. I enjoyed it,” she extended out her ankle to poke Rose in the arm, the bold-faced lie burning a hole in her stomach. “Thank you for letting me take it.”

Leaning back against the couch, Rose laughed. “Damn, I guess me and Armie really were way off.”

“What do you mean?”

Rose glared at her friend. “We… okay, don’t laugh,” she smiled. “Armie and I always joked around about you two. The night of the wedding, it obviously sucked that we got so sick… but we were so excited about what you two would do all alone that we didn’t even think twice about giving it away.”

Rey’s heart seized, her eyes watering. “Oh?” was all she was able to manage saying.

“I know, I know. I just thought… well. I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

“Right…” Rey stared at her pillow, tears welling up in her eyes. “Doesn’t matter.”

Before she could truly control it, she was wiping at them as the tears fell, sniffling. She hid her face in her knees as she became fully unable to stop crying, once again feeling altogether too ridiculous.

Rose sat up, at attention. “Rey? What the hell?”

“I’m such an idiot, Rose,” she said, muffled by the soft fabric of her leggings. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

Gently, Rose lifted Rey’s hands and forced her to look at her. “Rey,” she got closer, turning so that she could lean against Rey’s side. “Please talk to me. What happened? Was he really that mean to you?”

She shook her head, forcing a deep breath so that she could find the words to speak. “I don’t even know _how_ , but I..., we—,”

“What did he do?” Her tone shifted slightly. It would have been funny, Rose’s fierce protectiveness, if it wasn’t so off the mark.

“He didn’t do anything,” Rey lifted her head, wiping her tears. “I did.”

After a beat of silence, Rose whispered, “It would be nice to have some more details on this, Rey.”

“I don’t even know how to say it. I’ve never felt like this before. Like… like my chest is wide open, and I keep crying all the time, and everything reminds me of him, and I—”

“Ah,” Rose gently pulled Rey towards her chest, resting her head on Rey’s while she rubbed her back. “I think you know exactly what you’re feeling right now.”

It felt so nice to sit with Rose, to have someone ready to listen to her without any judgement whatsoever — she hadn’t even realized how badly she needed this.

She sniffed. “Well, it sucks. I hate it.”

“Love is like that, sometimes.”

Rey whimpered against her friend’s chest, the t-shirt she was wearing growing more damp by the minute.

“What actually happened, though? I knew something was up, when Ben came over the other day—”

Rey sat up, heart pounding. “Wait, you saw him? When? W—”

“He’d been coming over for drinks once a week way before the wedding,” Rose explained, doing nothing to assuage Rey’s tiny flare of panic. She felt something hot and ugly churn inside of her — some sort of odd jealousy, now that she was fully aware of how much time she’d wasted. She tamped it down. “Oh? And- and he went?”

“Don’t sound too excited,” Rose rolled her eyes, a tiny flicker of amusement creeping into her tone. She hugged Rey closer to her. “He was a wreck. He wouldn’t tell us why, though.”

That didn’t make her feel any better. In fact, it almost made her feel worse. “Everything just happened so quickly, and then it all fell apart. I feel so stupid.”

“You’re _not_ stupid, Rey,” Rose chided, taking a moment to think on that. “I mean, maybe a little, but not in a bad way. But, as your best friend, I _do_ need as detailed a summary as you can give me. That’s just the law, even if he is like a brother to me at this point. I won’t even blink if you tell me he was terrible in bed.”

Rey actually managed a teary laugh, warming up involuntarily. “Definitely not that.”

“Come on,” she said, softly. “Tell me about him. What _you_ saw.”

Rey shrugged against Rose. “I don’t know, it was just… he’s funny, and nice, and smart. He’s so smart, Rose, it almost makes me mad. And it’s like, he doesn’t even _know_ how much he’s all of those things?” she sniffed, pacing herself before she got too carried away. She thought it was going to be difficult to talk to anyone about Ben, but now that she’d started, it was pouring out of her. “He’s reserved, which made him seem so stuck up before… but he’s not really like that at all. Only a little. He’s compassionate, and generous, being with him was so _easy._ I’d never felt anything like that before. And he— well, I _thought_ he…”

“You thought he what?”

Rey sighed. “His ex-girlfriend was there — trust me, _I know_ —” she glared at Rose’s wide-eyed shock, “She was actually part of the reason we were keeping up appearances. On the last night she mentioned some promotion he’d been offered, but he never told me about it. Even after we’d talked about our lives, and our goals… it felt like a punch in the gut, Rose. And it just… made me realize we weren’t cut out for this. Not in the real world. Obviously it was nice to get wrapped up in the idea of a honeymoon, but that… how can we be sure that would work? We _hated_ each other.”

Rose digested the information for a while, continuing to try and soothe Rey with a soft hand at her back. “He was wrong not to tell you about that. The promotion.”

“Yes, he was.”

Rose tsked, shaking her head. “But you know what I’m gonna say, right?”

“No.”

“Yes, you do,” she turned over to grab Rey by the shoulders. “Because I’ve been telling you the same thing for _years._ Only now you’re either going to listen to me or _really_ be miserable for the rest of your life. It’s up to you.”

Rey shook her head. “It’s not the same thing. What we have — _had —_ it’s not like you and Hux, or Finn and Poe. It’s not meant to be like that.”

“ _Bullshit_. If that were true, you wouldn’t have been holed up in here crying over him two weeks after you got back. You’re scared, and you know it.”

The words hit her like a freight train, a painful echo of the same thing Ben had told her in that hotel room. “And so what if I am? I don’t… this pain, I feel right now? I can’t _do_ this. This isn’t me. Forgive me if I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

Rose sighed, clearly growing exasperated. She tightened her grip on Rey’s shoulders and forced her to look her in the eye. “I am telling you this because I love you. You can’t let the fear _stop_ you from something really great. And it’s stopping you right now.”

Rey loved her friend, but she was starting to hate her, too. Both because she was right, and because she still didn’t feel strong enough to do anything about it.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, either which way. I ruined it.”

“Rey…”

“I’m serious. I mean, think about it. It’s been two weeks already. He’s probably realized by now that I am definitely _not_ worth the investment.”

Rose shook her head, pity flashing across her features. “That isn’t true.”

“It _is_. And you know what? I don’t even blame him for that. Who would want to be someone like me? Someone that runs away the moment things get the tiniest bit difficult?”

That was the part that ate away at her insides, now that she’d had enough time to digest it all. She was a coward, and it didn’t matter how badly she wanted Ben back in her life — he’d be an idiot to even invite the idea.

“Uh-uh,” Rose clucked. “I won’t let you talk about my best friend like that. Anyone - _especially_ Ben - would be lucky to have you.”

It was a comforting thought — that someone would care about her like that, unconditionally, despite her mistakes. But it was a thought Rey could barely stand to entertain. She shook her head. “Thank you, but I don’t think so. Not in this case.”

“What if you just—”

“I’m _serious,_ Rose,” Rey wiped at her face, the defeat and exhaustion overtaking her all at once. “This really is for the best. I just need some time.”

Rose bit her lip, a familiar, calculating glint catching in her eyes. It reminded Rey of the many — _many —_ times Rose had devised elaborate strategies to get what she wanted back in college, from dating a guy for his Netflix, Hulu, and Spotify subscriptions to securing fake IDs for the both of them, for free. Somehow. “If you say so.”

“I do,” she took a deep breath, willing herself to relax. “And, hey, I have you. That’s more than enough. Even if you _are_ a taken woman now,” she smiled, hoping it was more convincing than she felt. “You’re still my best friend.”

“Damn right,” she agreed. “And I may be taken, but I am also still very much me. And I’m here for you no matter what. Getting married doesn’t change that.”

Rey hummed, settling into the couch again against Rose’s chest. Her heart was still weak and empty, too broken to be properly put back together just yet. But as they sat and watched a rerun of an old sitcom they both loved, Rey felt the slightest bit better for the first time since she’d been back. Like maybe things would, eventually, feel alright again.

* * *

It even started to get a little easier. _Almost_.

Not really.

Actually, not at all.

But Rey was getting better at fooling herself.

In the time since she’d been back, Rey had gone through just about every emotion under the sun, but the heartbreak felt slightly easier to handle once she realized her friends were on her side.

Rose had filled Finn on all that had happened — a great favor, considering the fact that Rey couldn’t imagine going through that conversation twice — and their tone became more gentle when it came to her.

She slogged through work as she slowly put back on the mask she was used to wearing: an organized go-getter that delegated, and sent out Gmail invitations, and checked tasks off of her to-do list. It made her feel useful, at the very least, to be able to come into the office and make even the slightest difference in the world.

By the time she got home, she was often so exhausted she barely managed to shower and make herself dinner before falling asleep in front of her laptop watching Youtube.

This didn’t stop her from looking for Ben on social media, though. Or scrolling through the pictures from the hike. Or gazing wistfully at the ones the hotel had provided her, which she tucked into her ‘Important Documents’ folder. For safekeeping.

Rey was almost starting to think she’d made him up in her head — except, if she did, she wouldn’t be as sad as she was. _That_ was too visceral to be anything other than entirely real.

Most nights, the memory of his skin against hers burned with desperate longing. Her dreams were full of him, and on more than one occasion she’d woken up in the middle of the night, patting the empty sheets next to her for someone that wasn’t there.

It wasn’t just the sex that she missed. Although, yes, she craved the way they fit together. How he knew — no, how he eagerly _learned_ — exactly how to pleasure her. The right things to do. The right things to say.

But it really was more than that. It was the softness of his lips when they tickled her neck with gentle kisses in the semi-lucid moments before they’d woken up together, or right after he’d slipped into bed with her. It was the soft endearments he murmured against her skin when he was trying to get her attention, and the wholly safe, pleasant feeling she was starting to realize she’d only ever felt in his arms.

She had to snap herself out of it every time her daydreams became too intense, but she tried to be forgiving with herself. It had only taken her a week to fall for him; she supposed it would take much longer than that to get over him.

On the drive home from work one night, the red stoplight at a busy intersection gave her a chance to check her phone for any new notifications. She wasn’t necessarily _looking_ for his name, but she couldn’t exactly help it if she scrolled past their messages from before the trip, and read them over and over again, either — when suddenly Rose texted her.

_**Rose** _

_Sos sos need help_

_Calling in my maid of honor pls ???_

_**Rey** _

_Whats wrong_

_Do i have to murder hux for something already_

_**Rose** _

_Lol no_

_The photographer from the wedding has our pics ready and i wanted to pick them up tonight but neither of us can_

_**Rey** _

_Oh_

_Ok u need me to pick them up ?_

_**Rose** _

_Yes pls!!!!_

_**Rey** _

_Yeah I can go its fine_

_**Rose** _

_:)_

_You really are IRREPLACEABLE_

_And special, and amazing, and i love you_

_Believe that_

_**Rey** _

_Im just picking up pictures rose! Lol_

_Send me the address?_

Rey tapped on the hyperlink Rose provided, setting it into her GPS. She probably would have denied the request if it were anyone else, for anything else. But this was Rose — and perhaps the title of Maid of Honor was one she would end up wearing for life, but she wasn’t particularly mad about that.

The British voice she’d set for Siri took her to an area of town she didn’t particularly visit often. The buildings were taller, and the roads a little more manicured, high-rise apartment buildings set against fancy coffee shops and hair salons dedicated specifically to fancy blowouts.

Parking was miserable, and Rey’s car was not equipped with the fancy cameras new cars had that made it practically effortless to squeeze into the tight spaces on the side of the road. Instead, she had to lean over the seat, holding her head out so that she could see how close the car was to ramming into the one behind her. It took her fifteen minutes, and by the end she was so sweaty and frustrated all she wanted was to grab the photo album from the nice woman that had photographed the wedding and rush right back home.

Rose’s message said she could go right upstairs, apartment 16B. The lobby was clean and orderly, with light marble walls and high windows — the type of place where yuppies probably fought to the death to snag a penthouse suite. It made her feel small and out of place, in her cheap silk blouse and the pants that _looked_ like tight slacks but really felt more like leggings. They had polka dots on them and had been on sale at Old Navy. She usually liked them, but suddenly she wasn’t so sure.

She shrugged off the insecurity that often came with being placed in these situations, clutching her bag tighter to her in the elevator. She had a long, indulgent Friday night ahead of her — filled with the same things she’d been doing since she arrived to distract herself, but still. Her comfy sweats and takeout were her main motivation as she exited the elevator and knocked on the door of the apartment, ready to grab the photo album, thank the photographer for her time, and run right back home.

In retrospect, the signs were all there.

Rose’s texts and phone calls had taken on increasingly questionable tones in the days since their conversation, and there really was no reason she couldn’t just reschedule with the photographer to get her pictures. The apartment building was precisely the brand of sleek modernity and understated luxury she expected, too, when she’d thought about where he must have lived.

But she wasn’t thinking about any of that as the door opened, revealing a figure so tall she needed to crane her neck up to confirm what had already caused her heart to swoop the moment she caught a glimpse of the broad neck and torso at her eye-level, her throat going dry.

His eyes were wide when they met hers, deep and brown and maybe even a little hopeful — they were such a welcome sight that she couldn’t believe it had already been nearly two weeks since the end of their trip. It was like they’d said goodbye to each other yesterday.

For a moment neither of them said anything, examining each other with new eyes as they were. He was dressed in a plain black t-shirt that hugged his biceps, unfairly so. It took everything in her not to run into him and press her nose against his chest, smelling him again.

“Rey? What are you doing here?”

God, that voice. She had to force herself not to close her eyes with the pang of longing that reverberated throughout her chest upon hearing him again.

She’d missed him so much. Definitely more than she deserved to.

When she finally remembered to use her voice, she licked her lips, scared to break this tiny, frail moment. If he told her to turn around and leave, it would absolutely break her, and she didn’t know if she could handle that again.

But seeing him had also awakened something in her, a fire that she didn’t want to put out just yet.

She’d either end up thanking Rose profusely for forcing her into this or crying into her arms again, but at least she wouldn’t go down without a fight. She wouldn’t let herself live with anymore regrets.

“Hi, Ben,” she said, overwhelmed and shocked and relieved beyond belief if only to hear his name on her own lips again.

“Can…" she swallowed, licking her lips, building up her own resolve. It was a little easier now that she was finally looking at him. "Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> all will be well soon enough! <3 thank you for reading my friends 
> 
> please do let me know what you thought!! you all were so receptive to the last chapter and it really warmed my heart, i hope you enjoyed this one as well :')
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	14. Chapter 14

Rey’s eyes slowly trailed the open expanse of Ben’s apartment as he wordlessly shifted to let her in through the door. Part of her anticipated the press of his warm, large palm against her back, but it never came.

She hadn’t been this close to him in the time since their plane landed and they’d gone their separate ways — she almost felt like she was dreaming, being around him again. It was like a year had passed since that day, and also like no time had passed at all.

The apartment was clean. Immaculate, actually. Bright white walls and dark wood furniture, clean marble countertops and stainless steel appliances — it was exactly the sort of environment she would have envisioned for him. It looked like something out of a catalogue, and she quickly assumed he’d probably rented the place fully furnished. It seemed like him to do something like that.

At first glance, there wasn’t much in the way of personal decor. He didn’t have a row of plants sitting against the large windows that overlooked the city, nor did he seem to own any artwork that didn’t look like it came straight off of the display shelves at IKEA. The pillows looked comfortable and well-worn, but were all varying shades of grey and white. Standard, utilitarian. Enough to survive on.

Upon closer inspection, though, she noticed his Switch lying on the couch. There was a bookcase near the windows, home to titles that ranged from classics like _Paradise Lost_ to sprawling fantasy sagas like _Game of Thrones._ The TV had a Playstation tucked under it, with a faint blue light illuminating the wood floors.

So, this was where Ben lived.

Now that she was actually here, _in_ his apartment, Rey was starting to lose all of her nerve. This was _not_ how she had expected her Friday to pan out.

She crossed her hands over her chest. “For the record, I wasn’t planning on coming,” she started. “Rose tricked me into thinking I was running an errand for her and led me here.”

She took that moment to glance up at him, shock and confusion warring on his features once again. It made a streak of guilt flare through her. Why was she so terrible at just _saying_ what she meant?

“Oh,” he mumbled. “W—”

“Now that I _am_ here, though,” she swallowed, not quite sure how to evaluate the tone of his voice, preferring instead to interrupt him altogether. She was only able to stop herself from reaching out to grab the fabric of his shirt by sheer force of will, clutching her arms tighter to her. “It’s… It’s really good to see you.”

She could at least admit that, couldn’t she? Despite everything, she still felt more at ease than she had in weeks, just being around him.

His fingers twitched. “It’s really good to see you too, Rey.”

The sound of his name on her lips made her knees weak. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her racing mind and fluttery heart.

She was so close to everything she wanted, and yet so far away.

Budget planning and administrative meetings were easy. Even when she felt an emotional connection to her cases, she managed to stay removed enough to get through any tough conversation.

 _This,_ on the other hand…

She shook her head slightly, tears of frustration already starting to prick her eyes. “I don’t know how to do this,” she admitted, her chest feeling heavy and uncomfortable. She was pretty sure his glassy expression mirrored her own. “I’m not good at any of it. But I…”

She swiped a hand over her eye, holding herself tighter. She _wanted_ to be good at it — with him, for him. All of it.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” she admitted, feeling the deep heat of blush and embarrassment on her cheeks. “And if… if I’m too late, or something, I get it. I just needed you to know that.”

Fighting the instinct to turn around and leave, she stood her ground, waiting for his reply.

“Rey…” he seemed at a loss, eyes wide and every bit as easy to get lost in as they’d always been.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore,” she said, rushing the words out as soon as she realized just how close this was to failing, her tears coming quicker. “I wouldn’t blame you for that. I— I just thought I’d get this off my chest since I’m here now. We can still pretend to be nice to each other, at least, in front of everyone—”

Her words, already deeply fragmented by the emotions sinking themselves into her arms and chest and stomach, were cut off by the feeling of soft fabric, a firm chest, and _that smell,_ overtaking each and every one of her sentences. Broad, firm arms came around her, and suddenly it was like they were still there, miles away, in their tiny slice of paradise.

She whimpered at the onslaught of comfort she felt, her hands automatically wrapping around him — though he was too broad for her to do that with the way he’d gripped her.

“It’s been killing me,” his voice was in her ear, sounding just as wracked as hers. “Not being with you. Not being able to see you, or talk to you.”

She leaned back just a little — not enough to escape his grip, she wouldn’t dare to do that — and stared into his face, her hands tentatively reaching out to _feel_ him again.

He sighed, leaning dangerously close, their lips inches apart, the air so tense that she thought he might kiss her.

He didn’t.

“We need to talk,” was what he finally said, his voice barely higher than a whisper. He gently carded some hair away from her face, settling on her jaw.

“Yes,” she agreed, slightly intoxicated from being around him again. “I— I need to tell you something.”

Ben guided her over to the couch, remaining an arm’s length away from her once they were both seated. Rey stared intently at the bit of space between them, frustrated that she wasn’t near him anymore. Desperate to never be far from him again.

She bit her lip. “Ben, I’m s—”

He interrupted her before she could finish. “I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. She hadn’t expected _that_. “Huh?”

“I should have told you,” he said, taking her hands in his. They were so large they encompassed hers entirely. “I was scared. Terrified, actually. Of losing you, of you changing your mind, deciding you didn’t want me — and I got wrapped up in the fantasy of it, too. I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Rey sniffed, taking his words in. It was then that she remembered their talk the night of her drunken escapade — she’d told him it wasn’t too late for him to fix things with his family, and then she’d broken everything off the moment things got difficult. It made her hate herself a little bit, to realize what she’d done.

She shook her head, waving those thoughts away. What mattered was right here, and right now.

“Ben…”

“I can’t say it was smart of me. To let you go like that. But hearing you tell me it was nothing to you...” he ran a hand through his hair. “It made me think that maybe it was. Made me think that I’d fooled myself the entire time. I let it get in the way of us, and it shouldn’t have.”

Rey desperately wanted — no, _needed_ — to be closer. To hold him. To provide some sort of explanation for how she’d gotten it all wrong. They were still inches apart on the sofa, after all. Instead, she settled for speaking over the thick lump in her throat.

“It wasn’t nothing. That’s— that was the problem. It was _so much_ — so _quickly_ — that it terrified me. But, Ben, you weren’t going to lose me over a job because I fell for _you._ Who you are. For better or worse, that part wasn’t going to change.”

He was rubbing soft circles over her hand with his thumb. “If only you’d told me that before I turned down the promotion. I’d be a lot richer right now.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

His smile was soft as he shook his head, but it was like a silent promise — that they’d gotten this far, that there was still a chance.

“I haven’t been myself for a long time. I thought climbing the ranks there would fix all of that for me, help me become someone outside of what everyone else wanted, but it only made me more and more miserable — and even then, it really did feel like I had no other choice,” his voice wavered, slightly. “Until you.”

She flipped their hands over and tightened her hold. “I meant it when I said it’s never too late.”

His eyes searched her face, his expression growing fonder. “You know, I talked to my parents for the first time in five years this past weekend.”

Rey lit up, the tiny flare of pride that she’d originally felt now plain as day on her face. “Holdo told me about that. I’m really glad, Ben.”

The tips of his ears turned pink, his expression boyish. “It was… really fucking awkward, honestly. As far as reunions go. But I’m glad I did it. I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I reached out.”

“Good. It always makes me happy to see families reunited.”

Rey meant that — she may have been devoted to children who’d been left behind, but it always felt good to know that things could truly improve for others; that there was still hope. For anyone.

“You know, I think they’d really like you.”

Rey’s cheeks heated involuntarily, the idea of meeting his parents exhilarating — not because of who they were, but because it was Ben’s life. The unspoken assertion that he wanted to let her in was intoxicating.

She wanted to play it off, but she was starting to feel _too_ happy, leaning into Ben’s arms and getting closer by the second. Almost happy enough for her to forget the entire reason she’d decided to come in the first place.

“Thanks for interrupting me, by the way,” she tsked, inching closer and resting her head on his shoulder, watching his thumb run across her knuckles. “I was supposed to be the one saying sorry.”

He smiled, but any and all amusement she felt was starting to fade.

“Ben,” She turned to look up at him after a beat of silence, tucking her legs under her. “I’m really sorry for ending things like that. The way I did. It’s just… I worked really hard to get to where I am today. To be okay, like this. To have my own place to live, my own friends, my own life. It didn’t just happen.”

She took a deep breath, the mood they were in just seconds ago slipping away as she remembered how miserable she’d been over the past two weeks — as well as how she’d felt on the island, and how they’d gotten here.

“And then… _you_ did. I never planned for that. It all felt so... real, even if everything about it was fake,” she was starting to cry again, tiny tears threatening to slip down her cheeks. “And then suddenly it was like I didn’t know you at all.”

“You _do_ , though.” He inched closer and cradled her head again, so that she could look up right into his eyes. “Better than anyone does. And I will never hide anything from you again. You have all of me, Rey.”

He had all of her, too. If she was being honest with herself, he’d had her before she even knew it.

Her sigh was more of a shudder. “I thought I’d ruined everything.”

“I thought _I’d_ ruined everything.”

Rey smiled, tasting the salt of her tears. “Maybe we both did, a little.”

“Maybe,” he leaned closer, nudging her nose with his, and once again she found herself waiting for him to kiss her, watching the way his eyes settled on her lips. “Maybe we can both fix it?”

Being around him was like nothing Rey had ever felt before. He made her feel safe just as much as he made her reckless; as angry as he made her so giddy it was like she was floating. A million and one contradictions existed when it came to him, how he made her feel — and Rey wanted to dive in and explore every single one. It didn’t even feel like a risk, anymore, to open herself up to him. It felt like exactly what she was supposed to do.

And she was done waiting for him to kiss her.

She leaned forward and closed the distance between them. It was a soft kiss, Rey sighing against the warm brush of his lips, her first drink of fresh water after what felt like a dreadful drought. She’d almost lost this — she’d almost let it slip right through her fingers, without giving it a proper chance to see what it would become.

He tasted like the beginning — the _true_ beginning — of something incredible, and she would never get enough of it. She knew that now.

His hand was gentle against her cheek, her skin heated and alive at the feeling of him on her. She tried not to let herself get lost in the kiss, using every bit of self restraint to pull away.

“Ben.”

His eyes were dark and hooded, but there was enough fondness in them to know that he was listening. “Hm?”

“I’m really, really sorry I fucked things up so badly.”

“We both did. We _just_ talked about that,” he said.

“I know, but— I want to make sure we don’t just pick up where we left off. I want to do it right. All of it. The real thing.”

“The real thing?”

“Mmm-hmm,” she smiled, her eyes still focused on him. “I want to kiss you whenever I want,” she leaned forward and did exactly that to prove her point, enjoying the feeling of his hand coming to grip her waist.

“I want to argue with you,” she pressed her lips against his. “And laugh with you,” another kiss, smiling against him this time. “And watch movies with you, and go grocery shopping with you, and try new, exciting things with you, and, and—”

He broke her rambling off with a deeper kiss, more passionate this time, her body humming in response. She widened her legs to straddle him on the couch, his back against the armrest, her hands reaching up to wrap themselves around his neck.

“I want those things too,” he murmured, kissing a trail down her neck. “With you. _Only_ with you.”

His words sent a shiver through her, prompting her to turn his face up so that their lips could meet once more. Now that she was finally touching him again, she didn’t plan on stopping any time soon.

She didn’t have time to think over the _ifs, ands,_ or _buts_ — she wanted all of him, in a way that went far deeper than her appreciation for his body or the things it did.

This was more than that.

She moaned when he slipped his tongue into her mouth, their bodies working with each other as though they’d never been apart. She liked being on top, she realized. They’d never tried it like this before, but she could see him so much better from up here, and she had so much more control over every tiny movement — each slight shift of her hips coaxing a groan out of him, his face growing redder with every touch.

His flushed lips were swollen, even larger than they usually were, and his ears were bright pink.

He was _beautiful._

She didn’t realize she’d actually said as much until she noticed his eyes widen, a pained noise escaping him.

“You _are,_ ” she furrowed her brows. There was no room for mincing her words anymore. She was done with that.

She readjusted herself so that she could grip the edges of his t-shirt, pulling them upwards until he was shirtless under her, giving her the space to appreciate him fully.

His skin was warm under her lips as she enjoyed him, starting from his neck, dotting kisses haphazardly.

“I missed you so much,” she admitted, her lips under his ear. Despite the clear arousal on both sides — she felt like she was about to combust, and they’d barely even started — she was motivated more by the desire to show him what she saw.

She’d been so convinced that she’d blown her chance, and here they were. On his couch, in his apartment. She was still in her _work clothes_.

Teasing the skin of his collarbone, she lost herself in the smell of him, enjoying the taste of his skin. “Does this feel good, Ben? You need to talk to me, you know.”

She smiled against him when he groaned, fully aware that her imitation of him from their first night together was just that — she knew perfectly well just how good he felt right now, the evidence of it growing firmer under her by the minute.

Still, it was nice to tease him. To have the freedom to do that. If the twitch she felt under her was any indication, it was working for him, too.

She made her way back up, her own desire becoming overwhelming. “Are you gonna take my shirt off or do I have to ask for that, too?”

She was mostly joking, but it spurred him into action. He sat up and helped her blouse over her head, reverently running his hands along her skin when he was done.

He cupped her breasts over her bra, planting kisses along her clavicle, shoulder blades, arms, as he gently tugged the straps down, unhooking the bra and letting his hands explore her all over again, slowly, as though they had all the time in the world to do this right. She supposed they did, in a way. They had forever right in front of them.

She felt the moisture pooling between her legs with every searing touch he left on her skin, her body responding to the memory of him just as much as it was responding to the very visceral feeling of him here, and now.

“Every night,” he sighed, his voice thicker with emotion than want. “I thought of you every fucking night. And none of it compares to this.”

She closed the distance between them, their chests pressed together, her legs tight around his thighs. When she kissed him, it was deep, his hands resting in her hair, ruining the already deflated ponytail she’d had it in all day.

“I want to feel you,” she whimpered against him, her body searching for a release that wasn’t happening, clothed as they were. Her hands drifted lower, settling on the firmness of his cock. “ _All_ of you.”

“Rey…”

She’d started to unbuckle his belt, hungry for something more. At his hesitation, she looked up. “You don’t want to?”

Her hands were practically over his underwear, a frustrated hiss leaving him once he felt it. “It’s not safe, I— I don’t have any condoms.”

“Even better,” she was growing more insistent by the minute, the thought of feeling him inside of her — without any barrier whatsoever between them — enough to make her desperate. “I haven’t been with anyone, obviously. Even long before us. Have _you…_?”

“No, no,” he shook his head. “It’s just… what if—”

She silenced him with another kiss. “Ben...” she sighed against him. “I appreciate the pragmatism, but we can be safe in other ways. Just today. I _need_ you.”

It seemed that was all he needed to hear, because he was suddenly pulling his own pants down and helping Rey with hers, taking tiny breaks to keep kissing her. She was a giggling mess when the angle they were in meant she had to quickly stand up on the couch over him to shrug her pants off, Ben’s broad, masculine body laid out right under her. It wasn’t awkward, or uncomfortable, or weird, the way it might have been otherwise — because it was _him_.

When she’d finally toed her knickers off — they were unflattering and a faded pink and definitely _not_ what she would have chosen if she’d known this were going to happen, although Ben didn’t seem to mind — Rey smiled on her way back down, the heat in her core growing stronger from the mere sight of him. She couldn’t help the small moan that escaped her when she straddled him again, his cock leaking a bit with precome under her.

“Rey, baby,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Shouldn’t we do something else first? To get you ready?” His hands were drifting towards her hips, presumably to flip her over. The thought of him going down on her was exciting, but they had all the time in the world for that. Right now, she only needed one thing.

“No,” she said, “I’m ready now.”

The prolonged distance coupled with the desperate, sudden onslaught of arousal had left her wetter than ever, in record time. Her body clenched in anticipation at the mere thought of settling her weight over him.

She didn’t want to be separated from him for a second longer. She bit down the flare of insecurity that came with not knowing what the hell she was doing — choosing instead to focus on the sounds he was making, the way she felt. He grabbed her hip and lifted her slightly, forcing a yelp out of her when he nudged the bundle of nerves with the tip of his cock, her heart officially ready to burst out of her chest.

Her face fell into the crook of his shoulder when he guided himself in, shaky exhales escaping both of them. He was big, she knew that, but experiencing him like _this_ — it felt like she was being split wide open, an entirely foreign fullness taking her by surprise.

“ _Fuck,_ ” he sighed. “You feel even better than I remember.”

She whimpered in a heady agreement. He was taking his time, slowly letting her get used to him. Once she felt secure enough, she tested a slight shift of her hips, a full shiver going through her when he groaned.

“You too,” she sighed, dotting kisses on his neck in her half-lucid state. Her arms came around him, holding on once she felt he was entirely inside.

“Is that okay?”

She nodded, whimpering with need. Her body was begging for more than just sitting on his lap, instinct taking over the moment she felt comfortable enough to move. His hands helped her along, guiding her to take the pressure off her knees while she ground against his cock, soft sighs of pleasure escaping her. This was better than she could have imagined, the feeling of him, thick and strong and so secure inside of her. She’d never felt closer to him.

“You’re so… _fuck_ ,” he whispered, looking up at her with so much fondness in his eyes it made hers water. His hands were running aimlessly up and down her arms and thighs. “I am never letting you go again.”

She _was_ crying a little, at this point, overwhelmed as she was by how much she felt. The grandness of it all surprised her, but it felt right.

“Me either,” she forced out, her moans escaping her despite an attempt at coherence. “Promise.”

Their bodies worked in tandem, sweat sticking to their bare skin, their hair growing mussed and damp. Rey felt her body growing impatient, the coil of heat along her spine building.

“I’m close,” he muttered, his movements growing more erratic. “Are you…”

She nodded, grabbing one of his hands and placing it over her clit, guiding him. His fingers made quick work, his touch instantly sending pinpricks of intense pleasure throughout her body. She felt like a live wire, crackling with energy, waiting for the final moment to throw her over the edge.

The coil of arousal burned at her until it was pulled taut, her orgasm crashing around her in waves. She cried out, her hands gripping his chest as he helped her through, bucking his hips up and chasing his own release.

“I’m gonna—” he shifted, lifting with her slightly and rearranging himself so that they were separated before he came with another groan, his spend landing on her stomach.

For a while neither of them said anything, catching their breath against each other as they came down from what had just happened. Her chest felt odd and sticky with the proof of what they’d just done, but it wasn’t bad. At all, she realized with a new curiosity. There was so much she didn’t know — so much she was eager to explore — and it was exhilarating to realize she’d have the chance to explore that with Ben.

She leaned down to kiss him again, but he stopped her, reaching over to grab his t-shirt and using it to rub himself off of her stomach. “I’m sorry… about— that”, he gently wiped at her chest and stomach bashfully.

“It’s okay,” she insisted, capturing his lips. “It was all a little unexpected. We’ll be safer next time.”

The quiet promise of a ‘next time’ hung between them as that warm, drizzling feeling settled over Rey. Now that the wave of passion had passed, she was slightly more aware of their positioning — two naked bodies stuck together on a couch, the faded glow of a setting sun illuminating them as the late afternoon turned into night.

Now that she was here, she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. The change of scenery didn’t matter, because she was with Ben — and being with him came naturally to her in a way that few other things did.

An uncanny _rightness_ fell around them, one that Rey hadn’t even felt before the trip. Falling in love with Ben had changed her in ways she could have never anticipated. It wasn’t just the rush of blood in her cheeks when she saw him, or the catapult of butterflies now permanently lodged in her belly, or even the softness of his lips when they kissed.

It was an entirely different feeling — one that felt rare, and precious — that made Rey feel absolutely certain that she couldn’t give this up.

And now she was back. Exactly where she was supposed to be.

* * *

“So, what are we? Boyfriend and girlfriend now?” Rey leaned back to look at him, lathering her hair with shampoo.

He’d led her into the bathroom shortly after they’d laid on the couch for a while, enjoying each other in a quiet, simple way that didn’t ask too much of either of them — soft kisses and tender touches and whispers of soft endearments, promises made under caresses as they quietly embarked on an entirely new journey.

Slowly, Rey took in the rest of Ben’s apartment, relishing in the tiny details of him that were at once incredibly familiar and yet foreign and exciting.

His body wash, for example, reminded her of their bed, a scent she’d nearly forgotten.

She newly learned, however, that he had dramatically abbreviated his hair routine for his vacation, noting that his bathroom was littered with pomades and gels that he claimed served very distinct purposes.

Rey wondered then if there was anything about him she didn’t find endearing.

The act of showering together wasn’t very sexual — the floor was too slippery and the act of cleaning oneself too mechanical for that — but it was intimate and domestic in a different way, one that lit up Rey’s insides with something fuzzy and soft.

“I’d like that,” he murmured, running his fingers through her hair to help get the shampoo out. She turned to face him once she felt it was clean, slightly disappointed she couldn’t return the favor. He was _way_ too tall for her to reach.

“Me too,” she bit her lip, holding onto his arms instead and pulling herself closer to him under the showerhead. “Being your wife was fun, though.”

He quirked an eyebrow, his eyes darkening only slightly, but enough for her to notice. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she hid her face in his chest, fighting away the blush that rose on her cheeks. “I’ll miss it.”

“Are you proposing to me, Rey?” he said, his tone teasing. Playful. It was a joke.

And yet Rey’s mind unhelpfully supplied her with images of what a life would look like, together. One where they’d promised themselves to each other, for the rest of their lives.

Where she had a family. All her own.

Rey had never stopped wanting _that_. And entertaining the thought of it with Ben was odd, but not unsettling. Not at all.

She shook her head, laughing off the joke and tucking that train of thought deep, deep, down.

“Definitely not,” she scrunched her nose. They’d only _just_ decided to truly give this a go. She wasn’t about to get ahead of herself. “We just did things a little out of order, that’s all.”

He tipped her chin up with a finger, running his thumb over her lip. It took awhile for him to respond, and when he did, it was quiet, just barely loud enough for Rey to hear it over the rush of water. “Being your husband was fun, too.”

There they were — caught in each other’s eyes, neither of them speaking, but a silent understanding making itself known anyways. Whatever this was, they agreed on where it might go. Even if they weren’t ready to say it quite yet.

After their shower, he lent her one of his sweatshirts, the hem of it reaching her mid thighs.

Little by little, Ben led her around his apartment, holding her by the waist. He showed her his kitchen, stock full of exactly the sort of bland produce she’d expected, and brought her out onto the balcony, the city glimmering ahead of them.

Little by little, his world became clearer to her.

“Very nice,” she hummed, finally peeking into his bedroom. It was just as sleek and modern as the rest of the apartment, and nearly as devoid of personal touches, though she did notice a book on his bedside table and a desk where his computer laid.

“Are those… your _glasses?_ ”

Rey slipped out of his hands, rushing towards the desk. She held the frames in her hand — they were thick and dark, reminding her of Clark Kent. She extended her arm out to him. “Put them on, please.”

He did as told, shrugging the glasses on and watching her warily. He was shirtless, wearing only his boxers, the dark glasses on their own doing more than enough to fuel Rey. “Now all I need is for you to read me one of those papers. I went looking online…”

“You looked me up on Google?”

She blushed, turning away to investigate the desk. Mahogany, with dark accents. A full cluster of fancy Japanese pens in the corner. Nice. “Don’t flatter yourself. We live in the 21st century — it’s all par for the course. Anyways, it’s not like you have much of an online footprint. You’re ridiculously archaic.”

“I’m a private guy. Forced into the spotlight one too many times as a kid.”

Rey’s heart clenched, but she held firm. “Still. It… made it really hard. I mean, seriously, not even a WhatsApp picture?”

She felt his arms wrap around her, the crisp scent of him as he nuzzled her neck from behind, his lips absently working at her neck until they reached her ear. “I guess I had it easier. You update your Instagram extremely often.”

“You were looking at my social media?”

“We do live in the 21st century, you know.”

She swatted at his arm, inordinately pleased. “Hopefully we won’t have to stalk each other online anymore.”

“Definitely not,” he tugged her tighter. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t letting you go. Not again.”

“Good,” she preened, turning to face him. “I don’t plan on letting you go either.”

“Even though I’m broke now?”

“ _Especially_ because you’re broke now. Would do you some good to live life on the other side for once.”

Rey’s hands settled on his chest, absently drawing patterns on the exposed skin with the tip of her finger. “I need to thank Rose.”

“For forcing you to come over today?’

“Well, yes. Definitely that. But also sending us on this trip in the first place.”

He kissed her temple. “Send her my thanks, too.”

“I think what she deserves is a real honeymoon with Hux, to be honest,” Rey chuckled, biting her lip as another thought crossed her. “Ben... Do you… do you think we would have found each other anyways? Eventually? Even though we hated each other?”

Ben shook his head, his thumb running smoothly over her jaw. “ _You_ hated _me_ , Rey. There’s a difference.”

“You were insufferable! I’m pretty sure that’s not how you treat a person you like.”

“It is when you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to talk to the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. Especially when she’s as intelligent, stubborn, and free spirited as you.”

Rey gaped at him, her mind unsure how to process the information. “So… you…?”

His blush was an endearing shade of pink as he skirted her gaze, his hands resting firmer around her. “I had a massive crush on you, yes.”

Part of Rey wished he’d told her. She quickly flitted through memories of their less than companionable rivalship to recontextualize them in the wake of this new information, curious as to how they could have panned out differently. Maybe they would have figured this out a long time ago. Maybe everything would have been different.

But, then again, life had a habit of working out in weird ways. Whatever luck or circumstance that had led Rey to Ben, it wasn’t worth worrying about the millions of different ways it could have happened.

What mattered was that they were here. And there was virtually nothing standing in their way now.

“You know, now that you mention it, I have a pretty big crush on a guy, too. He’s smart, funny…”

“Oh? What else is he?”

“A little pretentious. Kind of standoffish. But I like him anyway.”

He pinched her hip, eliciting a tiny giggle. “Lucky guy. Does he know how you feel?”

Rey was pretty sure she’d never get tired of kissing Ben — his lips invited hers warmly as soon as she leaned upwards, sighing against him, pouring every ounce of emotion she felt into it. She shifted to nip on his earlobe, biting hard.

“I think he’s gotten the message by now.”

* * *

Rey had, at first, attributed the feeling of bliss that blurred time and softened the edges of reality to being on vacation. And, to an extent, it certainly had — the rush of saltwater crashing against the shore accompanied by the chirps of seagulls could not be heard from where she laid on Ben’s bed, replaced now by the slide of car wheels against gravel and the chattering of pigeons.

But she was also starting to realize just how much of it had just been Ben.

Especially when, in a stunning shock of clarity to her half-asleep search for a warm body to cling to, Rey found the sheets on Ben’s side of the bed painfully empty.

Rey’s eyes opened, her chest wincing with the realization that she _had_ woken up alone. In a moment of panic, she’d started to think that she’d made up the entire evening — from arriving at Ben’s apartment and having sex on the couch to landing in bed, Ben’s head between her legs while she threatened to rip his hair out, the two of them falling asleep soon after.

She sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and examining the empty room. Faintly, she was able to hear the rustling of paper and cardboard in the kitchen.

Once she was feeling slightly more coherent, she made her way towards the kitchen, the marble floor cool under her bare feet. Ben’s back was facing her, his attention focused on the pastries he was currently placing on a plate.

She approached from behind, wrapping her arms so tightly around his chest he’d have to enlist the help of the jaws of life to extricate her.

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” she said, voice muffled by the shirt he was wearing. “Where’d you go?”

He turned around, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Went out to breakfast.”

She sighed, unable to hide her dejection. “I missed you.”

“I was only gone for half an hour. I thought you’d still be asleep when I got back. You had me up pretty late.”

Rey hummed, tightening her hold as much as she could while her body flushed with the memory. “We just wasted two weeks without each other. I’m going to be missing you while I have you for a while.”

“I’m right here,” he said, a reassuring hand placed firmly on her ass, turning to grab what he’d left on the plate. “And I got you this.”

The logo _had_ seemed vaguely familiar when she’d first walked into the kitchen, and now she noticed it was the same bakery he’d bought her a muffin from on their way to Hawaii.

Her mouth watered almost instantly. “Those were _so_ good.”

He ripped off a piece from the top, feeding it to her directly. It was warm, the chocolate melting in her mouth, and she couldn’t help but moan around the decadence of it. It was a far cry from a gas station muffin, that much was for sure.

“So am I forgiven?”

Rey grabbed the muffin from his hands, ripping off a piece of it and offering it to him. “Only if you try some.”

“You know I’m not super into sugary stuff.”

“Yeah, I do,” she wiggled the pastry in front of him. “So try it. That’s my punishment.”

He opened his mouth enough for Rey to jam it in, pressing a slow kiss to her fingers once he was done, their eye contact unbroken.

“How about now?”

“Forgiven,” she smiled. “Now don’t do it again. Or else.”

They ate their breakfast — the rest of her muffin, his bland scone — in a companionable silence, standing against the counters in his kitchen. They weren’t pretending to be much of anything, merely enjoying each other’s company in the natural way that Rey supposed boyfriends and girlfriends did.

She’d never felt luckier in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)) 
> 
> haven't got much to say except that i hope you guys enjoyed! <3 your feedback chapter after chapter has made writing this fic an even greater joy than i expected, and as we slowly near the finish line (sob) im feeling more grateful for that than ever :))
> 
> im sorry i havent replied to every comment but please know that i do read and hold each and every one of them very close to my heart! <333
> 
> come say hi on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hidingsolo)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I'm so sorry it's been a while since I last updated... long story short, I started a new job and have been really drained creatively for the past month or so which sort of halted my writing process, but I'm back!! We're here!!! 
> 
> I will be saving the melodrama for the notes after the epilogue, but this is the last official ~chapter~ (sob) so if you've held on with this story up until now, thank you!! I'm so grateful that my lil story has been received so well. Your feedback is the reason I've made it this far, and I really hope you guys enjoy this one! It's an extra long one, too <3
> 
> Now, without further ado~~~~

_**Two Days Later** _

**_Ben_ **

_Hey_.

_I miss you._

_**Rey** _

_We JUST said goodbye to each other !!!! its half the reason im running late_

_and in the same outfit i left in on friday_

_U are a menace_

_**Ben** _

_You like that about me, though._

_**Rey** _

_…._

_Yea_

_I do :)_

_**Ben** _

_When can I see you again?_

_**Rey** _

_Good question_

_Im not driving all the way over there after work tonight_

_Maybe u can come over to my place…?_

_Its kinda weird not living together dont u think_

_**Ben** _

_Yeah, I definitely missed stepping on your shoes on the way to the bathroom._

_And collecting your hair on the wall of the shower._

_That was sarcasm, by the way._

_**Rey** _

_OMG ew wait i did not know u saw that…_

_Ugh whatever_

_U know u missed meeeeeeee_

_**Ben** _

_I did. Very much._

_I’ll be there tonight, but I think we should plan a date._

_A real one._

_**Rey** _

_I would rly like that :)_

_**Ben** _

_Me, too._

_I’ll come up with something._

_You get back to work._

_**Rey** _

_Omg_

_ur not the boss of me_

_i am highly capable!!_

_But ok ur right lol ur distracting me_

_I've got a job to do_

_**Ben** _

_I’ll see you later, Rey._

_Or can I call you baby all the time now?_

_Since I’m your boyfriend._

_**Rey** _

_Hmm_

_As your gf…._

_Ill allow it :)_

_**Ben** _

_Okay, baby._

_See you tonight._

_**Rey** _

<3

* * *

Rey was going to have to buy Ben an entirely new dresser.

Nevermind the fact that it would tear through her monthly budget to do so — there was no way _this_ much makeup had transferred onto the wood, so much so that the entire space under his mirror had become tainted with the pale leftovers of her foundation. She smudged at some of it with her finger, trying to clean it off before Ben appeared.

“Rey?” he called out to her from the bathroom, from which wafts of his cologne were gently reaching where she stood in his bedroom. “You almost done?”

“Mmmmhmm,” she hummed, rubbing on the dresser harder and sighing in relief when it came off easier than she’d expected. They were already running late, and today was already important for so, _so_ many reasons, and she did not have a second to spare for worrying about whether or not IKEA had any sales running.

They were meeting Rose, Hux, Finn, and Poe for brunch — which was precisely why they’d even stayed the night at Ben’s, since he lived so close to all the fancy places in the city with unlimited mimosas and brioche french toast slices that seemed to be drizzled in liquid gold, if the absurd price tags were any indication.

Otherwise, they probably would have slept at Rey’s, and she wouldn’t have had to worry about dirtying the dresser because hers was an old, splintering relic of the 1970s she'd picked up at the thrift store and stained herself, adding mismatched handles to it after watching a YouTube video on thrifty home decor. 

The two of them definitely would have spent the night together, though, regardless of location. Or the dresser situation.

They had barely spent one apart since Rose’s meddling, a fact that was not quite lost on either of them. They’d jumped right into a routine easily, as though they'd been together — officially — for months instead of only a few weeks. That was the thing about pretending to be married to someone, she supposed. Had a way of letting you _really_ get to know another person.

Her schedule was slightly more demanding these days, so she was used to leaving him in her bed while she went to work, and depending on the day he’d still be there when she got back. During the weekends, it was easy to forget the rest of the world even existed, especially now that Rey had visited her doctor for an emergency check-up and sorted out any remaining birth control issues.

 _That_ had made all the difference, really, when it came to their free time together.

Only, now that the very last dregs of summer were making themselves known by way of slightly shorter nights and the occasional dip in temperature, Rose had made it necessary for all of them to meet up for brunch to commemorate the occasion. And Rey had a few final surprises up her sleeve. It was the first time she'd be out with Ben, for _real_ , and her nerves were only offset by the giddiness she felt, being around him. The knowledge that there wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be.

“Oh no,” Ben mumbled as he moved closer, a hand coming to rest on her waist, his thumb and forefinger toying with the breezy fabric. Rey hadn’t had the chance to debut this particular one yet, and she smiled coyly at its reception, noting the way Ben’s eyes grew darker as he studied it. “You can’t wear that.”

She was still leaning over the dresser, and so it was no trouble at all to push back slightly further, teasing. “Says who?”

“If you wear this,” he tsked, lifting up the skirt gently so that her ass was bare. His warm hands massaged her, and Rey was too entranced to say or do much of anything for a few moments. “We won’t make it to the restaurant. And we’re already running late.”

With an impressive amount of self-control, Rey forced herself out of his arms, reaching towards the bed where she’d left her purse sitting with a particularly special envelope she was hoping not to crumple.

“Not if we leave right now,” she sang, turning over to watch him, his eyes slightly glazed over after she’d left him hanging. “Let’s go, and if you behave you can rip the dress off when we get back.”

The brunch place was a twenty minute walk away — during which Rey enjoyed the feeling of the sun on her back, and Ben’s warm hand in hers.

They were the last of the group to get there, their arrival punctuated by loud shouts coming from Finn, Poe, _and_ Rose, while Hux smiled knowingly in the corner.

Rey blushed, taking her seat on the high chairs — why did all of these restaurants have weirdly high tables and seating? — and leaning into Ben’s arm, protectively curled around her. “I’ve no idea what you all are going on about, but please act respectable. It’s still only 11.”

“Not our fault you two are late,” Finn said, wiggling his eyebrows and flagging down the waitress. “We’re on our third drinks. Time to play catch up.”

“So,” Poe leaned over once they’d placed their first drink orders, gesturing between her and Ben. “Let me get this straight. While we were all sick in bed, you two were going at it like animals in Hawaii? Does that not seem unfair to anyone else? Rose?”

Rey gaped, too shocked to form a response while Rose settled back into her seat, smug.

“Nah, I just feel pretty powerful right now. I cannot _believe_ I made this happen — I mean, look at them! A match made in heaven, I’d say.”

“ _You_ didn’t really do much, babe,” Hux chimed in. “Pretty sure they figured it out by themselves. Plus, Ben is the reason you and _I_ are together, isn’t he? Seems only fair.”

“See?” Ben said, nudging Rey, who rolled her eyes the moment she sensed where this was going. “Told you. All me.”

Rose playfully shoved her husband. “Shut up. I totally did this.”

“It was a little bit of everything, I think,” Rey conceded, flipping through the menu with one hand while the other held onto Ben’s under the table. “But I’m glad we made it here.”

Conversation flowed just as freely as the orange juice-tinted champagne, leaving Rey gigglier than usual as she stole french fries off of Ben’s plate, and fielded tiny kisses on her shoulder, casually ruffling the hair at the nape of his neck while they both talked to other people. 

There were a lot of things she didn't really know about dating and relationships, but she could have _never_ anticipated how dizzying the effect of being with Ben — truly being with him — would be.

It wasn’t that she was necessarily unsatisfied with her life before, not really — but being with Ben, and getting to share the happiness she felt with him with her friends, was an entirely different story altogether. She felt lighter and more carefree that morning, sitting under the lavender tarp overlooking the city street, drinking and laughing with everyone, than she had in a long time.

When the conversation lulled slightly, it presented the perfect opportunity to drop her surprise on Finn and Poe. Ben, as though reading her mind, tugged at her elbow, dragging her gaze down with a questioning eyebrow.

She nodded, equally thrilled and alarmed by the silent way they managed to communicate with each other. He had been on the receiving end of many excited rants about the slip of paper she was holding onto in the past few weeks, so he knew exactly how momentous this would be.

“Finn, Poe,” she announced, drawing the attention of everyone at the table. “Please close your eyes. I have a little surprise for you both.”

The two husbands gave each other a wary look, complying only when Rey repeated her request. Rose and Hux sat back, equally as in the dark about the whole thing.

Rey took the envelope out of her bag, eager to get the news out — but she needed to have tact. This was about them _way_ more than it was about her.

“I’m going to tell you when to open your eyes, ‘kay?” she said, primly taking the folded paper out and letting Rose and Hux read it — their eyes going wide once they did — and finally placing it in Finn and Poe’s outstretched hands.

“Okay, you can open now.”

They began to read through the paper, Poe’s fingers crumpling the corners as soon as the realization hit. Suddenly, they were both crying, looking up at Rey with something so pure and unbridled it made her heart catch in her throat.

“Is this…?”

“Mmmhmm,” Rey nodded, clasping her hands under her neck. “I was able to push the request through faster than usual with some effort. All that’s left is to work with immigration and the orphanage to bring her home. She’s from an orphanage in Villa Nueva.”

Poe had been stunned by the news, his hand holding onto his husband’s. “Oh my god, Finn, we—,”

“We’re going to be parents. We’re going to be _dads._ ”

For a moment Finn and Poe stared at each other, in their own tiny universe, until their shock and disbelief slowly manifested into joyous excitement as the news settled, which prompted fits of happy laughter and shouts of “Congratulations!” and many, many happy hugs across the table.

Rey found herself crying, too. Despite the fact that she’d been working on this for months, it was only now that it felt truly _real —_ and just as she knew her friends would make terrific parents, it was equally as special to know she’d found a home for a child that had been left behind the way her and Finn had.

Ben clutched her tighter in the moments after the reveal as they called for a proper bottle of champagne.

“I’m proud of you,” he murmured, low in her ear after they’d toasted to the new addition to the family.

She blushed with the praise, looking up at him. “This is not about me.”

“I know, but still,” his thumb was moving in gentle circles across the bare skin of her shoulder, toying with the fabric of her sleeve absently. “You made it happen, and it took a lot of hard work. I can’t be proud of my girlfriend?”

Rey didn’t answer his question, too drunk on the champagne and her friends’ happiness to do anything other than lean up and kiss him. They both tasted too much like the orange juice, but Rey found she didn’t quite mind at all.

It wasn’t about the overpriced drinks or fancy breakfast tacos — they could have been in their dirty pajamas under the fluorescent light of an IHOP eating soggy pancakes for all she cared.

No, what made Rey’s heart sing was the feeling of wholeness that enveloped her, watching everyone at the table. From new jobs to weddings and babies, she and Finn and Rose had found themselves stumbling their way through life together — and they would keep doing exactly that, accompanying each other throughout all of the highs and lows that came with it.

And now she had the chance to share that with someone. Someone that filled the empty spot in her life she’d barely understood the shape of herself, as though it were waiting for him to step right into it.

Watching him joke around with Hux out of the corner of her eye while she and Rose helped brainstorm nursery themes, the air so casual and breezy and _right,_ only confirmed what she already knew in her heart to be true.

She couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

* * *

The night had started off fine. Great, actually.

Ben’s university applications — he’d finally decided he might actually make a good professor after all — had started taking their toll, the hours upon hours of collecting documents and reaching out to old academic contacts and organizing his research papers both tedious and headache-inducing.

Rey’s schedule was equally as busy, as life moved on and her work continued, especially now that Holdo’s donation had given them more resources than they’d ever had before.

Which was exactly why the two of them were so excited to shrug it all off for a night and enjoy a good, old fashioned party with their friends.

Rose had really taken the time to decorate for Halloween; her investment in party planning boards on Pinterest was both admirable and terrifying. Fake cobwebs were hanging in every doorway, jelly plastered to the walls to look like bloody handprints. There was caution tape on all of the doors and the house was pitch-black, with strobe lights scattered around the living room.

The guest list looked much like that of the wedding — fewer family this time, though, and more friends of friends. It was everything a Halloween party _should_ be. Equal parts exciting costumes and spooky party favors.

The two of them had arrived fashionably late in costumes of their own — Rey with her hair tied off to the side in a ponytail, shorts, a yellow tank top, and red suspenders, while Ben's costume included fingerless gloves, a jean jacket, and a backwards red cap.

He looked hilarious as Ash, especially after Rey had forced him to gel his hair upwards, but she supposed she looked pretty silly as Misty, too, so it was fine. They complemented each other.

As soon as they’d arrived, the stuffed Togepi and Pikachu they’d bought as props had ended up somewhere on the floor as quickly as Rose managed to tug them towards the kitchen to take tequila shots. Rey had cut herself off at one, pleasantly buzzed, settling on alcoholic seltzers and wine coolers for the rest of the night.

But Ben hadn’t stopped there.

He and Hux were both knocking down shot after shot until they were red in the face and glassy-eyed, even though no one was really prompting them. It started the way most things between those two did — innocent competition that quickly devolved into chaos. Hux had implied that Ben didn’t usually drink liquor because he couldn’t take it, and Ben found it absolutely necessary to prove him wrong, at any cost.

“Should we be worried?” Rose leaned over after Hux had goaded Ben into two more, her Elizabeth Swan costume swaying at her hips.

“Ben’s a tank, he’ll be fine,” Rey smiled, watching him fondly. It was fun to watch _him_ have fun, considering he really didn’t actually let loose all that often in front of others. “And Hux has nowhere else to go. I think we should let our boys enjoy their night.”

And fun they had — after they’d cleared through what had been left of the Patrón bottle, the group filtered out into the living room with the rest of the guests, enjoying the playlist Rose had painstakingly put together, for the "vibes", as she'd called it.

Ben had never been so handsy with Rey in public, going as far as to drag her towards the makeshift dance floor in the living room and sway his hips against hers despite the fact that neither of them were any good at actually maintaining a sense of rhythm. Rey turned around and wrapped her hands around him while they made out like teenagers in the dark, smiling against each other.

“Oi!” Hux drew nearer during a new Ariana Grande song, tugging Ben’s arm just as he was sucking a bruise on Rey’s neck. “Look what the cat dragged in!”

Behind him was a shorter man introduced to Rey as Mitaka, dressed as a character from a fantasy series that Rey didn’t recognize, and suddenly the three men had erupted into shouts and fraternal embraces. Rey was instantly amused by how loud Ben was getting, as she rarely saw this side of him in public — his shoulders loose and his smiles easy, knocking into things every so often as though he’d forgotten the size he took up in a room.

Rey was _so_ amused, in fact, that she didn’t blink when they walked back into the kitchen, or when she heard them knock back a few more shots of something else, shouting a drinking cheer in _very_ broken Spanish.

Instead, she drifted back towards her friends, dancing with Rose, Jannah, and Kaydel until the four of them were dizzy.

Or, better said, until Ben had found his way back to her, slurring incoherencies in her ear.

“Hey, baby,” he whispered from behind — she supposed he _thought_ he was whispering, at least. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, his movements much less practiced. “Y’Look so hot tonight. Did I tell you that already?”

Rey’s eyes widened, embarrassed heat blooming in her cheeks as Jannah whispered something in Kaydel’s ear that made them both burst out into laughter. Rey smiled politely, turning to face him and assess the damage.

From there it all tumbled downhill. She tried to entertain his antics, but Ben’s steps were becoming less and less practiced, until he was stumbling towards the couch where he sprawled out, legs wide.

His cheeks were impossibly flushed, and he’d also lost the hat somewhere along the way after pulling Rose in to dance salsa and making incoherent conversation with one of Hux’s coworkers.

“Ben,” Rey settled herself on his lap, her amusement bubbling. “How much did you really drink tonight? Are you feeling okay?”

“Why’re you asking?” he shook his head, limply lifted his shoulders. His eyes were trained on nothing in particular. “Idunno.”

“Alright,” Rey stood after a few moments of examination, taking his hand and lifting him up. It was nearly midnight. “I think it’s time we go home now, hm?”

That was how she’d ended up grunting, sweat collecting on her brow as she walked up the stairs, pushing Ben’s massive — extremely, _ridiculously_ heavy _—_ frame in front of her as she tried to get them both up into her apartment.

Once they reached the top of the stairs, Rey hauled him inside by the arm, throwing him onto her bed. It had started to feel like theirs, lately, given how often he was here, and Rey liked that more than she really knew what to do with.

“C’mere, big boy,” she smiled. “Did you enjoy tonight?” she asked, her tone light and casual as she helped him out of the jean jacket.

“Hmmm,” he nodded, eyes nearly closed. “Being with you’s always fun. Sorry…. Think I drank too much _._ ”

Rey giggled, enjoying the rare lack of eloquence. “I’m very glad you enjoyed yourself,” she knelt down in front of him and took off his shoes, biting her lip to keep from smiling. “You’ve been stressed lately. It’s okay to let loose once in a while, you know. That’s why I’m here, to take care of you. Just like you take care of me.”

He watched her while she helped him out of shoes, observing quietly.

He kept watching her as she fussed over him, taking him out of his shirt and jeans, then leading him to the bathroom and sticking his toothbrush in his hands, and he was _still_ watching her after she’d helped him into bed, a dopey smile catching on his full lips.

“Love you.”

Rey froze from where she was changing into her pajamas, her tank top hanging above her head. She neared closer, slowly, convinced she’d conjured the words out of thin air. “W— what did you say?”

“I love you,” he slowly reiterated, careful to enunciate each syllable, taking one of her hands and placing it near his mouth. His eyes widened, slightly, as though he’d only just realized what he said. “Been waiting for you t’say’t. Didn’t wanna scare y’off.”

Rey didn’t quite know what to do — he’d caught her so off guard, she was about to keel over. “Oh.”

If she was being honest with herself, Rey had known she was in love with him from that Friday evening when they’d gotten back together. She’d spent the past four months rehearsing the words as she held onto the firm muscle of his back from behind — regardless of what he said, he _loved_ being the little spoon, asked for it constantly — murmuring them into the crook of his neck.

And every morning, when he nudged his face closer to hers and smoothed her hair while his eyes were still closed, in those stolen moments together before they went their separate ways for the day, the words were constantly playing over and over in her mind.

 _I love you,_ she’d think as he kissed her forehead, soft sunlight streaming into the room she’d begun to think of as theirs. _I love you,_ she’d say to herself as she made her morning tea, drowned in sugar and milk, watching him drink his black coffee _._ She’d think it as they kissed goodbye for the day, tasting the bitter coffee, and she’d think it again the very next moment they saw each other.

So, it wasn’t that she wasn’t in love with him. She absolutely was, so much that the thought of not having him around anymore threatened to break her in half.

Which was exactly why she hadn’t said it yet.

If she said it — _when_ she said it — she’d be giving away the last piece of herself she had left. From that moment, there’d be no running away from what this was. It was a risk she knew she needed to take eventually, one that she was preparing herself slowly to face.

She just hadn’t known he’d been waiting for her.

By the time her heart had caught up to her mind, slowing its fervent pace and giving her the idea of truly _reacting_ to finding out her boyfriend was in love with her, and had been waiting for his emotionally stunted girlfriend to say it, Ben was fast asleep, snoring slightly.

————

The next morning was like many others they had shared. The slow regaining of consciousness that collectively spread throughout their limbs, like warm honey, kept them sated and softly sighing against each other. For a while, they both seemed to be stuck between their dreams and reality, clinging to each other as though they were the only things they recognized that existed in both.

“ _Shit,_ ” Ben groaned, loudly, that comfortable dream-like state immediately shattered. “My head is pounding.”

Rey’s face was tucked into the crook of his shoulder, his skin warm under her cheek. “Good morning, frat boy. Crazy night?”

“How much did I drink? I can barely remember anything,” he said. He tried to sit up, only for his eyes to close, a hand on his temples. “Fuck.”

Rey tried not to laugh — his condition was decidedly less funny now that he was lucid and hungover.

Instead she got up, pointing at his dresser. “You and Hux got pretty out of hand. There’s some Advil and water for you there.”

He thanked her, taking the medicine while she rummaged in her dresser for the menthol balm she liked to use.

“Here,” she sat at the edge of the bed, holding onto his jaw. “Close your eyes.”

She grabbed some of the balm and rubbed it into his temples, the sharp smell enough to fully wake her up. With Ben’s eyes closed, she was at liberty to indulge herself in a good look at him. Even fully hungover, his hair sticking out at odd angles because of the gel, he was still unfairly handsome.

Ben tried to touch his temples, but Rey swatted his hands away. “Does that feel better?”

“ _Much_ better. Thank you, baby.”

Rey grinned when his hands came around her waist, pulling her closer. “You’re welcome.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, situating herself more comfortably in his lap. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Hangover breakfast burritos?”

“As soon as I get this hair gel out, yeah. I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” he laughed.

“You know you were into it, don’t lie.”

“ _You_ looked hot. I always had a crush on Misty when I was a kid.”

“Well, I’ll be honest, I _was_ always more into Brock. He did _veeeeery_ interesting things to my childhood psyche,” Rey smiled.

Ben furrowed his brows. “Then why did we even go as Ash and Misty?”

“Because they should have ended up together! We talked about this, Ben. They kicked her off the show for no reason, and then it’s like Ash just forgets she exists even though they were _clearly_ in love, I mean remember the movie? And then somehow _May_ is supposed to—”

He shut her rant off with a kiss, pinching the skin on her hip. “Okay, fine, I get it. I liked our costumes. You win.”

The smile he coaxed out of her was easy, unpracticed. Like the hundreds of smiles he’d given her before. Only now, in the sunlight, with the shine of the menthol balm reflecting off of his temples, Rey felt different. More sure of _everything_.

“I love you,” she whispered, eyes misting slightly. If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake up. Ever. “I need you to know that. I… you’re _it_ , Ben. I don’t want anything, or _anyone_ , else.”

His eyes widened, relief and joy intermingling in the warm brown of his pupils. He let out a shuddering breath, clearly taken by surprise in the wake of her confession.

“I love you, too,” he whispered back. As though the moment was almost too sensitive and special to be spoken aloud, even if they were alone. “So much. You don’t even know.”

Rey inched forward to kiss him again. There was a bit of scratchy stubble on his cheeks, and his breath smelled like the alcohol that had left him incapacitated by 11:30, and she’d never been more sure of anything in her life than she was of this. Of them.

“I know.”

* * *

Rey had prepared, in her own way, for the inevitability of meeting Leia Organa.

That is to say, she knew that it was something that would happen, sooner or later. She’d been happy to give him his space to rekindle the relationships that had grown sour in his adulthood, visiting his parents for dinner every Sunday at 7 sharp.

And yet, nothing could have truly prepared her for the moment she’d finally meet Leia Organa-Solo — former congresswoman, current renowned human rights activist — at the door of her Victorian home in the suburbs, a sprawling estate with immaculately restored brick walls and tall spires that had clear glass windows wrapped around them. It was every bit as enchanting, and indicative of old money, as Rey would have expected.

Ben looked as though he’d seen a ghost as they waited for the door to open, his hand gripping hers so tightly it was about to cut off her circulation. He’d barely spoken all day, either, tightly wound and pacing in front of the television while Rey tried — and failed, as evidenced by the box from the grocery store in her free hand — to make a pecan pie.

“Ben, _relax_ ,” she hissed. “It’s going to be fine.”

Before he was able to answer, the door finally opened, revealing a woman whose face Rey recognized instantly, as well as a tall man with a roguish smirk whose face she did not, outside of the pictures Ben had shown her beforehand. 

“Hello, you two,” Leia said, a warm smile accompanying familiar brown eyes as she took them both in. Ben’s red sweater over a white collared button-down matched with her turtleneck and boots; he'd made sure of it when he dragged them both to the mall to buy their outfits. “Happy thanksgiving. Come on in.”

Despite their status and elegance, Rey was quickly welcomed into their home with open arms. The interior was just as elegant as the exterior, but there was a warmth to it that immediately set Rey at ease.

Before she knew it, she was comfortably seated between Han and Leia on the couch, a large photo album propped up in her lap as they rifled through Ben's childhood in quick succession, from two-year old temper tantrums to weekend trips to the zoo.

“He was so quiet as a boy,” Leia mused, pointing out his 5th grade school picture. 

“Smart as all hell, though,” Han argued. “Kept winning all of those nerd competitions.”

“So nothing’s really changed, then, I guess,” Rey laughed, already at ease. There was something about Han and Leia — even if she knew the history here, how deep and complicated it went. They had all worked so hard to come back from that, and their love for Ben was obvious.

A tap on her shoulder from behind alerted her to Ben’s presence, a wine glass extended out for her. She smiled up at him, examining his body language to get a better sense of where he was at — she expected tight shoulders and fidgety hands, but instead he seemed relaxed. It made her feel that much more comfortable.

“Is anyone else coming?” Ben asked as he sat down in the couch chair in front of them.

“Luke cancelled on us,” Leia shook her head. “You know how your uncle is.”

“Old bastard doesn’t change,” Han said.

Leia waved her husband’s gruff words off. “Meanwhile, Lando’s off in France, and Holdo is visiting her wife’s family, so it looks like it’s just us today." She glanced over at Rey, her gaze warm and loving. "Though I'm not quite so sure that's a bad thing." 

“So, tell us about yourself, Rey,” Han leaned over, resting his hands on his knees. “I promise we’ll act surprised, even though Ben’s told us just about everything we could possibly need to know.”

Ben and Rey’s cheeks both warmed as they met each other’s eyes shyly.

“You’re embarrassing them, Han,” Leia chided, turning to Rey. “Although, to be honest, our son has told us _quite_ a bit. He’s very taken with you.”

“Mom, I’m _right here._ ”

“Are you going to disagree with me?” she turned to face him, quirking an eyebrow. Rey quickly learned a lot of things about Leia in that moment, gauging her tone and body language. She mimicked the movement, urging Ben to answer the question.

He blushed even more if it were possible, eyes darting between the two women as he sunk deeper into the couch cushion. “No.”

“Exactly,” Leia said, seeming pleased.

They quickly slipped into animated conversation, talked of nothing and everything — Rey’s favorite foods, what she liked to do, her future goals, Ben’s plans to get his Master’s degree, Han’s planes, whatever projects Leia was working on.

It was easy to talk, and the more they did, the more Rey started to feel… odd.

She’d always spent holidays at charity drives and food banks growing up. Eating warm food, yes, but without the sense of comfort and camaraderie that was supposed to come with it.

In the states, Rose had dragged her along with her family for holidays often enough, but it always felt like being on the outside looking into something shiny and special. She could look, and sort of touch, but it wasn’t _really_ hers.

Now, as she helped them all set the table, and poured herself another glass of wine after Han nudged the bottle in her direction, and laughed along at Leia’s quip about how long it had taken to cook the turkey, she didn’t feel any of that.

She felt like she belonged.

It was a little absurd, to feel so emotional about a thanksgiving dinner. They were just eating turkey, for Christ’s sake. Turkey, with mashed potatoes that Ben had scooped onto her plate, and creamed corn and warm dinner rolls, and there was no reason for her to feel so overwhelmed. It was just a holiday.

But Leia’s warmth and attentiveness had gotten to her, as had Han’s snark and casual honesty, and Rey saw so much of both of them in Ben that it made her heart clench in her chest. It was hard not to feel emotional in the midst of all of that.

There were awkward moments, of course, seeped into the pregnant silences when the conversation strayed too close to the sore bruises in their family history. But then Han would crack an inappropriate joke, and Rey would tug on Ben’s hand, and they’d move on.

“Rey, sweetheart, I’ll cut to the chase,” Leia was swishing the red wine in her glass after dinner and Rey’s store bought pie. They were seated together in the living room while Han and Ben stood on the deck, huddled in what seemed to be a serious conversation. “I want grandkids.”

Rey nearly spit up her wine, coughing violently, her eyes trained onBen outside, as though she would be able to communicate with him telepathically.

Leia leaned forward to pat her back. “Don’t worry. I know the wedding will be first.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, Leia… I mean… I— It’s not that I _don’t,_ I mean… I do, I always have, I just—”

The woman laughed, taking a casual sip of the drink. “There’s no pressure, Rey. I’m only teasing. I just think… if it’s going to happen with anyone, I think my son will be very lucky that it’s you.”

Rey wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, although the knowledge did make a soft warmth spread through her.

“We’ve talked… a lot, over the past few months. Regrets we have, things we could have done differently. But that’s the past,” Leia grasped Rey’s hand in her own. “It’s time to focus on the future, I think. And with the way my son looks at you… well, I just hope you stick around, is all. We can build something new together.”

Leia’s words stuck with Rey all the way through the rest of the night, as Ben took advantage of a promised tour of the estate to get Rey alone, slowly showing her the world he grew up in. It was constructed in the early 1900s, he said. Belonged to his grandmother, a former senator. It had all the ancient charm and splendor you’d expect from a house like that, seeped with a special kind of warmth and homeliness that took Rey by surprise — and left her with a strange sense of hope.

Ben’s bedroom was on the highest floor, tucked into a spire that had glass windows facing the forest in their backyard and beyond. There was a telescope facing the window, two bookcases lined with novels and encyclopedias, and a desk with a set of brush pens in the corner.

“So…” Ben started, his hands in his pockets as he stepped into the room. “This is where I grew up. It’s... kind of weird having a girl in here.”

“Good,” Rey winked and drifted towards the telescope, peeking through. “How does it work?”

She felt Ben’s warmth behind her as he fiddled with the large device, Rey’s view becoming clearer and clearer as he did so. “I used to spend all night looking out at the stars. Trying to understand what the point of it all was.”

“Very introspective of you,” Rey hummed. “Did you ever find an answer?”

It took awhile for him to reply, but when he did, his tone forced Rey’s attention from the cluster of stars she’d been examining. “I think I did. Eventually.”

He was right next to her, so close she could map out other, more familiar constellations in the moles and freckles on his skin, down towards his neck and chest, where she’d already mapped out dozens of others.

“And what is it? The point of it all, I mean?”

He gently tugged on her fingers until she was drawn into him, her arm around his midsection. They looked out the wide windows together, the November night misty and enchanting.

“I don’t know that it’s one thing, really,” he said, his voice a rumble under her cheek. “Just… finding the right things and people, and holding onto them. That’s all we can really do.”

Rey hugged him a little tighter then. “I really enjoyed meeting your family tonight.”

Ben smiled softly. “I’m pretty sure they like you more than they like me. I would, too, to be fair.”

She swatted his chest playfully. “Shut up. They are _obsessed_ with you.”

If she sounded wistful when she said it, it wasn’t intentional — though she supposed it was impossible to be an orphan and _not_ sound melancholic when discussing another person's family.

Ben gently guided her to stand in front of him, his arms crossing her waist. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’ve told you I love you, right?”

“Yes,” she smiled, batting her lashes. “But you can keep telling me. I won’t complain.”

He laughed and leaned down to kiss her, murmuring the words into her lips. “You fit right in, you know. Here.”

It was hard to tamp down the smile — the rush of possibility and promise — that his comment elicited. “You really think so?”

“I really do,” he let out a deep breath. “I used to be so desperate to forget my past and build something new that I didn’t care what it was. Now, though… I’m ready to take it one day at a time. I don’t want to miss a single moment.”

“Me either,” Rey said, the spirit of belonging seeping deep into her bones. She _did_ belong, and she _did_ fit in. And the promise of building a future with Ben stretched out in front of her so far she couldn’t see the end of it — they would build it, day by day. Together.

* * *

The beginning of forever started, funnily enough, while Ben was situated between her legs. She’d never quite forget that detail. Might be funny to bring up later.

His large hands were splayed against her thighs, forcing her legs apart as she sat above him, holding onto the headboard. Between the breathy moans he was coaxing out of her and the sound of his lips and tongue devouring her, it wouldn’t be long until her legs were shaking around him.

Of all the things the two of them had experimented with in their time together — and there were many — both of them were simple at heart, and Ben’s single minded focus on her pleasure meant they found themselves like this more often than not.

It was impossible not to grind her hips against his face, with the way he was moving under her, and Rey felt her orgasm building as soon as she did it.

“You taste so fucking good,” he muttered against her, his words muffled. His hands supported her erratic movements as she continued to rock against him, seeking out as much extra friction as possible.

It didn’t take long for her to come with her thighs wrapped around his neck, and unexpected wail escaping her. Ben helped her through the powerful orgasm, moaning into her cunt as her limbs went weak.

Rey smiled and fell into the space beside him, catching her breath. The sight of his swollen lips made Rey nearly desperate with lust. “You’re annoyingly good at that,” she murmured, burrowing into his side. She pressed tiny kisses into his collarbone, her leg hooked over his.

He chuckled and leaned over to capture her lips in his, the taste of her on his mouth heady and erotic.

As enjoyable as the frantic, spontaneous sex of their early relationship was, it was almost sweeter to notice how it had shifted and changed as things had progressed. Sex, and the intimacy and closeness that came with it, was as much a part of their lives as getting the groceries, and the sense of routine did little to reduce how good it felt.

Rey almost liked it even more like this — knowing that their bodies were connected so strongly, so passionately, that they didn’t have anything left to prove to each other.

“I just remembered I have to take the car to get fixed tomorrow,” Rey sighed between kisses. “Are you busy?”

“No, you can have it,” he grunted, leaning down to kiss her elongated neck. “Low on gas, though.”

“That’s fine — _oh_ ,” he’d focused on a particularly sensitive part of her throat. “Friday’s March 1st,” she said, her heart thrumming in her chest. “I was thinking we could—”

“ _Shit_ , wait,” he grunted, eyes widening as he slowed. “My lease is up in March.”

Rey's hands slowed from where she was reaching towards his hair. “Jesus, Ben, _now_ is when you remember? What are you going to do?”

“In my defense,” he leaned over to nip her earlobe. “I’ve been distracted.”

Rey sighed, staring up at the ceiling as he settled in next to her.

Although he probably could have been more attentive to the date he was supposed to leave his apartment, Rey couldn’t necessarily blame him. The early excitement of their relationship had settled into a blissful coexistence, but it was still easy to forget more important things like deadlines or responsibilities when they were wrapped up in each other constantly.

It wasn’t that they never fought, either — they had entered enough arguments, from mild disagreements on music in the car to longer, more serious conflicts due to Ben’s bouts of sad solitude and Rey’s tendency for quick judgements, to rule the honeymoon phase well and truly over. But Rey liked that, in its own way.

Fighting with Ben, getting angry with him, and knowing that it didn’t mean the end. That they’d still love each other on the other side of it.

She reflected on all of this as her and Ben laid in a half-aroused silence, her fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns on his shoulders.

“I mean, I don’t really see what the big deal is,” she shrugged. Despite her attempt at an unaffected tone, her heart was pounding in her chest, beating frantically against her ribcage. “You can always just move in with me.”

He met her gaze and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing slowly. “Is that… something you’d want? With me? It’s a big commitment.”

“Well,” Rey licked her lips. “We started all of this by living together, in a sense. That went quite well.”

“That’s true. Kind of.”

“ _And_ you already have a drawer here. Might as well give you a key.”

“Also true.”

She shifted so that she was straddling him, her arms caging him in. “Plus, I think I’d make a _really_ good landlord.”

She felt him become stiffer underneath her, his skin warm and alive. His crooked grin sealed the deal. “Isn’t that unethical? I don’t think I should be hooking up with my landlady.”

“Makes it sexier, doesn’t it?” she smiled.

He reached out to grab her waist and flipped her over, leaving her a giggling mess.

“ _Exactly_. Maybe I’ll even get cheaper rent.”

“Oh, absolutely no—”

He shut her off with a kiss, leaning over so that his cock was pressed right to her entrance. She was still laughing when he pulled away, staring down at her. “So you really wanna do this?”

She nodded, her mind already jumping to images of them waking up next to each other every single day, falling asleep next to each other every single night. His protein bars next to her chocolate stash. Their toothbrushes, always together. 

“I’m ready to if you are.”

It was that very moment that had led them to a sunny morning in mid March, hauling boxes up the stairs outside of Rey’s condo.

Once they’d decided to take the leap, the rest came quickly. Late evenings spent packing up Ben’s life and preparing to cram it all into Rey’s apartment, early morning trips to Home Depot and IKEA, sorting out what would stay and what would go.

“Hey!” Rey shouted, turning over to inspect Ben from above him on the stairs. “I can hear you going slower than you need to. Stop staring at my ass and get to work.”

Ben chuckled from behind, running up to slap her behind before he passed her on the stairs and through the door, holding an entire box in one arm. “As you wish.”

Once inside, Rey wiped a bit of sweat off of her brow and surveyed the space. They had already moved a fern from the corner to make space for his bookshelf, and the dining room area would be modified so that it could include a desk for Ben to work at, once he started school again in the fall.

“Rose said she wants to come by later tonight if we finish,” Rey said, scrolling through her phone as she entered what was now their room. “Finn and Poe are busy with Gracie but maybe this weekend we can go visit?”

Gracie, Finn and Poe’s daughter, had only just been cleared for visitors after getting her vaccines. Just the _thought_ of Ben being around children — a newborn, no less — was sending more oxytocin through Rey’s brain than she knew what to do with.

“That sounds like fun.” Ben was putting clothes away on his side of the dresser, folding up his gym shirts. “Can you pass me some of the clothes from that box over there?”

Rey grinned as she opened the box. “I’m so excited that I don’t have to steal any of your sweaters anymore. They just sort of belong to me now.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“No, no, I’m pretty sure it does. What’s mine is yours, and vice versa. You can wear my dresses whenever you like. Don’t assume I’m not into it.”

He laughed, the tips of his ears turning pink, and they settled into a companionable silence. Rey would hand him clothing from the box, and Ben would put it away. They talked of nothing and everything as they went through the motions of clearing out Ben’s boxes, conversation drifting from what pizza place they should order dinner from later to what they thought about the ethics of the fast food industry.

“It’s not that I think it’s a _bad_ thing th—,”

Rey’s rant on the necessity of accessible food was cut short after she’d grabbed one of the last pairs of socks in the box she was holding. There was a tiny lump in the fabric, shaped almost like a square with a rounded edge.

At first it was curiosity that led her to hold the sock upside down, shaking it slightly to dislodge whatever was inside. An innocent curiosity, given the fact that she would have never, in a million years, anticipated what she’d find.

When the feeling of soft velvet landed in her palm, Rey’s eyes widened, her mouth quickly going dry. She couldn’t think of any words to say, and she wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

Ben hadn’t noticed her silence immediately, concentrated as he was on making sure that each pair of underwear was stacked so that he could see them from above, Marie Kondo style.

When he did, though, the look on his face quickly morphed from comfortable indifference to shocked fear, Rey’s eyes cutting away from the box in her hand and rising to meet his.

“ _Shit_.”

She swallowed, still unsure what to feel. Her legs were growing weaker by the second. She lowered herself down until she was sitting on the bed. “Ben…”

“Fuck,” he walked towards Rey and stood in front of her, making no move to grab the item in her palm. “That’s not— I…”

“Is this…?” Rey was scared to say the actual words, as though by doing so the moment itself would shatter, revealing it had all been some sort of illusion. “Is that what I think it is?”

Ben ran a frustrated hand over his face, sighing. “Yes. But, Rey, I had all these plans… I asked my dad on Thanksgiving what he thought, and then him and my mom gave me the family ring, and I was gonna—,”

“You... you want to marry me?”

He took a seat next to her on the bed, their thighs touching. Quietly, he took the box out of her hand and placed it in his. “Yes, Rey. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Rey couldn’t quite find the words for what was currently happening in her mind — she’d fantasized about a moment like this, dozens of times. A family, children, the whole nine yards. As a girl these things felt out of reach, impossible for her to _actually_ achieve.

“It’s very soon,” was all she managed to say in the end, cursing her own tongue.

“I know. But I also know I fell in love with you in the span of a week, so.”

It was impossible not to smile at that. “People are going to think we’re moving too quickly.”

“It’s a good thing I don’t really care what people think, then,” he took her hand in his and held onto it, firm and warm. “I only care about one person’s opinion on this, honestly.”

When she didn’t answer, he nudged her shoulder softly. “Yours, by the way. I meant yours.”

She nudged him in return, biting down an even wider smile. “I know. Give me a second. I’m processing.”

“I wanted this to be romantic. I was going to take you out to the mountains, just the two of us, for your birthday. They have a botanical garden there.”

Tears pricked Rey’s eyes as she considered what he was saying. The weight of the choice she was making. The one she’d known the answer to a long time ago.

“I mean, I _did_ say I missed being your wife, didn’t I?” She was trying to joke, but it ended up sounding like she was choking on water, the way the emotion clogged her throat.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead, holding onto the nape of her neck. “I’d love to do it again, for real this time. And everything that comes along with it.”

Proposals had always been made out to seem like this grand, overemotional affair. Lots of shouting and fireworks. This, on the other hand, was quiet and simple. Rey felt no need to scream or throw herself into theatrics. It just felt _right_.

She sniffed, wiping at her eyes with her free hand, taking a deep breath. “Okay. Yes.”

He perked up, relief evident in the easy smile he gave her. “Yes? You’ll marry me?”

She shook her head, smiling. “Yes, you can ask me _properly._ Go on.”

Although she was mostly teasing, it was quite endearing to see Ben jump up, holding onto the velvet box and kneeling on the floor in front of her.

“Rey,” he started, licking his lips as he prepared himself to ask. “I love you. More than I thought I could ever love another person. Will you—”

She didn’t need to hear whatever else he planned on saying. Or, better said, she was just too impatient to hear him out. She dove into his lap, fully crying by the time she landed to wrap her arms around him. She couldn’t wait another second.

She kissed his neck, his cheek, his ears. “Yes, yes, _yes,_ Ben. A million times yes.”

He leaned back, sitting against the wall and accommodating Rey in his lap so that they were nestled into each other. He was crying a little, too. “Yeah?”

“I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else.” She leaned forward, their kiss salty from the tears, which really only made it sweeter.

He took her left hand in his, rubbing a finger absentmindedly over her knuckles. With his other hand he took the ring out of the box — it was delicate, a thin gold band inlaid with diamonds. At the center of it, a pear shaped emerald shone, catching the afternoon light.

Time seemed to slow as Ben slipped the ring onto her finger. She watched the tiny piece of jewelry settle onto her hand, terrified to breathe or move, lest she shatter the moment that had unfolded before her.

“It looks perfect on you. I knew it would.”

Rey let out a shuddering sigh, stretching her hand out in front of her to get a better look. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

“Just like you,” he murmured into her ear.

She couldn’t help but laugh in response, turning around to roll her eyes. “That was weak, Mr. Solo.”

“And yet you’re still blushing, _Mrs_. Solo. Would you look at that?”

The use of the title and last name brought to mind late nights and indulgent mornings in a particular hotel room nestled along the coast of the pacific ocean, where all of this had started.

Dancing around each other as they pretended, until they weren’t pretending at all. Rey still didn’t quite know where one ended and the other began, couldn’t pinpoint a specific moment where it all changed; only that it was the best thing to ever happen to her.

It had been exciting back then, and it was exciting now, only in a new way. A more permanent way. A _real,_ honest, ‘till-death-do-us-part kind of way.

She sighed happily, leaning back into his chest and tightening his arms around her torso. They were surrounded by boxes, and there were more in the living room.

“We still have a lot of unpacking to do.”

Ben was busy peppering kisses into her neck. “Listen, the love of my life just agreed to marry me. You can’t give me a moment?”

Rey chuckled, settling even deeper into his lap, while the feeling of his lips on her continued to make her shiver. “You get one moment, and then we go back to unpacking. I promise I’ll make it worth your while later. Rose will _not_ be coming over tonight.”

He bit her neck gently. “Can we order from Antonio’s tonight? I know we usually get from Nonna Maria’s, but theirs is just way better. It’s a special occasion.”

“Sounds good to me,” Rey nodded, patting his knee. “As long as we get the cheese bread, too.”

“Extra marinara?”

“Obviously _._ No need to ask questions you already know the answer to.”

They took that one moment in earnest, with soft, happy sighs and the promise of a new beginning taking shape around them. They didn’t need anything else.

Once it was done, Rey got to her feet, the new weight of her engagement ring comforting and secure. She was suddenly more invigorated than ever to get Ben unpacked, to organize the pieces of him he’d brought and make them fit right in with hers.

“Now, let’s finish getting you settled in, yeah?” she smiled, extending a hand towards him to help him up. He smiled and took her hand, and the two of them continued the methodical process of unpacking clothing and throwing away boxes, only now Rey had an extra spring in her step, and Ben kept getting distracted every few minutes, staring at her hand, as though he couldn't believe any of it was real. 

Forever couldn’t come soon enough.


	16. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((mind the new tag before proceeding ^-^))
> 
> oh, man. notes at the beginning again because this is it! 
> 
> thank you so, so much to everyone who's joined me on this journey – i never expected to actually have the stamina to write a full-length fic, and i certainly didn't expect to become so attached to this version of rey and ben, and their story. i'm very, very emotional to be letting them go, but i hope this epilogue does them some justice (and, honestly, i probably will be back to write more for them in the future. i dont think i can help myself) 
> 
> a huge HUGE thank u to my buddy caroline - thank you for being the literal best beta ever, its no joke that this fic would not exist without you and your encouragement and help has made it what it is. thank u thank u thank u ilyilyily
> 
> if you've enjoyed my writing, one: thank you, from the bottom of my heart, seriously and two: i am going to be writing a regency au next! i'm very excited about it, and you can always keep up with my writing shenanigans on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/hidingsolo) :)
> 
> thank you all once again for going on this fake honeymoon with me <3

**_Do you hear me?_**

**_I'm talking to you_ **

**_Across the water, across the deep blue ocean_ **

**_Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying_ **

**_Boy, I hear you in my dreams_ **

**_I feel your whisper across the sea_ **

**_I keep you with me in my heart_ **

**_You make it easier when life gets hard_ **

Rey couldn't let herself bite her lip.

The lipstick she was wearing was gorgeous, a berry pink in a shiny tube from a fancy makeup line she’d never heard of, and there was absolutely _no_ way she was going to ruin it. Not today.

So, she couldn’t bite her lip. She couldn’t chew on her nails, either, because she’d gotten a manicure, and her nails were filed into neat ovals and painted in a shiny, creamy beige. She couldn’t fidget either, or stretch, or do much of _anything_ given the fact that most of her body’s mobility had been restricted by a particularly tight corset and her hair had been pinned up in a complicated braid that cascaded down her shoulders, threatening ruin if she so much as breathed in the wrong direction.

With nowhere for her nervous energy to go — and, given the circumstances, there was more of that going around than perhaps she had ever felt before — Rey had resorted to trying to control as much of everything _else_ as she could on her wedding day.

“And the caterers?”

“All set up at the reception hall,” Rose said, staring up at Rey with a glint in her eye. “And the officiant is on standby, all of the tables have the appropriate amount of forks and knives, and your pretty faces are plastered all over the venue. Now, can you stop trying to do my job for me?”

Rey let out a tiny puff of air. She could barely _breathe_ in this damn thing. “I suppose. And have you— oi, Finn! Be careful or you’ll get ranch on your cufflinks.”

Finn paused, a tiny carrot dangling in midair above the dip. “You really don’t miss a thing, do you?”

“If you’re going to appear in my photographs, I think it’s in everyone’s best interests to avoid food mishaps, hm?”

“I never would have pegged you for a bridezilla,” Rose laughed, standing up straight to examine Rey from head to toe. “I'm starting to wonder why you even needed a Maid of Honor.”

There was a soft laugh from behind Rey, and she felt warm hands settle on her elbows. “I think a new bride is allowed a bit of micromanaging on her wedding day, no?”

Rey smiled. “ _Thank you_ , Leia.”

Finn crunched on his carrot. “Even if that wedding is two years in the making?”

“We’ve been _busy,"_ Rey frowned. "Getting the house all sorted took more time than we expected, and I’ve been a bit preoccupied expanding things with Maz. Plus, we’ve never been particularly typical.”

“You know what, you’re right. New house, new jobs, a wedding. No surprise you’re being all….” he gestured absently with his hands. “ _You._ ”

Rey rolled her eyes playfully, even though Finn’s words did hit close to home. There was a considerable amount of change approaching that she needed to prepare for. “If by that you mean organized and efficient, then yes. I’m being very _me._ ”

“I’m sure it isn’t helping that Rey has been… _alone_ for the past week,” Leia chuckled, the implication behind her words forcing a rush of heat into Rey’s cheeks. Though she and her future mother-in-law had gotten incredibly close over the past two years, it still surprised her how cheeky the former congresswoman could be. “I still can’t believe you convinced my son into that.”

“Don’t get me started. He’s been _insufferable,_ ” Rose agreed. “Moping around like a huge baby across the house, only for you two to talk on the phone like teenagers all night.”

Rey shrugged, blushing as she examined her heels. “I thought it would be a fun idea, to get us all ready for the wedding, but I didn’t realize how long a week would feel.”

And she _missed him_. The sudden jump back to being alone was more jarring than she’d anticipated; this was the longest they’d actually been apart since the start of their relationship. The kiss in front of everyone after they said ‘ _I Do_ ’ had better be worth it. 

“I guess it worked, then, didn’t it?” Leia drifted towards the tiny fridge that had been stocked in the bridal suite. The wedding was going to be relatively small — Rose was her only bridesmaid, and Finn was going to walk her down the aisle — but the list of guests was still considerable enough that their chosen reception hall came with _amenities._

“Everything is going to go just as planned,” Leia continued, “which is why we should celebrate with some champagne, I think.”

Rose squealed and rushed over, helping Leia pop the cork, while Finn brought out the glasses.

“None for me, thanks,” Rey sat on the chaise near the window while staring at her fingernails. “It’ll make me dizzy, and I want to be very much _here_ for everything that happens today.”

Her three companions shrugged and clinked their glasses, owing her rejection to her general state of anxiety. And, to an extent, it was.

There was still an hour or so to go until the start of the ceremony. Right now, Ben was in a suite similar to this one as guests slowly trickled in and sat in neat rows — chairs five inches apart, no more and no less — to watch them get _married._

Finn glanced at his phone, his eyebrows popping up. “Uh-oh. Poe’s having a bathroom emergency with Gracie. Thank God for backup dresses,” he set down his glass and rushed to kiss Rey on the cheek. “See you in 30?”

“How about we make that 25, to be safe?”

“I’ll try my best,” he winked, spinning to head towards his own family. Rey shook her head in mock exasperation. He’d be there when he was supposed to. Of that, at least, she knew she had no reason to worry.

“Now that I think about it, I’ve got to head out and grab the bouquet from the florist,” Rose said. “Leia, would you like to come with?”

The older woman had a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Ah, yes, and I wanted to speak to the photographer about preferred angles. Need to make sure they get everyone’s good side.”

Rey sputtered. “Wait, you guys are leaving _?_ Isn’t there some unspoken rule or something about leaving the bride alone on her wedding day?”

“Oh, you’ll be _fine._ Just… meditate, or something. We’ll be back in a second, I promise!”

The two women left right after Finn, leaving her alone and unable to exert her energy in any useful way. Turning towards the window to her left, she let herself watch the breezy spring sky, miraculously devoid of any rain clouds. Cars were slowly pulling into the parking lot of the venue, an expansive garden that was large enough to accommodate all of their guests with enough space for a dinner hall and dance floor. All of the details had been chosen by _both_ of them. It was a floral theme, with peach roses, baby’s breath, magnolias, light pink carnations and dark greenery scattered throughout — with pink hibiscuses as the accent.

In a little under an hour, she’d be married to her best friend. If she could have forced the hands on the clock above her to move any faster she absolutely would have.

After a few minutes someone knocked at the door, a quiet rap that Rey might have missed if she wasn’t entirely alone — a fact she would never, ever let Rose or Finn or even Leia forget.

“Who’s there?” Rey called as she approached. “Rose? Are you back already?”

“Hey, baby. It’s me.”

Rey’s heart might have actually stopped in that moment. She wasn’t entirely sure. “Ben?! What the _hell_ are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

“No, no, nothing’s wrong, but—”

“You should be in the groom’s suite right now.”

“I know, it’s just—”

“So why aren’t you?”

“I came to see you!”

“Don’t you know the rules? You are _not_ supposed to see me like this.” Rey furrowed her brows, suddenly noticing her cheek was pressed to the door, threatening to ruin the makeup the kind artist had spent close to an entire hour on.

It was just so _nice_ to actually hear his voice again, after the week they’d been apart.

“I… well, I actually sort of had this idea. I read about this thing online. A first look, or something. Some couples take a private moment to see each other before the ceremony. I thought it would be nice for us to do that, make it special. Plus, I really missed you. Like, a lot. I needed to see you or I was going to go insane.”

Rey sighed. “I missed you, too.”

“So…?”

She fought the urge to bite on her lip. It didn’t sound like such a bad idea, and the fact that he’d researched it himself warmed her heart. Plus, all of that stuff about not seeing the bride before the ceremony was just superstition anyways, wasn’t it? There was no harm in what he was proposing.

And she _really_ missed him.

“Okay, fine, yes. Let’s do it.”

She heard a muffled _Thank God_ through the thick mahogany. Ben jangled the doorknob. “Open the door for me?”

“Alright, wait, though. Let’s set up some rules. Close your eyes.”

She could practically _hear_ the smile in his voice. “Okay. Eyes are closed.”

“How will I know for sure though? Wait,” Rey opened the door until she was able to snake out a hand, stopping when she hit the fabric of Ben’s tuxedo. Slowly, she inched up, the heels giving her an added advantage so that she didn’t have to lean upwards to grab his face. Her fingers skimmed over lips that were _definitely_ smiling, past a crinkling nose and finally over Ben’s eyes. She laughed, swinging the door open the rest of the way. “Okay, now I know.”

“You’re _ridiculous_.”

“So are you.”

“A match made in heaven, then.”

“Why do you think we’re here?” She couldn’t stop smiling, either _._ “On the count of three?”

He hummed his assent, and Rey diligently counted down. “Okay, three, two, one.”

Rey tugged both of her hands down at the same time, blinking out the light to get a good look at her husband.

She gasped softly as she looked at him, the past two and a half years coming to her all at once, enough to bring startled tears to her eyes. Even after the endless planning sessions and meetings and appointments, through her bachelorette party and the tiny rehearsal she’d gone through with Finn this morning, the wedding had felt like a figment of her imagination. Finally seeing Ben grounded her in reality — this was _it._

His tuxedo was as finely crafted as it had been the day of Rose’s wedding, but this time it was made of a plush velvet that revealed itself to be dark green when it caught the light, and though his boutonniere still matched her bouquet, this time it was with _their_ floral arrangement.

Meanwhile, for all that Ben had been the one to initiate this mysterious “first look”, he’d been rendered absolutely speechless the moment his eyes opened, his gaze slowly taking Rey in with parted lips and raised eyebrows.

Her dress was sleek and white, with long sleeves made of delicate lace that wrapped around her collarbones and arms. The bodice hugged her waist, a long skirt spreading out below her in elegant waves of silk. Rey had thought it was gorgeous, but far too expensive for a dress she planned to wear once, but then Leia had insisted, and… well.

Seeing the look on Ben’s face — an awed, wide-eyed gaze that was pure and loving and just for _her_ \- Rey was quite satisfied with her choice.

Ben broke the awed silence first, reaching towards her. “Rey, you look…”

“No, _you,_ ” she whimpered and shook her head, taking his hands in hers and holding it to her chest. “Ben, if you make me cry after I’ve been trying to keep my makeup intact all day, I will _kill_ you.”

His arms snaked around her waist and stomach, pulling her close. “And ruin the wedding? After all the planning that went into this?”

She shook her head again. “No, no... I will drag you down the aisle, marry you, and _then_ kill you.”

His soft smile was the only reply to her death threat. “You look beautiful.”

Rey indulged in letting her eyes roam over him again. “And you’re as handsome as ever. I’m glad we went with the green, aren’t you?”

“Whatever makes my wife happy.”

 _Wife._ She’d forgotten how good that word felt, particularly when coming from him — as much fun as it had first been, though, it was infinitely better to hear it now that it finally belonged to her.

Rey’s eyes caught his lips. “I really want to kiss you right now, but I feel like that might be pushing it.”

“A little, maybe,” he smirked.

Her fingers tugged at his lapel. “You know, there aren’t any rules about my neck…”

His grip around her waist became tighter until someone cleared their throat a few steps away. They both turned towards the source of the disruption, heat blooming in Rey’s cheeks when she noticed the photographer standing just a few feet away with Rose peering from behind.

“Wait—” She whipped her head back towards Ben, the tips of his ears red. “Huh?”

“Well, part of the whole first look thing is to get pictures, so…”

Rey laughed, unable to find a trace of anger in her body. Seeing Ben had quickly and efficiently dissipated the nerves that had coiled themselves in her, and there wasn’t really room for anything other than sheer, unadulterated giddiness at this point.

Plus, she had a feeling she’d be grateful to have this moment captured later.

She let her hands roam for a few more moments, absentmindedly adjusting the boutonniere and flipping his wrists over to straighten the cuffs.

“Alright, then,” she said, finally, meeting his gaze. It was steady and assuring, just like the rest of him — this man who had become a home to her. “Ready to do this thing?”

“Been ready,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Let’s go.”

_**They don't know how long it takes** _

**_Waiting for a love like this_ **

**_Every time we say goodbye_ **

**_I wish we had one more kiss_ **

**_I'll wait for you I promise you, I will_ **

For a ceremony that purported to tie her soul to another person’s until death did them part, everything happened incredibly fast.

One moment, she was standing behind the double sided doors that would lead into the garden where all of their closest family and friends were waiting, her arm tucked into Finn’s — the next, she and Ben were sharing a chaste kiss in front of everyone as husband and wife, along with all of the life-altering, permanent vows that came with it.

Her engagement ring was quickly joined by a wedding band that matched the one Ben now wore on his own ring finger. They walked back down the aisle hand in hand, and just like that, it was all over.

Or perhaps it had all officially begun.

Before Rey knew it she was tucked into Ben’s arms as they danced for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Solo, the rest of the world around them little more than a distant hum.

“I can't believe it's over,” Rey sighed, tucked into Ben’s chest as they swayed. She stared at their hands, clasped near his chest. His wedding band caught the light, glinting slightly. “I mean, I _definitely_ believe it, it's very real, but—”

“All the worrying over something that only took twenty minutes feels weird in hindsight, right?"

And that was the thing about them, and their relationship — they understood each other in a way that Rey had never even known it was possible to understand another person. Even when they fought or got angry with each other, things that absolutely _did_ happen, they found ways to fix it because they were family. That, Rey knew, would never change.

“Yes. _Exactly_. And... it’s like everything’s supposed to be different now, but it all feels the same.”

Rey remembered being told they were supposed to be twirling, or something odd like that, but she didn't care about the rules anymore. She was content to dance with him just like this.

He chuckled and kissed her nose. “You don’t regret it, do you? It might be a _little_ too late for cold feet. We’re stuck with each other.”

Rey stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms fully around his neck, kissing him in a way she had definitely _not_ been able to at the altar and eliciting a few whoops and claps in return, particularly from Han. “Absolutely not.”

Despite the fact that the entire event was wholly devoted to celebrating Ben and Rey's new union, as the wedding continued it seemed to include considerably less alone time for the new bride and groom than Rey would have liked — which, after the week she’d been apart from Ben, was less than ideal. As small as the wedding was, it was still a _wedding_ , which meant that they were busy entertaining everyone else just as much as they were there to celebrate each other.

The speeches from their friends and family had been sweet and heartwarming, enough to make both the bride and groom shed a few tears as they watched from their seats. The dinner had been a delicious assortment of food that reflected not only the quality of the catering company, but Ben’s newly expanded palate, something Rey was very proud of and managed to loudly announce to all the guests that were willing to listen. The weather had held up, the sunset rippling across the sky just as the first brave guests were making their way towards the dance floor, and the DJ was every bit worth the price tag. Everything was as perfect as it could have been, owing to the months of planning Rey had put herself through.

And yet, Rey wasn’t sure why she had spent so much time worrying about things like seating arrangements and cake flavors and party schedules when all she really wanted, once everything was said and done, was to be with Ben. _Alone_.

Every single time they managed to steal quick moments with each other — Ben pulling Rey towards their seat for a kiss, Rey tugging on his arm while he spoke to one of his uncles for another dance — they were just as quickly torn apart. Rey danced with Rose and their friends, watched Ben play with Gracie with a particularly pointed interest, and shared a slow dance with Han after he’d jokingly complained she was officially abandoning him.

If Rey could have gone back in time and told the little girl in London waiting for her family that she’d not only get one, but that it would be like _this_ — the younger version of her would have laughed in her own face and tried to steal her cellphone.

Somehow, though, this had turned out to be her life. Sundays spent at the Solo house were a normal occurrence, her and Ben regularly hosted barbecues in their new backyard, and she never had to worry about feeling alone. Rey had everything she needed right in front of her — and she planned to spend the rest of her life thanking whatever cosmic fate had brought her here.

But she also really, _really_ wanted to be alone with her husband.

In the end, it took her an hour or so of clever maneuvering, but during a particularly buzzy pop song she managed to snake out of the dance circle she’d been led into. It helped that she was stone cold sober, and everyone else was decidedly _not_. Her eyes caught Ben’s over the fray while he chatted with Hux over tiny glasses of whiskey.

“Mind if I speak to him for a moment?” she asked once she arrived, not bothering to wait for an answer. To his credit, Hux patted Ben on the back as she led him away by the sleeves of his dress shirt, out into a corridor that was quiet and devoid of any company.

“What was that all about?” Ben asked with a shit-eating grin, his face flushed.

“Can’t a new bride steal her groom away on their wedding night?”

Ben leaned in until her back was pressed against the wall, her palms pressed up against his chest while the music just beyond them continued to pump in her ears. “It’s usually the other way around, isn’t it?”

“I like doing things our way,” she smiled, a glint of mischief in her eye. “More fun.”

He smiled, pressing the ghost of a kiss along her jawline. She tugged him tighter to her, relishing the feeling of his lips against hers, his strong arms around her torso. It didn’t take very long for them to lose themselves in the familiar rhythm of each other, one they’d both learned so intimately it was like breathing; Ben pinned her against the wall, eliciting a soft sigh while she pulled on his belt loops to bring him closer, a thrill running through her when she felt the burgeoning hardness of his slacks against her.

Rey gave in to desire, letting herself make out with her husband in a hidden hallway, both of them pausing constantly to smile, or laugh, or just _look_ at the other person for a few heady moments, as though verifying that this was all real. 

“I want — _ah,_ ” Rey moaned, tugging on Ben’s hair, just as he nipped at her neck. She pulled away, meeting his eyes. She knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was. “Ben, I want to go home. _Our_ home.”

Ben stilled, pressing a soft kiss to the space he’d just bitten. Then, her jaw and her cheek, tender presses of his lips, until finally resting on her forehead again. The two of them were silent as they caught their breath.

The party was set to end soon anyways, and she was done with the wedding. She was ready for everything else now.

“Okay. Let’s go home.”

**_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend_ **

**_Lucky to have been where I have been_ **

**_Lucky to be coming home again_ **

He’d insisted on doing the whole bridal carry thing.

Rey had said it was absolutely _not_ necessary, given that they’d bought the house six months ago, and the whole concept of the bridal threshold was little more than an outdated patriarchal tradition anyways, but then Ben had pouted — and Rey hadn’t quite yet mastered the art of denying him anything when he did that. She wondered if she ever would.

Which was precisely how she ended up gripping his neck while he held her, closing the door of their car behind him with his leg. They both laughed as he made the walk up their driveway, fully aware of how ridiculous they looked but altogether too enamored with each other to really care.

“Grab the keys?” he asked, grunting as he readjusted her.

Rey leaned over and stuck her hand in his pocket, whisking their house keys and opening the door. The house wasn't big, by any means, but it was a step up from her condo and belonged to _both_ of them, the kind of place with more than one bedroom and a big yard and enough space to nurture something new. 

Ben brought her over to their bedroom, laying her down on the bed and pressing a kiss to her lips.

“How’d I do?”

She wasn’t sure if he was referring specifically to his little performance of bravado or something else entirely, but she smiled against him anyways, tugging on his ear. “Pretty good, all things considered. Now help me out of this dress, will you?”

Ben arranged them so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Slowly, as though time had stopped around them, he tugged on the tiny zipper against her back. There was something painfully intimate about the moment, a tenderness that Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on. She closed her eyes as he gently lifted the sleeves and helped her arms out of them, pressing soft kisses to the crook of her neck as he did.

“As much as I love that dress,” he mumbled as she lifted slightly, dropping the fabric onto the floor. “It feels even better to take it off of you.”

Rey stared down at the spanx that had served as her undergarments all day. “You sure about that? This isn’t exactly sexy bridal lingerie.”

“It’s not about what you’re wearing,” he said, carefully unpinning her hair so that all of it fell around her shoulders. She turned to face him as he brushed a bit of hair behind her ear. “It’s... it's about how this is just for us. We have nothing to prove to anyone in here. It’s just you and me, forever.”

Rey played with one of the buttons on his shirt for a few seconds before eventually meeting his eyes. It didn’t make sense to be this happy, this in love, this hopeful. The enormity of it settled deep in her bones. “Is that a promise?”

He nodded. “For better or worse, poor, rich, whatever. It’s _always_ going to be you and me. I promise.”

She kissed him, deeply and without hesitation. “Me, too, Ben. _Always_.”

When Rey fell back against their bed, the mattress was soft and warm under her. She’d been excited to get home for _other_ reasons, but suddenly the entire day came to her all at once — it turned out waking up early and worrying about the wedding all day had not been conducive to staying up late, _go figure_ — and she found her eyes starting to close, almost against her will.

“I am _exhausted_ ,” Rey groaned, snuggling into the pillow while she watched Ben take off his watch and settle it on their dresser, moving to unbutton his dress shirt. “I have some bad news, love. I don’t think you’ll be stealing my virtue tonight. Sorry.”

“A little too late for that,” Ben smiled, chucking his slacks and shirt into the hamper. “Especially given the elephant in the room.”

Rey blushed as Ben crawled over her on the bed, pausing to kiss her stomach. “Did you have any morning sickness today?”

“Oh, thank _God_ , no. It was hard enough not to say anything in front of your mother all day. I don’t know how I would have avoided _that_ conversation if I’d had to rush out of there to go puke.”

“You do know she’s going to lose her mind when she realizes it happened a month before the wedding, right?”

Rey smiled, placing her hand above Ben’s. “I know. I almost feel bad, but we really _do_ need to wait. Plus, I like having our own little secret. It’s almost sweeter that way. Right now, at least.”

“Our little secret,” Ben murmured, his thumb running absently across her stomach. It barely had any swell to it yet, but there was the tiniest bump visible through her spanx. One you'd only be able to see if you knew it was there. “I can’t wait.”

Rey turned over, snuggling into Ben’s chest and closing her eyes. There were a lot of things in the world she loved, but this — the simple act of existing with Ben, their bodies tangled together — was probably her favorite.

“What time do you reckon Rose and Hux will get home? Those two are going to freak _out_ when they see the tickets.”

There was a smile in Ben’s voice when he replied. “I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. Rose is probably going to blow up your phone, and then Hux will just co-sign whatever Rose says.”

It had been a mutual decision, to gift their maid of honor and best man a trip to Hawaii on their wedding night. It felt... apt, to do it like this. Like a debt had been paid off. They were the reason any of this had happened, after all.

With all of the new changes on the horizon, though, that meant Rey and Ben were giving up their own in the process. Adjunct college professors and nonprofit coordinators weren’t exactly raking in enough cash for _that._

“True. And I think they’ll appreciate the thrill of the surprise. It was a good idea to talk to their bosses beforehand,” Rey yawned, her voice muffled by the pillow. She supposed the little life inside of her had played a part in tiring her out, as spent as she was. “You sure you’re okay with us not going on a honeymoon?”

Ben skirted his fingers across her waist as he chuckled. “ _Everyday_ is a honeymoon with you, baby. That’s been true since day one.”

Rey rolled her eyes and groaned. He was such a _sap._ “You know, you won’t be saying that when we’re up in the middle of the night cleaning spit up and changing diapers.”

“That’s true,” he said. “It’ll just be life. With you. I’d say that’s better than a vacation.”

Rey smiled, staring up at her husband through half-lidded eyes as sleep threatened to overtake her.

 _Life._ Boring and mundane, probably, and nothing like the glamour of a tropical paradise.

Rey had a feeling he was right.


End file.
